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Well done pink.

So Christmas outfit is ? Better get planing, don't hover on the day make sure you rip up the social scene with some hot single drs or nurses. wink whistle


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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H asked if we could spend XMas (12/25) together. We agree that would be nice. Then talk about 401K balance so we can separate our finances.

That's is really great, spend XMas together making arrangements for the bid D. What a Hell this whole thing has been.

I said I tough he would spend XMas with his girlfriend and he said that he does not have one, he just have a W. And add saying he does not want to talk about it.

I sometimes think he is going crazy, but my reality is that he is still moving towards the D, making plans that I will keep the house and he will transfer the house just to my name.

Telling me that he is very, very close to his promotion. Tell you, I was feeling really good and then when I talk with him, I feel really crappy. It's tormenting me.

He is so into his own thinking that he does not see anything else around. He has been very selfish his whole life but now it's all about him.

I know I need to disregard his words, but he is so intense in this D stuff once in a while that he eventually talk about that I feel discouraged. I feel he made his mind long ago and now it is just logistics. He said that he is getting his 401K balance to see if maybe we can pay some of the house principal and it will be easier on me to have some lower payment.

Aghh... And I just want his to become a kite and be gone forever. It makes so much easier do not see or talk to him right now.

I have been quite dark but I don't know if it is working or not. I can think that when I go dark that he finds a way to talk to me about something. But I am not really sure if it is pushing him to get to the conclusion that he is better off without me.

I don't know. I also think (reading minds here) that his R with OW is not exactly a R yet. She is coming to Boulder in January for the sales meeting and I am guessing he needs to move towards the D so he can show something to her.

Wow...I have been good at this mind reading, supposing, maybe, guessing stuff lately because the truth is that I don't know anything that is going on in his life. And he basically does not know anything that goes on in my life.

By other hand, I am quite disgusted with him. Because I have been getting myself in a better place and working towards being a better person, I also think that he is being very disrespectful and does not deserve my sympathy.

Sometimes I think he is a JERK and I will be better off without him. But then, what do I do with this stupid heart that still loves him and desire to be with him.

My brain says let go and my heart says fight for. What an idiot combination I have now.

I will do nothing to ruin the chance of having a nice XMas, my kids deserve this. Even throughout this whole separation and divorce talks, they are straight A's, what great kids I have.

So I need to put my best face, smile, attitude and have XMas as a nice family that we are not.

Soon, I will write about my good news at work and GAL.
Just needed to vent here, so my head does not explode.
Pink


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Hi Pink

Sorry it's so tough for you. Having a family Xmas alongside talk of D from your H. I'm sure you are doing the best thing just to focus on you and your boys and minimise things with H/detach as much as you can.

I do think you're doing really well. There's a lot on your plate right now - IC, H etc. - So, remember to give yourself little treats and breaks when you need them.

Great that you are able to have some fun and laughs with your boys.

I am slowly recovering from this horrible virus. I feel as though I am clawing my way back to good health. I'm trying to eat well, have fluids and do some gentle things.

I have no idea what H is doing for Xmas. I imagine OW will be back in the UK for the festive season. So, my worst mind reading has them making blissful and romantic Xmas plans together. My best mind reading has things being rather fraught with busy work schedules and H spending most of Xmas with SS and missing 'us.'

Actually, the best mind reading is no mind reading isn't it!!

It will be good to get out and about more. I have struggled with loneliness this past week when I haven't been well. For years in the past I have happily lived alone, but it is harder living alone at times like this and I have to work on it some more.

My PMA was so high a couple of weeks ago, I just need to get back to full health, get through Xmas and build up some more GAL activities in the new year. I'll get there.

Sometimes, it is tempting just to have a fast-forward button to press. If we did, I would fast-forward to 6th January I think. But I know we can't skip over it, we just have to go through it.

Sending hugs to you....Toots (())


T 13 M 7
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Hi Toots,

I had some GAL activities this weekend, on friday I went to a nice hotel here in Boulder with some brazilian friends. We dance samba for about 2 hours and it was the best.

There were some guys that came over and talk, but I was not into this kind of stuff. I just want to dance and be with my friends. I can't even think about other guy, it's repulsive right now.

I was kind of sad, thinking I should have done this kind of going out and have fun with my H. This was something missing in our M.

But then I think that things were not so easy back a year ago. During this exactly time a year ago my older son tried suicide a few times.

Today I am going to church with a friend and hope to sing out loud and be happy with my faith.

Hope you get better, it's always awful to get such bug that last so long. It takes all your energy away. You will have a better PMA once the bug is gone. Your energy will be back and you will feel like doing more stuff. Give yourself time to heal well.

About your H, it's really weird that he does not talk to you. He is a mess, is not taking care of his issues and is already finding someone else. He is not going to have a good R with this OP. We need to solve out problems before jumping into another R and he is really messing up here since he didn't even talk to you yet.

Yes, this time of the year is very hard. It's not going to be easy, but then I think it is also an opportunity for my H to enjoy family once again.

The OW is coming to US from France at the beginning of Jan/15 for the big sales meeting, there will be a lot of time for him to spend with her. I am not very sure of what is going on with them, sometimes I have the impression that he has some going on with her but not really a formal R. Back in july he said that he had feelings for someone and he thought the person also had feelings for him.

Maybe that's why he didn't serve me with papers yet. He is checking his chances and if it doesn't work he thinks he can always come back. I won't say that it is not possible because I would like to be back with him. But the road will be very long for us to get somewhere. We will need to build a whole new R/M if that happen one day.

But for now I think it is almost impossible, with talks about financial, house, I am thinking that D is on the table and that is the direction our M will take.

It makes me sad but then I think that there were many things on him that I really did not like. Many times I really want to be far away from him.

We will see, he wants to make it all friendly and easy on him. I don't hold too much grudge, but I know I was not the one running away and having an affair, it was him and now he needs to deal with the consequences.

I think he saw a L and was told things do not look good for him financially and that's why he needs to get my best side.
I won't take what is not fair, but the law is clear about my rights and I will do whatever is necessary to get it.

I won't make it easy for him. If you want your adventures then pay for it. Be a man and face the consequences.

It's amazing how love can become something else, I love him with my heart and I despise him with my brain.

Take care, and keep eating, sleeping, taking fluids, medication and hope the bug will be in the past as well.

Lots of hugs to you too!
Pink


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Hi Pink

I think I am finally on the mend. I feel much more 'well' today. Hung out with my parents this afternoon. Not seen much of them as worried about passing on my germs.

After such a long spell with a virus, I'm just pleased to be back in the land of the living and able to get out and about more. This time of year is hard enough in our sitches without being ill.

I agree with you about my H. It's bizarre isn't it. I'm pretty honest and tend to just get on with it if unpleasant or difficult things need to be done. But H has always been more of an avoider. It is weird that he has been saying to others our R is over for a couple of months now, but never to me. I just can't ever imagine myself doing that. He is in a bit of a mess I think, and I'm not going to rescue him.

If there are things he wants to say to me, he knows where I am! I have been in touch with his XW today. She and SS are coming for a visit to my new flat just after Xmas. She told me that SS will be with her from Xmas day onwards.

I have no idea what plans H may have. But I imagine OW will be back in the UK for the holidays. I had a worry today - what if he doesn't have many plans and feels really low.

I had to stop myself texting our mutual friend to ask her. But he has been on my mind today since I know SS is with his Mum from Xmas day onwards.

Good to hear about your dancing and church activities. I agree with you about the other guys - I still feel loyal to my vows at this point in time. I volunteer with a nice guy, who asked me if I am dating at the moment (he knows all about the sitch) and I told him no. I also have a friend at work, who I suspect is match making....again with a nice guy. It's nice to know that there are nice men out there if I decide to dip a toe in the water again!

Have a good day Pink! xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

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H did text yesterday asking if he could stop by to get a shovel and some wood because he is going snowboarding today.

I said OK, no problem. Then he after a few minutes he did text asking if he could spend an hour in a house. I said OK, no problem.

It was about 7:30pm he arrived. I was doing some laundry and cooking dinner. He sat with the kids to see some football, then when I showed up he came to talk to me.

He start saying that since I told him on the phone the other day that sometime in the future we will need to talk about his affair so I would have some closure that he would like to answer any question I have. He said that first he did not and does not have an affair (really?).

He also said that never had anything with OW while we were together and he does not know exactly how things are now. I think I put a foot on my mouse. Not so much DBing. I told him I knew she was ..... and that she was the sales manager from France and that he could drop the whole theater.

Yakis! I should have control my words but I was so annoyed with his "I am not guilt buls...t" Then he said that she told him she is not married but live with someone for many years and that they are separated but live together yet. She also have a son 8 years old.

Then he said that she is not the reason of our D. The reason is because I was unhappy and he was also unhappy in our marriage. But I should always remember that he loves me a lot, and maybe I won't ever believe but in his way he will always love me and no one will ever have the same love from him. (yeh, right, I love you so much that's why I don't want even to work in our M, I am checking out).

He asked me what I have been doing and I told him some stuff. H is weird these days. He look at me like he would like to see someone miserable. Then from nowhere he says he always worry about me and he cared deeply for me. Whaaaat?

I told him I have been working with my IC on some of my childhood issues (he knows my issues) and that I am very hopeful to resolve them, with time. And I said I have been learning how to put myself as a priority. I told him I learned I need to be happy for myself, respect my individuality and have became a better person in the process.

At this point dinner was ready. After we ate, he asked me if we could go outside to talk a little. Then he says nothing (as usual, H is very quite always). He keeps looking at me, then I asked him "What's up?" and he says Oh, pink, nothing bad.

Then he says again that he cares deeply about me, that he loves me and he wants me to understand that. I told him I understand and I also understand when he said he does not love me the same way, that he is moving on to be with another person. H seems so mixed up.

I can taste that DBing is somehow working, I notice that he looks at me with admiration. Well, I can't have my hopes high because he did not say anything that would change the situation and the truth is that we will be moving towards the D soon enough.

But here we say do not pay attention to their words but to their actions, and his actions show that he is still with a lot of doubts about our R and it he is doing the right thing.

I keep telling myself I need to detach, but now I can also see that detaching is attracting him. The more independent I become, the more he gets mixed up.

Sorry I wrote so much, but my stomach has that horrible pain again, I feel so tired. It has been 5 months of craziness and the stress is piling up on me.

I need now to prepare for XMas. We will spend almost all day together, let's see what will happen.

Hugs to all
Pink


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Gosh Pink. OW doesn't sound very 'available' does she? Lives half way around the world with someone else - but 'separately.' reminds me of my H and his OW!

It has the typical 'ring' of affair 'fantasy land' about it....even if just an EA

Love will conquer all! We'll overcome the fact that we have 4 kids between us, live on different continents and I'm married, plus you live (don't live?) with someone else.

These scripts really are quite banal and predictable arent thet? It's hard to see that this R is going anywhere much.

Mind you, the fantasy may be desperately chased for a bit...

I wouldn't lose heart now - and you may just want to play it nice & slow when it comes to any D stuff.

Give it all some time to fizzle out.

You take care....no more putting feet on mouses! Toots x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
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Sounds like my situation.

My WAW has her AP who is married with two little kids in another city. Her AP claims to live in a separate room sa they are close to splitting but she is conflicted. She is still in constant contact with the AP.

Now my WAW says that she knows this relationship won't go anywhere long term but it was a catalyst for her to see how broken our 19 year marriage was. WTF.


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GG is right Pink...you need a nice Xmas outfit!

Confident, sassy Pink. What's your best colour - wear it. Don't go for anything baggy or 'mumsy.' More 'yummy mummy' Go for a nice form-fitting outfit in your best colour that you'll feel comfortable & confident in and that your boys will say - Wow Mum, you look great!

Make up and hair....and go very easy on the wine....if you have any at all. Plus, keep the focus on your boys and friendly/breezy towards H.

Don't think about D stuff. Remember, things are so uncertain right now, none of that means anything much. It's anyone's guess how it will all work out..

xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Thanks bunch Toots. You and GG are right. I will go shopping for something cool, sexy (not much as I do not like appealing, but enough to drive him crazy.

Last time when we had a date, I had this very tight jeans pants and a white blouse w/lace. He said that I was very pretty and charming.

I always have make up on these days. Never know when I will see H around. My hair is natural crawly, black and long. Everyone says it looks really nice.

H will help cooking the whole XMas dinner, so we will spend a lot of time together. Need to have some goals and prepare myself to be nice. Sometimes I am too straight forward, but it can hurt more then help.

I keep thinking I do not want to get hurt again and I fear to expose myself to have hope. In the same time, I keep asking myself why H always want to talk about us, our R. I already told him several times that I understood his decision and will respect it. That he can move on and be happy.

Maybe it's guilt. My IC said that he is past the whole guilt feeling. He may still feel guilt but it is not the main reason anymore.

IC thinks that if I am not reaching to him and he is the one to always initiate contact and put himself in the position to discuss about our M/R, then it's because he consciously wants to check if the marriage has nay chance.

IC also said that H is very confused right now with the fact that he prepared himself to help me to go through this difficult time, and yet he sees me very happy, upbeat and uplifted, I tell him my new discoveries, adventures. My world is changing and getting better, instead, his world is shrieking an becoming a mess.

I really don't know but I am not going to lose him further, he is already lost, so What!!!!

About the Wine... OK GALS, got it, no wine on XMas, at least not more than a glass. When I have wine I feel really hard to resist the sex appeal. I feel like my body is on fire and my skin is claiming him. Well, too much, NO... NO...NO. of limits.

I will be red ridding hood and not the bad wolf!

The truth is that I feel pretty good hearing him saying that he feel along, misses his family, misses me and misses talking to me. And say that he hope he is taking the right decision because he is not sure if what he is doing is right or not.

I wish things could change soon, but this idiot OW is coming to US in a few days and who knows what is going to happen. Maybe a need to expect a long journey.

Thanks girls, you are the best, I will make you proud.

Gazillion Hugs,
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



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