Thanks for the reply. As for Disney, she wants us to ride from LA to Disney Land - about an hour drive, stay for the day and then come back. That is a lot of time in the car with her. This makes me really nervous, plus I will feel like a captive all day.
As this is for my D6, there were no other plans for anyone other than family - me - WAW, S9 and D6.
I don't know how the convo went as we're getting only bits and pieces of it. What did you mean by validating what W said? There's nothing in that post on what W said to you.
It's okay to respond to W's texts. Just be sure to keep them to the point and on the topic at hand. KISS and STFU, remember?
You really didn't have to answer her question about what "situations occur" that makes you vomit. You could say, "eh...I think it's indigestion from some food I ate recently." You don't need to nor obligated to tell W every damn little detail about your business. W lost that right since her A with the OW.
She wants me to tell her if I need help when I get sick. I have IBS and they makes me sick and I struggle with it. One part of me wants to be able to reach out and ask for her help like I used to. Noe I don't reach out to her even when I need to. I am trying to be strong and independent - I am trying to project confidence not neediness. So when she told me to call her if I needed to I acted cool .
The deal is as long as she is with the ap I keep no contact right? Obviously we have kids so I have to communicate on the kid level but everything g else is a no - is that right? Or does no contact just push her further away??
I have the same doubts. Of course if we have NC, we just feel further and further away from our S - hence the counter intuitiveness of DB.
As you are S, it sounds as though you should be in LRT. Have another read of the LRT section in DR, which should apply to your sitch...I do that whenever I doubt.
Of course, the further away we get, the more our S may want to get closer again. Having some contact about the kids is also a chance for your work on yourself to be noticed...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I am glad to know I am not the only one with doubts. Of course I obsess and think she is having a wonderful time with her AP. Maybe she is and maybe she isn't, I really don't know. I know I have to stop obsessing and GAL.
I will reread LRT and think about it from that perspective.
Last night, I did send her the videos I took of our D6 and her school performances. I didn't make any negative comments about why she wasn't there, just - here is our D6 and she did a wonderful job, I hope you enjoy. I sent them from a place of love and not of spite. I hope she saw them as that, but I would not be surprised if she thought I sent them to be pursuing. I did not hear anything from her about the videos so again, I am in the dark.
Today is a day of action shopping, final gift wrapping, etc...
I hope your day is good and you have a day full of love for yourself.
So My WAW has always had a problem with my Mom and my lack our boundry issues.My WAW complained that I put my Mom before her and in retrospect I agree that I did not see boundries with my Mom. I regret that deeply.
Anyway, I talked to my Mom about this issue and how it has impacted my marriage in a negative way. This was very hard to do and hard for my Mom to hear, but we did have a good conversation about it.
My Mom called my WAW today, left a message on her phone about Merry Christmas and how sorry she is to know of the difficulties my WAW and I are experiencing. She said she loved her and that she hoped we could work it out. I wonder what my WAW will think about this.
My Mom has NEVER done anything like this, not once during my 19 year relationship with my WAW. My WAW texted me and said did I put her up to this which I said no.
I called my WAW and we talked about some deep issues relating to how we were raised, and what she is wanting from life now. She said she felt used all of her life and that people just want things from her, want her to fix things and they don't seem to love her for just being her. I empathized and said that must be an awful feeling.
I told her that I have realized I am dealing with shame issues, mainly shame from being gay and the repurcussions that all of that brings. Dealing wiht my family or origin has been hard for me with this issue. I told her how I recognize that and how I recognize that I have let me happiness elude me and how I have been just trying to make her and others happy and not living for my joy. She agreed that takes the joy out of life and builds resentments. I said I recognize and working on those issues.
I told he I am learning about needs and wants. Needs denote ownership and implies property and wants are more an expression of love and connection desires. I am working on this issue too.
We talked for about 17 minutes which is more than we have talked in a long time. I did not bring up any R issues nor did I press her on anything she is doing. I ended it with I want you to be happy in whatever form that brings.
So, I am getting kids ready to go last minute shopping and have put on Christmas music. We hopefully have a play date and Christmas party tonight at 6.
Thank you all for reading and listening. It means to much to have found this online community. God bless.
