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Thanks GB .. yeah I kinda rolled my eyes as I read it

So .. dropped off S this morning, she made small talk asking how I was ... came in and gave me a hug. Apologized for snapping yesterday, told me about her job some .. how they changed the dress code a bit ... yanno .. important stuff ... I commented on what she was wearing and told her she looked cute, she had jeans, uggs, a sweater vest and a scarf. So I wish her a good day and I leave.

Ok .. so on my way to work I start thinking .. I know this may sound silly .. today she has a scarf on .. yesterday she was wearing a hoodie ... Sunday a sweater with a scarf .. is she hiding a hickie? Yeah .. that's what I was thinking .. and I am sitting here with a "shaking my head grin" ... who knows ... I mean MLC and the teen age years I suppose.

Anyways .. S Christmas Program tonight, looking forward to that


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Luke,

Good job not taking the bait!

Keep working on that not speculating too much (hickies, scarves, hoodies, water buffaloes, etc). I was the worst speculator, and I regret wasting all that time and brain/emotion power on it, and not using it for myself and my kids.

Keep going.... smile


In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm

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I dunno she coulda grown gills, I'd hide that crap too.

The monsters in your head, are always bigger than the real ones.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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Cali congrats on the extra gig!

I think you did great not taking the bait! And she applogized too- at least she's seeing when she's being a biyatch.

So as J3B says- the monsters are way worse than reality. Remember when I was convinced my H was going to boink the yoga teacher and that's why he was doing home yoga? Well thus far every session he's had has included D13. ( yoga I mean, not anything else smile )


Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
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Well, lookey at you, Luke. Nicely done, my friend. smile

And yea, the hickey thing..dont go there. I thought my xh was doing all these things with his ow...and I was wrong about most of them.

Either way...not your problem if she is going to act like a teenager. Stay the heck away from that.

Oh and I can vouch for my friend T2's spectator habit...just saying..;)


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Thank you everyone for your kind words ... I am trying to stay busy and focus on work .. keeping my mind off her and my sitch. Works for some time .. then I start day dreaming again.

So W is picking up S from school today so they can go get ready for the Christmas Program tonight. Everything has been dark all day ... for the most part I have remained busy. I was messing around on my phone looking at FB ... .and plugged in her name .. she actually posted a couple things recently ... a B day party she took S to , and a picture from her Christmas party .. she looked really good, was a group shot with her .. several other gals and a guy (She has told me about him before ... not a OM, gay ... lol)Buuuut ... yeah OM did "like" the pic ... nothing I can do about that but admittedly it still brings out some emotion in me .. not a ton .. but yeah ... a little.

So then .. W calls me a few minutes ago .. I was out in the back and seen the missed call and VM ... the second time this has happened in the past few weeks and it bugs me. The VM are sooo ... what .. buisness like. I used to get ... "Hey its me .. blah bla bla" ... even when she was upset it was that way. Now its "Hello Cali this is ________ I just wanted to know ......" Like I am a co-worker or something .... yes .. my issue and one I need to get over, seems the Holidays have me a little more sensitive than usual, I have not rocked the boat nor said anything to her, but .... yeah ... the little things are bugging me lately.
I was out on my walk thinking how its not fair ... she is living her life, made choices that effect everyone else and she gets to do her thing without consequence. I do wonder how long this will last, and if I can out last her crisis. I have been reading up on it a bit ... realized I need to step back and just do my thing, the things I am comfortable doing .. I hold myself accountable for my actions .. not hers .. I can not do anything about that.

ok ... end of rant.


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Hey Luke...feel better now?

Ok, so, looking at her FB...what did that accomplish and how did it serve you? Yea..so stop that, yea?

The feelings come back around to bite you when you least expect it, right?

Yea, life isnt always fair. Not so sure about the no consequences for her. I mean, would you want to walk around with all that cray cray swirling up in your head? I sure as heck wouldnt.

You know, it really is best not to think about how long and if you can outlast it. That is just mind defeating.

You just live your life. Become your best you. If one day she turns towards you, then you make a decision of what is best for you from a place of strength.

The goal is to accept what is at this moment. Doesnt mean you have to like it.

I know this stuff hurts, Luke. You will not always feel as you do now. Life is always changing....

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Originally Posted By: uRworthy
Hey Luke...feel better now?

Yeah actually I do ... These emotions I hold in and no one else gets to hear them but you fine lucky peeps! Speaking of which .. so yesterday in traffic S and I are talking and he asks something about W ... I was about to give him a little truth dart ... just then the phone rings, Child services looking to speak with some dude ... I tell them they have the wrong number ... realized God just stepped in to tell me to STFU and I did ... lol

Ok, so, looking at her FB...what did that accomplish and how did it serve you? Yea..so stop that, yea?

It did not accomplish anything but make me realize OM is still lingering around. *shrug* you are right ... it was more out of curiosity (see how I renamed snooping there?> :D)

The feelings come back around to bite you when you least expect it, right?

Yea, life isnt always fair. Not so sure about the no consequences for her. I mean, would you want to walk around with all that cray cray swirling up in your head? I sure as heck wouldnt.

Very true ... and it does appear she has gone through the nest egg she had when she moved out ... not sure if I shared this but upon BD and me getting my finances in order I discovered a hidden account at the bank, had a good chunk of change in there ... confronted her about it back then and she denied .. I let it go, only because I figured this would last a month or two ... bwahahah.... anyways she made a comment this morning about not running the heater due to $$ ... and the call was to make sure I was putting in $$ .... yesterday she told me she could not afford to take S to the adventure park. So it does seem the $$$ is becoming an issue for her.

You know, it really is best not to think about how long and if you can outlast it. That is just mind defeating.

Point taken ... yeah I spun at the 1 year anniversary, I know you are right on this ... well you are right on everything so far .. but its this one I am officially going to admit to ;P

You just live your life. Become your best you. If one day she turns towards you, then you make a decision of what is best for you from a place of strength.

The goal is to accept what is at this moment. Doesnt mean you have to like it.

I know this stuff hurts, Luke. You will not always feel as you do now. Life is always changing....


I have been getting better day by day. I also know ... long term my M will be so much better off ... either with W or the next lucky contestant .... even alone I will be good ... but yeah the lonely bug along with St Nick is a tag team I am not wanting to wrestle as of late. I am trying to expand the friend base and do more things ... its progress for me.


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Oh boy, Luke, did God step in. I promise you that you do not want to say anything about your w to your son. She is his mama. Once you say something like that, you cant take it back. I know how much you love your boy.

My son was 16 when this started. Trust me when I tell you that his dad did some horrific things...things with the sole purpose of destroying me. Bigger than just his affair.

I promised myself I would not say one bad thing about his dad, ever. I would not lie, mind you, if asked directly and specifically about anything, but, not a word or a look..ever.

My son has thanked me often for that. That he was allowed to forge whatever relationship he wanted by making his own choice about who his father was.

Yea, and nice try on the renaming there...but, um...no. Truthfully, you have no idea about the OM. Just because he is commenting doesnt mean a thing.

The money thing...not a big surprise there. Many of them do that. They dont figure this all out in their crazy head. Reality comes to bite them. Too bad, so sad, not your problemo.

You sweet talker you..saying Im right. Be quiet, Mach, T2 and Eric. Let me enjoy this for a moment. LOL!

This time of year is tough. But, you are tougher. What with your light saber and all. wink

You are doing great. Really and truly.

This was a journey you were meant to go on.

Last edited by uRworthy; 12/18/14 01:09 AM.
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Quote:
This was a journey you were meant to go on.
Ain't that the truth, sister!

Dude. Facebook? Gills? La vida loca to be sure. smile

The feelings you are feeling? Normal. In fact, you're doing better than that. I think it's starting to sink in that you only control you. Her actions are hers. Yours are yours.

Being worried that you may at some point feel nothing? Valid. Very valid.

Her acting and dressing like a teen? Totally par for the course, amigo.

I could tell you stories... But they would be a lot like the other stories here. The names are different, but the actions are the same. Why? People are people.

She hasn't developed the tools. You are well on your way to doing so. Your plans for next year? Awesome!

And I can't emphasize enough how you need to be very careful what you say around your son. He's watching. Constantly.

Proud of you, Cali. I know it's not easy, but you're surfing with the best of them. And you've learned to handle things you never thought possible, with grace and dignity. As a suggestion, you don't need to keep apologizing. She seems to have wanted to be heard, but that's about it. I know the temptation is strong to correct things when she says accusatory things - it is for a reason. Be wise when you respond else STFU and just listen. It serves you well wink

Now, since you're on this path for a reason, what are you getting out of it? I see lots of positives and things to be thankful for, but curious what you see.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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