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whistle nice threads edzs!

Goooo party have a bunch of rotating shirts. Get out amongst it. wink


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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Thanks Gg

We shall see, not sure on the rotating shirts, that like a spinning bow tie wink

Well after yesterdays fun I still feel pretty good, I'm aprehensive about W's next move but I dont feel upset she hasnt contacted me and - Vanilla - the STFU is in effect, I havent emailed her since.

MIL contacted me with a much nicer tone but thats because she's getting what she wants of course. Im filing that one away for the moment as well.

Trying to get an appointment at the bank to set up the od on a new account in my name but that looks like it will be January now so will have to back burner that one, it wont be popular as I know w will see it as me cutting her off although Ive been clear thats not the plan.

I'll admit to feeling a little squeezed at the moment, having started to deal with W's absense I now feel like Im being treated as the deadbeat dad who wont pay his way. Especially given what I heard back re MILs "advice" to W. Those are, of course, mil's words not W's but they are so incredibly horrible to me. If I had walked away and said I didnt care she may have had a point but, while I certainly head a head/backside interface going on there I always cared for my family regardless of what else. Hey Ho, suppose the Haters gotta Hate, why would MIL change now when she has such a juicy target, ho hum.

Party time tomorrow, since Im not drinking (token glass of wine only maybe but mostly soft drinks) Im being the designated driver - not because Im worried about getting an alocohol problem (well sometimes I miss my mouth - with apologies to Airplane!) but its better Im not at the end of an evening, with my emotions possibly up and my inhibitions down and in range of email or phones!

You off to any interesting parties Gg? And do YOU have a rotating shirt? Oooerr!


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
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Let me see if I can explain readers digest version of what happened and why I just dropped the whole thing. For while I had hope.

The whole thing was h fighting with me non stop since about may13. H made threats to leave me in os country when my nan passed while attending the funeral.

Week or so later h assulted my sthen15 no reason no explaintion. H demanded mc. I thought the assult would be reported and worsen the stich. I refused explaining maditory reporting.

Fights continued to the famous you don't love me you bought suppositories not hemorriod cream!

I exploded in jan14. I became the vanilla screaming banshee. There was a separation, with contact and friendliness.

ow was revealed jan14, as soul mate since oct 13. I thought it lies, so kept friendship and cake eating going, but I had to pursuit. In April lrt. In June started legal settlement proceedings. H only contacted after I took joint property. Spew then followed with threats of charges of theft.

H only contacted after I chased, but it involved him spraying dirt in my face, I went to ow women's town. I went to x ..... Which was all ignored.

That whole load of crap stopped me from detaching with The contact hence lrt April.

At mediation seeing h narc personality without goggles, was eye opening. He skilfully manipulated the mediator into thinking he was just a victim. She fell for it.

I when I saw him could not remember a time where when my needs should,have come first that they did. I could not remember why I loved him so deeply, there seemed little feeling there.
H lied via his laywer, talked of many separations thus making the time together less in his eyes. So much of h view never happened all history rewriting.

So much was wrong, I would have no clue how to start, what to look for or how to even begin.

The big deal breaker tho is h is still with ow. given her work being closed for a month over Christmas she will basically move in. By my calculations they have been together 18months. It shows no signs of ending.

However due to being very scarey in real life I have yet to be asked out by anyone except for the 25yo dj, I freaked. . I ask and they bolt, refuse or drop hints about preferring bulls to women. Seems any excuse is a good one.

Last edited by Ggrass; 12/17/14 01:52 PM.

M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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Thanks for that Gg

Well my admiration for your handling of your sitch just went up about 200% thats some serious chit you've had there. Be proud of how you are going forward (not that you need the compliments of a random - and boy am I random - bloke on the internet to validate that wink )

I really, really doubt you're that scary probably people cant believe you're available is all smile See I come in and people think there must be a bouncer in the building or they're about to be forcibly ejected - tends to make me one of those who helps with food in the kitchen or sits in the corner accosting passers by into conversation.

Anyway, it is - as they say - party season and you're clearly far better at it than me (well yet anyway I require dragging myself into the next phase of GAL) so get the heels on and get boogying and take the lanyard next time to rope in the next dj!

Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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So can someone tell me, since yesterdays mayhem Im worried about the potential for W to crack to her mother and come after me financially and Im broke but...other than that I'm feeling quite good.

I was thinking this afternoon about the interminable afternoons of pining and wanting w back. Dont get me wrong I would still love to be able to sit, talk and work on us reconciling and that is still my "gold standard" but the thought of us ending up not together, at the moment, while it makes me sad, doesnt rip me up anymore.

Is this just a passing remission? Did taking my ring off really make that much difference to me? Am I being charged for these question marks?

Tonight Im having a night at home and a movie and wrapping S's presents - different movie to my normal wrapping movie as Im not past the hang up on things we did together, watched together or traditions so instead Im creating new ones.

I still miss her and I feel lonely sometimes but lonely for someone to love me and the more time goes on the more I remember those long nights by myself after w turned in at 9:30 and I sat on the sofa until 1 or 2 and not just the wonderful times. I'd give anything for w and the return of those times of course but it would need to be worked on and not just a return to being together and lonely.

Am I just cracking up? (Argh more question marks)

Last edited by edz; 12/17/14 05:01 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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Oh and Vanilla, had to text w today as I need to know if Im having s on friday night for his card event / staying over. I mentioned nothing else and now simple sign off Ed wasnt over flowery before but since yesterday I think the ball is very much in her court while I get on with things.

At least until the next thing that happens!


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 3,401
Likes: 111
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Originally Posted By: edz
Originally Posted By: Dawn70
Sounds like you are doing well, Edz. I have been following you for awhile now and I am so impressed with your detachment and GAL. Oh and you mentioned your S's fascination with minions....I am a little older than 10 and I LOVE the minions! wink I have a minion piggy bank on a shelf in my living room and some small minion figures on my computer in my office. LOL


Hi dawn

Thanks for the kind words, I don't often think I'm doing that well but I'm trying. I have to admit I like the minions too, told s I'll take him to see the minions movie when it comes out. Have you seen the mini movies by the way s has watched banana about a million times at this point smile

Edz


Oh yes, I have seen them. It is a family tradition that my niece and nephews and I go. We are already looking forward to the new one coming out in the summer. We made minion Christmas ornaments for our trees. We are a little minion obsessed. LOL


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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Thats a lot of things

At least the question marks went away

?

Eeek


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Dawn70

Oh yes, I have seen them. It is a family tradition that my niece and nephews and I go. We are already looking forward to the new one coming out in the summer. We made minion Christmas ornaments for our trees. We are a little minion obsessed. LOL


Fantastic idea, wish I'd thought of it, I shall have to steal that one if s is still into them next year (given the movie coming out next year this seems very likely)


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
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Hi ed,

Purely personal opinion but I suspect that now you are in your own place the MIL angst is rapidly fading for you and it has more of a fresh start feel. You also seem to be getting much more time with S11.

The positivity in your posts now compared to a few weeks ago is amazing to see. How much the rings played into that only you know.

I think your right to be concerned by MIL but rather than worry take positive steps to protect yourself. Maybe see if you and your W can make some sort of written agreement. Ive seen a bunch of posts on this from someone far wiser than me (I think theodon).

If your W can stand up to MIL now then I would say that's a good sign for her future.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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