Plain Vanilla #3

[rd500]

Hi vanillia I am far from a vet but I would head over to bffs You need to enjoy Xmas and don't you think that would be your best bet ? If not chose the one that will make you happiest. I have read on here before that you really need to worry when WAS seems not to care. Your H seems to want to wind you up constantly. Detach and do what's best for you Again just my two pence worth

Rd

[Wonka]

Vanilla,

You cannot force H to do something he doesn't want to do so set him free to see his family. Then you go and have a FABULOUS time. It'll help with your PMA that he might be a bit piqued by your mysterious activities.

[Vanilla]

Wonka

I am not trying to force H to do anything, he can go do whatever he wants. I think the boot is rather on the other foot. Come or go, frankly at this point I would rather he didn't visit my aged Ps. It is hard all the way around as my folks would like him out of my life altogether.

I am just trying to make up my mind about what I want to do, but what is so difficult for me is coming into the office in the middle of the day to make the point in the way he made it, and demanding an answer on the spot. It is nastiness and drama which I don't really want. Neither do I want to upset his family, who are lovely by avoiding them at Xmas. They are very dear to me.

You know Vanilla she will go GAL wherever she is. She will do what she believes is the best thing for all.

Bemused
Vanilla

[edz]

Hi vanilla

Sounds like we've both had an, ahem, eventful day (go see my thread) I'd say what a. Does vanilla want to do and will make her happiest and the most fullfulled and b. What will maintain a PMA best (some meloncolia is allowed I think) you know those answers best already, go do it.....and wear a darth Vader onsie

Edz

[Vanilla]

I have decided on Xmas.

I slept on it. Got practical, decided not to be selfish and to do the best I can for all.

Will go to glam sis Xmas eve then aged Ps for the morning, drop in on fav cousin, then drive back in the afternoon and eve, call in on S and SOH and 3 grandchildren of H. Then early eve to bff and then Boxing Day with bff. That way I get all my presents, that is selfish. Now where is my Santa suit?

Will arrange today. Go with the flow on this, feeling better already.
Vanilla

[Vanilla]

Went to Gamanon new club last night for Xmas do. It's joint with GA so true fellowship.

Got lots of hugs from all including the gamblers. One gambler brought her daughter with her to introduce as D will be coming to our group. Gambler said the loveliest thing " I would like you to meet V, who turned my life around, V when you led our meeting you said, once I accepted I needed help (step 2) then I should be prepared to embrace it (step 3). Then it's a level playing field and until then I am only pretending to recover. You told me to get over it and get on with it. And two days ago I wanted to gamble so I rang my daughter instead and went for coffee. If I had gambled then I wouldn't be here tonight and again Xmas would be horrid"
D " you can ring me anytime mum you know that"

So DB does effect and leak, I am sure if gambler and D knew this, they would thank all of you. So from me thank you.
Vanilla

[Vanilla]

Saw the film mockinjay last night, wonderful experience. It was orange Wednesday,. All quiet on the western front today, h is off to golf early.

H was in bed last night when I got home, third night on the run. I think the alcohol was affecting him so that he is now tired and exhausted.

Tooth aches a little today, feels a little loose now the inflammation has gone.

GAL point score for the week:

Thursday work 1 pt
Friday work 1 pt meal with client 2 pts salsa night 4pts
Saturday drinks with client 3 dogs 2pts, elderley neighbour 80 bday 2 pts, dinner dance 4 pts
Sunday all day film fest with friends 5pts
Monday: work 1 pt
Tuesday: work 1 pt GAanon Xmas party 3 pts
Wednesday work 1 pt, film and meal with friend 3pts
Total is 30 pts

However wonks would award me minus points for two visits to dentist!
Onwards and upwards.
Hoping for a quieter day today.
Regards

Vanilla

[jim0987]

Its a good job youve got those minus points otherwise your GAL total is just too intimidating for my competitive side

Your Gamanon meetings sound like a really positive influence in your life.

[Vanilla]

In reality Jim it's the 12 steps which is important. Once I decided to let go and release to the Higher Power, then stuff began to happen for me.

I began to understand that emotions are actions not feelings and then I was able to change. We only have space in our lives for one action (feeling) at at time and by taking action or even meditating then we change the feeling. Change the action, change the feeling- now I have much more control over this. Before this I felt that feelings were a given, in fact feelings are transitory and once gone they are over.

The higher power is love that is all we are and once we practice active love (giving of emotion rather than receiving) then we can see ourselves as a channel for that which is. Sometimes when dealing with a compulsive there is no need for a love bucket at all. My needs are met and I am love and my spirit gives love, its very releasing.

I know others find this a little new age, and obviously I am a child of the seventies (a little bit hippy) but it works for me. So GAL is the action which brings engagement and a change of state, brings us to flow and peace and back in balance. Decreases attachment and brings detachment.

I hope that I am explaining that which a 12 step program can bring.

Thanks for your observation Jim

Vanilla

[rd500]

Hi Vanillia, great post, and saving people about 600 stg / dollars in saved therapy sessions !!!!!!!!!

I'll say it again, you H is not the brighest blub !!!!!

Kepp posting as you are becoming a DB gandi / budda / place your own guy here.

Stay classy, RD