I really, really understand Cali. I went to that sad place today too. But I didn't stay as long as I used to. And I didn't feel " destroyed" like I used to, just sad. I guess that's progress. We are getting there- this time of year definitely is hard. Last year I think I was still in " I can change everything to be so great and fix myself he will come back" mode for the Holidays. This year is more realistic, but also taking better care of me. You too Cali- I see you trying to take care of you. Keep it up!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Attaboy, Luke (yea, thats my new nickname for you - LOL), for not spinning over whether she went with him or not. Thats a big, big step for you.
And those feelings are going to come back around sometimes. As long as you dont live there, right?
The loneliness is hard. It wont always be like this.
You keep going, Luke. I am liking what Im seeing.
Well atleast I am not Han Solo .. .emphasis on Solo.
Yeah, I accept them for what they are, and its less and less each time ... I do wonder if/when there comes a time when I decide to just not feel any longer. I feel a bit numb at the moment ..... not a feeling I would really like. Thankfully work has been busy and I have not had much time to sit and read sitch's ... read up whatever I can find on the MLC beast ... I did read something last week that did help me put OM in perspective. Probably what kept me out of the spin.
You organized the socks so I'm assuming all socks had a match ( which I find beyond impressive . I'm just tossing it out there that for some reason, I loathe Phillip Rivers. I digress.
The holidays are difficult. You are correct- you will get through so keep plugging along. Laugh whenever you get the chance. It really is the best medicine.
Keep up the good work!
Yes, all the socks had a non-MLC mate, you can tell the MLC sock by the appearance, its all worn out and has holes, while the non-MLC sock is partially unraveling.
I really, really understand Cali. I went to that sad place today too. But I didn't stay as long as I used to. And I didn't feel " destroyed" like I used to, just sad. I guess that's progress. We are getting there- this time of year definitely is hard. Last year I think I was still in " I can change everything to be so great and fix myself he will come back" mode for the Holidays. This year is more realistic, but also taking better care of me. You too Cali- I see you trying to take care of you. Keep it up!!
Yeah I guess I have to allow myself a sad moment here and there, I just will not do it with S around, nor let it sit in for very long ... when I notice it coming on I get my gear and take the Harley out for a ride ... its very hard to be depressed while riding, I have tried and yet to accomplish it.
The sock analogy gave me a good laugh! Your sense of humor is awesome. Getting out definitely helps when sad. Boot camp does wonders for me when I'm down. Glad you have the Harley.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
So ... little update .. nothing seems to be moving as far as I can see, but who knows what is going on under the surface.
Yesterday I picked up S, we went to the mall, just window shopped and I took notes on what he was checking out .. ya know .. for Santa. Afterwards ... I decided since I will not have him until Sunday night ... he and I would go out to dinner. Went to one of his favorite places where he can eat all the fortune cookies he wants. (Ironically mine said "Remember 3 months from this date. Good things are in store for you" ... we will see Mr Fortune Teller man .. we will see. The waitress was cute, flirting with S ... was a nice evening. Arrived home and S called W, she was crying ... not sure why, after she asked to speak with me and was asking if I received a letter from BIL3 (in prison) ... I told her I had not, so I figure that may be why, or maybe she just had a bad day .. hard telling. She TM at 4:30 in the morning about S Christmas gifts ... not sure why .. I seem the TM when I woke but did not respond. Dropped S off this morning, she was not looking good, stressed from what I could tell .. asked me if I got her TM I told her I did and I already have some things I will get S, told them both to have a good day and off I went.
Things have been very quiet, I am going down tonight to check out a venue where I am DJ'ing a Christmas party I picked up for Thursday (W is taking S up north to her HS Christmas Caroling thing) Wednesday night is S Christmas Program. Friday night work .. so busy week ... GAL'ing like a Boss .. pffft...lol
Internally .. I have been at peace, just a touch somber with the Holidays, hard not to feel like she picked someone else over me and our family .. but .. her choice and nothing I can do about it. Not going to let Hurt little boy out, nor do I have that urge ... but I have found the past few times I have seen her I have not been PMA, ... I have not been down .. just indifferent. Holidays I suspect, half way expecting her to push D on the New Year, so she can move on, out of my control of course, who knows what the future holds... time will tell.
Nice to score a gig on Christmas this late in the year. Good to have some extra cash right?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Nice to score a gig on Christmas this late in the year. Good to have some extra cash right?
AJ
Maybe it is detached ... I $ucked at it so bad I just refuse to admit I may have pulled it off here and there....lol
Yeah .. God is Good, out of nowhere honestly, old friends who I have done some gigs for years ago called. And as fate would have it .. I typically have S that night and would not have taken the gig .. W wanted to take him north so I am open. We did not even talk money, I know they will take care of me. I also landed a good paying New Years gig so with those two I plan on paying off my 2 pending bills (Best Buy ... darn those gadgets ... and the nice Bedroom set I bought when I moved)
New ears focus for me will be my own place, trick is the 90lb bundle of love that goes with me (Dog) the other 90lb bundle will have his own room. That's my goal for the next year anyways....baby steps.
Well ... just had a TM exchange ... seems she was looking for a fight a bit but I was not going to feed.
W: Hey sorry for last minute. Are you able to keep S tonight. I'm slammed at work and need to work late.
M: No I can't I have plans
W:Where can i pickup (ok this has always been at my place, I have not moved in a year!) Then I need you to take him Friday (Again .. I have worked every Friday night for 10 years) W: I don't understand why you can't accomodate
M: I work Friday Night. I would have been able to take him but I already made plans
W: I've been in meetings all day that's why I said sorry
M: I can just take him with me it's fine. I will take him tonight.
W: I've been more than accommodating for 7 years 3 nights/week (refering to my DJ'ing job) Asking for a favor because I have to work late is minimal. W I have'nt eaten yet.
M: I said I would take him.
W: Plus the next 2 weeks taking him while you don't take him at all (Ummmm this one is new to me .. but I let it go) W:I don't think you realize the sacrifice I've made for your working 7 years. (Wow .. I was the one working till 2-3 in the morning .. but now its her sacrifice .. ughhh MLC ... I do not like you somedays)
M: I can not do anything about the past, I will take him tonight.
W: Yeah you can, you can stop being difficult. W: Where are you taking him
M:I was not being difficult, I'm sorry if I did something to make you feel that way. I have a few things to do but he can go with me its fine.
W: Your answers are short and when it comes to our son its like I have to pass Ft. Knox W: Where are you taking him if its out in the rain.
So .... guessing my dark/NC is starting to wear a bit ... I am not answering the last TM, I will take S but I am not going to answer to where/when/who .... I just have to check out this venue for the Thursday gig to look at the hookups and where I will set up so I can bring the proper gear. in and out .. its a restaurant so no big deal. Actually works as I can pick up S and go straight down vs back to my place .. wait for her .. then go all the way downtown ... not a biggie. I caught myself wanting to rip her a bit .. but didn't, would not do any good.
Reading that text exchange caused me to roll my eyes. I realize that isn't very DB of me although I've been privvy to exchanges like the one above. Yes, I do think she tried to bait you and that was a nice redirect with the not being able to change the past (totally true). Keep the short , cordial and to the point.
Enjoy s!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
