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A Message from Michele
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Re: Living in a cyclone [Re: adinva] #2515074
12/08/14 02:45 PM
12/08/14 02:45 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 683
Mi
R
RockJC Offline
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RockJC  Offline
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Mi
Thanks for the update. It sounds like you are just dealing with life. Everyone (Divorced and married) deals with these issues. Yes, it would probably be easier if your husband was still in your life, but I have several married friends who are going through the exact same teenager / money / job issues. You are handling it as gracefully as anyone I know.

I am surprised that you have not moved forward with the divorce paperwork. I know you are busy, but is it really a time issue, or is busyness your avoidance mechanism? Personally, I know it was easier to detach, and move forward once I got the official divorce behind me.

Kudos on handling Thanksgiving without any drama. And again, thanks for the update.


M43, W37
D5, D11, D13
DB 12/11/2012
Re: Living in a cyclone [Re: RockJC] #2515102
12/08/14 03:42 PM
12/08/14 03:42 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
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paul19510 Offline
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paul19510  Offline
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Hi Ad. You sound great. Its nice to know that others have these feelings too


me: 47, W:49
M 16.5 years
T 17 years
Three kids - D17,D14, S13
Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13
Bomb drop 11/29/13
W moved out 12/5/13
I Retained L 2/20/14
D filed 3/17/14
Re: Living in a cyclone [Re: paul19510] #2517395
12/15/14 02:37 PM
12/15/14 02:37 PM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
A
adinva Offline OP
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adinva  Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
Barely Floating, i cannot figure out how stupid new FB Messenger works. Want to thank you for being so wonderful. I still have the first christmas card u sent me. It was on my hallway table for ever, making me smile. I hope ur doing well! I also hope one day we r in the same place at the same time. Love ya!


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Re: Living in a cyclone [Re: adinva] #2517409
12/15/14 03:00 PM
12/15/14 03:00 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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labug  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
Hi Ad, Merry Christmas!

I left the DB FB universe.

I hear your concern for your 14 yr old.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: Living in a cyclone [Re: labug] #2517452
12/15/14 04:51 PM
12/15/14 04:51 PM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
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adinva Offline OP
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adinva  Offline OP
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Hey there Bug!

I left all the universes except the real one, mostly, but check now and then. I read here most days, checking the news about people I care about. I suspect Floating isn't here and won't see my message, but thought I'd try.

14yo has good days and bad days, and currently more good days, if you don't count school attendance. I love those boys more than they could even imagine.

It's nice to hear from you. I hope your family is well and finding joy in the season!


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Re: Living in a cyclone [Re: adinva] #2517458
12/15/14 05:10 PM
12/15/14 05:10 PM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
A
adinva Offline OP
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adinva  Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
Guess while I'm here I'll share what's going on these days.

MIL called me to invite me to visit her. I was really pleased by that and we made plans, and I spent a few hours with her yesterday. Had a very nice time and talked about all kinds of pleasant things, and nothing about H. Wish I could have gotten the boys to go, but they refused and they did just see her at Thanksgiving. They sat in the living room where she was so there was some quality time. I didn't want to stress myself by worrying about forcing them to go on this one visit.

Almost never see or hear from H (last time in person was his sister's Thanksgiving). He has moved in with a friend who's living here during the week and commuting home to Connecticut on weekends. I do not know where they're living or even what town. He texts me when necessary and has been sending money, $600 to cover half of some kids' dental expenses I had told him about, and he's sending $2000 this month for I don't know what. He just texted that he'd send $1K, or $2K if my bank balance was low. I checked and it was so I said it's low and he's sending $2K. That will help with the car repair and maybe I'll get the leaky dishwasher looked at.

He texted to ask for 6 months of internet and phone bills because his company reimburses him. Which is weird because I pay those bills and he's not even on the phone account, but I don't question it. Perhaps the extra money is for that and the medical expenses I've been paying out of pocket waiting to get to our deductible. It's been an expensive year since I don't have that handy flex credit card that pays with his money - that ended last year.

So in general, I don't ask but he offers and that's fine and nice.

I attended another divorce workshop, this one offered by my financial planner who I paid in full two years ago to advise for the divorce I haven't completed. I could probably teach a divorce workshop! I went because it would be another kick in the pants that this is much simpler than I'm making it out to be and get moving. It caused me to move my backpack of financial data out from under my desk and now it's under the kitchen table. LOL.

Parents have been healthy these days. Kids randomly make it to school, either one or the other and sometimes both. All their teachers email me complaints about their missing classtime and missing work. What fun. I try not to let it stress me out.

I love-love-love Christmas. It gets me through the beginning of winter. I feel so much joy at this time, and play 24/7 Christmas carols and sing along loudly. I have a beautiful tree that's on all hours. I'm even actually having a nice time wandering around the stores. I went to one Christmas party this weekend, the only one I was invited to which is just fine, and slightly noticed that I was the only non-couple there, but I didn't care and enjoyed talking to my friends there and being Christmasy in the beautifully decorated house.

Some of my friends are pressuring me to get moving on college visits. If you have had a 16 year old you've probably been through this. I'm trying not to let it stress me out too. No idea where the money's going to come from. Anyway, I think it'll be nice bonding time, maybe, to go visit colleges with the boys.

So that's the news from Lake Wobegone, and it's pretty good!


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Re: Living in a cyclone [Re: adinva] #2517734
12/16/14 02:27 PM
12/16/14 02:27 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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labug  Offline
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Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
I loved visiting colleges with S25! We had a great time. Of course we only visited in state schools but it was fun. I was jealous that it wasn't me going to to college.

I also remember feeling really resentful that H left it all up to me. But now I realize that really wasn't true. Perspective.

And I got to have a great time with S, so what do I have to be resentful about.

I don't know what the future holds for S22. Not college, at least not right now.

Rambling a bit. Visit some schools.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: Living in a cyclone [Re: labug] #2517747
12/16/14 02:47 PM
12/16/14 02:47 PM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
A
adinva Offline OP
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adinva  Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
On this one thing, college visits, i dont feel resentful but i do feel a bit sad if H misses out on this part of S's life. All his input so far has been joking "both you kids are going to VMI cuz military school will shape u up, hardehar." That i think was just showing off for h's brother, there hasnt been any serious discussion. I tend to move forward without him.

Glad u got to have that experience w s25. I know you have different experiences with your other son but he is very lucky to have your understanding care too!


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Re: Living in a cyclone [Re: adinva] #2517774
12/16/14 03:45 PM
12/16/14 03:45 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,945
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BeginningAgain Offline
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Posts: 1,945
AD,

I loved taking my D18 on her visits to colleges last year. It was a really fun experience. Although she was accepted into 2 of the out of state schools she applied to, she decided to go with her in-state option, VCU, and couldn't be happier with her choice. Virginia has a lot of excellent schools to choose from. Next year I'll be back on the college visitation circuit with D16 and am actually looking forward to it.

Good luck to your son in his college search!

BA

Re: Living in a cyclone [Re: BeginningAgain] #2518315
12/18/14 12:21 AM
12/18/14 12:21 AM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
A
adinva Offline OP
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adinva  Offline OP
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
OMG my H's check arrived, for $3K. I texted him to find out if that was a mistake, and he said Merry Christmas. I must admit that was thoughtful and/or generous. I texted back Wow Thank You.

A bit confused but not going to ruminate on it.

I will NOT use it for the $1000 divorce coach I met at a recent workshop. I spoke to her but ultimately decided if it costs me $1000 to get off my butt then I should be smacked upside the head. I can do this. But I had a moments thought, hey now I can afford...nah.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
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