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A Message from Michele
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Re: New to the Board - swtiched to Newcomers Forum [Re: HeavyD] #2517675
12/16/14 05:23 AM
12/16/14 05:23 AM
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Wonka Offline
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Jan,

I do not think that your W is having a mental crisis or breakdown. What's happening is that she's high on PEAs or dopamine that blocks out most rational thinking. In short, she's in a fog...A fog to be more specific. All of their thoughts and emotions are centered around the OM/OW to the near exclusion of their children and spouses.

Believe me when I say that your W is working off from the same dog-eared WAS script which is why we hammer to GAL and back off on WAS.

I have had a front-row seat to my late father's affairs and he's behaved pretty awful when he was heavily involved in his Multiple OWs. One incident was when I flew home to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with my family. Where was Dad on TG day? Yep...with his OW, mot his own daughter. Silly man!

Oh, and where are those OWs? Consigned to the dustbin of history, never seen again.

Re: New to the Board - swtiched to Newcomers Forum [Re: HeavyD] #2517712
12/16/14 01:26 PM
12/16/14 01:26 PM
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Cadet Offline

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Originally Posted By: NAJ1964
Another interesting topic - my WAW wife has serious mental issues, was hospitalized in a mental clinic and tried to kill herself twice. She is on all kinds of antipsychotic meds. She went postal when she was 43. That was back in 1993.

Wait are you talking about her mother?
1993 was 21 years ago so either your W has been on antipsychotic meds for that amount of time or someone older.

In any event it sounds very plausible to me either way.


Me-64, D32,S31
Re: New to the Board - swtiched to Newcomers Forum [Re: Cadet] #2517768
12/16/14 03:35 PM
12/16/14 03:35 PM
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HeavyD Offline OP
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Yes, I am talking abut my WAW's mother. She has been on antipsychotic meds for abut 20 years.


Was made a better person by DB'ers
Re: New to the Board - swtiched to Newcomers Forum [Re: HeavyD] #2517817
12/16/14 06:00 PM
12/16/14 06:00 PM
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Originally Posted By: NAJ1964
Yes, I am talking abut my WAW's mother. She has been on antipsychotic meds for abut 20 years.


So maybe history is repeating itself, it is very possible.
I have been taking some courses in genetics and have also used 23andme and this does interest me.

Whether it is nature or nurture, however bottom line is that YOU didn't break her and YOU can't FIX her.


Me-64, D32,S31
Re: New to the Board - swtiched to Newcomers Forum [Re: Cadet] #2517824
12/16/14 06:28 PM
12/16/14 06:28 PM
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HeavyD Offline OP
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Right - I didnt break her nor can i fix her.

I don't like it when she lies to me and it's so obvious. I told her look you don't have to lie anymore, lets just be real. She gets very very angry at that. How can I have a relationship/friendship with someone who is lying all of the time to me? It is infuriating.


Was made a better person by DB'ers
Re: New to the Board - swtiched to Newcomers Forum [Re: HeavyD] #2517843
12/16/14 07:21 PM
12/16/14 07:21 PM
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Originally Posted By: NAJ1964

I don't like it when she lies to me and it's so obvious. I told her look you don't have to lie anymore, lets just be real. She gets very very angry at that.
How can I have a relationship/friendship with someone who is lying all of the time to me? It is infuriating.

You cant have a relationship with someone that lies.

Do you know how to tell if a WAW is lying?

Answer:

Her lips are moving!

grin grin grin


Me-64, D32,S31
Re: New to the Board - swtiched to Newcomers Forum [Re: HeavyD] #2517874
12/16/14 09:18 PM
12/16/14 09:18 PM
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HeavyD Offline OP
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So I made the appointment with the Divorce Mediator office tomorrow. I am officially done. I can't take the lies, the affair, the spew, any of it. My WAW will be served he papers after Christmas. Why after Christmas, because I have a little class unlike her. She told me she was in love with her affair partner on our 19th year anniverssary, I could have her served to coincide with Christmas, but I won't do that. In my mind, that's taking the high road. I will wait until January 1.


Was made a better person by DB'ers
Re: New to the Board - swtiched to Newcomers Forum [Re: HeavyD] #2517904
12/16/14 11:20 PM
12/16/14 11:20 PM
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Wonka Offline
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Jan,

I think you need to be talked down the ledge, sweetie.

DBing isn't for the faint of the heart. This is the toughest trail you'll ever walk through and it is a marathon. I would suggest that you get a grip on your emotions and not react out of self-righteous indignation. We tell newbies to check their bruised egos at the front door. This is about saving your M and family. Wouldn't you agree that this is worth fighting for...to have an intact family.

We don't call this whole DB shebang as akin to riding the roller coaster for nothing! It is tough mentally and emotionally for the LBS. We always emphasize not to take any drastic actions while under emotional stress. Try the 48 to 72-hour rule where you refrain from taking any action for those antsy feelings will dissipate. Reacting will make one do things they regret and cannot take back.

Remember to keep your eyes on the prize: your family.

It took a while for your M to get into this mess and it will take a while to right the ship.
Many success stories occurred over a period of several months to years. Because all of them loved their WAS and very much wanted to keep their families together.

Stick with us and step away from filing any D paperwork or see a divorce meditator for we all know that you truly do not want a D. Is that right, Jan?

(((Jan)))

Re: New to the Board - swtiched to Newcomers Forum [Re: Wonka] #2517927
12/17/14 12:28 AM
12/17/14 12:28 AM
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Let let me add to what she just said. The reason you need to let go does not necessarily mean you must file for divorce.

filing for divorce will not stop what is going on.

it will not stop your pain it will just mean you're divorced

my suggestion is deal with those things first.

you can always file for divorce


Me-64, D32,S31
Re: New to the Board - swtiched to Newcomers Forum [Re: Wonka] #2517928
12/17/14 12:30 AM
12/17/14 12:30 AM
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HeavyD Offline OP
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Oh my God! I have so many conflicting emotions and none of them are good. I am in a dark place and don't see a way out. I wish I were stronger and more courageous but I am in so much pain and despair.

My goal is to have my wife back, committed to our marriage, and our children in their intact home. They are everything I have worked for my entire life. To face losing them is unthinkable and will certainly be my Waterloo.

I honestly don't think I can do a marathon - you are right though, I will have to step away from the divorce process and just BREATHE


Was made a better person by DB'ers
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