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Originally Posted By: 2BHappy
Keep asking me what I want for Christmas (when its clear it will only be a material gift)


Just saying' but.....

Ask for a gift certificate for a MC? (and qualify it with he doesn't need to go, that you would like to go... with or without him).


Me: 43
M: 10y
S:15
ILYBINILWY 2/18/13
W moved out 2/18/13
Filed for D: 2/17/13
Got DB: 2/20/13
Got DR: 2/23/13
180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13
D Final Dec '13
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Job

Yes I will pull back again, I had stopped being available to "help" him with his world. I think he did notice a tiny bit, BUT he has not noticed enough what it would really be like if I was not in his world anymore.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Mleigh4

Yes some things are better and some are worse if the MLC is still at home.

I think the Holiday's (even though he says he does not care about holiday's) have him really trying to ACT like everything is normal. Yesterday I swear if someone was peeking in our window you would have swore we were the perfect happy married couple.

I caught he staring at me a few times yesterday it was different.

I also notice that the couple of last times I gave lil compliments he said something back (instead of acting like I said nothing)

He has noticed that I move thru my world without his input or advice (unless about our son).

But Yes I agree I need to pull back again and stop "being" his wife.

I'm almost ready to make a BIG decision,,,but I'm trying to make sure this is what I really really want, so I plan to take some quiet time to really listen to my heart, and wait on GOD.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Wounded

Great idea...it really is, if he ask again I might tell him that.

BUT right now, I'm not in a mind set to go to MC with him!


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
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2BHappy - I understand how you feel oh so well. I also think, if someone looked into our home, they would have no idea any of this was going on. I also have seen a big change in my H since Thanksgiving and I too wonder if it is just an act for the holidays. I actually got caught up in it this last weekend, feeling like things were getting back to normal, until he did something that brought it all back to reality again. Nothing is normal and we are not "married", I am not his "wife". I can really relate to what you are saying.

Taking some quiet time, to listen to your heart, I believe is the best thing you can do right now. You will know, when it is time, you will know what to do. I admire that you are taking the time to let things play out and to listen before making any choice. We owe it to ourselves and to our M, to know we did everything we could so we have no regrets.

Hang in there 2BHappy. I think the stronger we are, the more focused we are on ourselves, helps everyone in the situation. Continue to be that person you want to be whether H is in the picture or not. Be that girl he would be crazy to let go! You seem like you are on the right track smile


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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2BHappy Offline OP
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THERE SHE BLOWS

So H went to his hometown yesterday afternoon, did not call to say he arrived or anything.

I leave a vm today telling him I'm upset that he did not think he needed to at least call and say he had arrived.

He calls, to talk to me about pizza had not heard vm, so I tell him what I said.

he tells me that I go everywhere and dont tell him and dont call him,,I said I have never gone out of town and not called him when I arrived. He told me that when s14 and I went on a cruise in 2012 I did not call him for 2 days,,,NOT ture but his reality...I told him that was not true.

I then let him know that my silence does not mean I'm ok with our current situation,,he said again that I go where ever I want and he does not know where I am,,,

I told him this is not just about him going out of town and not calling,,this is about everything, this is NOT working for me, I told him this is about this not being the type of R I want to be in,,,

H told me if that is how I feel,,and then keep saying he needed to get ready for work. I ask if we could talk when he gets home tonight he said he will not want to talk after working,,,

He told me his silence does not mean he is ok with things either,,

I told him he choose this situation we are in, and that this is too much for me ,,,

He keep saying he had to go to work,,,I told him to have a nice day and hung up.

I'm DONE, I'm belive I'm really DONE, I hope I'm done!!!

I believe I want to ask him to leave the house ASAP.

I don't want to do this anymore.

I told him I'm tired of the way things are with us. He had nothing to say..

I feel like Im exploding inside! I don't want this anymore!!!

I'm scared how this will affect our s14. I know H will tell everyone I put him out (if that is what I tell him) he will blame all this on me.

WOW...so much for taking quiet time and waiting on GOD!

Last edited by 2BHappy; 12/17/14 05:43 PM.

Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 603
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Originally Posted By: 2BHappy
THERE SHE BLOWS

So H went to his hometown yesterday afternoon, did not call to say he arrived or anything.

I leave a vm today telling him I'm upset that he did not think he needed to at least call and say he had arrived.

He calls, to talk to me about pizza had not heard vm, so I tell him what I said.

he tells me that I go everywhere and dont tell him and dont call him,,I said I have never gone out of town and not called him when I arrived. He told me that when s14 and I went on a cruise in 2012 I did not call him for 2 days,,,NOT ture but his reality...I told him that was not true.

I then let him know that my silence does not mean I'm ok with our current situation,,he said again that I go where ever I want and he does not know where I am,,,

I told him this is not just about him going out of town and not calling,,this is about everything, this is NOT working for me, I told him this is about this not being the type of R I want to be in,,,

H told me if that is how I feel,,and then keep saying he needed to get ready for work. I ask if we could talk when he gets home tonight he said he will not want to talk after working,,,

He told me his silence does not mean he is ok with things either,,

I told him he choose this situation we are in, and that this is too much for me ,,,

He keep saying he had to go to work,,,I told him to have a nice day and hung up.

I'm DONE, I'm belive I'm really DONE, I hope I'm done!!!

I believe I want to ask him to leave the house ASAP.

I don't want to do this anymore.

I told him I'm tired of the way things are with us. He had nothing to say..

I feel like Im exploding inside! I don't want this anymore!!!

I'm scared how this will affect our s14. I know H will tell everyone I put him out (if that is what I tell him) he will blame all this on me.

WOW...so much for taking quiet time and waiting on GOD!


hmmm.... I think you need to take a step back. Re-examine how you are approaching this. You have seemed to move away from some many of the DB'ing tenants:

Your attached
Your "checking up"
You've given ultimatums
Your not acting "as if"
You have R talks

If he is gone for a few days, I think it is an excellent time to stop what you are doing, and re-evaluate how your are approaching things.

Take a few days to re-read DB/DR, get your nails done, go to lunch with a friend. Essentially re-charge.

I am even guilty of this, when I suggested the MC gift certificate.

The holidays are tough, as you need to keep that happy face and PMA going.

You got this! You can do it!


Me: 43
M: 10y
S:15
ILYBINILWY 2/18/13
W moved out 2/18/13
Filed for D: 2/17/13
Got DB: 2/20/13
Got DR: 2/23/13
180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13
D Final Dec '13
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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job Offline
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I agree w/woundedfool, step back for a bit. I know you are upset w/him for not calling you, but you can off a bit like his mother or the warden. So, if he doesn't call you, let it go and continue on doing things for yourself. He's a big boy and he can take care of himself. If you give ultimatums, he will pick the one w/least work.

Yes, you are spouting off here and this is good, but I think I would cool my jets a bit and I'm going to ask you this...are you really, really ready to have him leave the home? Especially this close to Christmas? Do you want this type of memory hanging around you memory bank each and every year? I can tell you...the date will remind you of how upsetting your holiday would be for a very long time. My xh walked out the final time December 13th and it took me a very long time not to look at that date each year and remember what he did. Step back, cool your jets for a while.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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2BHappy Offline OP
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I tried to step back.
Yes i do want him to leave our house...not right now during holidays but he needs to make some plans.

He expects me to be his wife but he is not my H.

Right now I dont care ..

Let him go figure it out or not.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
2
2BHappy Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
I tried to step back.
Yes i do want him to leave our house...not right now during holidays but he needs to make some plans.

He expects me to be his wife but he is not my H.

Right now I dont care ..

Let him go figure it out or not.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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