I am in the heat of a walk away wife situation and am wondering if there is more I can do to help the situation to save our marriage.
Married 19 years, together 28. Three kids 13,15,17 yrs.
Reading Michele's description of the WAW is almost the identical description of my situation with the exception that my wife has been having an EA with a rediscovered high school friend from a recent high school reunion last August. About two months prior my wife told me she wanted a divorce and loved me but wasn’t “in love” with me anymore and didn’t feel any intimate connection to me anymore. Her EA so far has been via phone and text but I fear it could change soon unless I can convince her to try and save our marriage. The EA lives 1500 kms away.
I love my wife dearly but failed to recognize the signs she was giving early on. I asked her to reconcile in early Sept which she reluctantly agreed to but she tried and failed to disconnect from her EA. She tells me that the EA did not cause the problem between us as it was already there. Although that is true, I told her the EA is holding us back from repairing the damage done over the last couple years. She feels she is in love with the EA and feels trapped between two men she now loves. I’m not sure if it’s more love she feels for me or guilt in leaving me but she tells me she still loves me.
Admittedly, I probably did everything wrong at the beginning to save my marriage, begged , pleaded, etc… I have done some serious soul searching and have begun to come to terms with the things I did wrong over our years, how I failed to hear her when she wanted help or felt alone. We still live together and sleep in the same bed. We still have great sex together but she tells me while she enjoys the sex she feels no connection to me. Over the past three months we have remodeled our home together. We have shown teamwork and cooperation more now than we ever have in years. Everything seems good except for her connection to the EA and her loss of intimacy for me. I tell her I love her every day but most times she acknowledges it by saying “I know”.
We just went to couples counselling this week. After meeting with us and talking to us both and separately they felt if we were to go forward that my wife would have to put the EA on hold and have no communication during counselling. My wife nearly cried and told me she didn’t know if she could do that.
I’ve proven to my wife over the past months that I can and have changed in innumerable ways and she has acknowledged that. I feel she is in the fog of her EA and somewhat untrusting of my promises.
What can I do to convince her to have faith in me and chose her loving husband and family over the EA ? This is so painful especially because this woman has been so loyal to me up until this point.
