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#2516751 12/12/14 07:41 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
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Nova67 Offline OP
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Good day all, new member here.

I am in the heat of a walk away wife situation and am wondering if there is more I can do to help the situation to save our marriage.

Married 19 years, together 28. Three kids 13,15,17 yrs.

Reading Michele's description of the WAW is almost the identical description of my situation with the exception that my wife has been having an EA with a rediscovered high school friend from a recent high school reunion last August. About two months prior my wife told me she wanted a divorce and loved me but wasn’t “in love” with me anymore and didn’t feel any intimate connection to me anymore. Her EA so far has been via phone and text but I fear it could change soon unless I can convince her to try and save our marriage. The EA lives 1500 kms away.

I love my wife dearly but failed to recognize the signs she was giving early on. I asked her to reconcile in early Sept which she reluctantly agreed to but she tried and failed to disconnect from her EA. She tells me that the EA did not cause the problem between us as it was already there. Although that is true, I told her the EA is holding us back from repairing the damage done over the last couple years. She feels she is in love with the EA and feels trapped between two men she now loves. I’m not sure if it’s more love she feels for me or guilt in leaving me but she tells me she still loves me.

Admittedly, I probably did everything wrong at the beginning to save my marriage, begged , pleaded, etc… I have done some serious soul searching and have begun to come to terms with the things I did wrong over our years, how I failed to hear her when she wanted help or felt alone. We still live together and sleep in the same bed. We still have great sex together but she tells me while she enjoys the sex she feels no connection to me. Over the past three months we have remodeled our home together. We have shown teamwork and cooperation more now than we ever have in years. Everything seems good except for her connection to the EA and her loss of intimacy for me. I tell her I love her every day but most times she acknowledges it by saying “I know”.

We just went to couples counselling this week. After meeting with us and talking to us both and separately they felt if we were to go forward that my wife would have to put the EA on hold and have no communication during counselling. My wife nearly cried and told me she didn’t know if she could do that.

I’ve proven to my wife over the past months that I can and have changed in innumerable ways and she has acknowledged that. I feel she is in the fog of her EA and somewhat untrusting of my promises.

What can I do to convince her to have faith in me and chose her loving husband and family over the EA ? This is so painful especially because this woman has been so loyal to me up until this point.

Joined: Nov 2009
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Joined: Nov 2009
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Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


Me-70, D37,S36
Joined: Feb 2015
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I feel your pain. I busted my wife early in her EM and figured out I was absolutely miserable wondering and "knowing" but not accepting that it was still going on I delt with it for 5 days but ended up we decided it was best she stayed at her cousins.
Well let me back up a month. So my situation was, week 1 I thought We had a happy marriage.
Week 2, I went to her work and confronted her about this guy that was there all the time. Later that night instead of coming home she goes out with him and has a beer.
Week 3 she wants to work on our marriage, then lies to my face and I catch her going and having coffee with this guy.
Week four she has an apartment on her own has texted twice since she has been gone.
We have been together 11 years married 5. Never fought never argued same laid back personalities. I knew a lot of girls women had it in them but not my wife. I know your pain. Look at the signs of grieving and read the road less traveled along with Micheles books which I have in the mail.
My situation has only been 3 or 4 weeks but it hurts differently everyday. Just communicate with friends, give her space, don't smother her like my wife said I was doing, take in everyone's advice and listen but not all good advice is for your situation. Your wife's heart has hardened and in my situation its like someone who I have never spoken too before. Take lots of time and tap into your true sub conscious and emotions. Go to the gym work on the problems she has mentioned and don't expect any praise. Nothing anybody says will make it easier only time. Maybe I'm not the best person to take advice from but I'm only telling you what is helping me. I am new to this and it seems to be a great place to communicate so there is always help. Imagine your life without her. I know it seems impossible and your have been married longer but love is love and hurt is hurt. I told my wife last time we talked she can call me anytime, She knows she means too me because I too cried, begged.. but I can say to myself if she asked for the D, that I tried everything I could to save my marriage and she is the one who gave up. Good luck support is here take advice that works for your situation and if it doesn't work out remember, its not that your marriage wasn't meant to be, it was only meant to last until that point of your life and then the next chapter starts. Everything happens for a reason. Its not the end its a new beginning. Stay strong because god knows I need strength too.


Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

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