WAW Dating - Oh noes!!..

[LoveMyW]

I would say it means absolutely nothing to her. My XW slipped up a couple of times & called me Baby and tells the kids she loves me when they flat out ask her. Do not mention it to her, acknowledge it, or focus on it at all. That is for your sanity.

You are probably on to something there Bravo.. I don't intend to say anything about it, nor am I focusing on it.. It just took me by surprise that 4 months down the track it happens now..

Don't read into any one thing either good or bad, it will just mess with your head.

Comments or gestures may be made from habit. It's better to just not read into small things.

Too true JP.. I don't intend to as I have learnt better from here!!..


W might be having a bit of a reality check at the moment I feel.. I knocked off work today, and am commencing 2.5 weeks holidays, and we agreed that I would take the kids for the bulk of it (well before new BF was in the picture).. Well I met her at MIL/FIL's and had a coffee, then went to hers to pick up the kids required goods, and we were going through a few of the finer details RE: xmas etc..

Our plan has always been that I have them Xmas eve, then I go to her place for Xmas morning, then to MIL/FIL for lunch.. The plans changed slightly as my family is doing the Xmas thing on Xmas eve, and I was surprised when she said she would come (she was invited as there are no hard feelings from either of our families)..

Anyway, it changed from me having them all Xmas eve, to doing my families side of things and then myself and W taking the kids to look at Xmas lights together, then stay at her place that night.. No biggy to me as I agree with the reasoning behind it (all presents are at hers and we all know what kids are like Xmas morning!!)..

The reality check kicked in when I said I would be taking the kids away to one of our favourite camping areas with a couple of my family members.. She has been offered to go by them, and to my shock, once again agreed to go even if it is only for a day trip (for her anyway, she is working), but wants to stay overnight..

She then mentioned about her having the kids Xmas night, and then half of boxing day "as they will have new toys to play with" before they go camping.. Ok, true I suppose, but a slight change of plans (I was supposed to be picking them up first thing boxing day)..

The real kicker was when she realised they will be gone for almost a week before she see's them again.. You could almost see the cogs drop in to place through her eyes!!.. She started saying she would like to call them each day (when I have them for a 3 day weekend, the do Snapchats not calls) and almost cried when I pulled out her driveway..

I could take that as shared custody not being the game she thought.. She is also mentioning how it is getting a bit harder for her financially, but stopped short of asking me for help.. I did mention to her that I am sorry she finds herself in that position, but am not exactly doing it easy either, and it is something that needs to be dealt with on our own accord..


What gets me is wanting to spend Xmas eve with my family (they still class her as family too), and then camping with me/us/my family the day after..

I could look at this 3 ways.. Either she is being amicable (but excited about it all), wanting to spend more time with the kids (no problems there), or she is realising things aren't all they are cracked up to be with the new BF..

I'm not taking sides on any thought, but personally I think it is headway in some description.. All I know is that if I was in the BF situation, I wouldn't like that fact too much so let it play out!!..

[jp787]

No doubt the holidays are more emotional.

Please try to not put all of your focus on her and try to back away from analyzing everything so much.

What is something you will do just for you over the next few weeks?

[Card29]

LMW, stick with jp's advice here. You simply can't accurately mind read a WAW (XX at the end of a text, getting upset about kids going away for a few days), and especially a wayward one. She probably doesn't even know how she's going to feel 1 minute from now.

Also, get even more detached from that R she's in. If he's the guy you think he is, she will eventually hit a wall with him. But I think this sitch is unique in that you probably need to verify it is him, for your kid's safety. I don't even know what you could do at that point, but I would start with confirming that.

[LoveMyW]

No doubt the holidays are more emotional.

Please try to not put all of your focus on her and try to back away from analyzing everything so much.

What is something you will do just for you over the next few weeks?

My focus isn't all on her JP, and I'm trying not to analyse, but it's more of a "why now" than "is it hope"??..

As for something I am going to do just for me, it's hard to say.. I'll be GAL'ing it up with the kids over the next couple of weeks, then I'm back in to work and will be getting in to some fitness training with BIL.. As for the rest of it, I'm going to have to play it by ear as my cash situation isn't going to be the best with all the bills I have coming in, and almost all activities where I live cost money..

LMW, stick with jp's advice here. You simply can't accurately mind read a WAW (XX at the end of a text, getting upset about kids going away for a few days), and especially a wayward one. She probably doesn't even know how she's going to feel 1 minute from now.

Also, get even more detached from that R she's in. If he's the guy you think he is, she will eventually hit a wall with him. But I think this sitch is unique in that you probably need to verify it is him, for your kid's safety. I don't even know what you could do at that point, but I would start with confirming that.

I'm hearing you Card.. I'm learning that too!!..

I'm pretty detached from her R, but know I could be further.. That is something I have to work on..

The only thing I have to get physical proof of is the meth/ice usage, but my source is pretty accurate.. Everything else is proven 100%..

[LoveMyW]

So for a bit of GAL with the kids, I took them fishing to a local spot for a few hours.. No bites, but I love the bonding/quiet time!!..

Anyway, a photographer from the local newspaper approached us and wanted to take a pic of us for Mondays paper.. I asked what it was for and he said "Our special feature on families doing things together for xmas".. I did raise a little smirk at that one, but agreed to the pic and let the PMA shine through!!..

I suppose I can look at it in one way.. There is no better way to show GAL (even if it is with the kids) than having it printed in the paper for all to see!!..

W doesn't know yet, and I'm not going to say anything until it is printed, but I have no doubts the kids will if they speak to her beforehand..

[LoveMyW]

It's funny how the emotions can kick in (especially at this time of year).. I took the kids to get Santa photos done at a local store where he was appearing.. I had no issue with that..

Whilst waiting in line (it was roughly a 20 min wait) I saw a young child roughly 1yo getting their photo done a bit before us.. In my head flooded back memories of when myself and W took our eldest for his first Santa pic when he was roughly the same age.. To top that off, they had Bruno Mars - When I Was Your Man playing on the stereo!!..

To top that off, I bumped in to a family member of hers who is still a good friend of mine who started to say about how good me and W were together, how she is making a huge mistake, and how he is p!ssed with what she has done..

Needless to say, my PMA took a dent that will buff out and I was standing there trying to fight back tears, but the eyes did well up..

Screw you brain and memories haha!!..

[LoveMyW]

W contacted me not long after my last post to discuss some last minute presents that were purchased for the boys as "Santa" gifts.. Conversation was cordial and friendly..

I asked if she was going to call the boys later to speak to them as we were going to a carol's sing-a-long tonight, and if we were there she could call after, or a bit before.. I said "whatever works in with what you are doing"..

I wanted to extended an invitation to her to join us if she wasn't up to anything else, but I did think better of it until I got some further advice..

Would this be seen as pursuing or would she likely see it for what it is, which is singing xmas songs with the boys??..

[okjpc]

Christmas is a b*tch. I have not been around here long, so take my advice for what it is, but re: caroling, you told her where you were going and invited her to call based on her plans. I think that's good enough. Let her ask you if she can come. If she doesn't, I'm sure the thought of you taking the kids to do caroling would impress her and hopefully, make her see what she's missing.

[LoveMyW]

Christmas is a b*tch. I have not been around here long, so take my advice for what it is, but re: caroling, you told her where you were going and invited her to call based on her plans. I think that's good enough. Let her ask you if she can come. If she doesn't, I'm sure the thought of you taking the kids to do caroling would impress her and hopefully, make her see what she's missing.

That was my thought OK, and it is nice to get that reinforced..

Your last sentence hit home a little bit.. Although I never intended it like that (more of a GAL activity than anything else), you have a point.. Perhaps she will be impressed.. Perhaps she may see what she is missing..

Either way and whatever happens, I'm taking the boys and we are going to sing up a storm!!..

[LoveMyW]

A great night was had a Xmas carols by myself and the boys.. W didn't end up coming, but I had no expectations there either.. Lots of GAL activities over the last couple of days with them, and it sure is helping with the holiday hurt!!..

I am keeping to LC well, and not initiating any contact with W except for sending her a link today to a photo of me and the kids that was on the local newspapers website.. No reply to that message (for the last 2 hours anyway), and to be honest, I'm not expecting one..


On a bit of a rant in this part, but I've got to say I'm starting to get sick of everyone (family from both sides and friends) telling me that "she is making a huge mistake" and "no one ever saw us splitting up" or other comments along those lines.. I know in the 37 rules it is said not to get family involved etc, but instead of all these people telling me this, why the he!! don't they say that directly to her??..

A bit vindictive here, and possibly rude, but I can't wait for the day that the new BF shows his real colours to her.. I don't wish her any harm, but what does it take to show the grass isn't greener??.. Am I wrong for getting thoughts in my head that I would love to see their R (if you can really call it that after 2-3 weeks) crash and burn??..

The more I look at others sitch's here and elsewhere, the more I see that NOTHING that went on between us isn't fixable.. W just needs to see that instead of chasing the end of the rainbow..

/end rant