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Previous thread - moving out but moving on (Part 4)

Wow Part 5 already.

So just to recap...in the previous episode of Soap.

I've now been moved out of our apartment for nearly three weeks and W has moved back in there from MILs after having been on "hold" living there for 4 months or so.

Settling in slowly and making it as homey as possible.

With the completion of all those distracting tasks Im now refocussing on sorting out the batty belfrey that is Edz head.

So without further adoo.

Dropped S back at Ws this morning (see last few posts on the previous thread) been having a hellish work day with issues popping out of the woodwork and the promised reappearance of the plumber....didnt happen. He called about 3 to say it would be today to come round and sort the shower door and remaining bits, 5:35 now..no plumber.. still detatched door, we shall see but I'll be getting dinner on (hold on Vanilla GAL coming) shortly.

So just called him and he has the key from the managing agents so Im off to the pool for my GAL swim and Im also going to look to see what they have there in the way of groups for the less than buff of us (and also the nearly broke of us). More on that later

So for now my weekly score looks like this (see previous thread for Vanillas scoring chart idea smile )

Monday - Work killed Gal frown
Tuesday - Signed up new photo course but not yet attended
Wednesday - S came around (1), shopping together (3), meal together video games with him (0 or does that count V?)
Thursday - Swimming 1.5 hours *planned* 2 points

So so far 5 points, woeful, must do better!


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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You can have 1 pt for work each day as long as out of the house and interaction with colleagues!

Video game with son 1 pt if at home 2 pts if at third party I think

Edz you are beginning to detach, it's lovely to hear about.

Dads and sons what a wonderful combination, there are special moments this year that can never be forgotten. Your bond with S is getting stronger and you like it.

Batty belfry, hmmm, especially at 6 ' 2" it must be rare air. Maybe you need your bats as much as I need my frog box. It is what makes us unique and special, gives us personality. Edz, the thing to do is to work on the behaviours first, which of these was the greatest impediment in your marriage?
What 180 would be most important to achieve that moves you closer to your gal.

You have a good sense of humour and it comes across in your writing is this a positive for you with W? If yes, what aspect ? If no, why not? Humour is very attractive, people like it unless it has a critical or sarcastic edge.

What did W find most attractive in you ( I am not thinking appearance necessarily), did you loose these qualities?
Dig deeper, Edz, the answers are within you.

Sleepy
Vanilla


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Hi vanilla.

Thanks for that post. Been a manic couple of days sorting Christmas shopping and also GALing ;-) which is why I've been away wasn't moping honest wink

On my (new) tablet at the mo....oooh get him with a hudl2!.....so excuse any of autocorrelated worms, err, words!

After 11 hours out of the house today mixing a gal swimming session, walking for an hour and getting S new Christmas stockings hats, some new Christmas decorations and finally a minions duvet set (he may be 10 but he's nuts on minions) then off out and bought 90% of the Christmas presents and stocking gifts and a chunk of the food and goodies.

W started with her text-a-thons this morning asking if I have her big sieve, wasn't going to get into a back and forth, don't do that now, picked up a nice styled colander from the discount shop and I'll drop her sieve off tomorrow no fuss no muss.

Interestingly W texted me a lot today asking what was going on and when I'm picking up S tomorrow (my dad's coming over to see the new place so it will be great to have s here too) since I was indeed out I didn't respond straight away and so more texts came. The Phones battery ran out anyway so I didn't respond until I was in the car on hands free, got her voice mail, called again when I got in.

W wasn't a happy bunny, after we confirmed time to pick up s tomorrow morning she offloaded: she's not heard back on her housing benefits and launched into complaining about noisy neighbours and it being cold there. I ignored the neighbours bit (they've always been noisy, its cold as that flat has bad poorly maintained windows and the heating is off, she wanted to move back to the flat, cant make this my problem for dbing and sanity ) I just said sorry to hear that, mentioned that apart from ambulance sirens it's been quiet here trying to change her from focusing on her location... Boy wrong option... She ripped into me saying oh isnt that nice for me I said that wasnt my intention but she said fine she'll see me tomorrow and walked away from the phone (I could hear her arguing with s about shouting to her- he had a minor accident at his swimming session today I'd asked how he was but w said he's fine but milking it... Said she's in a bad mood... Anyway once I knew she wasn't coming back and just forgot to hang up in her rush to get away from me, I hung up and didn't call back, she's been posting on Facebook and texting me news stories again and I replied but without digging into any other aspects.

I wrapped one of the presents I got her today for Christmas (one of the only photos we have of all the of us together - unusual as I was normally behind the camera) I brought the physical one with me when I moved and w had been asking for it I've had a new 8 x 6 printed from the digital file and put it in a new frame. I'll be dropping it around tomorrow when I pick s up as an early present but won't be waiting for her to open it, not doing it for a brownie point win.

So interesting conversations no expectations as always though.

So to your questions vanilla. I've spent a lot of time on those both alone and in counseling.

My humour, my intellect (oh hark at him again) my love of books, words, language, music are all things that she loves, loved, who knows? What happened? We had s, she focused more and more on him and pushed me towards the periphery I went into a panic and pursued she took on the role of the pursued we spiralled she distanced me and I felt more lonely my relationship with s was impacted as my frustration got diverted, not violently, never so, but I distanced him as she distanced me it wasnt a conscious decision but it happened. Added to financial pressures pushing me to take on more extra hours work (and distancing myself more from them) and we get to July....

So all very good, what of my 180s that relate?

Pursuit
Not happening now. I've made it clear that I do want to move into the future with her but not because I need her but because I want to share the future with her. I'm comfortable with that being the case. If we can't work this out then it's essential I get to grips with this or any future relationship would be a disaster.

Son
Time, time, understanding, time... Spotting a trend? I first apologised to him and w and made it clear none of this is his fault.., in reality maybe tangentially but to him nope not in any way his fault, realised a little late that time and attention is the most valuable thing to give and I am. In some ways it's causing a slight issue as w seems to feel a little challenged after being mostly his prime carer but I choose to believe the positives will mean more, to s and hopefully w as well.

Well that's my mammoth post for now. Will catch up more tomorrow.

Cheers
Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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Oh crapola, the net just ate me post!

My advice was think quality, it was something I gleaned from posts. Project quality.

Mr edz needs to visit op shops looking for quality brand names pants shirts nice tailored ones. No need to go expensive. Nice dress jacket to give the impression of fancy smancy dinners out.

After shave and balm as in gift packs it Christmas evilbay can help or dept stores won't special offers. Bag packed with razors and grooming kit left in car for after work gal dinners and coffee.

I have in my mind a pic of our local L, yeah he's hot young and buff. He wears quality things to work and in to our shop. Nice shoes, tailored pants business shirts quality fabric quality fit. Thinks projecting quality high end.

It's something I gleaned from the threads, w/h needs to project quality/confidence and strength. Pma

Om/ow will project non quality non strength and often be very controlling. See the contrast? Nma


M 46 h54
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T 11y
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GGrass and vanilla both have excellent advice plus you've got that tall and strong thing going for you.

Turn up the confidence, the relaxed non pursuing charm and the quality (as GGrass has described) and your W will have a hard time not noticing.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
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Drop the photo of all three of you. Not in Sandi guidelines! Do you really want to remind her that she has decided a new route for you all. A nice photo of her and/or S would be best and label it from S. That is not good DB in my opinion.

I wanted to get that in before you dropped the picture off.

I love gg suggestion, spot on as always. Go dressed as if to GAL, every time.

I would like to think a little more about a response on you competing with S for W. But I will do so and respond more fully. I think we may have it a wall issue.

Must go GAL.
Vanilla

Last edited by Vanilla; 12/14/14 11:29 AM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
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OK changed the PIC for a
A S piccie.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
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Hi all s is here (prising him off the tablet in a mo now I'm done cooking) dad will be here soon. Thanks for the posts will update later tonight.

Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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Hi Edz ,

Great to see S is coming to yours .


Me 40
W 37
Together 22 years
S18
D12
WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months
W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life
After the 2 weeks she has left .
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Originally Posted By: South74
Hi Edz ,

Great to see S is coming to yours .



Hi South
Good to hear from you again. Yes it's great to have him here. He's just been tucked in after pizza and guardians of the galaxy.

Noticed w posted on Facebook she's having chili, wine and captain America 2 but missing s tonight. I picked him up at 9:45 this morning and w's popping by at 10 to get him tomorrow morning.

Had him over last weekend and Wednesday night last week which is great. Of course I'd like s (and preferably w) here all the time but I'll be grateful for where I've got to.

How's you doing?


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
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W texted me to say she's pickng up an order tomorrow morning so will pick s up. She didn't mention the Pic of s and I didnt raise it or anything related to r.

Bit of a tough day was nice to see dad, stepsis and Stepmum but does create some stress with s here and not getting into to much chat on the way w is behaving. BUT! S was \ is here and it's been nice to have company. They all loved the house and stepmum gave me 12/ 10 for the way I've got everything moved in and the house cosy.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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What a wonderful day.

And why talk about W to family? Not a good idea I feel! Keep it to yourself, so if I were you I would be relieved I didn't slip. No one else's business, unless you both agree to it.

Obviously you are building a home which is a wonderful warm place for S. Long may it last, S must love to come to you and enjoy your company as well as you being dad.

Peace
Vanilla


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Hi vanilla

Yes that's what I meant not going into it with them but I hadn't thought to think of it as it going well view point change required there :-)

S does love it he'd like to be here longer and id like him to be we're all working on it. The only one who seems to be struggling with the sitch today seems to be w from her Facebook postings but you know what I'm leaving that to her for now and enjoying being home in the warm cosy place with s tucked in upstairs.

Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
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Well interesting morning.

S was here last night, loved the new Darth Vader onesie I got him (complete with built in boots and cape - no vanilla they didnt have it in my size - frown ), we watched a movie and come bedtime he was excited and had trouble getting off to sleep, stayed in his room with his music on while he popped off to nod. Checked on him later and he was well away, tucked him in and crashed out myself.

Zonko this morning, I didnt want to get up when the alarm went off but dragged myself up, did the household tasks (got washing on / dishwasher etc) before getting breakfast ready got S up eventually and we had breakfast before he settled down to catching up on his online android game (monster battle thing) while I started work. W arrived about 10 and was happy to come in and sit down for a couple of cups of coffee. Since the new place is close to the christmas shop she wanted to go to she left the car here and walked up and then s & w stayed for another coffee (OJ for S) and I made W a pancake.

They've just headed off now and as I used up that time Im back to work instead of lunch (well worth it) Cant say I felt a warm fuzzy rush but the cold distance wasnt there either. Who knows whats going on in her mind (I'm not going there) but it was nice to have them both here for a little while with us all on the same sofa.

Off out tonight after work to do the last of the bancrupting,er, christmas item (all the bits you have at christmas you dont miss until you realise after moving you dont have - picallilli, white padding to put around the tree stand etc etc) and return a couple of lampshades I bought on saturday before realising they are different fitting sizes and two of the 4 dont fit, DOH!

Tomorrow meeting up with a mate for a bite after work and Thursday is the evening work meal, busy one!

Last edited by edz; 12/15/14 12:28 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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Darth Vader onesy. Want one, want one, immediately for H. For Xmas, for the hell of it.

Great interaction with W. What a Smoooooth operator you are becoming lots more practise with the charm plan and it will be completely second nature with W.

Have some fun GAL with mate tonight. More like this Edz. Now where did I leave my GAL wand? More GAL plans, don't let the supply run out after the party.

Go GAL
Vanilla


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Sounds like you are doing well, Edz. I have been following you for awhile now and I am so impressed with your detachment and GAL. Oh and you mentioned your S's fascination with minions....I am a little older than 10 and I LOVE the minions! wink I have a minion piggy bank on a shelf in my living room and some small minion figures on my computer in my office. LOL


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
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Hi all

Thanks for all the kind words gang.

OK lots happened this evening. Started off awfully but I'm feeling OK.

Came home from work to an envelope with a £140 invoice from mil for cleaning the apartment. Emailed her querying the invoice and wasnt the rent due back covering this. What came back was the most vitriolic pile of nastyness. I was blamed for not properly communicating leaving dates, for leaving the place in an awful state for the carpets smelling of cat wee (ws cat although I did my best with the Vax) that I was getting off lightly and could expect to be billed for carpet cleaning. On and on. I think I may have been accused of taking the Limburg baby in there and probably wiping out the dinosaurs as well.

OK I admit I freaked. I didn't immediately reply. I prepped dinner. I did email w but only as she was the one who arranged all the cleaning on the move. I didn't mention r bit I did say I didn't think I deserved this...wrong wrong wrong full if wrongness, no reply.

I then thought on it all, I've heard through family channels mil is pushing w to sort her issues by demanding more money I also know w is currently not doing so. I also know some of the content of those emails and they're worse than the one I got. Basically I'm the spawn of Satan should be crushed and support w without her having to work and its tough if that means my life is destroyed, im buying toys and flash cars (no ideaa on the toys, the car is a 14 year old golf!) she's such a class act.

Frankly I feel like I'm reaching a detached state now. I emailed mil in a pure business mode, I'll pay this when I get paid, i can't afford it until then. I also apologised for the confusion and said I shouldn't have assumed she was in the loop or taken it for granted that there was a rent amount coming back, i also asked when will be a good time to have a carpet cleaning firm come in and quote. It was hard to swallow but anything else is shouting at the wind, she doesn't care if she's wrong shes just out to be vindicative and I choose not to play.

I then emailed w again, I know but hang on all, I said sorry this isn't her problem and I'm dealing direct with mil on it. I also touched on a few points, mil is pushing that I'm worthless and just needy and looking out for myself as always that everything with s is just me showing off and the new place is just me saying I'm worth more than her.

I simply said (as in theory I don't know this) that this is the home I'm making, this is the life I'm making for s and i and following on from our call on Saturday I'm not trying to affect her or show off, just make a nice home s can share, alluded to her being welcome but no needyness. I also touched that I think she needs to sit down with me and discuss finances.

After a good day at work lots of PMA looking forward to the party on Thursday, a huge 180 even w was shocked about me going to, it brought me down a little. I did make a big decision today, I'm not giving up...yet but I did take my ring off today. W hasn't worn hers since July (before erratically) but I feel I'll put it back on when and if we move toward a reconciliation until then its not I want to appear single far from it it just feels like an expression of my internal needyness or not moving on, its also not for shock value but if mil is pushing I'm lying and not changing I think that may be the most profound way to express that while I don't agree with this I will move on.

So saddened by another beating from someone I had a lot of respect from and the lack of any comment from w but being realistic what would she do, alienate her mother? I've already consulted cab and looking into getting an od on a new account then, as I mentioned to w, we can end the joint account and sort what each of us needs, made it clear I'm not out to cut her off but I think its time to be clear I'm not moping and waiting but rebuilding.

Feel a little sad after the positive visit yesterday and that again its mil pushing everyone's buttons but while financial future still scares me I'm getting to the point of not being incapable of seeing a future if w doesn't return, I still miss her and want to work on her coming back but the old needy floor mat who would take any emotional beating if it brought her back, I think he left the building today. Tomorrow, well, we'll see what happens and w hasn't replied yet who knows what she'll say confronted with mil saying I'm a clinging parasite and me saying her life is hers and channelling transition.

Probably made some dB mistakes today, may have set myself back in some ways but the pit of despair hasn't returned afterward, not sure on what that means...yet.

I await your thoughts all, gal, PMA and 180s continue and vanilla I'm off tomorrow to try to pick up a nice waistcoat ready for Thursday night along with the shined shoes trousers black shirt new belt and new(ish) me.

Edz

Last edited by edz; 12/16/14 10:52 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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Originally Posted By: Dawn70
Sounds like you are doing well, Edz. I have been following you for awhile now and I am so impressed with your detachment and GAL. Oh and you mentioned your S's fascination with minions....I am a little older than 10 and I LOVE the minions! wink I have a minion piggy bank on a shelf in my living room and some small minion figures on my computer in my office. LOL


Hi dawn

Thanks for the kind words, I don't often think I'm doing that well but I'm trying. I have to admit I like the minions too, told s I'll take him to see the minions movie when it comes out. Have you seen the mini movies by the way s has watched banana about a million times at this point smile

Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
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Edz

You know what's coming a whole series of STFU.

STFU

STFU

And STFU

Let MIL strangle herself on her own tongue.

There is no dignity in Ranting!

There is no dignity in responding!


Give it up. You are better than this, our Edz has not got with the program today.

Smile move on. In fact go and belly laugh, Edz.

Go spray the old apartment with freshen up. Ask for an itemised bill, then query each item.

Really, not worth your time and attention. The karma of scorpions is to sting, let MIL sting the scarecrow.
Your GAL pal
Vanilla


Last edited by Vanilla; 12/16/14 11:48 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
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You're right vanilla

I did reign myself in somewhat and thought the best plan on mil was to take away her matches without taking her on. Emailing w was the stfu point I imagine. I won't be following it up except on the finances we have to deal with those somehow. I'll admit the info on mil pushing w to go after me financially unnerved me and the invoice pushed me over, stingy stingy. I shall pour some antiseptic on it and behave.

Good news is I'm quite upbeat and not dwelling, in fact if anything I'm looking forward to the party Thursday, you have to admit that's a turnaround smile


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
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whistle nice threads edzs!

Goooo party have a bunch of rotating shirts. Get out amongst it. wink


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Thanks Gg

We shall see, not sure on the rotating shirts, that like a spinning bow tie wink

Well after yesterdays fun I still feel pretty good, I'm aprehensive about W's next move but I dont feel upset she hasnt contacted me and - Vanilla - the STFU is in effect, I havent emailed her since.

MIL contacted me with a much nicer tone but thats because she's getting what she wants of course. Im filing that one away for the moment as well.

Trying to get an appointment at the bank to set up the od on a new account in my name but that looks like it will be January now so will have to back burner that one, it wont be popular as I know w will see it as me cutting her off although Ive been clear thats not the plan.

I'll admit to feeling a little squeezed at the moment, having started to deal with W's absense I now feel like Im being treated as the deadbeat dad who wont pay his way. Especially given what I heard back re MILs "advice" to W. Those are, of course, mil's words not W's but they are so incredibly horrible to me. If I had walked away and said I didnt care she may have had a point but, while I certainly head a head/backside interface going on there I always cared for my family regardless of what else. Hey Ho, suppose the Haters gotta Hate, why would MIL change now when she has such a juicy target, ho hum.

Party time tomorrow, since Im not drinking (token glass of wine only maybe but mostly soft drinks) Im being the designated driver - not because Im worried about getting an alocohol problem (well sometimes I miss my mouth - with apologies to Airplane!) but its better Im not at the end of an evening, with my emotions possibly up and my inhibitions down and in range of email or phones!

You off to any interesting parties Gg? And do YOU have a rotating shirt? Oooerr!


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
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Let me see if I can explain readers digest version of what happened and why I just dropped the whole thing. For while I had hope.

The whole thing was h fighting with me non stop since about may13. H made threats to leave me in os country when my nan passed while attending the funeral.

Week or so later h assulted my sthen15 no reason no explaintion. H demanded mc. I thought the assult would be reported and worsen the stich. I refused explaining maditory reporting.

Fights continued to the famous you don't love me you bought suppositories not hemorriod cream!

I exploded in jan14. I became the vanilla screaming banshee. There was a separation, with contact and friendliness.

ow was revealed jan14, as soul mate since oct 13. I thought it lies, so kept friendship and cake eating going, but I had to pursuit. In April lrt. In June started legal settlement proceedings. H only contacted after I took joint property. Spew then followed with threats of charges of theft.

H only contacted after I chased, but it involved him spraying dirt in my face, I went to ow women's town. I went to x ..... Which was all ignored.

That whole load of crap stopped me from detaching with The contact hence lrt April.

At mediation seeing h narc personality without goggles, was eye opening. He skilfully manipulated the mediator into thinking he was just a victim. She fell for it.

I when I saw him could not remember a time where when my needs should,have come first that they did. I could not remember why I loved him so deeply, there seemed little feeling there.
H lied via his laywer, talked of many separations thus making the time together less in his eyes. So much of h view never happened all history rewriting.

So much was wrong, I would have no clue how to start, what to look for or how to even begin.

The big deal breaker tho is h is still with ow. given her work being closed for a month over Christmas she will basically move in. By my calculations they have been together 18months. It shows no signs of ending.

However due to being very scarey in real life I have yet to be asked out by anyone except for the 25yo dj, I freaked. . I ask and they bolt, refuse or drop hints about preferring bulls to women. Seems any excuse is a good one.

Last edited by Ggrass; 12/17/14 01:52 PM.

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Thanks for that Gg

Well my admiration for your handling of your sitch just went up about 200% thats some serious chit you've had there. Be proud of how you are going forward (not that you need the compliments of a random - and boy am I random - bloke on the internet to validate that wink )

I really, really doubt you're that scary probably people cant believe you're available is all smile See I come in and people think there must be a bouncer in the building or they're about to be forcibly ejected - tends to make me one of those who helps with food in the kitchen or sits in the corner accosting passers by into conversation.

Anyway, it is - as they say - party season and you're clearly far better at it than me (well yet anyway I require dragging myself into the next phase of GAL) so get the heels on and get boogying and take the lanyard next time to rope in the next dj!

Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
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So can someone tell me, since yesterdays mayhem Im worried about the potential for W to crack to her mother and come after me financially and Im broke but...other than that I'm feeling quite good.

I was thinking this afternoon about the interminable afternoons of pining and wanting w back. Dont get me wrong I would still love to be able to sit, talk and work on us reconciling and that is still my "gold standard" but the thought of us ending up not together, at the moment, while it makes me sad, doesnt rip me up anymore.

Is this just a passing remission? Did taking my ring off really make that much difference to me? Am I being charged for these question marks?

Tonight Im having a night at home and a movie and wrapping S's presents - different movie to my normal wrapping movie as Im not past the hang up on things we did together, watched together or traditions so instead Im creating new ones.

I still miss her and I feel lonely sometimes but lonely for someone to love me and the more time goes on the more I remember those long nights by myself after w turned in at 9:30 and I sat on the sofa until 1 or 2 and not just the wonderful times. I'd give anything for w and the return of those times of course but it would need to be worked on and not just a return to being together and lonely.

Am I just cracking up? (Argh more question marks)

Last edited by edz; 12/17/14 05:01 PM.

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Oh and Vanilla, had to text w today as I need to know if Im having s on friday night for his card event / staying over. I mentioned nothing else and now simple sign off Ed wasnt over flowery before but since yesterday I think the ball is very much in her court while I get on with things.

At least until the next thing that happens!


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Originally Posted By: edz
Originally Posted By: Dawn70
Sounds like you are doing well, Edz. I have been following you for awhile now and I am so impressed with your detachment and GAL. Oh and you mentioned your S's fascination with minions....I am a little older than 10 and I LOVE the minions! wink I have a minion piggy bank on a shelf in my living room and some small minion figures on my computer in my office. LOL


Hi dawn

Thanks for the kind words, I don't often think I'm doing that well but I'm trying. I have to admit I like the minions too, told s I'll take him to see the minions movie when it comes out. Have you seen the mini movies by the way s has watched banana about a million times at this point smile

Edz


Oh yes, I have seen them. It is a family tradition that my niece and nephews and I go. We are already looking forward to the new one coming out in the summer. We made minion Christmas ornaments for our trees. We are a little minion obsessed. LOL


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Thats a lot of things

At least the question marks went away

?

Eeek


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Originally Posted By: Dawn70

Oh yes, I have seen them. It is a family tradition that my niece and nephews and I go. We are already looking forward to the new one coming out in the summer. We made minion Christmas ornaments for our trees. We are a little minion obsessed. LOL


Fantastic idea, wish I'd thought of it, I shall have to steal that one if s is still into them next year (given the movie coming out next year this seems very likely)


M:44, W:46, S:10
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W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
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Hi ed,

Purely personal opinion but I suspect that now you are in your own place the MIL angst is rapidly fading for you and it has more of a fresh start feel. You also seem to be getting much more time with S11.

The positivity in your posts now compared to a few weeks ago is amazing to see. How much the rings played into that only you know.

I think your right to be concerned by MIL but rather than worry take positive steps to protect yourself. Maybe see if you and your W can make some sort of written agreement. Ive seen a bunch of posts on this from someone far wiser than me (I think theodon).

If your W can stand up to MIL now then I would say that's a good sign for her future.


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I probably missed half the ?s


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Originally Posted By: jim0987
Hi ed,

Purely personal opinion but I suspect that now you are in your own place the MIL angst is rapidly fading for you and it has more of a fresh start feel. You also seem to be getting much more time with S11.

The positivity in your posts now compared to a few weeks ago is amazing to see. How much the rings played into that only you know.

I think your right to be concerned by MIL but rather than worry take positive steps to protect yourself. Maybe see if you and your W can make some sort of written agreement. Ive seen a bunch of posts on this from someone far wiser than me (I think theodon).

If your W can stand up to MIL now then I would say that's a good sign for her future.





Thanks Jim

Yes I want to move it forward, hit a few blocks there w not wanting to contact me being one but I still wanted to move on and sort the bank account into my name, Chrimble has blocked that one. I can get an account set up ok but the issue is getting the overdraft set up etc etc so I need to sit with a personal banker first. So January it is for that one.

In the meantime getting my 180 on not putting my head in the sand on finances some activity in finishing the last few bits from the old place and sorting out those here. All done here bar a bit of a finangle for an extra payment as I had to move the rent date (letting agents messed up) and sorting myself onto the right utilities tarrif and giving Virgin Media a kick as theyve overcharged me £20!

As to W standing up to MIL, I've let go on it and told w so a little while ago. Its not my place to tell her how to interact with her mother and if she wants to stay a silly little girl in her mothers eyes - Ive heard MIL say that and boy did it fry my onions at the time - and do as she's told (which will admittedly not be great for me either way) then if I didnt change it in 15 years its certainly not my battle now. I hope she will but its her choice.


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Originally Posted By: edz

its certainly not my battle now. I hope she will but its her choice.


Yep. smile


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W texted me tonight to ask was I around the office tomorrow as she'll be in the area. Asked what she needed she said nothing and was just going to meet up but I'm not free. Said I can take an early lunch so we're meeting for coffee.

Sad in a way that I'm not thinking PMA opportunity but is this a financial bomb drop frown and on party day too. Well I'll be my new self and live in hope for now, after all I don't know w has agreed with mil.

I suppose time will tell.,


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I'm sure it will be fine. (i can give you loads of positive possibilities if it helps - but they are all just mind reading)

Just have no expectations other than you'll show how well you're doing and to be excited about the party.


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I agree thats definitely the plan.

thanks jim


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waiting for her to arrive will post later..


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All ok. will update later on, party time tonight. .


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Cryptic but good


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Hi jim. no just typing on my phone smile w and I ran through s' s Christmas presents and how were splitting days. not having him the night of the 25th now which is sad but I agree is better for him than switching after dinner in the middle of playing with his presents at ws but is coming to me from boxing day morning for 2 days instead. w is coming over to drop him and open her gift from me.

was well presented calm happy and pma throughout. w didnt comment on me not wearing my ring. helped her find some sharpie pens for s decorating plates afterward and chatted avoiding r questions and heavy points. w touched on her job and money but nothing else and im not worrying about things that havent happened. ill post more later/tomorrow.

cheers all for the support.


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Good job


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Odd today it didnt feel stressful just like meeting an old friend. at one point w offered her hand to shake when we were hashing out s's Christmas schedule I noticed a slight tremble dont know if thats important but im not dwelling on it.

Before she left to pick s up from ice skating and I to go back to the office she offered her hand to kiss as well so at least shes no longer backing away.

during talking about s and the time he spends with me she did re raise that not so long ago he said he didnt know if I loved him (this was before bd and I mentioned that in my first thread) whilst she still falls back on saying hes not sure and still unsure at times - whjch I have to say he doesnt show to me but I accept at face value - she thinks ive worked hard on out relationship (with s not w)


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Edz

You are detaching, this is a very good position to DB from.

Detachment still means care and love but it will allow you to be more positive in your interactions with W and S.

Frankly W's comments on S are a reflection of her views about you not S's. It is clear to all that S has your love. Love requires demonstration and it seems to me that is happening frequently.

If Edz is love then he can actively pour it into the things he does with S, and say so too.

Really happy for you

Vanilla


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Evening all

Back in from the works do. Good time had by all, the rest of them are off on a pub crawl but since I was on the soft drinks and have an early start I headed home. Been a busy day, tomorrow taking s to his card event and he'll be staying over.

As I said a busy day.
Catch you tomorrow

Last edited by edz; 12/18/14 11:19 PM.

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Well done for GAL, and next time I suggest that you arrange the next day so you can let loose and crawl too. Otherwise points will be deducted.

So when is the next GAL?

Vanilla

Last edited by Vanilla; 12/19/14 09:28 AM.

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Hi vanilla

I could have booked it, I didn't want to drink too much in case the emotions resurfaced and overrode the higher brain and undid good work. Speaking to the other guys it only carried on about another hour anyway I did hang on in there!

Upcoming. S card event tonight, were off out tomorrow so s can pick up his present for w and I think well head off to the park or similar depending on weather i m also getting a haircut. Sunday more house stuff and decoration and a bit of swimming, got some a couple of friends popping round for a Christmas drink early in the week then heading up to my dads for Christmas eve as my line manager just reminded me I had it booked off, did that before bd and forgot!


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Well been a busy work day.

Had Chilli laced mushrooms last night as a starter and they certainly were starting something this morning. Working from home today as most of the office was out and its s's card event tonight so makes sense to not have to slog back in traffic pick up his stuff slog back out to get him from w and then head out.

Lunchtime I went out for a quick walk up to the local discount center (about a mile or two) and picked up some Christmas Crackers, one of the last things on the Christmas stuff list. Also picked up some bits and bobs and a washing up brush which w mentioned could I pick one up if I saw one cheap.

Felt better when I got back for the air and sunshine (flipping cold though). Off out in about 15 minutes to get s, drop off some christmas music w asked for..

..stops for phone call from s checking I remembered to pick up his card stack for this evening...

anyway off in about 15 to go and get him so will post back later.


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I am fascinated.

What's a card event, surely not teaching S to play poker? shocked

V


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Ha. Now there's an idea!

Yu Gi Go card game info

They play rounds against each other one to one and trade cards.


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And what do the mums and dads do?

Vanilla

Last edited by Vanilla; 12/20/14 11:30 AM.

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Hums burning ring of fire!

So how bad was the "after burn" lol grin

At least chilli is short lived, I swap ya chilli for female crazee hormones.
I wrote a huge post and the iPad died.

Don't feel you need to drink to keep up. Be in control of you. I give 3 gal points if you can go out and stay sober and drive plus have fun.

I do, each week we have a pub dinner with no drinks for me, but it's still,fun.


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Drink baaaad coffee, chat read and sometimes wonder what the appeal is! S is one of the youngest who goes though so there's only 2 or 3 of us who take the younger ones, most of the others take themselves.

I've recently been going through the sign up sheets to look for gal opportunities but nothing so far!


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So somewhere i saw/read/heard this thing that says if you wait till you find something you feel enthusiatic about or love before you try it then you'll never go.

you need to start going to things and see what you think. after a while you'll either know its not for you or you'll start to love it


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Thanks all, hi gg youve got a wicked sense of humour, very like mine wahahaha no worries on the keeping up think I was the only remaining sober one but still had a lot of fun.

Jim I agree completely there just wasn't much that was for male adults lots of kids events and a slimming club for over 60s and disco dancing for teens but for 44 yr old males the only thing there was speed dating but I'm not at that point yet.

Still looking though, if I find anything that I can give a bash and that isn't too expensive, I'll be in there.


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so your local county council should have some kind of brochure of courses and stuff that might be interesting for you. I just looked up the courses near me and there were loads which were 6'4 44yr old male appropriate including:

Drawing and painting
Astrophotography
Gourmet cupcake creation
All kinds of cookery
Pottery
Creative writing
Dancing
Digital photography
Language course
Archery

so take your pick and give one a go. the worst that can happen is that you spend a few weeks and a bit of cash creating strange deformed pottery - but you'll get an anecdote out of it.


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W just called and said in the spirit of the season s can stay tonight as well as I won't see him on Christmas day. We also discussed him staying on the 27th too.

Going to pop around as I need to drop around a few odds and ends connected to the remaining cat but Im really happy not just because s is staying another night which is fab but also w seems to be happy at the progress of my relationship with s, I have no expectations of that having any effect on w and I going toward reconciliation but its great that s and I are doing so much better and w, who was so convinced it couldn't happen, sees it too.


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M 13 years, T 15
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Hi Jim, yup that's where I found the photo course, just looking for more but the place s goes is a tiddly small community centre :-)


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
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Sign me up for the gourmet cupcake creating course. I will be there soon! LOL It is hard to find age appropriate GAL activities sometimes. I live in a small community with lots of older people, but our local community college offers some fabulous cooking classes.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
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quite fancy the cooking course but im working on reducing my waistline!

wink


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Originally Posted By: edz
W just called and said in the spirit of the season s can stay tonight as well as I won't see him on Christmas day. We also discussed him staying on the 27th too.

Going to pop around as I need to drop around a few odds and ends connected to the remaining cat but Im really happy not just because s is staying another night which is fab but also w seems to be happy at the progress of my relationship with s, I have no expectations of that having any effect on w and I going toward reconciliation but its great that s and I are doing so much better and w, who was so convinced it couldn't happen, sees it too.


What joy Edz.
Vanilla


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
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Thanks Vanilla, it really does feel good just being here, s is in the bath covering the room in foam, we had a nice dinner together and watched some minecraft videos after a day helping him pick his mums christmas present (he picked it himself) and just hanging out.

Its been great.

Will get him sorted for bed shortly and then settle in for the evening. Bacon Sandwhiches in the morning before I take him back to W. It will be a long 5 days before he's back but I'll be at my dads for a couple of those and I know when he's here next it will be for our christmas together. I'll miss him and w on the day but, if things stay as theyve been the past few days, I know it seemed like it was going to feel so very much worse just a few weeks ago.

Thanks all.

Last edited by edz; 12/20/14 08:04 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
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So bit of a rushed morning today. Dragged myself up to the noise of an alarm clock on a Sunday urgggh but a fine trade for s staying last night as well. Gave him a kiss to wake him up and let him stay in bed while I got the breakfast going.

After bacon sandwiches and some suitably strong coffee for me we got him all packed and went back to w. Gave her a couple of remaining christmassy shows she wanted that I have, hogfather and colour of magic and we ran through some bits. I need to pop back round at 3 as s forgot one of his Lego hero factory characters he brought and hasn't done a card for my dad, he had a personalised 2015 calendar but I'll get a card for s to sign. W also texted me and asked can I bring a cable for s to charge his game controller as she can't find one.

Went and did some errands returned some wrong sized light shades, picked up a card and some odds and ends and a small lyric canvas. Its not something I would have ever got before bd and is a stylised arrangement of the chorus to I will survive, yes I know not something men would normally go for but I'm a child of the 70s and 80s. Not sure anyone would pick up what it is but I've put it up opposite the bedroom so when I come out in the morning I'll get a reminder that my life goes forward even if w chooses not to share it with me, didn't think that could hurt for the £3 or so wink

Was going to go swimming but one pool had a dire special inflatables day on - ergo let's charge parents an extra £10 for pool time on a murky December day - and the other was straight out closed. I'll look into joining a club with a pool in 2015 but right now the budget is creaking at tins of beans so it can wait for a while.

Back home got the light fittings up to find one of the ceiling roses had been fitted with a weird adapter ring and one of the shades I took back for the other room would have fitted it arghhh but they're all up now. No more bare bulbs yay.

Sortedtodays washing and put fresh linen on s bed ready for boxing day and hoovered his room and just grabbing a coffee before taking a walk and maybe looking to see if there are any mad bargains in the big shops nearby.

Usual twinge of post s visit blues but I do feel like I'm slightly adapting to it. I wish nothing more than w and s will return to me for good in the future but if the last couple of days is the pattern going forward then I'll do as the canvas says, I will survive and more than that I will learn to live and love again.

Thanks all

Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
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Went around with the bits as promised. S let me in w never got off her laptop on the sofa. Spoke to me but not saying that much and seemed rather sullen.

Hey ho, just concentrated on s got him to write out his card told him if I don't see him he should have a great Christmas day, I love him and I will see him on Friday for our christmas. Told w to have a great Christmas too but she said doubtless she'll speak to me before then.

Honestly, I wasn't planning on it unless she contacts me as that seems to work better for me and dB but didn't say anything. Told them to stay upstairs and I'd see myself out as its about 3c here at the most and s was unpausing the Simpsons on the PVR anyway. W didn't seem particularly interested but did tell s not to get too involved as they had gingerbread shapes to sort shortly.

So left and now at home, sorted away the washing and will sort dinner then a nice bath with a glass of wine I believe. Not sure why w is "cold" again today after some great calls and interactions over the past few days, even got called sweet yesterday when I took the cats bits around and snuck in a bottle of wine for her evening, but I'm not going to fret about it, she is how she is at the moment and was at one point joking about the shopping being delivered tomorrow (we always had a Christmas bet on how many items would be missing and I'd - normally it was me - have to brave the shops to get) did make me feel a bit pushed out as I won't be included this year.

Can't say she seems to be missing me at all but then she'd hardly mention it I suppose. I still have mixed feelings about detatching but right now I'm glad of it, I feel a bit lonely and the place seems a little empty and cold but a nice dinner and a hot bath may help with that.

Have a good one all.
Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
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Hi Edz

Sounds like you're doing really well. I'm also sitting in my empty flat, thinking 'Oh well, have a glass of wine & some dinner etc.'

Spent the afternoon with my parents, which was nice - but I still find it hard to return to the empty flat for an evening. Funny, I didn't meet H until I was 35 and lived on my own quite happily for years....I guess it's just circumstances at the moment that make it feel harder.

Chin up and onwards to Christmas!!!


T 13 M 7
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SS 15
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We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Hi toots nice to catch up with you.

Thanks, Im trying, some days are better than others, Yes w and I met up at 29 / 30 and before then id lived alone a lot although I moved home because my mum was diagnosed with cancer but I can still cope happily with all the needed stuff, just miss the company and the conversation.

Yup will carry on you too, had a nice bath made a steak in pepper sauce dinner with a side salad and bread and finished the wine I started the other night.

Just chilling out now.

You take care

Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
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I'm jealous of your steak now. However I do have a slice of patisserie fresh black forest gateau so that sort of makes up for it.

Dont worry about whether your wife misses you. Just be. and I've said it before you sound sooooo much happier since you moved

Besides imagine a scenario where your wife cheerfully said she misses you - it would seem a bit odd wouldn't it.

At somepoint I'm going to have to figure out this living alone thing as I've never done it before, along with dating and who knows what else that single adults do (I was last single on my 3rd week of university). Apparently it seems to involve wine though....


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Oh yes, got to have wine or ideally a rack before last night I had 9 bottles in. Trick is *not* to drink it! ;-)


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W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
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I am much much happier. Was initially happier but after that last issue with mil and that leading to me taking off my ring I do feel a lot more comfortable. I'm still very nervous of finances but there's a lot I can't control at the moment so moving past those issues and trying to focus on one day at a time.

Wouldn't worry too much about living alone Jim, sounds like you have the running the house fairly down and unless I've missed something you'll have the kids too most of the time. I can say when s is here the house is much much more busy and "full" then when its just me!

Last edited by edz; 12/21/14 07:50 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
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An extremely windy day here at chateux edz (the weather not me) so I was awake half the night wondering was the roof coming off. Obviously didnt phase the cat as she was snoring on the sofa.

Working from home today (in the office tomorrow) and trying to get some finance stuff settled this afternoon but most of this stuff will need to wait until january now.

Hopefully having a couple of people over for a drink tonight but if not will see if I can actually get in the pool for some GAL exercise.

Other than that have a few last minute presents to wrap for S before I head off to my dads on Wednesday and then will down tools from work tomorrow until the 30th.

As I mentioned I had mixed feelings yesterday after s went back, by the evening I was feeling pretty chilled especially after a nice dinner, bath and wine and had an early night with the TV on in the bedroom and checking in on db'ers from the tablet.

Today I feel a little bit empty this close to the big day but hopefully that will all pass when I meet up with friends and go to my dads. Then of course straight back into christmas part 2 with s.

Will be checking in with you all, of course smile


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
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I got attacked by a car door in the wind this morning, so be glad your at home.

Hopefully you'll have a relaxing couple of days.

is it the 27th your doing christmas with your S (thats my christmas with the kids and i'm intending to pretend the 25th is just another day)


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Hi mate

Got to watch those car doors, they're waiting I tell you, one day they'll take us all out in a mass rebellion..mm, yes, ok then!

I can hope it will be relaxing, fair old amount to do though. S is coming back here on Boxing Day so he gets two "Christmas days" one after the other. I was going to stay at my dads the 24th and 25th and come back the morning of the 26th but Ive failed to find a cat sitter to feed the small furry one so I'll head back on the night of the 25th. Gives me an excuse not to drink too much on the day though (didnt mention christmas eve you notice!).

I know what you mean about the 25th, that was my original plan - pretend it didnt exist, Im just not sure its feasable though unless you avoid all media and to be honest it's there and happening, happened last year whilst I was celebrating (or not, inlaws were visiting!) and others were without their WASs and it will be the same this year with me on the other side of the window, but whilst I'm looking forward to the 26th far,far more I'll still give it a bash on the 25th at my Dads.

I suppose it's my first stab at being able to reasonably balance co-parenting and have some sort of happiness in celebrations outside of my 15 year history with W.

I still dearly hope that 2015 will see W want to try to reconcile and the three of us be together again but if this is the end of those times I'm trying to be able to visualise and believe in a future where S & I and W & S are family units and be OK with that if its the way it has to be.

I don't like it, W knows I don't want it and if there's another option I'll take it but I'm doing everything and anything I can to be the best me I can and the best Dad I can be.

I'm not there yet and this is just the start but I'm working on it.

Last edited by edz; 12/22/14 03:13 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
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BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
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You can pick up automated cat feeders really easy then not have to worry christmas day (although its not a bad excuse if you feel you want some alone time)

I bet your S is enjoying the time he gets to spend with you now and is looking forward to his second Christmas (my D3 called it Daddy Christmas), and it'll be even better when you can go outside without risk of a car door uprising.

I definitely get the sense that 2015 is going to be a good year for you however things resolve themselves


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Thanks Jim

I think there a few trap doors awaiting me and theres this rollercoaster to get off (although it tends to be high or low but not manically change every 5 minutes now) but Im hoping by the end of it I'll be in at least a happier position whomever Im with (even if thats just s).

Moggie has a bad bad bad reaction to cat food at the moment including biscuits (projectile - leave it at that) and is a house cat in a rented home so being careful and fresh chicken and ham would go odd if left in a dispenser although I did think of it. Not a bad plan to be back on the night of the 25th though means I can get the presents out of hiding and under the tree ready (could do beforehand but burglery would be my luck this year).

Love the Daddy Christmas comment, my s seems to be liking the idea and yes loves the time spent here and out with me.

Keep hanging on in there mate, popping by your thread as well, you'll get stabilised and find yourself in a calm spot.

smile

Edz


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So last day of working this week and before Christmas, lots of bits to do and some training to complete but I had a bad migraine last night so still wishy washy this morning and thought it best to avoid driving.

So working from home it is, as it appears are most of the team in the office I normally would go to so thats ok.

Did get a little GAL swimming in last night although my head was starting so I quit fairly early, finished wrapping last of s's presents bar some of the tags and made some filled pasta and garlic chibatta for Dinner (no alcohol last night as the head was bad).

Christmas drinkies postponed as a couple of people couldnt make it so I'll pick that up Sunday / Monday after I'm back from my Dads and s has gone back to w.

Not been in contact with w apart from posting on her timeline on facebook about a tragedy we'd read about in the papers. She hasnt contacted me either so leaving it at that really. I did feel like texting her last night to see how many items didnt come in the shopping order (see above) but I thought on it and decided to leave it alone.

I'll text her tomorrow to say I'm off to my dads and I hope she and s have a great day and I will see them both on boxing day, may text her to wish s a merry christmas from me on christmas morning as well.

Other than that, still worried on money but not a lot I can do until January and next months food shopping may well be ramen noodles at this rate. Have to sort out some issues on the utilities still (they sent me a bill for the days BEFORE I moved in which was novel) but to be honest nothing that will cause huge issues today. I am missing female company (no, not just like that - and thats been so long anyway way before BD) but my own company is not terrible and I've not been "alone" a lot recently normally out every day and a lot of the time in company at both work and out and about. I'll be surrounded by family for the next couple of days as well.

So tonight will get packed for Christmas at my Dads, get dinner sorted and maybe do a late night shop dash if there's anything I really need although I dont think there is, worried in the night I didnt have sprouts (hey, I like sprouts) then realised my Dads "cooking" - oh dear - them so I only need boxing day food.

And that's me at the moment. Feel less woozy than I did at 6:30 this morning but have to admit its a bathrobe and jeans day today so far, I will of course be fully prepped and smart before the end of the day.

Cheers all

Edz




Last edited by edz; 12/23/14 12:00 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
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nothing wrong with sprouts

unfortunate about the migraine affecting your swimming but it seems sensible to avoid driving in that circumstance. Hope your feeling better soon.

Really good your surrounding yourself with people and i'm sure you'll have a great time at your dads


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Thanks mate, almost completely fine now. Had them (migraines not sprouts) for years on and off. Yesterday was a really stressful work day with various teams causing me issues and I had a headache moving in about lunchtime.

I hoped I could head it off which I sometime can but I knew when I was in the pool it was going to hit later in the evening after about 3-4 hours warning it starts in my left eye and then is like a powerdrill to the temple. Next day, lots of fluids, avoid caffeine and cheese, chocolate and apart from slight fuzzyness and sore neck pretty much back on form.

Yup I think its a good idea to be involved and around people for the next couple of days then on with "proper" christmas with s. What are you getting up to for the day itself, are you off out to a christmas dance off wink


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I'm so glad i dont get migraines. I know a couple of people who get them to the point they throw up. not envying that in the slightest.

Good your back on form and only a few hours til you are finished for christmas.

I'm at my Dad's christmas eve night and christmas morning. Going to a massive family thing where I will only know my dad and his wife for christmas lunch (that will test my outgoing and social anxiety). Then over to a mates for a relaxing evening of films and xbox. Hopefully it will be ok.

Then I get my kids boxing day for couple of days


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Sounds like we're on a parallel then.


Tomorrow I will treat myself to a small lie in as its bee pre-8am for 2 weeks solid, then a nice hot shower and if the weather is good a short walk around to stretch the legs. Then I'll check the tyres / fuel the car and head off to my dads stopping on his sofa couch then all day christmas day and heading back around 10-11 on christmas night (dont want to keep them up to late but the later the better really)

I'll sort the presents under the tree and hit bed.

Boxing day w and s coming around, small drink with w and her presents and cards then - although she's welcome to stay - I imagine she'll head off (and I wont be pleading for her to stay, that's her call) and s and I will have until at least the night of the 27th (was still flexible last I spoke and I'm definitely not pushing it since that side of things is going well - touches head - at the moment)

Will be making Gammon and piccalilli / vegetables on boxing day and beef on the 27th (since I dont need to cook it for Christmas day).

After that there are some plans for people to pop by for a small christmas drinky and some other bits in the works but working on the 30th / 31st.


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So just sent w a quick email on timescales for s etc over the next couple of days. Mentioned she is welcome to have a drink open her gift etc with us or not as she chooses and to let me know if she needs anything from me before I head off tomorrow (cell signal is dreadful at my dads)

She immediately called me back to mention renewing s's library books (which I had admittedly forgotten to do and I have his card) and talk about s being out on a play date with his friend, the cat and other things. I made sure to not hang her on the line though, she's apparently off to mils for dinner so wanted to get going to tackle traffic etc.

It was nice, it's also an interesting departure from a few months back when I would have received a text or email saying "ok"

No expectations, not elated, not depressed but it was nice to hear her voice unexpectedly.


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Ok journalling!

Just closing up emails and messages with people ready for the end of the day now.

It's been nice the number of collegues who have simply wished s and I a happy christmas and hoped I find my way in 2015, that's been really nice and did indeed feel christmas spirit(y).

It would be nice if some wouldn't suggest picking up someone else to take my mind off it or, in the case of the wag at the evening do last week, passed me womens underwear and said it was a prescription to have filled. It's through concern and Im grateful they want to see me happy but not exactly the approach I want smile

Last edited by edz; 12/23/14 04:00 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
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Well all wrapping etc done. Had a quiet evening all in all after being wiped yesterday. Made a nice toad in the hole / roast veg dinner and just chilled.

Time for bed and hopefully a bit of a lie in tomorrow before my dads.

Tired tonight and a little weary I think. Still got my PMA but I'm feeling a little low on charge tonight.

Back tomorrow
Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
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Hey EDZ, just wanted to say thanks for all your insight on my thread, really helps calm me down when I'm ready to go break things and say stuff I can't recover from.

Sounds like you and S have a great plan for Boxing Day. To be honest, I didn't know what Boxing Day was until recently...thought it was big fight that happens in the UK on Christmas...ha idk. Anyways, keep up that PMA, it's insanely difficult this time of year so I admire your attitude!


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Thanks Tlee

Yes I remember that boxing day has never been widely known abroad. Saw an episode of M*A*S*H the other day and it had a plot point about it even from the 70s.

Just finishing up before going to my dads bit tired today but better after a slow start.

Part of my just wants to go back to bed and stay there until boxing day but I won't. Taking my tablet so will update from my dads of course.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
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Edz,
Have a merry Christmas
South


Me 40
W 37
Together 22 years
S18
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After the 2 weeks she has left .
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The same to you South have a great Christmas and all the best for 2015.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
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So, at my dads and turning in for the night on the sofa. More comfy than it sounds. Been a busy day again but its been a nice afternoon and evening with my dads homemade wine (pineapple and fairly lethal at about 17%) but the sausage rolls are very nice.

Caught up with a couple of movies,man of steel and melificent I did ask could we skip the holiday as I watched it cuddled on the sofa with w a couple of months before bd and that was just a little too much but managed the vicar of Dibley which was always a staple with w and I. Odd twinge but carrying on and I've had my christmas gear and Santa hat on today.

So turning in before another busy day tomorrow..let's see how I get on then.

Merry Christmas to you all. I hope nothing but the best for everyone here and hope above all that all of us find our was s open their hearts to us again.

And to all, a good night...

Last edited by edz; 12/24/14 11:41 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
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Merry Christmas Edz


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
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edz Offline OP
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Merry Christmas all.

Well this is take 2 on the posting as the battery died on my mobile this morning! Had a good night on the sofa and was woken by three tongues - behave yourselves you lot, especially you vanilla and ggrass ;-) - my dads dogs coming in the living room and finding a duvet was their Christmas morning treat. Good way to make me get up having three rather hefty doggies playing bouncy castles.

So on with the Santa hat and on with the day. Merry Christmas all.

Last edited by edz; 12/25/14 09:05 AM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
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Nothing worse than being bounced on by wonderful morning doggie happiness.

I am not a morning ggrass.

My fast slow racing dog hurt his leg again, and is three legged lame. Poor ole man. They had a 6km run, he managed 3 before he bloke his foot. In his mind its broken, like man flue.

We had an unusual Christmas.


M 46 h54
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T 11y
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Hey!!!! More sympathy for the broken feet please smile


Certainly one way to get woken anyway. Have a good day


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Doggie breath and you do know what else they lick dun you?

You do not want them to lick you.

The racing dog doesn't ave a broken foot, he thinks it is. While I'm sure it's very sore he has I suspect a x racing injury. While he acted broken for a while he is now walking on it, when earlier he refused to put it down at all.

I have had broken feet, so foot up is the way to go less pain.


M 46 h54
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Or play some sole music??!!??!!

Think I may have had a Christmas cracker joke overload.

Sorry to hear about all the damaged apendaged around here. I definitely think feet up, choccies and bottle of wine etc is a must in those situations.

Oh yes aware of the dangly licking, avoided the worst with the judicious use of the duvet and pillow this morning, thankfully doggie breath was before shower time this morning as I'm not a morning Edz either gg, much more a late night Edz really.

And how are all my buddies doing today?


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
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W has been texting me today. Pics of s who's been having fun by the looks of it as well as merry Christmas and a few other bits. Apart from my merry Christmas and a mention that a film she likes is on this afternoon I've only replied and not been chasing been too busy with Christmas here anyway!

Still no elation rollercoaster but its nice not to be radio silent from her, especially today!


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
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Well back home again and cat has been fed if still lurking for more :-)

Been a good day, feeling a bit of a twinge for w this evening as there have been a lot of "love over all" shows on tv which is always so much fun for us in db land.

I had a Facebook update with the dinner table that w prepared looking like it always had inviting and warm. I'm not slipping though, I've still had a good day and as the cat hadn't made a total mess / no meteor / robberies and the tree is now all presented up, i now have a Christmas tipple (had to avoid all bar a glass of wine today to make sure I was legal and safe tonight)

I hope as we head into the night on Christmas day we're all doing well. We should, all of us, take a look at how far we've come no matter where we are in our sitches. We've all carried on, we all kept going when it seemed it was impossible and when we thought we'd die from the heartache so I raise my glass to us all tonight. Cheers.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
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Cheers to you, Edz! I am so proud of your PMA and your attitude for your Christmas. It looks like you did really well. Good for you! smile Oh and Happy Boxing Day!


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
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Oh Dawn thanks so much. There are days I feel I'm doing very well some days I still feel sad and others where an echo of the early days of the rollercoaster resurface but they are getting less frequent. My Christmas eve and Christmas day was all in all fun and relaxing and it was good to be with family including teasing my stepsister and making her laugh - she's been down after a breakup after 4 months.

Its all about comparisons of course. Comparing it with the last 15 years its sad although I didn't miss parents in laws condesention for once. Comparing it with the gut wrenching fear of the day I've held since July it was an unreserved success.

I'm very glad I put in the work on PMA and the plans and detachment and there's no way I'd have been here without dB and my buddies here.

Well my thread is about to lock so I'll start a new one here

part 6

Last edited by edz; 12/26/14 11:08 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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