New Place - New Togs - New Me? Mmmm (Part 5)

[edz]

Previous thread - moving out but moving on (Part 4)

Wow Part 5 already.

So just to recap...in the previous episode of Soap.

I've now been moved out of our apartment for nearly three weeks and W has moved back in there from MILs after having been on "hold" living there for 4 months or so.

Settling in slowly and making it as homey as possible.

With the completion of all those distracting tasks Im now refocussing on sorting out the batty belfrey that is Edz head.

So without further adoo.

Dropped S back at Ws this morning (see last few posts on the previous thread) been having a hellish work day with issues popping out of the woodwork and the promised reappearance of the plumber....didnt happen. He called about 3 to say it would be today to come round and sort the shower door and remaining bits, 5:35 now..no plumber.. still detatched door, we shall see but I'll be getting dinner on (hold on Vanilla GAL coming) shortly.

So just called him and he has the key from the managing agents so Im off to the pool for my GAL swim and Im also going to look to see what they have there in the way of groups for the less than buff of us (and also the nearly broke of us). More on that later

So for now my weekly score looks like this (see previous thread for Vanillas scoring chart idea )

Monday - Work killed Gal
Tuesday - Signed up new photo course but not yet attended
Wednesday - S came around (1), shopping together (3), meal together video games with him (0 or does that count V?)
Thursday - Swimming 1.5 hours *planned* 2 points

So so far 5 points, woeful, must do better!

[Vanilla]

You can have 1 pt for work each day as long as out of the house and interaction with colleagues!

Video game with son 1 pt if at home 2 pts if at third party I think

Edz you are beginning to detach, it's lovely to hear about.

Dads and sons what a wonderful combination, there are special moments this year that can never be forgotten. Your bond with S is getting stronger and you like it.

Batty belfry, hmmm, especially at 6 ' 2" it must be rare air. Maybe you need your bats as much as I need my frog box. It is what makes us unique and special, gives us personality. Edz, the thing to do is to work on the behaviours first, which of these was the greatest impediment in your marriage?
What 180 would be most important to achieve that moves you closer to your gal.

You have a good sense of humour and it comes across in your writing is this a positive for you with W? If yes, what aspect ? If no, why not? Humour is very attractive, people like it unless it has a critical or sarcastic edge.

What did W find most attractive in you ( I am not thinking appearance necessarily), did you loose these qualities?
Dig deeper, Edz, the answers are within you.

Sleepy
Vanilla

[edz]

Hi vanilla.

Thanks for that post. Been a manic couple of days sorting Christmas shopping and also GALing ;-) which is why I've been away wasn't moping honest

On my (new) tablet at the mo....oooh get him with a hudl2!.....so excuse any of autocorrelated worms, err, words!

After 11 hours out of the house today mixing a gal swimming session, walking for an hour and getting S new Christmas stockings hats, some new Christmas decorations and finally a minions duvet set (he may be 10 but he's nuts on minions) then off out and bought 90% of the Christmas presents and stocking gifts and a chunk of the food and goodies.

W started with her text-a-thons this morning asking if I have her big sieve, wasn't going to get into a back and forth, don't do that now, picked up a nice styled colander from the discount shop and I'll drop her sieve off tomorrow no fuss no muss.

Interestingly W texted me a lot today asking what was going on and when I'm picking up S tomorrow (my dad's coming over to see the new place so it will be great to have s here too) since I was indeed out I didn't respond straight away and so more texts came. The Phones battery ran out anyway so I didn't respond until I was in the car on hands free, got her voice mail, called again when I got in.

W wasn't a happy bunny, after we confirmed time to pick up s tomorrow morning she offloaded: she's not heard back on her housing benefits and launched into complaining about noisy neighbours and it being cold there. I ignored the neighbours bit (they've always been noisy, its cold as that flat has bad poorly maintained windows and the heating is off, she wanted to move back to the flat, cant make this my problem for dbing and sanity ) I just said sorry to hear that, mentioned that apart from ambulance sirens it's been quiet here trying to change her from focusing on her location... Boy wrong option... She ripped into me saying oh isnt that nice for me I said that wasnt my intention but she said fine she'll see me tomorrow and walked away from the phone (I could hear her arguing with s about shouting to her- he had a minor accident at his swimming session today I'd asked how he was but w said he's fine but milking it... Said she's in a bad mood... Anyway once I knew she wasn't coming back and just forgot to hang up in her rush to get away from me, I hung up and didn't call back, she's been posting on Facebook and texting me news stories again and I replied but without digging into any other aspects.

I wrapped one of the presents I got her today for Christmas (one of the only photos we have of all the of us together - unusual as I was normally behind the camera) I brought the physical one with me when I moved and w had been asking for it I've had a new 8 x 6 printed from the digital file and put it in a new frame. I'll be dropping it around tomorrow when I pick s up as an early present but won't be waiting for her to open it, not doing it for a brownie point win.

So interesting conversations no expectations as always though.

So to your questions vanilla. I've spent a lot of time on those both alone and in counseling.

My humour, my intellect (oh hark at him again) my love of books, words, language, music are all things that she loves, loved, who knows? What happened? We had s, she focused more and more on him and pushed me towards the periphery I went into a panic and pursued she took on the role of the pursued we spiralled she distanced me and I felt more lonely my relationship with s was impacted as my frustration got diverted, not violently, never so, but I distanced him as she distanced me it wasnt a conscious decision but it happened. Added to financial pressures pushing me to take on more extra hours work (and distancing myself more from them) and we get to July....

So all very good, what of my 180s that relate?

Pursuit
Not happening now. I've made it clear that I do want to move into the future with her but not because I need her but because I want to share the future with her. I'm comfortable with that being the case. If we can't work this out then it's essential I get to grips with this or any future relationship would be a disaster.

Son
Time, time, understanding, time... Spotting a trend? I first apologised to him and w and made it clear none of this is his fault.., in reality maybe tangentially but to him nope not in any way his fault, realised a little late that time and attention is the most valuable thing to give and I am. In some ways it's causing a slight issue as w seems to feel a little challenged after being mostly his prime carer but I choose to believe the positives will mean more, to s and hopefully w as well.

Well that's my mammoth post for now. Will catch up more tomorrow.

Cheers
Edz

[Ggrass]

Oh crapola, the net just ate me post!

My advice was think quality, it was something I gleaned from posts. Project quality.

Mr edz needs to visit op shops looking for quality brand names pants shirts nice tailored ones. No need to go expensive. Nice dress jacket to give the impression of fancy smancy dinners out.

After shave and balm as in gift packs it Christmas evilbay can help or dept stores won't special offers. Bag packed with razors and grooming kit left in car for after work gal dinners and coffee.

I have in my mind a pic of our local L, yeah he's hot young and buff. He wears quality things to work and in to our shop. Nice shoes, tailored pants business shirts quality fabric quality fit. Thinks projecting quality high end.

It's something I gleaned from the threads, w/h needs to project quality/confidence and strength. Pma

Om/ow will project non quality non strength and often be very controlling. See the contrast? Nma

[jim0987]

GGrass and vanilla both have excellent advice plus you've got that tall and strong thing going for you.

Turn up the confidence, the relaxed non pursuing charm and the quality (as GGrass has described) and your W will have a hard time not noticing.

[Vanilla]

Drop the photo of all three of you. Not in Sandi guidelines! Do you really want to remind her that she has decided a new route for you all. A nice photo of her and/or S would be best and label it from S. That is not good DB in my opinion.

I wanted to get that in before you dropped the picture off.

I love gg suggestion, spot on as always. Go dressed as if to GAL, every time.

I would like to think a little more about a response on you competing with S for W. But I will do so and respond more fully. I think we may have it a wall issue.

Must go GAL.
Vanilla

[edz]

OK changed the PIC for a
A S piccie.

[edz]

Hi all s is here (prising him off the tablet in a mo now I'm done cooking) dad will be here soon. Thanks for the posts will update later tonight.

Edz

[South74]

Hi Edz ,

Great to see S is coming to yours .

[edz]

Hi Edz ,

Great to see S is coming to yours .

Hi South
Good to hear from you again. Yes it's great to have him here. He's just been tucked in after pizza and guardians of the galaxy.

Noticed w posted on Facebook she's having chili, wine and captain America 2 but missing s tonight. I picked him up at 9:45 this morning and w's popping by at 10 to get him tomorrow morning.

Had him over last weekend and Wednesday night last week which is great. Of course I'd like s (and preferably w) here all the time but I'll be grateful for where I've got to.

How's you doing?