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Joined: Nov 2013
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Got through it, with grace I think. You're all correct,
My thoughts are everywhere. I'm In apanic and have to find my center.
I want to save this marriage. I will change and hope that he can too.
But at the same time, I have got to prepare to divorce.
I can't ignore it.
We had put some money aside for my daughters college.
Not a lot, but enough that supplementing it would be easier.
She is not his and now he said the money is gone . She isn't
Eligible for financial aid because of our combined incomes.
So, I have to pay cash myself . And I will do it, but it's difficult for me to take that
On unexpectedly and at the same time become independent.

I'm frustrated. We have been cordial, he tells me he will help with this semester.
But I can't take it. That's the opposite of what I need to do.


M: 49. H: 49
D: 17
Married: 8.5
Bomb: 11/09/13
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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You're still all over the place. Why do you have to prepare for D?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Nov 2013
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Well, there are many things that will change if we divorce. Where I live, where my daughter will live, how I will afford it, what about my dog, without financial aid for college, how will I pay cash for my daughters first year. Those are just logistics of life, the plans we made together do not so easily transfer to me doing them alone. To ignore the possibility of divorce , would be to be in denial.
I can hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

I have been doing the 180 and for the most part been polite and not interested in his activities because I've been busy with my own. It's hard to not get angry and defend myself because he isn't being very nice. Grumpy.

Prior to this, our family revolved around him and his career. Now I'm focusing on mine.

I'm going to church and praying hard for guidance .


M: 49. H: 49
D: 17
Married: 8.5
Bomb: 11/09/13
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 40
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So, I saw an attorney a few days ago. I also got a new job, making more money with real potential. I'm keeping a second part time job to help pay for my daughters tuition. I will be fine .

Except , I really dont want a divorce. I am in love with my husband and I want very much to spend the rest of my life with him.

He says he doesn't love me anymore, that I never forgave him for cheating, and that it's too late. I have not felt loved in a year, so I guess it's true tht he doesn't.

I also think that losing this last election was a much bigger blow to him than I would have expected. Also, I have learned that he put much much more of his own money into the campaign than he told me. He gambled and lost .

He is unhappy with himself, I see that. It's quite possible he has ruined himself financially . I don't care. I'll get three jobs if I need to. I am stepping to the plate and feeling stronger.

I'm not hopeless. But he said he doesn't love me and I believe him.

Can I actually change this?


M: 49. H: 49
D: 17
Married: 8.5
Bomb: 11/09/13
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 23
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any updates? being male myself, think long and hard about the forgiveness thing you mentioned. We all mess up, but one huge thing in my R/M right now is the fact that my wife holds grudges about every thing I've ever done or said that hurt her. I've apologized, I think sincerely, for each and every instance. It's obvious that there's no forgiveness. Nothing can be fixed without it. Yes, trust will take a while to regain, in the face of infidelity, but forgiveness is a choice, you can do it.

other than that, are you sure you're not fighting for the M because you don't want to "lose"? cuz I don't know that I hear a lot from you that you love him.

Joined: Apr 2014
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Karen I'm doing the last resort technique. My husband and are not talking anymore. But we live in the same house. Before I was the one who usually initiate conversation. Or he will say hi. But now... Nothing at all. What will I do?

Joined: Jul 2014
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What happens when wife is silent and a call email or fb requests locks you up. .?
I'm waiting to fight off the false restraining order her lawyer,convinced her to do them work on something because the db and dr books are great but at some point a communication is needed between spouses

Joined: Jul 2014
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Should I have my attorney ask hers to dismiss the divorce

Joined: Dec 2014
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helpjim,
I'm newer to DB than you are, but am in a similar NC sitch with my WAW. From what i can tell, she has me blocked on her phone and email.

It's a bit expensive, but i have done three DB coaching sessions and they have helped a great deal. The coach (Chuck) has helped me see angles possible outcomes of actions I've thought of and probably prevented me from making the sitch worse. The coaching has been so helpful that I dug deep again and purchased three more.

If you want any more specific info on my sitch or coaching experience, I'm happy to share.


Me: 39 W: 46
D: 7.5 S: 5
SD: 16 SS: 12
T: 2 (06/2012)
M: 2 (12/2012)
Separation 09/2014. No talks of D yet. No communication since 10/3/2014
Joined: Jul 2014
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i did one session with him too. was helpful. please share survival tips. im blocked from her life too. please let me know how you are coping with the loneliness, did you suffer betrayals? dating while separated? do you have kids? i want them so badly. im 34 and all around me people are having kids as a sign of love and responsibliity or a status symbol

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