newcomer now receives mail in Hell

[bravo61]

Per the agreement I will begin payment of child support directly to her beginning jan 1. She sets the days that D goes (to daycare) and she usually makes those days that are most helpful to her. That's fine its not a burden to have her with me all day. We go to the liberry (her word), get her nails did, go to the mall and walk around.

Its sad that she treats the kids as a burden except when I'd like another day and then she "misses them so much". I pray that she finds herself everyday for her & the kids sake. She was so loving, generous, caring, considerate, selfless, & Godly.

I'm sure she still shows someone some of those attributes but not so much to me and the kids. I get not to me cause I hurt her but the kids deserve better. In spite of it all I choose to love her and I believe in her. Not her present actions but whom she is at her core. Will that Sweet Girl ever make a reappearance? I pray so because the world is a little brighter with her in it.

[Lorelai]

So sorry to read this! The plans you made with your kids sound awesome.

[bravo61]

just saw the XW. i was driving down the road and they (her & my D) saw my truck. D got really upset and wanted to see me really bad. XW called and asked if she could bring D by for about 15 min while she went and picked up S. it was great to see D she was so excited (haven't seen her since Wed morning). was cordial to XW. told her that i would be by at 6a to pick up the kids in the morning (so she could sleep-she works tonight same as me) and for her to leave the sitter a check.

she brought S back and we had a short visit. i asked her if she wanted to take the coffee i had bought a while back (i don't drink coffee but i thought she might want some if she ever came over). she said well i'll be going to days soon so maybe i could drink some over here? said sure why not. she did not offer a hug and i didn't ask for one or hint at one.

my S is doing a bible reading on sunday and she might go. i'm gonna reach out to some of the church members and ask that if they talk to her to just give her a hug and let her know that they love and miss her. gonna impress on them the no judgement part as i'm sure she'll be anxious about that(cause guilty concience). she wanted to take the kids from there but i asked her if she would consider picking them up later which would give her a chance to get some rest (she works Sat graveyard). i'm planning on giving her space there and walking her out and tell her that she showed class and grace in a tough situation and i'm proud of her. all while looking her in the eye. i figure if i can show her love in these circumstances, that may help me in forgiving her. that's my hope. who knows, God may use all of this as a wakeup call for both of us and bring us back together in a M that we should've been in all along.

any vets out there care to chime in on my action plan? or am i/this just a lost cause.

special thanks to the well wishes and prayers sent out from all y'all. it means a lot, especially as i feel all alone with no real support system out here.

on a brighter note, tomorrow me and the kids are going to a special Christmas light park early in the evening (with sleigh rides, hot chocolate, etc) and from there to the planetarium for the free public showing. we had planned for it last month but they cancelled it. i promised my kids i would take them and i ALWAYS keep my word (even if i had to beg for a day off to do it). i think that the XW will really be sad that she's missing out on our family life. BTW, she still hasn't mentioned that we are divorced.

[bravo61]

ok, guess i'm on my own.

[jim0987]

Hi Bravo.

It sounds like you're being really positive so that's good.

I'm a little confused about the bible reading. If she is there I'm not sure how she will get the rest by taking them later unless your talking a several hours later. If that is what you mean then she might see that as eating in to her time with the kids.

Anyway as long as the offer is genuine and don't mind her decision (no expectations) then its fine.

The one caution im picking up is that it still feels a little like you're trying to 'rescue' her. Its all a fuzzy area for me so I may be misreading but its something to think about

Have a good day

[rd500]

Hi. You are not on your own Vets chime in when they have advice. The rest of us offer support. My W just called in for 10 mins to see kids and left without even giving them a hug. We have no control over other people and especially the WAS We are the very last people they will listen to This is a very long journey whatever the outcome Your whole world has been turned upside down by the one person you could rely on Its so tough it's all most impossible to deal with but we have no choice Take care and detach and PMA Re

[bravo61]

wallowing

i saw the XW today. she came to church and sat in the back row. as soon as the kids were released from the stage, she took D and hid in the classrooms till the service was over. she couldn't bear the thought of seeing people that just over a 6 months ago were like family to her. after the service, i walked them to the car (she went by way of the outside so as not to run into anyone). while at the car i empathized that it must have been uncomfortable to come back and i thought she handled it with grace and class and was proud of her. she smiled and said thank you that is really nice of me to say.

so driving home all alone, i'm hit with a round of tear jerker songs-argh! keith anderson-i still miss you and lonestar-not a day goes by.

people i've been molested, abandoned by my family as a child, physically abused, shot, stabbed and i would go through that all again twice to get out of this pain i'm in now. it's not even just pain to me, but regret for what i put her through. yes God has forgiven me and i've forgiven myself but i still feel regret. like Card, i'm not suicidal, but i do understand that those people just want the pain to end. i'm sure that's part of the reason these WAS take down all the pics and revise history to try and dampen good memories to carry on their plan and to not feel loss and wonder if they are making the right choices.

my D started crying this morning because she saw a pic of a disney trip with all of us in it. she was crying saying why did mama have to break the pieces in your heart? why can't we be a family again and go to disney?

Lord, i'm sorry for all the wrong that i've done. you see into my heart and know that it wasn't on purpose. please heal K. please put a spirit of forgiveness in her heart and soften it. allow for a reconcilliation between us so that we can have the M that you intended. please keep them all safe. thank you for listening.

[bravo61]

have the kids tonight (yea!). took them to the grocery store and they wanted to get flowers for my apartment. told them they could pick. they picked a poinsetta. man, why that one? it reminded me of the first Christmas we were dating. i was living with two other guys and we didn't have a Christmas tree. we had a Christmas poinsetta. we strung lights up around it and bought liquor for each other and the lights would reflect off the glass.

reminded me how she and i danced in the light of the Christmas poinsetta liquor tree to Garth Brooks' "to make you feel my love".

damn this sux! bought it anyway because F it!

[bravo61]

had a decent day today. my BIL (well XBIL) is in town for a couple of weeks. he wanted to go to dinner with me and the kids tonight. we had a great time. funny thing happened at dinner. i told the kids to say the blessing and they went into full blown prayers. D said Jesus let mommy and daddy get back together and stay together forever. S said Lord please heal mama and heal our family. i just said thank you for my family and for BIL's safe travel and take care of XW at her important work tonight.

afterwards, looked at him with a wry smile and said sorry, i get that stuff all the time. we got him a couple of cold weather gear items as we are going to the mountains for Christmas eve (inc. XW) and he is not much of a packer. kind of stuff i always did and he was appreciative. BIL is super close to her and i know he saw the different interactions that i now have with the kiddos.

went back to my apartment after dinner to hang out for a bit. we talked and laughed about old times (funny Disney trip stories-he went with us about 4 times) and other recollections. i asked about his new GF and their mom and grandad. it hit me that i have been in his life since he was seven. talked about law school and it was good to practice/continue to really listen to others. i know he saw a difference. what was cool was that i didn't even think about the different dynamic until we dropped him off. on a side note, when we went to pick him up, i texted him to come out(didn't want to see her) but she came out anyways. she spoke to D and gave me a hug. she also called the kids from work tonight but i had S hang up when he was done. found out that she is taking BIL to a play that i had mentioned that i wanted to take the kids to but don't have time to. it was good catching up with him. FWIW, i don't think he was to keen on her plan from the beginning. i told him that i knew he knew of her plan but i couldn't be mad at him for not giving me a head's up. i think that really shocked him as i used to be a major grudge holder.

[bravo61]

and she STILL has yet to acknowledge or mention that we are now DIVORCED! WTF?