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tadpole1025 #2524016 01/06/15 06:15 PM
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Tad,

I find it interesting that you've bolted the sections below:

My "friend" gives me all of these signs but.....she doesn't date coworkers. We talk and talk and talk....awesome conversations about all sorts of things, says she is glad because she can see me 3 days a week now instead of 2 but....she doesn't date coworkers. She has given me gifts, says she looks forward to our conversations, sent messages asking how my rat was doing, gives me candy every night, smiles when I walk in the room but.....she doesn't date coworkers.

The problem with your fear of "rejection" in asking a colleague out lunch is that your focus is misplaced on "dating." You two are not dating. You two are colleagues working at a radio station. So asking her to go out for a bite is just that...not an actual date. You're getting all worked up because of your faulty thought process.

I ask my colleagues if they want to go out and grab a bite like talking about the weather. Nonchalant. Yes, your colleague is a woman. So what!? Men and women can be friends without romantic connections.

It's time that you start appreciating her for what she is: a really nice person that you can be friends with. Nothing more, nothing less.

Wonka #2524232 01/07/15 03:26 AM
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Quote:
Just one reason why I'd like to move when my lease is up.
I like this Tad! The one that's looking to the future and making plans. Sure there's still room to grow, but it's happening faster and faster.

Whatever you decide to do with the co-worker? Icing as long as the rest of you continues on this trajectory. It'll all fall into place...

I love logging in and seeing these updates, Tad. I really do. Now that you know what the bottom looks like, I really like reading how you're climbing out of that hole. I look forward to seeing more of that and how you handle life's challenges when they come. smile

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM #2524284 01/07/15 09:22 AM
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Tad do u all text or talk on the phone when away from work? Try that and slip a lunch or dinner in there. Do it on your day off and not face to face. That may help with ur fear.

Ur killing me smalls lol


_________________________________________
M:42
H:40
S:18
M:20yrs/together 21yrs
Bomb:9/08 ILYBNILWY
Sep:9/18/08 "ow" :25
Filed:11/18/08
D:12/8/08
M:Different 26 yr. old 7/09.
Newborn 4/10
sunshinelewis #2524464 01/07/15 06:39 PM
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I agree with Wonka - that this is just lunch - we all gotta eat so make it an informal question - I am grabbing a bite, would you like to join me - simple and non suggestive of anything other than lunch.

Tad - moving forwards is taking a little leap of bravery occasionally.

Well done for getting this far - you are on an amazing journey

LouR #2524556 01/07/15 11:03 PM
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Thanks Lou, Wonka, AJ and Renee.

XW news: In an earlier post, I mentioned that my 18 year old niece is now pregnant. Yesterday, S22 sent XW the following message: "Is it true? Is there a bun in the oven?" Needless to say for some unknown reason, that one little question turned into a 2 and a half hour argument. Seriously. He said she was mean and hateful and got all p!ssed off because he asked about it. This is his cousin for crying out loud. I just don't understand. Lately, she gives our sons more grief than she does me. I'm just getting where I no longer care and I think she knows it. So....she now argues with the boys. I just can not believe that someone who is that uptight/angry/hateful/mean all the time can be happy.

Now about my friend:

Quote:
I hope that in the future some lovely, lovely guy like you (yep you are - can tell just by your posts) would be brave enough to ask me out for lunch -


Thanks for the nice words. smile

Quote:
You two are colleagues working at a radio station.


Just correcting. I'm no longer in radio. We work in the broadcast operations center for a major satellite tv provider.

Quote:
I love logging in and seeing these updates, Tad. I really do. Now that you know what the bottom looks like, I really like reading how you're climbing out of that hole. I look forward to seeing more of that and how you handle life's challenges when they come.


Thanks buddy. I appreciate it.

Quote:
Tad do u all text or talk on the phone when away from work?


We talk on FB a lot. Usually though messenger.

Quote:
I agree with Wonka - that this is just lunch - we all gotta eat so make it an informal question - I am grabbing a bite, would you like to join me?


True, but I would like to point out:

We work at night and only see each other for two hours on three nights a week. We are not allowed to leave and just "go grab a bite." She works 2:00 pm - Midnight. I work 10:00 pm to 8:00 am. We can't just leave work and go eat on our lunch hour. If it happens, it would have to be on our day off....kind of like a "date." That's why it is a little different than just leaving the office for an hour and running down the street to grab lunch.

I have a male friend that's been at the company for two years. This morning he tells me: "I've never seen her talk to anybody the way she does you."

Last night we weren't sitting together, but she spent an hour sending me IMs on the computer. When she got off work, she brought a chair over and sat in my broadcast pod and talked to me for almost an hour.

Thinking back, when I started there in July, she used to talk to her female friend a lot. That was pretty much it. She is still friends with the girl, but now she spends most of the time talking to me. She is obviously comfortable around me. I like her a lot. I think she likes me, but maybe she is just being really cautious.

I don't know.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
tadpole1025 #2524797 01/08/15 06:27 PM
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Tad,

So what? Figure out a way to make it happen if you're really eager to have lunch.

Wonka #2524804 01/08/15 06:58 PM
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Tad - sorry, please don't take this the wrong way but ... duh ... your a guy, a nervous guy, so I will tell you from a girlie point of view .... if she doesn't talk to anyone else at work but spends lots of time talking and laughing with you, you IM each other and F/B each other all the time ... then SHE LIKES YOU ...

Seriously, she likes you.

LouR #2524864 01/08/15 10:08 PM
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Tad,

Wonka's advice is great.

Your fear of rejection will make you a hermit.
Too afraid to put yourself out there, or go out there.

You sir, should be stronger than your fear.
You sir, should not be defined by what others think of you.
In this case, your fear of a possible rejection that would create in your mind what they think of you.

She didn't date co-workers...until she dated you.

And if she doesn't? You are no worse off now than before.

Go to your grave saying: I did it, instead of: I wish I did it.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

Jack_Three_Beans #2524883 01/08/15 10:53 PM
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Hey Tad. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith...and see where you land.

Just do it!!!! It's time. smile

uRworthy #2525219 01/09/15 06:24 PM
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Tad,

Read an article this morning that made me think of you. Google Millionaire and Flip Flops.

Long story short, and no smart remarks Mach and Eric ...

Successful female corporate executive has an ugly end to a 15 year relationship. She feels lost. Everything she ever had, so she thinks, is gone. Serious depression.

One day she wakes up and decides she's just gonna say yes. Dinner with friend? Yes. Take a long lunch? Yes. Go naked bungie jumping? Yes!! (OK, I made that one up...) Storm a mountain in South America and conquer the natives? Yes.

You know what she's doing now? She owns a surf and kayak adventure store in Key West and is a self made millionaire. And happier than she's ever been.

My point is Tad, that Jack is right. Your fear is paralyzing you. Get out there!! Say yes to the next thing that somebody asks you.

And for crying out loud, would you ask that girl out already!!! We're not in high school anymore Tad. At least not last time I checked. "She doesn't date coworkers." Pfffftttt to that!!

Never tell me the odds.

smile


Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
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