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tadpole1025 #2516515 12/11/14 11:51 PM
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Say what you will, that's the first time I have seen Tad with teeth. : )

Good for you Tad, keep it up.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

Jack_Three_Beans #2516520 12/12/14 12:01 AM
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Me too, Jack......I like. smile

Jack_Three_Beans #2516620 12/12/14 01:20 PM
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I agree w/Jack. This is the first time that I've seen you actually "snarl and show your spunk". This is a Tad I've not seen before and I like to see you step up to the plate and strongly express yourself.

Keep up the good work!

Last edited by job; 12/12/14 01:20 PM.
job #2516796 12/12/14 09:44 PM
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Tad,

Is it safe for me to kiss your cheek now? wink

Wonka #2516907 12/13/14 08:25 AM
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Sure Wonka.

smile

Thanks everyone. I really wasn't trying to "bite" back or anything like that. I was just trying to be honest about how I felt and what works best for me.

Blabbering:

I'm sooooo tired of the ups and downs. I've had a few bad days, but believe it or not, it has nothing to do with XW. Nowadays, it seems to revolve around my little ratties. They are both old and one has been very sick lately. A few days ago, she was doing better and even eating solid food. She has since taken a down turn. I wouldn't be so upset if she just went to sleep, but she seems to be suffering and I hate to see any animal suffering. It's not a constant thing, but off and on breathing issues as if she is having really bad asthma attacks. I am buying her an inhaler when I get off work in the morning.

My company Christmas party started at 6:00 last night. I almost didn't go because she was having a bad episode, but went anyways because I need to start getting out. I feel terrible about it though. I should have stayed there and tried to make her comfortable.

I am now at work and according to S20, she is doing a little better and resting. But.....I'll be working for another 7 hours before I get back home. I'm really worried about her and feel bad for her. There has been a few times over the last two days that I thought she was going to die in my arms. It is really going to break my heart when she goes. She (along with her sister) is my best friend.

When she has the attacks, she crawls to me and tries to get on my shoulder. She'll let out a few squeaks and then looks at me with her little red eyes like "aren't you going to do anything?" That's when I usually turn the shower on and steam the bathroom. I'll sit in there with her for a few minutes and it usually helps, but the last two attacks were a little more severe.

I have prayed and PRAYED and PRAYED for God to take her peacefully with no suffering and pain, but for some reason, God doesn't like answering my prayers.

I know that she is just a rat, but I love her and she has been a great comfort and even therapy to me. As I said....my best friend.

I sometimes feel foolish for feeling the way I do and I'm sure there are people that understand, but I'm also sure that there are a lot of people that don't understand or don't "get it." Feeling the way I do just doesn't feel right but....that could also be from the way I was raised.

A friend of mine at work who knows a little about my sitch says what a lot on here have said. He says that it is good to be that way because it shows that I have a heart. I sometimes wonder though if it would be better if I didn't have one....or atleast easier.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
tadpole1025 #2516909 12/13/14 09:10 AM
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Oh Tad, you break my heart :o(

she s not "just a rat", she is - as you said - your best friend, she has got you through some terribly tough times. It is so sad to have to say goodbye to our pets, take comfort in knowing that she has had a very happy life, you made sure of that.

It sounds like you are making her as comfortable as possible -a sign of a very loving owner.

I wish her and you peace.

LouR #2516927 12/13/14 11:57 AM
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Thanks Lou.

frown

To be honest, I NEVER even planned on getting attached to them. I just thought they were cute and would be fun to have. They are so tame. I've held them since day one when they were still getting mother's milk and before they even had hair and their eyes were still closed. They were a little smaller than my pinky finger.

We fell in love with each other. As many on this board and my therapist have pointed out, they gave me unconditional love. They can't/won't hurt me. I think that is why I got so attached.

They are awesome little girls...


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
tadpole1025 #2517118 12/14/14 06:23 AM
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Just journaling...

My sick little furbaby had her best day today in two weeks! She had a little more energy, her appetite appears to be back and she only had one very minor breathing episode. 24 hours ago, I thought she was on her way out. I hope she continues to improve.

S20 finally got a job! It's part-time, but atleast he is working.

I found out about an hour ago that one of my former radio buddies passed away yesterday. He was only a few years older than me. A source told me that he went through pretty much the same garbage that I did with XW except his was much more recent taking place earlier this year.

That's all for now. Just thought I'd check in.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
tadpole1025 #2517145 12/14/14 01:04 PM
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Posts: 28,295
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Tad,
I'm very happy that your little one is still w/you. She's a tough little trooper who loves bring w/you and she knows you will do whatever it takes to keep her safe and healthy.

That's good news that your son is finally working, even if it's part time. That's a start and now he'll have some spending money and maybe help out just a bit with expenses. One more thing off your mind for now.

Sorry about your radio buddy. Had he been ill? What we've all gone through really does tax the body in so many ways and that's why we encourage the plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, exercise and GAL. I know it takes a lot of time to get to the other side and we tend to forget to take care of ourselves until something like this makes us realize that we have to do it because no one else will take care of us.

Tad, you've had a rough time of it, but you are slowly turning things around and the progress is telling in your postings. The new year is around the corner and I do think that things will continue to turn around for you and your sons. Keep at it! I think you are doing very well.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2517151 12/14/14 02:47 PM
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Thanks for responding Job.

As far as I understand, my radio buddy was a suicide.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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