2015

[AJM]

Tad. Personally, I read that and smiled.

You are being very honest about things. About how YOU feel. About YOU.

I like it, and I get it. It's what works for YOU and that's important.

AJ

[MrBond]

Let it go Tad. Let it go. You really need to work on that for your own sake.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks AJ.

MrBond - Let what go?

Not having contact is good for me. It works. I'm not sure what you mean. As I've said, it is best this way. Maybe someday, but not right now. Then again, maybe not. Maybe I'm just becoming indifferent and healing.

Tad

[Wonka]

Tad,

You are not indifferent by a long shot. You're still bothered by XW's actions or inactions. Very, very much so that it messes around with your head.

Fer cryin' out loud, you were upset about HER cupcakes!!!!

[tadpole1025]

Not really upset with them. Just wish she would quit doing things like that. Will I send her a "thank you?"

No.

Tad

[Wonka]

Just wish she would quit doing things like that.

Why? Really dig deep...why?

Why does that BOTHER you so much, Tad?

It is all on you because you do chose how to react. It is on you, buddy. Change your thoughts and your reactions will be neutral, happy, sad, angry. All of this originates in your noggin.

Please allow me to demonstrate how one's thoughts drives one's reactions:

Damn XW...she sent me cupcakes. Why would she do THAT to me? She's evil because she walked away from me and the boys. She can rot in hell for all I care!!

OR

How neat...that's a nice gesture from XW. Yummy...can't wait to scarf down those cupcakes.


This is precisely what Bond was referring to earlier: Let. Go.

Seriously.

Every time you post here about XW, it is all with a negative slant. One would think she's Cruella DeVille who likes spotted puppies from reading your posts.

Forgive.
Forgive.

Forgive for yourself. Seek peace.

Mind you, I've forgiven Ms. Wonka for the hurt she's caused me, BUT BUT it doesn't mean that I forget. In short, I am no longer a prisoner of my own pain. I've set myself free by forgiving both myself and Ms. Wonka.

You might want to check out this powerful book from Hay House (it costs about $20.00 bucks):

Forgiveness: 21 Days to Forgive Everyone for Everything by Iyanla Vanzant

[tadpole1025]

Very true Wonka. So true but.......couldn't this:

Damn XW...she sent me cupcakes. Why would she do THAT to me? She's evil because she walked away from me and the boys. She can rot in hell for all I care!!

OR

How neat...that's a nice gesture from XW. Yummy...can't wait to scarf down those cupcakes.

just as easily be:

"Damn. XW sent cupcakes again. That's nice, but I wish she wouldn't because I don't want anything to do with her or anything from her and really don't like being reminded of her."

Is she expecting a thank you? I don't know and quite honestly, I really don't care. It is my choice to say nothing.

Do I still hurt from time to time? Absolutely and there is no need to open the door for more hurt or anger.

As I've said, I don't need her garbage/drama/niceness/spew and to be honest, my life is much better without it.

"She" is dead.

Tad

[Lifes Twists]

Tad, you spend a lot of time trying to read into what she does and what she wants. It should have been about 2 seconds out of your life, " Oh, she made cupcakes, yum," and left it at that. If your neighbor lady made and dropped off some cupcakes, would you spend this amount of time trying to analyze her actions and what the cupcakes meant and what she was expecting in return. Its a hard habit to break, I know I am still working on it, but well worth the effort. When she sends things home think to yourself," nice that she did that for the kids," and then let it go. Look at it as do you want to see things half full or half empty? You need to catch yourself each time and force yourself to do this. It will bring you a lot of peace.

[AJM]

Tad, people are calling you out on the feelings you have toward otherwise innocuous actions. I'm sure if she was somebody else you'd think "gee, that was nice." But it's not. You can pretend but why would you?

I think that's part of what you're asking.

For now, I'm glad to see that you're thinking about YOU and what YOU want regardless of what she is or isn't doing.

You are still somewhat reactive to her. You aren't done if you're still affected by her actions even if it is to prefer that she just go away.

I'm ok with the idea that you're progressing vs. backsliding. Keep it up!

AJ

[tadpole1025]

Thanks everyone. Yes AJ it is about what I want and at the moment I want nothing from her.

Funny thing is, all I really said was "I wish she would quit doing that." Why? Because as I said above, I want nothing from her and nothing to do with her.

I'm confused.

Everyone on this board preaches "do what is best for you" and "work on you" and "look out for you." That is what I'm doing. It is best for me this way.

She hurt me really, really bad. Very bad. I'm better if things are this way.

Also, detachment and no contact....that is what I'm doing and it works.

It seems like everyone tells me to do what is best for me and then when I do, "I'm not letting go" or I "need to forgive" or I need to quit "wondering" about her actions.

I'll admit. I do still react to her, but it is not as bad as it was in the past and I react less if I avoid her altogether.

I am progressing, but still not there. As of right now, this is what works for me. Maybe someday things will change but for now, this is the way that it has to be.

For me.

Tad