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A Message from Michele
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RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) #2514763
12/07/14 02:13 PM
12/07/14 02:13 PM
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Last thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2510492&page=1

I didn't realize my thread was locked, time for a new one. I added RPP to the front because there's a newcomers with almost exact same title. (Welcome!)

I'm off to church, I'll post an update this afternoon. Hope everyone is GAL-ing like crazy this weekend. smile



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: SunnyB] #2515052
12/08/14 01:46 PM
12/08/14 01:46 PM
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Good morning! I hope everyone had a busy and exciting weekend. smile

The weekend was a good one. Friday afternoon I went to D12's school basketball game, H got there about halftime (traffic was hideous, there were protests that gummed up traffic). We sat together and chatted. On the last play of the game, D12 turned her ankle and had to be carter off to the trainer. She got some ice and a wrap and then we loaded her into H's car since it was his weekend.

Friday night I went to a parents' association "parents night out" and had a good time. Saturday I baked cookies with D16, and went to a cookie exchange that she had with a community service organization she's in. I stayed and talked to the moms that were there. Saturday night I went to an installation banquet for a new collegiate chapter of my sorority and had a really good time. Some of these ladies are my oldest friends in this city, but I haven't seen them in a while. I met new alumnae friends and talked to parents of the collegiate girls as well as some of our national officers.

An interesting piece of this is that I spent a good deal of time talking to one dad in particular, and I noticed he wasn't wearing a wedding band and he spoke of his daughter's mother in past tense. My mind wandered to would I want to explore a relationship with this guy. The answer was yes, he seemed worth getting to know. It didn't happen, we didn't even flirt, and for all I know he's getting M next week, but the point is that it's the first time I've entertained the thought at all. It was nice.

Sunday was church, and then we went to breakfast and to get our Christmas tree. H brought the tree in the house and set it up and the next thing I know he's in the recliner watching football. Ummmm......you can go now. He stayed for a while, and then said something vague about leaving, to which I said "OK" but he didn't leave right away. Eventually he did, and then D12 and I went to our end of season basketball banquet for the team I was coaching. H picked her up after (still his weekend), and I went to a Christmas party.

The whole weekend was a lot of GAL-ing for me and it was fun. H had ample opportunities to ask me about any of these events, and didn't ask a single question about any of them. Not even to make idle conversation. Oh well......

Finally, just to address the Friday-afternoon fly on the wall discussion, let me say I appreciate bdub, labug, Betsey, raliced, and everyone else who chimes in on my thread and gives me different ways to look at things. As far as the holidays go, I break it down like this: my kids want us all to be together, mom, dad, and kids. I know this for a fact. So that leaves me with these choices
a) spend Christmas together and make my kids happy and H will want to come back
b)spend Christmas together and make my kids happy and it will make no difference to H
c) refuse to spend Christmas together and make my kids miserable and H will want to come back
d) refuse to spend Christmas together and make my kids miserable and it will make no difference to H

I was taught that on multiple choice tests, when I don't know the answer, I should start with eliminating the ones I know are not correct. And for me, that's C and D, making my kids miserable. Which leaves me with "spend Christmas together". So that's what I'm doing.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: SunnyB] #2515056
12/08/14 02:04 PM
12/08/14 02:04 PM
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Well - I'd say do A or B and don't give another thought about the affect on H.

Glad you had such a nice weekend


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: raliced] #2515063
12/08/14 02:22 PM
12/08/14 02:22 PM
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Good for you, rpp.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: raliced] #2515093
12/08/14 03:12 PM
12/08/14 03:12 PM
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Quote:
Well - I'd say do A or B and don't give another thought about the affect on H.


I second this one!

And, I, too, am glad you had a good weekend.

Things will be different a year from now, so you can make this up as you go. That way, nothing will be a knee jerk reaction to anything he does/doesn't do or says/doesn't say.

After all, how many of us know how we'll fee about anything in a year?


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: Underdog] #2515112
12/08/14 04:34 PM
12/08/14 04:34 PM
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Great insight from all. I am learning from this thread as much as anyone.
RPP I love the multiple choice analogy. I am going to apply that as often as I can in my D and in every day life.

Reading your talk about him in the chair to watch the game erased any doubt I had and cleared things up for me a lot.


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: bdub] #2515116
12/08/14 04:55 PM
12/08/14 04:55 PM
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Originally Posted By: bdub
Reading your talk about him in the chair to watch the game erased any doubt I had and cleared things up for me a lot.


That's funny, bdub. smile Let me put the nail in the coffin. My friends all kids each other hello and goodbye. Total strangers kiss each other hello and goodbye in this city, it's the culture. So, yesterday, I was kissing everyone in church at "the peace". Everyone gets a kiss on the cheek, H always got a quick kiss on the lips, even throughout this whole mess, until yesterday. He came up to me at the peace and I made sure to turn my head so he got the same cheeky kiss as everyone else. I did the same thing when he finally left yesterday. That's what feels right for now.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: SunnyB] #2515125
12/08/14 05:28 PM
12/08/14 05:28 PM
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Sounds like you got this!
I am still going to nag and question you though wink

Now, on to considering a relationship with the dad you were talking to.....


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: bdub] #2515150
12/08/14 06:50 PM
12/08/14 06:50 PM
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Originally Posted By: bdub
Now, on to considering a relationship with the dad you were talking to.....


Well.....there are a couple of problems here

1) He lives in another city, he was only here to visit his daughter. And although I picked up enough about him to track him down, that would be very stalker-ish of me, considering
2) The interest was all one-sided. He didn't show any sign that he had a thought of me past the end of the evening. No flirting, no touching, no casual inquiry into my marital status (I don't wear a ring). No asking where I work or indicating in any way that I was of any interest past dinner. I was just a way to pass the time in a room full of people he didn't know. And that's OK because
3) The significance of it was just to open my eyes that I can entertain the thought of moving on. And despite my dismayed post the other day, there are at least a few guys out there that I would consider. That's enough for now.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: SunnyB] #2515166
12/08/14 07:06 PM
12/08/14 07:06 PM
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So you did feel that little bit of "alive" ?
Not advocating you start dating. I was just wondering how it made you feel and what your thoughts were.
The first time someone flirted with me it flew right over my head. I had no idea what was happening until half an hour later.
I met a very nice woman a while back and we have gone out a few times. There is no future but it was / is so nice to go out and laugh and have fun and leave all of the responsibilities behind and put the rollercoaster of the shelf.
"someone actually IS interested in me"


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
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