Does your W take the kids at all RD? Or might your older kids help out to give you a break?
Maybe you could start with just one thing for yourself that you would genuinely enjoy. Your 'me' time. Do you like sports, or a class, or playing music?
I do some volunteering in a local bookstore, which has been good. And I joined a book club. I do aqua aerobics too. And I've just found a yoga class I want to do in January.
GAL isn't easy. Often you just don't feel like doing it. I felt that about aa but once I got in the pool, splashing about - it was fun. She had us stuffing these foam poles between our legs and galloping down the pool like ponies - all very undignified. But, point was I didn't want to go. I made myself, and I enjoyed it. An hour not spent thinking about the sitch is a blessing indeed.
Take care, Toots :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi toots. Only Ds will go with W. Both my S refuse to go. I do need to gal and will look for something soon.
I'm i into motorbikes but the weather in Ireland is not good for that at this time.
I'm a huge fan of Motown. And Northern soul and would love to go to a club that played that music but on my own would be a bit weird. I always wanted to be a family man and was very happy with that life style so to change will be hard
Just a quick question to anyone who cares to answer. My W was to meet with a cousin of mine who has been through a year long separation and restored his M. Wife cancelled yesterday and I met with cousin this morning for a chat. While I was with him W called me to ask a few questions I explained I was with cousin and she told me that she was to meet him but cancelled. ( I do not ask cousin about his dealings with W as I hope he can help her as he helps me). W then asked me if she could tell me something I said ok but I was with cousin so be quick , W then told me while out on works do on sat a work mate tried to chat her up, it got so bad she had to ask the boss to explain to this guy that she was a married women and not interested My question is not about what happened but why tell me this story while I was meeting someone ? W did not know I was with cousin before she phoned as I did not know I was meeting him until an hour before. It just seems a bit strange that she felt she had to tell me the story at all let alone at that time. Any thoughts appreciated Thanks again toots. Take care. Rd
rd, she just wants your attention, in my opinion. She is checking to see if she still has you on her hook. It doesn't mean that she chooses you, she just wants to know you'll be there to defend her should she ask you. My opinion: don't be there. She needs to see what the reality of her life will be if she follows through on D, and that means she loses you. Maybe that will open her eyes, maybe not. But either way, putting some distance there will help with your own peace of mind.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
I love Northern Soul and Motown, if you like to dance you can try jive, you don't need a partner for it and there won't be alcohol, this isn't club scene, usually more village hall. Dancers don't drink when they are dancing. They usually play a lot of NS and Motown too as its good for jive dancing. Not sure where you are in the Emerald Isles but here is link for a starter for 10. Older kids also attend, one of my friends goes with his son 16. There will be all ages and it's fun.
Vanilla - you are the queen of GAL! RD, I think the ladies are starting a GAL pincer movement here....:-)
Here are another couple of thoughts....around now your local college should be publishing it's new courses for January. Might one of those be of interest? That's how I came across the yoga class I'm going to do. Also, I had a look at the 'offering' at our local leisure centre and came across the aqua aerobics.
Now, this is kindly meant, but when you mention a possible GAL activity, you quickly follow it with an excuse. You like bikes, but the weather isn't great. You like music, but you'd look daft going alone. Sounds like you're talking yourself out of it before you've even started my friend...
I completely get that you just wanted to be a family man & truly sympathise. However, given where you are at, maybe this is the time to think. Hey, W & I are not together right now. Not my choice & not happy about it, but it is a chance to do something a bit different for me. And who knows, W may just sit up & take a bit of notice too..
Just another thought from me - alongside the excellent MWD books, I have found the books of Andrew G Marshall (a British marital therapist) to be helpful. He has one on WAW's in particular. I have his one on WAH's and have found it useful. He operates on similar principles to MWD.
Right, I'll stop bugging you for now...have a good day ;-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Now, this is kindly meant, but when you mention a possible GAL activity, you quickly follow it with an excuse. You like bikes, but the weather isn't great. You like music, but you'd look daft going alone. Sounds like you're talking yourself out of it before you've even started my friend
I spent a bunch of time watching TED talks last night and this comment reminded me of one that you might find interesting
How to become more confident - lay down on the street for 30 sec by Till H. Grob
Theres a bit about halfway through where he talks about exactly what toots is saying
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Hi all, thanks so much for the support, it really means a great deal to me. Toots excuses ? yes, I have a motorbike and use it whenever weather will permit but I would class myself as a fair weather biker who enjoys the speed but not the cold !! Totally agree on the dancing, I will investigate and dabble.
Ahoy - great to hear from you and thanks for posting.
Vanilla---- NOrthern Soul---- what can I say, I rode scooters all over the uk for 3-4 years following the rallys and loved every minute. The music and dance is my happy place, I should have known you would love it too.
In with life coach today and feeling good. She sees good change in me and my outlook. Feeling good today so I will enjoy it.
Jim Confidence not a problem for me (and you would be surprised by that if you saw a picture of me -LOL-) I have always been outgoing but selective with friends, etc. I would have insecurities once in relationships but if you met me I am confident and happy to meet people but I do not let people past a certain point. This is something L/C is helping me with.
W slept in house last nite and we went over xmas gifts for the kids, she seemed happy enough and comfortable in the home and kids were relaxed around her which was nice to see. Plenty of eye contact from her and not a cross word all nite. It was nice to she her without her being upset or sad. We went through gifts and she apologised for not helping with money but seemed keen on getting involved with the whole xmas which will be good for kids. No mind reading, just glad kids should have a good time.
Again, today is a good day and if I had my way Jim, Vanilla, toots, Ahoy and I would be sitting down to a nice afternoon of dinner and chat. ( I would invite everyone but they would only go on about there problems !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )
