W has to feel the pain RD, of course family stuff is very important keep doing it. Kids come first and your kids are amazing and great fun.
Ok, I don't get to validate my H very much but it's good to acknowledge the good stuff.
Her nephews 18, suggest she make something, don't offer to pay unless the present is from the family. The YOU choose it with the kids.
Ok, validation
"W, the kids had such fun today when you were round. It was lovely laughter and joking about."
"W, it would be of great help to have a cleaner here. Thank you for considering paying for it when you get a job".
I would also call her on Food going missing but that's a tougher one if the stuff she takes is of low value. In gamanon we would call that enabling, but it's tricky, gamblers and drinkers are often so poor that they steal, food and small items to sell. If it's not stopped then more expensive items may go missing. This is trickier because W feels under observation, perhaps a vet could comment?
Your W is miserable, if she wants to return then there are going to have to be boundaries and no EA, the vets are the best guide here, boundaries are a weak area for me. I am a neophyte at those. I too detach form OP (s), but if H wants back in ever then they go, along with drink and gambling. Golf and sport not an issue and I encourage that. Your W needs to feel you are moving on with your life, have accepted the sitch, so GAL my friend, outside the home. go GAL, the kids will ensure this gets relayed back. In particular go GAL where there are large groups that you can mix with, men women and all ages. Let the kids know you had a great time when you do, talk about the interesting people you meet etc. it will filter back to W. Destabilise, from my experience H felt too sure of me, H had me as Plan B. Do not be Plan B, make sure W knows you are not plan B. Go GAL, Xmas is a great time to GAL.
W said she felt you were "watching every move". Why did she say that? Have you addressed it? How would W tell?
Warmth
Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/14/1410:43 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi.vanillia. Very sad today. Not feeling the best re flu so that proberbly doesn't help. W had works do I. Sat nite and texted D13 that the bus had not arrived She called me Sunday morning and told me several work mates wouldn't wait for her to meet up and went on without her. Her friend / OM asked the work mate to go and collect her but the work mate refused and several others who were getting the lift said they did not want to be late so she had to get the bus the whole way in. When W started telling me she was texting OM about the bus I told her I did not want to hear him mentioned.
I try not to mind read but it's difficult. W is obviously not the happiest but does seem to have accepted her new life The above incident would have driven Her mad before but now she just accepts it.
My reason for the sadness is that her new life is better than the life she had with me. W adored the kids up until about a year ago and now she is more like an aunt.
W has no money. Is away from her children and is still happier than when is was with me. I know I am feeling sorry for myself but how bad was her life before.
I do believe I will be happy again one day but it kills me to see kids so sad
S19'sat with me last nite and told me that it was proberbly better if W didn't come home as he would find it hard to trust her ever again D13 has told me the same and s16 just does not want her home regardless. Why do I still live this women of do I just love the memory of who she was.
Its OK to feel sad, we have to process this stuff. Not doing so is what contributed to some of my problems.
In my case my W says she just wants to be loved, and it seems that to her any option is better than me. That she was so miserable with me that it couldn't possibly be any worse. Leads to a great feeling.
Anyway the good thing is that you have your kids there for you, while you struggle with some of this. They love you and are all the proof you need that what your wife is getting away from is actually inside her.
In the meantime GAL
Take care
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Its OK to feel sad, we have to process this stuff.
Anyway the good thing is that you have your kids there for you, while you struggle with some of this. They love you and are all the proof you need that what your wife is getting away from is actually inside her.
RD, just so. ^^^^^^ This is about W not about you or her children. She will eventually surface from this fog. Know you love and are loved, yor family is amazing because of you. Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/15/1404:46 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi all. Nothing to report really. W calls of texts most days She has been very friendly the last few days re sharing info. The pain of all this makes me think that I can't continue waiting for her. She seems set in her path so I must accept her choices. Really tough though I know a lot of you share my pain and the feeling of loss and I know that we would all love a second chance.
Hi toots. Thanks for posting. Don't get a lot of time for GAL as I have a new role as house keeper. I also spend most evenings with kids playing various games. Myself and kids have started going to pictures recently but I do plan more gal as things settle down. This is W ls 8th week away from home and she appears to be settling down and accepting her new life. For the first 5/6 weeks she was very upset every time she came home but now she seems more calm and level I do appreciate that you cannot assume anything but it does seem like things have become more normal. Thanks for showing an interest. Take care. Rd
Don't get a lot of time for GAL as I have a new role as house keeper. I also spend most evenings with kids playing various games. Myself and kids have started going to pictures recently but I do plan more gal as things settle down.
rd, you get sympathy from me on this one. It's hard to juggle a job, a house, and kids and still GAL. Just start with something small and be consistent about it. You are worth it. For me, if I have D12 then we do things together, movies, college basketball games, cookie baking. If she's with H, that's when I go out with friends.
