Hi all. Thanks for the kind words. I am dealing with each day as it comes. I find myself not being influenced by Ws moods as much. I still look for hope but not with the desire I used to.
My detachment is ok on the surface but I do feel she can see through me.
She seems a bit more upbeat of late but again I try not to mind read. She is still having problems with kids in regards to her leaving but that is what it is.
I still firmly want my M to work out but as each week passes I feel that tree is less chance
This experiance has brought a rew me I am able to deal with life in a much more holistic way. My kids and I have a stronger bond and I have matured which was needed.
Reading others pepoles post is a very sobering time. I have so much to be grateful for yet I still yarn for my wife's love and companionship.
I will heal and I will come out the other side but how I wish I could turn back time and deal with my issues before BD
The support I have received on here is amazing and I don't express my gratitude enough. You have all been so kind and a few of you have really gone the extra mile Thanks. Take care. Rd
The past is the past, you cannot change a single thing. It's done. Poof! gone, over. Thank goodness for that.
This is a new RD with GAL and a loving open heart, and rapport with his children. And GAL, don't forget the craic.
As long as you are on your path then W will notice. It is obvious and it will be a small leak and then a trickle and then a leaky faucet, until it's a burst water main.
Time is all it will take and you have it. RD those who give get back and you too are a support to others. We are a community of odd balls growing learning and supporting others. Some in kick ass high heels and others carrying planks. GAL for your life Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi vanillia. You are a seriously kind person for showing such an interest
W stayed in the house Weds night and was in fantastic mood. Laughing and joking and couldn't get enough of my company. She was playing with girls and they were doing accents and W kept calling me into kitchen ( where they were) to join in. W kept bring up stories from out past and telling kids
I have a relative who went through a year separation with his W who has been helping me through this time. This guy had texted my W when she left to reach out in case she needed someone to talk to. My W told him at the time that she would speak to him and last week she text him to see if they could meet They have agreed to meet next weds day so at least she will get to speak to someone with a different perspective I hope he can help her regardless of our M because she does seem in a fog
W collected girls tonight to take them to her place and she was very sick with a touch of flu. She chatted about me changing my car and told me in Jan she would try to earn more money to help pay for a cleaner to help out in my house as I was doing too much !!!
Sad to have her sitting in our home and talking like this. I know the love has gone for her but it's hard to understand why she can't find it in herself to try. No 2 x 4s needed, I am aware she did not chose this path lightly but it does make me sad
On a good note myself and D16 watched Waterboy lo night and both feel asleep on sofa in front of fire You can't buy times like that. Saturday we are off to look at a new car so looking forward that.
Thanks to all following my sitch and wishing you all the best
W stayed in the house Weds night and was in fantastic mood. Laughing and joking and couldn't get enough of my company. She was playing with girls and they were doing accents and W kept calling me into kitchen ( where they were) to join in. W kept bring up stories from out past and telling kids.
W collected girls tonight to take them to her place and she was very sick with a touch of flu. She chatted about me changing my car and told me in Jan she would try to earn more money to help pay for a cleaner to help out in my house as I was doing too much !!!
Sad to have her sitting in our home and talking like this. I know the love has gone for her but it's hard to understand why she can't find it in herself to try. No 2 x 4s needed, I am aware she did not chose this path lightly but it does make me sad
Really RD! Are you very sure? Mind reading and 2x4 coming some rotten lousy black thinking, some all or nothing views.
Leave all that stinking thinking in the bin, and watch some more. Keep doing DB as you are getting better and better. Time to try some active love and validate her thinking. You did validate didn't you. How did you respond? Expect some buzzing RD, things are shifting, and it's going to be interesting times ahead.
Now what exactly did you say in return to this by W?
We are here on this board for each other. PMA Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/13/1409:55 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi Vanilla Thanks for caring. I didn't think I was mind reading as W has told me she does not want R with me and has left home I mentioned 2x4s because I did mention about her trying but I know she had proberbly tried without me realising.
I didn't really answer her re the cleaner as I don't know if she was just talking or serious. I will deal with it if and when it ever happens
Re my cousin meeting her , I see this as positive for her.
Validation is difficult because we don't discuss R and she seems to go from being friendly to distant. Today for example she had girls and S16 and I went car shopping. W text me to ask how car shopping was going and that she was swimming with Ds. I texted back all good and enjoy swimming. When I got home she was ironing a dress for her works party tonight and she was very off I just carried on and she left soon after as she had to go back to hers to get ready.
She mentioned last nite that her car had a rattle and I offered to have a look I do put my help out there but she does not seem receptive
My detachment is a complete 180 as I would have been very protective and always there for her before.
W could not get enough of your company! That's not trying RD, that's doing. Referring to the past. Suggesting that she pay for a cleaner for you!
This requires positive validation (which is best when detached).
So....... What did you say?
You are not wriggling off that hook. What will you say when it happens next time?
Of course I care, who would not care for someone who is becoming a man that only a fool will leave. Who is putting in the work and is great at DB and getting better at it. Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi. Vanilla. Thanks again. I told W that would be great re the cleaner and I do join in with her with kids. She blows very bit and cold. She told me a new phew of hers is 18 and what would I suggest for a gift. I offered to pay for gift as wife has no money. W was ion house today and a little off but d10 told me she took a frozen loaf of bread from the freezer. W often takes tinned food from cupboard but I don't know how she doesn't know that I will not notice
I try not to mind read BUT W always said before she left that she wants me in her life She has told me she misses me and that the only thing that improved in her life re leaving was that she did not feel like I was watching her every move
I can she she is not overly happy with her new life and I have put her friend / OM out of my mind almost completely which makes life much easier for me
I am friendly to W always and do offer help when needed. She doesn't normally accept and seems to be dealing with things a bit better.
At this stage I am moving on but not dropping rope yet
