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...foolish when all was said and done. He was a joke. King Arthur rode off into the sunset.

Quote:
Goals:

1. Put God's Will First. Trust God. Focus on each day as it comes and Take Joy! from each day.
2. Live proactively as opposed to living as a reactionary to life. "As I think, so I will become in my actions." I need to plant the seeds for tomorrow. I want a tomorrow that is calm, cool and collected...Intensive application involves planning and thinking ahead. Leaving room each day for spontaneity which is a natural part of who I am.
3. Take care of my health (mental and physical).
4. Give my kids the things and time they deserve without DOING for them things they should DO for THEMSELVES.
5. Enjoy the contentment with my life that comes from working on the first four goals: travel, fun, friends, family...TAKE JOY!

Specific Sub-Goals:
Create and follow a reasonable spending plan. Track my expenses daily.
Earn at least $60,000 per year by December, 2015...or sooner.


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2514151&page=1


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Question:

My atty says that letters from friends and family won't be of any use because it's hearsay. However, I have a ton of people who would be willing to write down their observations and support over this period of time after Matt left. I could use my reporting skills to gather this info and organize it and get it to my atty.

The chances of getting these folks TO the hearing is unrealistic.

Does anyone have an opinion on how much letters to the judge will help/hinder my case? I can't see it hurting me any.

I mean, I have the teenage student who helped me countless times with firewood and so forth, but I refuse to ask a 17-year-old boy to testify for me in a hearing.


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Matt wants this house GONE. This has been one of his biggest issues. He hates the reminder of this house and the payment and the strain on his finances. Everything about this house is a big ZERO as far as he is concerned.

I also know that he has spent money to make it pretty for sellers and sounds like he worked hard and put some cash down on improvements.

I can't tell you how much he wants this house to just go away. He sees it as a monument to his failed projects, failed relationships with the girls, etc...

He would do ALOT to get it GONE and get it gone fast.

I HAVE to sign off on it in order to make it go away.

I'm sure he is borrowing from Peter to pay Paul in order to keep up his expenses right now. He DOES NOT WANT ANOTHER MORTGAGE PAYMENT.

Period.

Why can't I ask that all the rest of this get settled peacefully without all the conflict and I will sign on the dotted line in a timely fashion.

In addition, I know from the realtor that this sale is set to go through without a home inspection. That means it will go through fast.

What does Smokey like? Fast and easy resolution of problems so he can get back to his life.

Why can't I ask for something from him. A settlement.

Last edited by LoisB; 12/05/14 04:37 PM.

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I sent the above to my atty to just ask the question.


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Heather,

Ask your attorney to have the sale proceeds placed in an escrow. Then you and Smokey can split it. This way, it protects your investment and Smokey cannot just take off with $6k in his pocket.

You cannot just hold up the sale of the house because you want other stuff. The other stuff will be addressed at the Dec. 15th hearing. You and your L can drive a hard bargain at the hearing or after for other items that Job and Ellie covered in earlier posts.

If I recall correctly, Smokey cashed out some serious cash that should have been split 50-50 with you. For the escrow account, it just parks $6K there for the time being. If Smokey cannot cough up your 50% of the cash, then I would ask for the full $6k to compensate for that loss.

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OMG

The realtor sent the docs to me again. TEXTED me.


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Help.


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Can't I text Smokey and say, "Make me a reasonable offer and the house goes away?"


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Originally Posted By: LoisB
OMG

The realtor sent the docs to me again. TEXTED me.


What are the documents exactly?

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The docs that say I approve of the sale so it goes through.


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Originally Posted By: LoisB
Can't I text Smokey and say, "Make me a reasonable offer and the house goes away?"


You are in NO position to negotiate with Smokey because you are operating from emotions instead of seeing this as a business transaction. Don't CAVE in...seriously!

Do. NOT. Text. Smokey.

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Please use your lifeline and call Job on her cellie. Seriously.

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Also, if my suspicions are correct, my MIL is probably chomping at the bit right now. She is a former realtor. She has probably orchestrated this whole sale.


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Dammit. I want opinions.


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She is going to tell me to sign the docs and go to the hearing.


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Originally Posted By: LoisB
Also, if my suspicions are correct, my MIL is probably chomping at the bit right now. She is a former realtor. She has probably orchestrated this whole sale.


So what? This doesn't change the basic fact: the house needs to be sold. You are filled with some God-awful anxiety and spinning out of control right now. This is not a position being in control and confident at all.

Stop. Step away and call Job NOW. She's offered for you to call her at anytime. Now is as good time as any. You need to be talked off the ledge, Heather. Don't do anything stupid.

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Heather,
I don't blame him...the house is setting there empty and no one paying the mortgage or the utilities but him. You do realize that he could come back and request that you pay half of the mortgage and utilities from the time you walked out? Not saying that he will, but your name is on the mortgage as well. If you aren't planning to return to the home, then it's time to seriously think about signing the papers to get this elephant off your back. You want your name removed from this mortgage so that you can move on and not have it hanging over you.

Now I'm getting snarky, but...who cares how he's paying the mortgage just as long as it's getting paid? That's not your concern unless he comes back wants you to pay a share of it. Why do you care about the home inspection? It most likely was sold as is and the purchasers will do a "flip" and then have it inspected when the repairs are made, etc. Again, not your concern.

Heather, you indicated several times to him, his father and your lawyer what you wanted and this has been going on since April 2014 and probably longer w/o legal representation, but the bottom line is this, he's not going to settle in a peaceable manner because you are asking for half his retirement, spousal support and child support. To him, this is a lot of money, especially his retirement. No one is going to roll over and do this in a peaceable manner unless he's absolutely lost his marbles. Again, he sees this as a lot of money and it's worth fighting for, just as you see it is worth fighting for. The only way to settle this and do it properly is through the legal system and since you both can't come to some understanding, it goes to court and everything will be spelled out in the divorce decree that you both will sign, date and be notarized. That's why you have a hearing to begin the negotiating process and get the ball rolling on finalizing the assets, bills, etc.

You are the only way that can determine whether to sign the papers or not...but if I were in your shoes, I'd have signed those papers after speaking to the realtor because you really have nothing to gain by not doing so except your freedom and your name off the loan.

Choose your battles wisely and I don't see the house as a negotiable point since it's under water, per se.


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I would sign the papers today and let the house be sold if you are comfortable with the sale price. It will all be on the record and has taken place after the divorce papers were filed. The court will look at only the out standing loans and realtor fees as being reasonable. Any money Smokie spent to clean it up is not even going to be considered. I have look into this and asked the same questions about finishing my house and the expenses to do it prior to a sale. If smokie tries to conceal or hide the gain the court will figure it out.

Just sign the papers and do not use it as a bargaining chip. You will get half of any gain. I would be suprised otherwise.


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I signed and sent them.


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Good. Did you keep a copy of what you signed? One less thing you have to worry about.

Now, on to other things today.


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Yes. I printed the paperwork.


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I would scan them and send a copy to your attorney. Keep him in the loop. Make sure he knows that you expect half of any gain from the sale of the house and this is non negotiable.

After this, put this all aside and go do something for your self.


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Atty just got back to me and said the house is subject to a restraining order.

He said we could, actually, ask for a global settlement.

Shid. I effin hate this.


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He said the filing means the house needs an adjustment of the restraining order before it's sold.


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That's the way it works here, too.
Maybe have L get going on that adjustment asap?


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What do the owners need to do to get this adjustment done? I agree w/T2, a lawyer needs to get on this asap, but which lawyer would do this yours or his?

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I responded to my atty to jump on this and pursue a global settlement if he thinks it's worth the effort.


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I also sent him a list of home improvements I made after Matt left. I can back up each with receipts or witnesses.


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I shouldn't have signed the docs. Dammit.


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They were pushing too hard. Something was up.


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I've had way too much coffee this morning.


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Heather,

I wouldn't worry too much if the adjustment cannot be done and this falls through. If it does, then it wasn't meant to be for this particular buyer(s). There will be other opportunities for buyers to pop up and for the sale to close.

After all, Smokey is still paying the mortgage.

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I think you did the right thing by signing. It sounds like this is a technicality that needs to be taken care of before the sale can go through. Some people have this to do and others don't. I wouldn't second guess my signature.

As for the receipts, make copies and work up a spreadsheet of the improvements, i.e., dates and costs. You may need to present these later on.

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Trust God. wink


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Agreed, this is a common scenario, courts see it all the time.


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Ok.

I'm working on my discovery.

Back to chattering teeth. Helping D12 with homework.

Once I get through the discovery, I can move forward with my life.

Still think he woulda settled to get the house gone. But, whatev. I've had too much coffee and at least I will show I've been cooperative.

In the damn paperwork, he's alleging that I refuse to tell him where D12 goes to school.


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He may be alleging, but you should have text messages stating that you are homeschooling her. Go back through your messages and print out the ones that you told him that she's been homeschooled by you. If I recall correctly, you told him that she was being homeschooled this year and next year would be going to a school. Am I remembering this correctly?

You have to remember that they will say anything to rattle your cage and this is one of those times. Don't let it get to you. You have documentation. That's the beauty of text and email...it's all in black and white.


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I did.

He only asked me on Nov. !9.

He sent many texts to HER and asked HER, but she but she didn't respond.

He asked about his tools and the cat...remember?


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How do I easily print out text messages?


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Stop second guessing yourself. It will just lead to indigestion.

The court having to be involved in the house sale is not surprising. It standard when a divorce is in process.

If the sale falls through it may be to your advantage. Smokie will be in a big hurry then to get the divorce done so he can stop paying the mortgage. This will then be a point for negotiation to your advantage.


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An easy way to print text messages is to email them to your home email address.


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How to print out text messages:

Originally Posted By: googled how to print text messages

Have you got some really important iPhone text messages that you want to print for your records? For example, you may want to print iPhone SMS conversions related to your business. There are several workaround to printing text messages from an iPhone.

When viewing the text messages on your iPhone, hit edit, select all the required messages, and then email them somewhere. But by following this approach, you will lose all the date/time information. Another way to accomplish this by taking a screenshot (press and release the Sleep/Wake and Home buttons simultaneously) and email it to yourself. If it's a long conversation, you have to take multiple shots to capture the whole conversation.




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Thanks Jack! You are my hero! Smurf said to tell you hello!

Sorry for the hi-jack.


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Please tell him Hello as well. I miss my old friend in the trenches. Happy Holidays to you both as well.
You are the poster formerly know as Snodderly right? smile Your my hero as well.



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Jack, I will pass on your message to "Smurf". Yes, I am Snodderly.


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Thank you Jack smile


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I've been taking pictures of about 2.5 years worth of text messages. Ugh.

Man, Smokey was all over the place.

I'm emotionally exhausted. Have to print them out.


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Yes, I can imagine you are emotionally drained. But look at it another way, you've got your evidence right there in black and white and I would make sure I had the evidence tied up neatly and in a box just in case you are requested to provide the documentation.

You made some great strides today.


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He subpoenaed information from my new job.

He asked for my application, job reviews, deferred stock stuff, complete personnel file, yadda, yadda...

Is this normal?

This is a new job.


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I couldn't go back before October of 2012. Should I contact the phone company?

I also can't get the girls' texts because they delete them. Should I inquire?

He didn't see or talk to D12 from May 3 this year to her birthday on August 31, 2014.


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He was turning nice again around Oct. 2012..that's when I started here. He had a serious drug infestation and was coming out of it slowly...

He admits to the drug use.


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He did a lot of his really despicable stuff before that. IDK.

Maybe it's too much?

I was thinking I will go through and highlight the important stuff and make some notes.


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What he's trying to do is find out what you are making in the way of a salary and what your benefits are. To do so, he would need to have some info from your employer. He wants to see what you put on your application for employment and salary, but job reviews and your complete personnel file? You've only been on this job 2 months and you certainly won't have much in your personnel file just yet, but he's looking for anything he can use to keep from paying you support. He's also trying to find out what they offered you in the way of benefits and promotions, again trying to find data to keep from paying you support. But here's the thing, if you put down your homeschooling experience and what you made, it's going to show that you didn't make a lot of money in the past. But he could have gotten all of this from your income tax data for past years, but to go to this great length for a period of a couple of months is questionable to me. You could have provided a couple of pay slips that would have most of the data on them for your new position.

Are you sure he subpoenaed the information? How did you find out he did that? They certainly aren't going to have much on you. But, this may explain why the questions about your job when he was being nice to you, especially when he inquired about the papers you were responsible for not more than 3 weeks ago.

In my case, I provided my most current pay slip, as well as my income tax data and that was it. But it was part of the discovery info and certainly not subpoenaed.

In some cases this is normal, especially if the party thinks money is being hidden, etc. But, in your case, I think he's trying to prove you are making more than him and doesn't want to pay spousal support or wants to figure out how to get out of paying the specified amount for child support.

Please do not think of him as being friendly because he's lonely or missing his family...he's not. He's been a snake in the grass and he knows that if he acts friendly and interested in your life, you will answer his questions. No more! Do not give him any info about what you are doing. If he contacts you about the girls, that's another story, but you need to be very careful what you give him. As you can see from what's being asked for, he's been fishing since you left Ohio.


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It's a subpoena to the Records Custodian of Johnson Newspapers.

Asking the following documents are sent to his attorney...

Says the information was supposed to be there yesterday.

No one at work has said anything. There are 7 items.


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It isn't so much "him"..

It's his attorney....
Good attorney's look at every avenue. His attorney is advising him and he is just letting the attorney do his job..
That's why this attorney gets big money..... He goes for the jugular....


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Yeah, well, he'll be disappointed when he discovers you don't make much, won't he??? lol

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HA! The joke is on him!


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I'm sure the information that they have asked for is being kept confidential and only a few have knowledge of the request.

He's going to be very, very disappointed when he learns what you are making. You got a new car, you moved, you got a nice place and then you told him about the two papers that you were working on. That was just too much for him to digest and he thinks you are making a large salary, but he's not thinking that you are just starting out and it takes years to get to the top.

Well, it's not your party, so if the documents aren't there by a certain time, that's their problem to get them. Don't you lift one little finger to help them get those documents.


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Do, however, bring a copy of your paycheck stubs with you, in case the judge asks for confirmation of your income when you're there and they haven't gotten the papers from your employer yet.

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Ellie, if you have minute catch up on today's thread and give me any tips you may have on the stuff I'm working on.

Cell phone records from the girls?


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The pay stubs are already on the pile for the atty.


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Btw, your attorney has requested proof of Smokie's income, right? For all you know he could have gotten a raise since the last time you got a look at a paystub.

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Yes, he supeonead all that info.


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Maybe it was tit for tat. Or tit for a$$hat.


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Just emailed text message no. 60. Each email have five texts. Ick.

Man, he was really charming. Don't see how I will trust ever again. He sounded so sincere.


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Any mention of bank records, withdrawals from retirement, CD's, 401K or IRAs? Now, I know he withdrew money from some account and blew it. That should be noted.


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I'm only up to Jan of 2013.


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Ummm....you're not emailing your lawyer every text message, are you? JUst send ones that are pertinent to specific issues.

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He hasn't supplied his discovery yet. But, yes, I'm being asked specific questions about retirement and so forth. My atty is aware of the deferred comp money.

I am not sending all these text messages, but I am looking through them and noting when I asked for money, when he visited D12, confessed his drug use and gave umpteen apologies.


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I'm breaking this down. I feel pretty emotionally drained, but I'm excited at the idea of having this part done...at least mostly done.

Focusing on a few things...

1. After reading through some of his texts and so forth...I can sorta see what is running through Smokey's mind. Heather's parents are loaded, I'm (being Smokey) the victim and I've been miserable for so long. It's MY turn. No matter how screwed up his thinking, I believe THIS is HIS thinking. He was very adept, I see now, at pushing the buttons that kept me stuck. Heather is a pig. Heather is afraid. Heather doesn't earn enough...Blah, blah, blah... He used me to remain stuck in his own quagmire of self-pity and addiction.

2. I'm picking up on the lies he has told from the points his atty has made...

For example, his atty is alleging I haven't given Smokey the information about D12's schooling. IE. Where she is enrolled.

But, the truth is...he hasn't communicated with me about D12's schooling until Nov. 19. Up to then, he asked D12 in a series of text messages.

I'm sure he has told his Atty that he has asked ME about the homeschooling and I haven't responded...maybe, in his current frame of mind, he believes this...I don't believe he has, until recently, saved his text messages...so his atty must think Smokey communicates with me about the girls and I don't respond. Silly atty.


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Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I have tons of people who won't think twice about writing a quick note or email, but, for whatever reason, won't be able to come to court. It's better than nothing right?

Question:

My atty says that letters from friends and family won't be of any use because it's hearsay. However, I have a ton of people who would be willing to write down their observations and support over this period of time after Matt left. I could use my reporting skills to gather this info and organize it and get it to my atty.

The chances of getting these folks TO the hearing is unrealistic.

Does anyone have an opinion on how much letters to the judge will help/hinder my case? I can't see it hurting me any.

I mean, I have the teenage student who helped me countless times with firewood and so forth, but I refuse to ask a 17-year-old boy to testify for me in a hearing.


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I suspect they won't do anything good or bad. A witness can be cross examined during a trial. A letter cannot.


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What if the letters list work done by each person to show that I used the tools to repay these individuals for work completed on our home. Work that was needed.


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D20 is flipping. And, it's bad. She hit D12 last night.

I demanded she got to a meeting today. Now, she is flipping out because she wants to go to Slippery Rock to visit her friends. I won't allow her to take my car.

Haven't made the rent payment or the car payment yet. Have to contact the rental manager and let her know what's going on.

Had a phone meeting with the perfectionist editor this morning. He knows now about the D and the hearing and the pressure I am under. He was obviously concerned I was bringing drama to the paper. Wanted to know if I brought D12 to NY without her father's consent.

Don't know if I can do all this guys.


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Oh, and perfectionist editor went after my organizational skills.

The best Atta Boy I got was for making some improvement and he liked the front page pics.

He was upset, however, that I allowed a woman dressed as Mrs. Claus provide a quote in my Public Forum and I added her name as Mrs. Claus, North Pole.

Like, sure, I will crush the faith of a bunch of little kids who met her at the public event and reveal her real name and address. WTF? He said it was unprofessional.


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I seem to remember a famous editor to who told Virginia that there was indeed a Santa Claus.


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Quote:
Don't know if I can do all this guys.


But, I'm still doing it.

Even after I told D20 to keep her voice down...that's all I need is for the police to get called because of yelling. She kept it up.

I may need to tell her to leave. No meeting, no place to live.


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Were the tools something your H had before the marriage or something acquired during the marriage? My quess is the tools are moot. I am guessing H does not have pictures of the tools or even any documentation to show he even owned or had the tools. Your lawyer can ask for him for a list of the tools andto provide proof that the tools even existed and even infer that H may be just padding things for his own benefit. You can also claim he moved out, did not return for the tools, or even show any interest in them after he left. You assumed he abandon them and you used them as barter material for getting house repairs done. I think you can list the house repairs done and who did them and what you bartered for the work.That will be about as effective as a letter.


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Hi Heather,
You know I feel tense and stressed just reading your posts! You must be so stressed right now. So nice of Smokey to give you such a great gift for the holiday season. If it helps, you're not alone. My W is doing much the same. Now I don't even have a lawyer and no money for a new one!

Sounds to me like D20 is also stressing and now doesn't have her "stress reliever" (alcohol) available. She is new at the sober thing, Heather. I think you're right that she needs a meeting! Sorry to hear about her hitting her sister. I hope she's OK.

You can handle this Heather. Just roll with it. You can and will find the way through this. Just think, once this is done, you are never going to need to worry about Smokey hurting you again. You will be able to be independent, without the sword hanging over your head! That makes it worth the pain! And it looks like Smokey has the same name as me, I hate that! Rest assured, not all us Matt's are bad guys!

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Thanks guys! I love my surrogate hubbys. It really helps to have a man's input.

Ick. I'm wading through these text messages and seeing how insecure I was. Ewww. I really drove a few nails in this coffin by squeezing so hard.


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Ewwwwww....I'm kinda makin myself wanna puke. And, I hate that word.


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What's hard is how...when I see the part I played, I take all of the responsibility. Like, if he was right about this one thing, then he is right about everything and that makes me all the things he is saying.

I'm making the D hearing stuff too complicated.

I'm going to simply focus on the questions at hand. I don't want to dwell on what went on previously, just a fair deal based on what I earn now.


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Heather,
You've got a lot of bs going on all around you. What's the reason that D20 hit D12? There's no excuse for that behavior and you were right...she needs to go to a meeting, but also find some anger management courses before she goes too far w/someone who will press charges against her.

I'm glad you stuck to your guns and didn't allow her to take your car. You need the car yourself. If your D20 wants to meet up w/her friends, she can figure out how to get there and back, but it's not your responsibility to provide her w/transportation.

Okay, now I'm annoyed w/your perfectionist editor. First, he shouldn't be making comments to you or anyone else about the request for data. The comment he made to you about bringing drama to the paper was uncalled for and second, it's none of his business as to whether D12's father is away she moved to New York. This does not impact on the paper in any way. His concern should be nothing more than getting the paper out and you being there to work on it.

I like what Life Twists suggested about the tools. Use the term "barter" because you didn't just give them away or sell them, i.e., no money passed hands. Make a list of who did what for you and how you repaid them in tools, equipment, etc. Hey, he left, he didn't show any interest in his tools after left and you both were still married, i.e., marital property and you had to manage some how on what little you had coming in.

Keep your focus on the questions. The court will most likely only focus on what needs to be done to separate the assets, liabilities, support, etc.


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D20 won't come out of her room. She is just pi$$ed because I'm demanding a meeting. We have a month before we can see the counselor again. Not living with this tension for that long. The hitting was inexcusable. She tried to justify, I said, "No."

Texted the property manager about the rent. Told her I could give her $650 tomorrow and the balance on Friday. I explained this is about support payments and we are having a hearing on Dec. 15. Didn't hear back, but feels good to have been honest.

Also, told D20 she needs to cover groceries and gas this week.
:-)

The perf. editor didn't come out and say, "I hope you aren't bringing drama to the paper." It was implied with his questions. "You had permission to bring D12 to NY, right?"

Swell. I can manage him though. I'm beginning to get a handle on how to deal with him.

He is just a prickk. Possibly the most anti-creative type I've ever met in this business...wait. My first editor was like that too. At least this one is good at what he does.


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Heather,

Originally Posted By: LoisB
The perf. editor didn't come out and say, "I hope you aren't bringing drama to the paper." It was implied with his questions. "You had permission to bring D12 to NY, right?"


Kinda makes me wonder what questions Smokey's attorney has been asking your company? More than just your salary and compensation. Something is fishy and my Spidey Sense is all tingling over this off hand comment.

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Wonka,

You and I are on the same page w/the "implied" questions. It makes me think he was trying to get some roundabout info from Heather. Maybe to have a better sense of how to respond to the questions that were posed to the paper and that's why they are late in responding; or to get a better sense of who Heather is after becoming aware of the situation.

I may have this man figured all wrong, but the implied questions sent red flags up for me.


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Awwwww, come on guys. I was just beginning to feel better.

I finished the one packet of info. I'm digging to see if there's more. I hope not. If so, it was easier than I thought.

I think the perfectionist editor is just a PIA. He got wind of the D because the nice editor told him I may have to head to Ohio on Dec. 15. This is a deadline day.

Also, I don't think I woulda gotten the Atta Boy from the publisher if that was the case.

MY sense is that the company received the material as I stated...asking for my personnel file...everything they told me that they asked...which is still really shiddy...but, human resources got wind of it, told the publisher, who called the nice editor down to his office to check and see how I'm doing.

In some ways, it gives me a bit of a break because now everyone knows the stress I've been under. And, I've proven I can still perform under this stress. The publisher is a big teddy bear and probably feels badly for me.

Glass if half full peeps.

Perf. editor is just a jerk.


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Quote:
I'm breaking this down. I feel pretty emotionally drained, but I'm excited at the idea of having this part done...at least mostly done.

Focusing on a few things...

1. After reading through some of his texts and so forth...I can sorta see what is running through Smokey's mind. Heather's parents are loaded, I'm (being Smokey) the victim and I've been miserable for so long. It's MY turn. No matter how screwed up his thinking, I believe THIS is HIS thinking. He was very adept, I see now, at pushing the buttons that kept me stuck. Heather is a pig. Heather is afraid. Heather doesn't earn enough...Blah, blah, blah... He used me to remain stuck in his own quagmire of self-pity and addiction.

2. I'm picking up on the lies he has told from the points his atty has made...

For example, his atty is alleging I haven't given Smokey the information about D12's schooling. IE. Where she is enrolled.

But, the truth is...he hasn't communicated with me about D12's schooling until Nov. 19. Up to then, he asked D12 in a series of text messages.

I'm sure he has told his Atty that he has asked ME about the homeschooling and I haven't responded...maybe, in his current frame of mind, he believes this...I don't believe he has, until recently, saved his text messages...so his atty must think Smokey communicates with me about the girls and I don't respond. Silly atty.


Hope you both read this.

As I sift through the material, I, in part can see Smokey's point about how I can be a flake about money.

BUT, I'm also seeing how he has spun some lies and now even his atty is victim to it.

He has told his atty that he gives me $400 in support each month. This is a very Smokey thing to do. It makes him sound like he somewhat responsible and it adds up to approximately $500 per month when you factor in the car insurance... which is what his atty has probably advised him to send me.

In actuality, he has only given me $200 per month. Plus, he makes these "support" payments into an account in his name. Technically, he is making support payments to himself, to an account which still only has HIS name on it. I have plenty of support to back that up.

NEXT...I have printed out and attached the gap in text messages where Smokey went from May 7 to August 28 without any questions, concerns or willingness to see D12 or D20. He only communicates with me via text...and there's this big ol' gap in time. He didn't text D12 during this time either. I could probably get Verizon records if my atty asks.

NEXT...He is saying that I am refusing to tell him about D12's schooling. I printed and attached the text messages from NOVEMBER 19!! That's when he ACTUALLY asked me about schooling and D12. He asked her previously, but, of course, she doesn't respond to him. He's a heck of a co-parent!


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Perfectionist editor's question actually makes me wonder if maybe HE was a victim in a divorce where his wife moved the kids away without his permission.

I would have tried to keep all this divorce stuff to yourself, and still recommend that you largely quit discussing it with coworkers. But if there is an opening to let perf. Ed. Subtly know that H was the one who cheated, moved away, ignored the kids and hasn't paid support. It might defuse any misperceptions he may have.
Also....start figuring out how to disarm him and win him over. Reading a good book or article about win-win negotiating may help you both with your divorce and your editor.

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Heather,
We are only going on what little bit of conversation you had w/the PIA editor about your situation. When people make comments such as what you posted, if does tend to make people question his motives, which evidently are concern for the paper. Don't take what we are saying and make yourself feel bad about it. Continue as you have been.

I knew you'd get through the packet of info and the questions are just questions that need answers and documentation, nothing more, i.e., like another poster said...a questionnaire.

At least your editors are aware of your situation and know that you've got some stuff that needs to be taken care. Have you decided what you are going to do about the 15th? Are you going or are you going to do it telephonically?

Yes, your glass is still half full, but be cautious in what you share w/the people you work for.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I know.

So, I just read through the motion for contemp. He actually has the nerve to mention how his "companion" helped him with over 80 hours of work needed to get the house back in order.

He brought his effin OW to our home where he was overwhelmed with the "filth and garbage left for him to dispose of."

I'm pissed.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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She must be a piece of work. Makes me wonder how much of this is her initiative??

Jeezus. A man who hasn't seen his kids in months and months and complains because he had to clean up the house.

I need someone to act as an witness for me to say that I worked hard maintaining the house. Maybe 2.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

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I'm spinning a bit.

That Mother Effer filed a motion of contempt against ME and mentioned the hardship which I PLACED ON HIS EFFEN SKANK.


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Are all these men just pulled around by their diccks?


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I'm thinking I may not sleep tonight.

This process is like lifting veil from Smokey's life.

Why is he so willing to vilify, starve us and ignore his kids, but she deserves to be defended in court for having to pick up my garbage?


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

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I dunno....I get a chuckle out of OW scrubbing your toilets smile

Just document the many hours you and the girls spent packing up his belongings. Really, what's the worst they could ding you for, $700 for minimum wage for her labor? Take it out of the $6000 profit on the house and be done!

if h has been putting your suport money into an account with only his name on it, how do you access that money? There must be a paper trail.

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I transfer $200 each month to my account. My account allows me to electronically transfer it. I think he only changed the password in the past month. I just got accustomed to the $200 per month.

Whatta dic.


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For anyone here....I am wondering about something.

Does the child support payments depend on the State of Ohio's calculations or New York's now since that's where the girls live now?

I would imagine that the pay differential would be significant since NY's COL ratio is much higher than Ohio's.

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Can my attorney counter with "Who is this companion?"

The inconveniences I've suffered in the past 2.5 years thanks to he and his "companion?"


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Originally Posted By: LoisB
Can my attorney counter with "Who is this companion?"

The inconveniences I've suffered in the past 2.5 years thanks to he and his "companion?"


Heather,

Put aside your bruised pride about the OW. You really need to focus on the hard and cold facts as they are what the JUDGE is truly interested in when presiding over the hearing. The judge isn't going drop dead from apoplexy on hearing about OW. S/he will be like, "meh. next!"

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Just sent an email to my atty with that question Wonka. Thanks!


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The OW just makes me feel sick. I can't help. It's just so wrong.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

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Look it at this way:

OW has Smokey...a truly broken and undependable man with drug problems. Thank your lucky stars that you have disengaged from a very unhealthy person with toxic behaviors. Let her have this "prize."

My prediction is that you will marry a healthy and normal man who treats you with respect within 3 years. Mark my words. smile

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I hope you stop spinning and calm yourself down. It's not good to get spun up over stuff like this. Sure you are angry, but you knew about this messy house stuff a week ago. You also had a very good idea the char woman had been there.

kml is right...if there is a price to pay, tell them to take it out of the additional money from the house sale. Just sit back and picture her scrubbing toilets, bathtubs and floors after the queen of the home had left. This is nothing to break out in a sweat over. She now has enough experience to apply for a Molly Maid position. LOL!

Yes, your attorney could inquire as to the identity of the companion is, i.e., as well as the length of time that they have been living together. However, what good would it do you? Does Ohio recognize adultery as a condition for divorce?
The judge is only going to be interested in how to settle the assets, liabilities, etc.

Wonka is right about one thing...focus on the facts at hand and be glad that you aren't having to deal w/your broken h day in and day out. The char woman truly didn't get a prize and neither did he.



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Kay.

I've reached the part where it's a mind over matter isn't it? Just gotta push it away. A-holes.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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You've got to put aside your bruised ego and try to rein in those emotions. You've got to think logically and look at this as a business deal and your partner is a sneaky, lying low life right now. He can't be trusted. You've got to protect what is yours. You can't do that if you allow the emotions to rule.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Just so sick of rejection.

That handsome, muscular Brig General Wonka mentioned better be worth all this trouble.


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“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Lawyers thrive on all this drama because it means bigger paychecks for them with fatter bank accounts. I would listen to everyone who is saying just the facts. I would not send emails to my attorney unless the relate to the facts. Remember, each email is costing you $15.00 or more depending on how much time he takes to formulate a response. Its ok to get angry, spew some venom, just don't involve your attorney in it unless you are prepared to pay. All smokie is doing is making his attorney richer. Your job is to keep you lawyer focused and on point. Don't allow or encourage him to get caught up in all this drama. When it is all said and done, the judge will see that things are divided evenly. So you can choose to spend a lot to get there are reduce your costs.


Twisting on Life's Rope
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The HWW is loser here. She will be for years and years to come.

Trust me she will always want what you have now.


----
M 39
H 35
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M 4
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ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
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Divorced 12/1/13

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Thanks guys.

How much you wanna bet they are bringing Skank in as a witness to rattle me. She testify about the state of house.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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