The saga continues. Can it no longer be a saga? When will it be something else?
I can tell you this... it isn't a Hollywood romance.
But, s17 and I talked today about reality tv. I told him that cameras should follow me around bc I have drama all round me... more than enough to make a show. He agreed, but said that it would get canceled. Nobody would want to watch bc it would be too much to handle just watching. We got a good laugh out of it at least.
I need to stay my course. My plan this week is to do exactly that. I think I am going to plan something with a friend. I will also plan an evening alone in a quiet place, even if it's at the library or a coffee shop. I need to do that. Xh's focus is the kids. That is really good. I am sure he intends on p/u d13 from practice every day. So this actually works out very well. Xh gets a little more time being dad. And I get a break and can do something for me. Yippe... library, here I come! (I actually really like being at my local library. It is 3 stories tall (not story books... but like flights of stairs... OK, corny), so I can get lost and it is peaceful and no one bothers me.
That reminds me. I used to tutor high school kids at this library. There was a boy I used to tutor, who played football with s17. His sister is on d13's basketball team. I give her rides a lot, and have him too. Well, the other day, he shot someone 3 times (being called a hate crime). Yikes! I feel so badly for both families. It is such a sad situation.
And on tomorrow's episode of..... hmm..... what name would I give my reality show???????? Hmmmm........ I've got to think about that. Anyone? I'm sure GGG could come up with some doozies.
Hey Mighty - I tune in everyday for my daily episode of Life with Mighty Don't cancel it now !!
Looking forward to seeing what titles everyone comes up with - will have to have a think about this one.
I heard someone say today - You need some TOFU - baffled me for a while, why would anyone need bean curd (sorry to any veggies out there) and then she told me - Time Out For U - ah, duh
I admire your desire and ability to have his back after all that has happened. And to try to have no expectations along that ride is more that I could give, I think. How are you doing that? Meow will you keep your expectations in check? I'm amazed at your strength and tenacity.
I seriously don't think I could do it. (((Hugs))). You're an incredible woman, mighty. Incredible.
Wow, Ss. Thank you, but I really don't think I'm incredible, at all. Nothing special. Just doing what I feel is right. I am a very loyal person. I am very genuine, too. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. It may be harsh sometimes, but, at least people don't question my honesty or where I stand.
I am loyal to xh because of what I know we had. I know that this past year, our r has been more of a spectacle than a three-ring circus. But honestly, I don't care what anyone has to say about it. It is something that we have to decide. Anyway, I know who he was to me. I know he is still that person, just really messed up. How could I abandon that? I know he has hurt me terribly, but I know his intention wasn't to hurt me and the kids. What was it? Who knows? He doesn't. I get that he abandoned me. But I don't get down like that. That is not who I am. So, how could I abandon someone who I love and care about so deeply? How could I see them struggling and hurt and just watch from the sidelines? I made it clear to him that it is not about me being weak and letting him walk in whenever he wants. That my house does not have a rotating door. That it does not mean that we are going to be in a r. It means that we are family. We always will be, regardless of what happens. That I will always want what is best for him and have his back, but that I have boundaries too. That he can make whatever choices in his life that he wants. No one has control over the choices he makes. I don't have a say in what he does, however I have a say in me. That I have boundaries too. That he has choices and so do I.
I gotta say, it is difficult to have no expectation. Honestly, does that mean I am looking for something... well... that's difficult to put into words. I am slightly embarrassed to say this, but it is the truth... I think what I want is to see him put forth lots of effort into me. That is, if he wants me back. I can't guarantee that will happen. But it will be then that I will have a better idea of what I want to happen. So this is where the no expectations comes into play. I don't expect him to do this. I know for sure that right now, he does not have the emotional capacity to do that. So, I will be his friend and co-parent. I will support him as a good friend. But with boundaries. I cannot support anything with her lingering around. So, I have to support his actions to finalize things with her. As uncomfortable as it makes me, it is reality. If that changes, my boundary is set, and I am no longer the supportive friend. But I also will not go back and forth. This is it.
If for some reason he does the above and show that he wants to put real effort into this, then we will address it and take the necessary steps. I don't want him to grovel or anything like that. That's not what I mean.
Oh my gosh... I have the most talkative fingers around. Sorry.
With that said, Ss, I am humbled and flattered. I really don't think I am anything special. Just doing what is in my heart. But thanks. It's always nice to get a compliment! And back at cha, babe!
Whoa. Shot someone 3 times? Oh, I just can't wrap my head around all that. That's just terrible. Is your s17 doing ok with all that?
I love the library, too. Definitely a favorite place. I love books but it's the quiet I really seek. And that no one needs my attention while I'm there.
I am loyal to xh because of what I know we had. I know that this past year, our r has been more of a spectacle than a three-ring circus. But honestly, I don't care what anyone has to say about it. It is something that we have to decide. Anyway, I know who he was to me. I know he is still that person, just really messed up. How could I abandon that? I know he has hurt me terribly, but I know his intention wasn't to hurt me and the kids. What was it? Who knows? He doesn't. I get that he abandoned me. But I don't get down like that. That is not who I am. So, how could I abandon someone who I love and care about so deeply? How could I see them struggling and hurt and just watch from the sidelines?
Hi Mighty, I'd just like to say that I really, really like that^^^ and can relate to much of it. Especially the "knowing what we had", and not wanting to abandon our spouses.
Oh, and by the way, you are indeed special, and even incredible!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Ha, brook. I thought it was a secret code I was missing.
Posted on old thread from AJ:
Quote:
How could you not be his friend through this? I mean, you could wash your hands of it, but I don't think that's the real you vs. being his friend and enforcing your boundaries. Quietly. Lovingly. And with the grace you have inside you.
No matter how things turn out, Mighty, I doubt you could just coldly walk away. Ss, you too. Humans are funny creatures, but we don't (normally) just discard somebody we love. Hard as that is to think that somebody did that to you, doesn't mean we return same. It would lessen our own humanity if we did.
Get some sleep, Mighty!
AJ
Yes AJ. And you called it right off the bat in one of the very first posts on my first thread. It seemed like an abstract idea at the time. One that was almost incomprehensible. Not that I couldn't be, but pretty far off the radar at that point.
I gotta say, this is tough stuff. I don't like what I am thinking/feeling. A couple of things, one is insecure. I have had a couple of texts and I get hopeful they are from him. It has been a long time since I wanted that. In fact, I had quite the opposite feeling not so long ago. I don't want that needy, desperate feeling. I had finally shaken it. I need to regroup.
I am also insecure about him. I see his sincerity, but actions say it all. I am very insecure with this too. Grrrr....
And they are together at work. It brings me back to last year.... During the week is when he would pull away and become so distant & different. Bc he was with her then. I had this uneasy feeling when I got to work today. Seriously. It was all too familiar, and one yr ago today that he moved out. I had the same feeling of insecurity then that I do now. And feeling the week day's distance. (She was with her x on wkends too.)
I don't like this. I've come too far. I had a good morning at work. I will maintain that. Stay focused, tread lightly.
Xh asked over the wkend if I unblocked him from my work email. I simply said no. Today, I almost did & sent him a msg that I had, but decided to leave it alone. He knows how to a hold of me anyway.
Stay the course!! Focus on me & kids.
AJ, i sure wish sleep was that easy. Maybe tonight.
Things are ok. Broke my iphone AGAIN! This is the 6th one in my household in 3or 4 months. Boo! We need serious packaging and protection!!
Xh texted a little yesterday. (I see my post didn't *post* yesterday) Called on way home from work, and came over last night. Had dinner w us. Bought shingles to fix roof. S17 getting much more settled. It was like old times- the 4 of us laughing together.
HWW is losing her mind. Sunday was her "closure" and professing that she has accepted him leaving. Monday, I think she was upset he didn't pursue her at work, as they didn't talk. It is so evident that she is so used to getting what she wants and uses whatever tactic she can when she doesn't.
So much for acceptance & closure...
She's going crazy, driving by all the time and trying to control him. When he left work, after not reaching out to her, she started up again. She is using this babying a pawn- threats everywhere. You won't be on birth certificate, I'm not telling you when I go into labor (uh--- c-section w mysterious date).
But the kicker- "I know what you are doing!" Saying he is coming back to me. She said she is calling the police to file a complaint on "your crazy wife" for last weeks incident so I won't be able to be near her daughter. (Ha! She even called me his wife and is so self absorbed that she does not get it). She has nothing, just looks crazy.
He said, remember- I was married to my wife when we started messing around. And you know we were married when you got pregnant.
She does not get it. I told him before that I would sue her for the pain & suffering my kids have endured and I have a years worth of professional documentation (not that I would, I'm not like that, nor ever threatened, but she is clueless and has never thought about what my kids have been through- once- and is using her son as a pawn w xh, even though it's not his!) just to make her think. So xh mentions that I have looked I to it to sue both of them.
Not sure what she thinks of that, maybe she will think about some things- probably not, but I really don't care. I'm in a confident place when it comes to her. Whatever happens.
Now she expects xh to take care of her before she has the baby. He is helping her out $ this month, even though I feel he owes her nothing, but it's not my place. She will get hers.
I laugh at the thought of her freaking out about me being w her baby. Who knows what will happen, but this is where the sitting back w popcorn plays in. She's trippin.
Xh is so stressed he can hardly breathe. Job, baby (is it his? What will happen? Lifetime of dealing w her), no home now, my kids & rebuilding r, my kids behavior, me (but I'm an angel....ha!, fixing house left in chaos, holidays, talking to my family, $, separating finances w her, mortgage & stuff w her......
It's unbelievable how much ______________ can be done in one year. (Sometimes a play on adjectives can be fun.)
So, I'm keeping focus on me. Ic tonight for me & s17. Haven't seen mine in a couple of weeks. She may fall on the floor.
Don't cancel it now !! 
