Ok, so I have been asked to give some info about my situation. I guess I thought what I wrote on my signature was my "sich". But it is weird to into my gory details.. that being said:
My Husband loves me, but isn't in love with me anymore... doesn't sound so bad, right? This has been going on (and off) for more years than I care to add up... most of our marriage.
Basically, he wants to live the life of a single guy. We own a house together, and have a spectacular son.
I believe he would have moved out if he thought he could afford living on his own, and still being able to contribute to his son's basic needs.
So, here we live, getting along ok... but not really... he sleeps on the couch.
Welcome to the board, there are many of us that have gone through this and are going through this before.
I'm going to paraphrase the first thing that was told to me
DETACH yourself from the situation and Get a Life. Focus on improving yourself, and no matter what the outcome, you will be better off.
Me: 35 Her: 33 D : 16 S : 9 Together: 14 years Married: 12 She left 4/14/2014 Separated: 5/25/2014 OM Confirmed 7/2014 She filed 8/7/2014 I Filed 10/21/2014 Divorce final 2/12/2015
Thanks, BigMac. I am trying to detach, but we live together.... oi vey! LOL... I don't even know if that's possible, given that. I have read MWD's DR, and I keep going back to reread certain things, and then remember: I can't do any of the strategies, really... because I am in LRT mode.
How are y0ur kids handling your situation? (If you don't mind me asking...) :o)
Oh, and here's a good one: he wouldn't consider it cheating now, because he has told me that he wants to have sex with other women.
LOVE that.
Yea what man wouldnt want to have sex with another woman? It really is part of the script. I will stick with what I wrote on your other thread. He sounds depressed.
Why were you asking about stopping LRT? What actions has he done that convince you he is coming out of his crisis?
You said his actions match his words? If he is still sleeping on the couch dreaming about sleeping with another woman, I am not sure how you can say that. He is still married. Sounds more like he is in a fantasy looking for ways to escape his reality.
I see your point, Cadet. I guess I was just thinking that he is following through on sleeping on the couch and thinking that we will be separated, and acting decent... even nice... but almost every night, he is sleeping on the couch.
I, by no means, think he has come out of his crisis. I just know that we never really have resolved the SSM thing, and I certainly tipped that first domino, (unintentionally and unknowingly)so I always keep in mind that all of this is related and I bear a huge part of the responsibility for where we have gotten. I am just not sure about the 180s and the rest of the strategies while attempting the LRT. I mean, at this point, he does enjoy my company, and does love me, and does still live here, and ......
Depressesd Definitely sometimes, and I guess in general.
I just know that we never really have resolved the SSM thing, and I certainly tipped that first domino, (unintentionally and unknowingly)so I always keep in mind that all of this is related and I bear a huge part of the responsibility for where we have gotten.
Do you want to explain this a little more?
You are in a SSM because of YOU? And you think that is why he sleeps on the couch?
or
You are in a SSM because of him and that is why he sleeps on the couch?
or
You are in a SSM because of BOTH of you and that is why he sleeps on the couch.
Oh, and here's a good one: he wouldn't consider it cheating now, because he has told me that he wants to have sex with other women.
LOVE that.
Yup, my H told me in Feb he wanted a D, dropped him at the airport and (although unproven) he went and the spent the weekend with someone, probably another women. He changed his FB status, got (prob already had) a new skype account, spent a few days with ow in the UK before coming on family vacation in July. But, it's not cheating because he told me he was done. He won't admit to any of this of course. He's been home since Oct. Sleeps in the other room but makes sure his phone is with him at all times. Not that it matters because he has passwords on his phone and computer.
Do not try to put logic on anything he is doing or saying! He is not acting logically or reasonably, he is acting on emotion! We all know the two don't always agree!
Quote:
. I am just not sure about the 180s and the rest of the strategies while attempting the LRT. I mean, at this point, he does enjoy my company, and does love me, and does still live here, and ...
I could have written this, except I'm not in LRT. Are you sure LRT is where you want to be?
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
I believe that I am in a SSM because of me… originally, anyhow. We have not had a fun, playful, sexual marriage. We do truly love each other, and are seriously committed to giving our 14 year old son all that we can…. Including having both parents living with him. The whys and hows of our SSM… I could write a book about that, but it wouldn’t change anything right now. I was sexually abused by my maternal grandfather as a child, and that lead to a whole lot that I was unaware of, nor did I have any intentions of doing. The point is that from my Hs POV, I rejected him time after time, again, and truly, unknowingly. I actually would have loved him to have been there with and for me, and help me through all of it, but I don’t believe that is in his ability. I wasn’t really even aware of the fact that I was going through all of this and that I did need his help at all… kind of like a weird hazy coma. I think it kind of started when I discovered an orgasm. I was frustrated with not being able to achieve that with him, and brought it up in all the wrong ways, and with all the wrong words. It was news to him that I wasn’t satisfied, because I always went through the motions… and did actually like it all. That was my domino.
We both wanted more physical love, thought the other one didn’t, and suffered about it mostly in silence for YEARS… and resented the hell out of each other. Eventually, when I came out of my coma, I apologized about all of the hurt he must have felt about all of that, and let him know I wanted to have a more sexual relationship. By then, he believes he had talked himself into not being attracted to me, and didn’t really want that from me anymore.
Anyway, it doesn’t really feel like it’s either of our fault, and we really do love each other.
