So my opportunity to acknowledge our anniversary has been and gone. My W wouldn't even look at me this evening so not sure what to read into that. She has said to me and recently to other people that she knew on our wedding day she didn't want to go through with it and marry me
On the plus side if that's true it would explain why I felt like she wasnt trying to make our R work (worsening my underlying neediness). I'd prefer its not true though.
It's hard to make interaction positive in the face of that attitude so civil is about all we manage.
The reversion to hostility in tone and demeanour has really picked up this last few days but I would expect our anniversary and my mysterious weekend in Paris will have played some part. But equally it could be OM related or something else entirely. Who knows....
It does mean im Not really sure what a good sign would be these days.
Anyway that could/will worsen my mood so instead her are some GAL type positives.
- kick boxing hurts but is fun. Plus for the whole hour I didn't think of my W once.
- Paris was awesome. Lots of sights, good food. Good coffee and a very late night (spent quite a bit of time talking about my situation or thinking about my W but I was nowhere near as mopey as I have been)
- I broke myself on wine. May sound odd but I could never drink the stuff and I always felt my W missed the sharing of a bottle (I did) so I decided to teach myself to drink it and did ok.
- I feel like my IC is going well. I'm making more progress on understanding a lot about me. We are now trying to start more actively overcome my paralysing fear of rejection and that I make things all about me.
- I've had a bunch of really good news at work, some of which includes the amazing side perk of a fair chunk of European travel (Lisbon, dublin, Vienna, Crete etc.)
- I have plans for all my weekends (kids and non kids) between now and with kickboxing and squash that covers my non childcare nights as well. I'm making plans with friends and family in a way I couldn't previously.
- I've assertively stood up to people more which is good.
- I've started smiling at strangers in the street and quite a few smile back.
- I'm getting much more aware of my language and how it might be perceived. I think its benefitting pretty much all my relationships except my M.
Anyways my M may be in ruins while the woman I love hates me and chases OM, it will financial cripple me, have a substantial negative impact on my kids and is a source of constant pain and anxiety but actually apart from that I'm doing good.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Your W is still in a cheeseless tunnel. You can do what works for you to GAL and become stronger and more detached.
Your current actions appear to working to get Jim steady for the next set of changes. You are getting stronger, becoming a man only a fool would leave. Remember this is the long haul and trek on. A time to consider your new attitude and position.
How do you feel about the cheeseless tunnel?
Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I discover her newest cheeseless tunnel is that she now has a date with her recently divorced narcissistic ex. He treated her like cr@p and bragged about it to everyone in the office (where we all worked) - he humiliated her repeatedly and now she is going back for more....
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
It was however still pursuing and reassured her that I'm still here regardless of what else she does. She won't be feeling the loss of me very much and certainly no jealousy which might have sparked some feelings back.
It was no win really. Say something and I look needy, say nothing and she can be cross for me not caring.
And that's why I should have STFU and listened to y'all. Oh well is all I can say.
Back to quietly getting on with my life...
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
I think we might be in a different timezone to a lot of people on here as we seem to be up posting at similar times. Your weekend in Paris would suggest we are not on the same continent, though!
Don't beat yourself up too much about the exchange above. It's not going to be the straw that breaks the camel's back. I've reached points in this journey where I've felt the need to clarify my position as well. As you say, it's out there and now you don't need to say it again for a while.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Very different continent (I'm UK) but I guess my mornings are your evenings and they are peak times (for me anyway)
At least she knows for certain now and when she's clutching after ex's that were truly horrid to her then me saying I still want in isn't going to make much (any) difference
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Oops, mind reading again? Jim stop analysing and detach.
An ex of Ws? Please stop.
I don't think your conversation was persuing , perceive it as stating your boundary. Then leave it alone, please don't follow it up that would be persuing, there are conditions to this- giving up OM for example? She knows that?
Keep standing.
Would love to know about the memories of Paris! About the GAL and the places you went and especially the wine and food. I am all agog as Paris is one of my favourite cities, I love the Latin quarter. Tell, tell, Regards
Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Got an evening eurostar to paris and got there about 2300 local time. Found a nice little bar and enjiyed a late evening snack and a couple of drinks. We stayed just off the Champs Elysees and so Saturday morning were able to find a nice little café for breakfast.
Spent the day walking through the Paris down past the Louvre. Spent a nice couple of hours sat in the sun drinking coffee outside a café underneath Notre dame next to the river.
Found a lovely restaurant for dinner, random little place off a side street but the food was amazing. First time I had pork belly that needed a spoon. In the evening caught a show and then spent a long time just enjoying the Parisian night life. Sunday was another day of cafes and walking round various sights like the Eiffel tower.
All in a really good couple of days.
I'll provide an update on my situation later
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
