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I don't know what that link is about-and I can't edit.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Hey Wendy,

Lose the friend. She's not much of a friend anyway. JMHO

As for the cards etc. I think he DID love you honestly and truly at the time. It is the MLC thing for sure. For our 25th my ex gave me a card "For the most wonderful 25 years. Can't wait for the next 25". He was already having the affair, bought HER jewellery for our anniversary and moved out the next month.

Burn them. I think that's the only way to get past it. And it is true GRIEF. In order to grieve and move on - sometimes we have to feel the pain. And mourn some more.

Hugs girlfriend!

Barb

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I have cards like that somewhere too. I keep them because they remind me that I wasn't crazy, our marriage WAS good most of the time. But I couldn;t tell you were they are in the storage right now if my life depended on it smile I figure someday my kids will value them as proof that their happy childhood was not a figment of their imaginations.

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Hi friends, good to hear your words on the subject. Funny, one of my cards said: "It has been a wonderful 30 years, looking forward to the next 30 years with you". I also kept them for the kids....

I am working on a theory that I have WAY too much stuff. So I am filling up each box with stuff to sell. I am putting some stuff back into the house, but I am also taking stuff out. I am keeping the better/nicer stuff and getting rid of crap. How many of each item do I need?

Now the pile of self help books is both truly impressive and depressing all at the same time. I have so many. And I read them all, took them to heart and they didn't help. But learning to meditate did help. And this website. Being able to express my feelings and get feedback was invaluable. Still is.

Work is weird, they are reorganizing. My job may change a little and might get moved to another department. As you all know the VA is being "Worked on". I have no idea who I will be working for, and am hoping for the best outcome. At least my position isn't in danger.

Aloha!


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
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Well, I have found who is funnier than Shuffle on iTunes. Yes indeed LinkedIn, you are the King of Comedy. The other day I got an email from LinkedIn suggesting my former spouse and I should "connect" noting a 3rd degree relationship. Pretty funny!

Today LinkedIn upgrades us to a 2nd degree relationship, his nephew has connected with him and I, and LinkedIn suggests I ask the nephew to introduce us.......

So in prep for a house full of people joining me for Thanksgiving I am taking tomorrow off work. I need to figure out how to finish hooking up all the TV's so the football fans can have their fun.

I got over half of the 150 boxes emptied, moved, sorted. I have been brutal, brutal! Every time I soften up I ask myself who needs so much stuff!?! I kind of feel like I thought it was my job to gather up so much. Like preparing for winter, only having plenty of bowls, thread, Tupperware, etc.

I have been having a lot of luck selling stuff on craigslist and eBay. So once I finish the big sort I will proceed with eBay listing. I have been selling some big stuff on craigslist. Less is more!

In my endeavors to move on with my life I am reading a good (Not great...) book called: "Leave Him Behind" by Sandra Kahn. She maintains we should have a business relationship with our X's. And end all the connections, because they tie us to the X and hider our moving on.

I believe this is true. We stay bound, come here and report all their absurd behavior. Unless it involves enforcing the divorce decree, she says we shouldn't talk to them. keep our lives private. Don't share. And slowly cut the ties that bind.

She says we are bound to keep being nice to our X because we hope he will come back. I miss my X. But when I get in reality mode, why would I ever want someone back who has made it plain he has moved on. I deserve someone who thinks I am fun, pretty, smart and HOT!

Anyway, I am a work in progress. But doing my best to keep being detached and trying to do things myself.

Aloha


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
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Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
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Lol - nope, I would never want my ex back.

I will admit, this Thanksgiving, that I feel bad for my kids that I'm not able to extend the olive branch and invite the ex and his new wife to dinner. My former in-laws are visiting from out of state and I wouldn't mind seeing them. And if my ex had been better about things, I would probably be in that place right now where I could be friendly and invite them all. But the way my ex has deliberately stuck it to me financially in the last couple of years (bailing on our kids so that I have to carry all the financial burden of helping them even though he makes 3 times what I make) and the way that affects our kids - well, THAT'S what I can't forgive him for. I'm OVER the marriage, but I'm not over his monumental selfishness. So Thanksgiving will be just me, my kids, my mom, my sexy hot boyfriend Mr. Keeper, and my best friend and her son.

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kml, I was thinking about you. The book I'm reading has plenty to say about money and how to handle those problems. My X has been nothing but nice and supportive to both our kids.

My X was around for Thanksgiving with our friends while we were doing the insane house sharing thing. It made the friends very uncomfortable. I am looking forward to being just me in my house with friends this year.

I have set a new fitness goal. I'm letting work push my working out to the back burner. And I really need to tone up and drop some pounds. I haven't been putting on weight, but when I dropped down 35 pounds and then put it back on I really was happy about how I looked and felt at the low weight higher level of fitness and not happy with the pudge back on.....

Happy Turkey Day!


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Joined: Jan 2000
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Happy Thanksgiving!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks job. I was thinking about you the other day, too. I was puttering around my own house. And thinking a few years ago I wouldn't have seen it happening.

I always appreciated all the kind words and advise from this forum.

Aloha!


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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I hope that you and your family had a nice Thanksgiving. You've been a very busy lady w/all of the packing and purging. I'm sure your home looks beautiful.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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