I'm at the age where I'm leaning from my mistakes. I don't want to make the same poor choices I used when I'm hurting and my emotions are tender, and hope it works out for the best some how. That's just asinine.
Getting into an R before I'm ready isn't a benefit to me. It causes more complications than is worth it, and a lot of exhausting emotional effort besides. Getting into a physical situation when I'm vulnerable is not a good idea for me, personally, either.
I'm actually proud of my choice not to entangle myself. I'm being honest with me, my wants and my limits, and not participating in the potential complication of another person, too.
Doesn't mean I don't wish I could be well on the other side of this, but I'm an amazing person and have a lot to offer someone that knows the measure of my personality and my capacity to love and wants to be in my life. Because they're CHOOSING me.
I'm holding out for GREAT things, whether that's BF or not.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
It's a bit of a conundrum, isn't it? At what point do we make the decision to open ourselves to someone else without feeling like WE are having an affair? I hope that becomes clear someday...
Wow, you just described my heart right now.
Good stuff.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Achy heart today. I'm sure it's the same for every single person here. Sigh.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
*peers in* Still around. Still reading. Still DBing in terms of GAL and IC and taking care of me. Still no contact with BF, apart from a "happy thanksgiving" text that morning.
Ho hum.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I keep trying to journal to get my emotions out of my head and then I go back and delete it all and start over.
On one hand, I'm wondering how someone breaks up with someone they've meshed intimately with for ten years and doesn't second-guess themselves. What kind of a person finds no positives after 10 years, and then immediately hooks up with other people as though their heart were never invested in their long-time lover? How can you not miss someone you've come home to for that long, that you've shared so much with?
On the other hand, I say that those are HIS faults and failures. He knows how I feel about him and he knows that, given the chance, I'd move mountains for him. My passion is real and sincere. That said, I know that I also deserve someone that will move mountains for me, too. Someone that will choose me. Someone that loves me and wants to put the effort into me.
We have no contact, so how am I supposed to show him I've changed? And another part of me says that if he wanted to contact me, he would be doing it. He doesn't miss me, because if he did.....well, I guess that train of thought is pointless. It's hard for me to stay positive, even though I know -- logically -- that no one knows what the future will bring, not even BF.
I'm not exactly in a bad mental place, but I guess there's a calm anger within me today, if that makes sense.
I'm a lover and a fighter, both. I wish BF had the capacity to give me even a fraction of what I give/have given/would redouble my efforts to give him.
IC says that, emotionally, I'm exactly where I should be given the situation. That I'm not insane or weak or stupid for feeling the way I do about BF. That this partner is one I was more open and vulnerable and "deep" with than any other person in my life, so it's okay to take my time getting over it, so long as I try to inch forward. It just hurts.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Little, this is something Maybell posted to me today. Maybe you can find something in it too.
Originally Posted By: Maybell
I stopped notifications on my H's FB page but every now and then I check it. He's with my kids visiting his family in another state. His pictures show him grinning hugely, photobombing his sister's serious pictures, and generally acting like a college kid.
I could read into that that he's DELIGHTED to be spending Thanksgiving weekend without me, but I don't actually think that's really true. I think my kids are a constant reminder of me. Especially the boys who look a lot like me, and S6, who sleeps in my bed every night and certainly misses me. I packed their suitcases, so every day they get dressed is a reminder of me. And the way his sister treated me yesterday (kindly and excited to chat). And I know he didn't leave the room when she was talking to me because I could see his reflection in the glass behind her.
There was a poster here a few months ago named Thornton who went through six(?) weeks of complete darkness with his wife. It was excruciating for him. EVERY DAY, often 2-3 times a day, he would come here and cry about how he just wanted one little sign from her that she missed him. She posted all kinds of happy things on FB and he would cry because she looked so happy. Well, after a couple of months he finally got the green light from Wonka to send her a joke via text. Over about a month or two that one joke blossomed, very tentatively, into a reconciliation. Turns out all that cheerful stuff she was putting into the world was a huge mask. She was miserable but didn't know how to find her way back to him.
They got back together and we heard less and less from him and now I think he's just off in happy land being happy.
The lesson is: Don't try to interpret!! When they are lost they are just floundering and the messages look conflicted because THEY are conflicted. They want, they fear, they want something else. Just stay the course and be the person you want to be.
Here's one more, just because...
The difference between hope and faith. Hope is you in your boat and her in her boat, and you keep trying to hook the boats together. She keeps throwing away the rope and telling you to shove off. So you unhook, you take your own river, in faith that your rivers are both going to end up near one another when the stream comes together again.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Thanks, Jefe. I appreciate your hand in friendship when I'm trying to find my way through this blizzard. You are a rock in a stormy sea and I appreciate it.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
