Well we ended up meeting the next day (Friday morning) I gave her a hug and told her she looked good. This was the meeting for me to get the ring back and to discuss what we are doing with the house and to get some answers.
We were having a coffee and talked. There was a break in the conversation, I asked if she was happy with everything, she broke down a bit and said no and this isn't what she wanted but she had to do it. I was about to lay everything out on the table and tell her how I felt. Before I got a chance she asked me if I was willing to try again and that she had made a mistake. I was kind of shocked to hear it but kept it together.
I said yes I would love to try again but there would need to be changes with both of us. She agreed completely and we booked an appointment right there to see a counselling couple in Jan when we are both home from work. We agreed that there has to be a new way of communicating and that after we work on this for a small bit that she will be moving back here to work and its going to be a new relationship, our old one is over and we just use it to address issues during counselling, nothing else. we have been talking everyday and will be making a list of things that bothered each other and will address this during counselling.
We agree that it will be hard and there will be lots of emotion but we can do it. We will use our time apart at work as our dating period and then once we are ready she will move back in and stop working away, looking at this as a fresh start. Im pretty happy about all of this. Thanks to everyone for your help.
stealth, don't want to throw water on your candles but slow down cowboy. don't become to emotionally invested in this "reunion". i hope and pray for your sake that it works but this is kinda sudden and out of the blue. has she changed? have you changed (enough)? all questions to ask yourself so in a few weeks you don't end up in the same spot. you know there is a reason that easy girls aren't respected. IT"S BECAUSE THEY ARE EASY!! she didn't do any work to get you back did she? again i hope i'm wrong and i'll be praying for you.
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
stealth, don't want to throw water on your candles but slow down cowboy. don't become to emotionally invested in this "reunion". i hope and pray for your sake that it works but this is kinda sudden and out of the blue. has she changed? have you changed (enough)? all questions to ask yourself so in a few weeks you don't end up in the same spot. you know there is a reason that easy girls aren't respected. IT"S BECAUSE THEY ARE EASY!! she didn't do any work to get you back did she? again i hope i'm wrong and i'll be praying for you.
She really has seemed like she changed, she has acknowledged some things she has done wrong and so have I, she has been seeing a counsellor and so have I, we both know that there are no guarantees here but we both agreed to work on it, it will be slow at first and working on things rather than jumping right into anything again. Its still progress because a little while ago there was little to no hope, im not sure I understand the easy comment, this isn't a girl I just met.
not making a comment about her per se. i would never disrespect your wife like that! it's more about you in the fact that she may or may not be serious. it'll take time to know that for sure. i do agree its progress just don't want to see you get hurt. do you want to go through this again? just be cautious and be safe. good luck!
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
I believe she is serious, she has told everyone she is close to that we will be trying again and taking it slow with no promises and that we will both giving it 200% and working on past issues without bringing up the problems to fight about, we found a really good marriage counsellor and will be seeing them. Getting hurt again is a risk everyone on this forum is taking isn't it? Just about everyone here is trying to get someone back.
It's great news... hope you both can work the R issues and come out of it stronger.
I just think, like the others here said, that you need to be caution and really work on issues.
I read all your tread and it does not mention much details about your changes and what are your vision for the future.
Hope things work well for you, but please pay attention that it's not only about her coming back, it's how it will develop from there, some issues may come back to haunt you. Work hard on your anger, it's very difficult to deal with anger, it is ugly and cause a lot of extra stress.
Good luck... take baby steps, be patient, and be a better person.
It's great news... hope you both can work the R issues and come out of it stronger.
I just think, like the others here said, that you need to be caution and really work on issues.
I read all your tread and it does not mention much details about your changes and what are your vision for the future.
Hope things work well for you, but please pay attention that it's not only about her coming back, it's how it will develop from there, some issues may come back to haunt you. Work hard on your anger, it's very difficult to deal with anger, it is ugly and cause a lot of extra stress.
Good luck... take baby steps, be patient, and be a better person.
Pink
Well as far as changes ive made, it starts with my anger and realizing when im getting mad and stopping it before it starts and finding a way to deal with it like going to the gym, going for a ride on my quad or Harley, going for a walk in the woods or sometimes just taking a step back and looking at why im mad in the first place. Im dealing with it pretty good and have been in situations where before I would flip out but have caught myself and dealt with it, im pretty happy with how ive handled it.
As far a future vision goes I see it being a slow transition from never talking to being friends again. We have been talking daily in text message and a few times on the phone. She has been very cautious in what she says by not saying she loves me in text and on the phone, I haven't said it either because I really think she isn't there yet. She wants to go slow and deal with this one step at a time, and I agree we cant rush back into it because there are no guaruntees. She said she doesn't feel comfortable staying in the house while we are trying this and especially before we have the appointment with the counsellor. I can see her point because its been months since we lived together and she sees it as living together and shes not there yet, I understand and am not pushing anything on her because that might scare her away. It will take baby steps to make it work it just really seems like she is scared and nervous (She actually said she was nervous). I can see why she feels this way, she will want to see changes and wants to get some things out to the counsellor we are going to see. She doesn't want to be hurt again and doesn't want to have to put either one of us through this again, that being said, she said that she is willing to put in 200% into this as long as I am as well. I have high hopes but it will take work and be hard, ill need to be patient with no guarantees.
The counsellors we are going to see are a highly recommended married couple specializing in relationships and marriage counselling. We are doing a dual session with both of them and both of us, im thinking it will will be good but it will be an ongoing thing for awhile before she feels comfortable enough to move back in, im trying to be as positive as I can with this, I know nothing is guaranteed but my fingers are crossed.
In saying everything I have she is sayi9ng that she has never gone back on a decision before, and as far as ive known her she hasn't, that's why I was so convinced that she was done. She said her gut was telling her she was wrong, she is saying that going to talk to these people is the first step because she just doesn't know how to handle these feelings she is having. I know that she will try with everything she has as long as she convinces herself that this is what she wants and she is able to do it again. She wants to try but is just scared.
