Wife walked away (4 months ago now) thread 3

[BigMac]

So, the WAW came over yesterday afternoon for a co-parenting meeting.

She is kind of inching around trying to get back together (And I am doing everything I can to not let that happen).

She cried a little (not admitting any fault, just trying to make me feel sorry for her) She started stringing some lies together, and I called her out on them. She decided to stonewall some more and I was done.

Later that evening she and I were flirting (I have to be careful, my default mode her is flirting) via text / voice chat.

This morning I journaled for a bit, came to my senses (dancing with the devil there) and called her up, saying lies area boundary that I won't let anyone cross now. And that I won't stand for it.

I then quickly ended the phone conversation. It feels good to be holding my boundaries firm.

[HPoirot]

My favorite... Boundaries! Good for you BigMac. Lies about what though? You going to pull way back now? That means no more text/voice flirting, right? Good luck!

[BigMac]

Yeah, I'm pulling back again.

There were lies about a bunch of stuff, why she forged stuff on her filings, inconsistency between her filings (actions) and her words. Stuff like that.

The topic of how she hurt S9 when she left for months on end without seeing her came up. She got defensive and the lies started flowing to justify her actions.

Honestly, there is no relationship besides a co-parenting one. I don't know why I try to be nice through the divorce process.

[BigMac]

So the hard part about this process, is that down at my core, I want to have a good relationship.

Hell, at my core I would love to have a healthy lifelong marriage with this woman. I just feel that she hasn't worked through any of her issues yet.

And even though my heart wants to let her back in, my head knows better

[BigMac]

Update for everyone.

WAW came over to pick up a futon she had lent me. We got to talking about thanksgiving plans, and I mentioned that I was probably going to go out to eat with S9.

She invited me and S9 over to eat Thanksgiving dinner with her and D16. At first I pulled back a bit, and she pulled back too.

Then I told her to talk to me after her therapy appointment today and we can discuss the effect on the kids.

Honestly, I don't know what I want out of this. I'm a bit confused.

[BigMac]

Well, I caved yesterday. I brought S9 over along with a bunch of ingredients to thanksgiving dinner with WAW and D16.

Our interactions went well, we partnered on cooking and cleaning some stuff up.

It hurt very much on my side though. I ended up finding a book on her shelf, sex tips from a gay man while I was browsing. It kind of hit home that she was being a completely different person to her new man, and that yes the relationship is over.

It also clearly showed the whole Narcisist supply thing in living color. When the OM is gone, or not paying attention to me she is all up my sh*t. When I give her attention or he his back she is distant and playing games.

When I came back home, I hurt. I felt those feelings that I have been working so hard to move past. So in retrospect, huge mistake.

[Vapo]

Dude, you are only human. Forgive yourself, part of PMA is also love thy self. Be comfortable in your own skin, love your self and let the world know that you are confidant and that you love yourself and anyone who does not like it, can ...

[BigMac]

Thanks Vapo, I appreciate it

[BigMac]

Journaling

It's funny how when a WAW shows some sort of humanity after months of being distant that the LBH (me in this case) feels a wave of emotions. It's almost like you jump back into arms that aren't there.

They come in, they pull back. They are totally inconsistent. Mine specifically is showing all the traits of someone with NPD / BPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder / Borderline Personality Disorder).

It kills to see someone you love detonating their entire life, with your kids and you in the blast radius. And you just get to see it over and over again as they orbit, pull back, push in, over and over again.

But at least you get to know the pattern, and know there is nothing you can do to stop their sickness.

[Zues126]

Hey big, still there and rooting you on. Last night at midnight my STBX texted me 'good luck in your pool tournament. Let me know if you are in a live stream table so I can have the kids watch'. At that hour I'm guessing she was drinking by herself and missing the days she would root me on (she told me she missed that once after bomb drop). For just a moment I felt love for her I haven't felt for a month or more. Then I just realized she is still a woman who's values allow her to divorce a man and throw him out of his house and family, have an affair, and drink to oblivion at every chance, all while blaming me for everything. Yes, I'm still tender. But I don't need that. She's not be woman I thought she was and our M was bad even when I thought she was someone she wasnt. I had a moment of silence for the M and went to sleep. I did respond with a short thank you. I know I'm growing more detached because I'm not worried about whether I'm dark enough, or whether I'm backsliding. I really don't care whether she thinks I'm her plan B or not. Feels good. I have a long road ahead, but its been 5.5 months. I'm hoping in another 5.5 it gets even easier. Take care!