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Hey Tad,
I wanted to share something with you. I've noticed that during the first 6 months of my relationship with my boyfriend I started to do the same thing. I would just stop feeling anything, and I was numb! It scared me! I couldn't understand how I could feel crazy about him one minute then literally detached another.

Well my dear Tad, that was my emotional baggage from the divorce starting to get unpacked.

The second time around really is a journey Tad. And the fact that you're acknowledging what you're feeling and questioning it means you're on the right track! You're aware of how your emotions are changing. I would encourage you to just acknowledge how you feel, and as time goes on try to dive a little deeper into maybe why you feel that way.

I've strived to do all those things with myself the past year and a half and have learned so much about all this baggage I had, and that I had to deal with!

My biggest issue has been anger. I do believe I have my angries out now.


M=42 XH=44
M=18 T=21
D14 D11
Divorced 4/2012
XH marries OW 6/2014.
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I agree with Kimmerz and have had a similar experience. Stay the course...


AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Thank you Job, Kimmerz and AJ.

I will stay the course.

My feelings are back. Haha.

The wonderful female friend and I continue to have some great conversations and are actually starting to become good friends. That is all I'm going to strive for at the moment. If things don't go any further, I'm fine with that. Atleast I'll have a good friend.

She is amazing though. The amount of things we have in common...pretty uncanny.

smile

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving.

Mine will not be anything near like the celebrations that we've had in the past, but it will be nice. I'll make the most of it.

Take care.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving or atleast tried to. Mine was the best one I've had since XW left.

Journaling:

I've had a little anxiety the past few days. For once it doesn't have to do with XW. I'm pretty sure it is related to my little ratties. They are both two years old now which is getting up in age for rats. One of them has sort of taken a turn since Wednesday. I'm keeping a close eye on her. Really bums me out.

I "forced" myself to go out Tuesday night. I really had to make myself go. I went alone to a local sports bar down the road from my house. It really sucked going alone, but once I got there, it wasn't too bad. I'm going to try to go again next week. Even if it is for an hour, I really need to get out.

I'm dreaming again. I've been having weird dreams that my teeth are falling out. The last time I had these dreams was around the time that XW moved out so I'm sure they mean something. When she moved out, I had them every night for a couple of months. Then they went away until this week. Twice this week I had dreams where my teeth were falling out or very loose.

I get to see my "friend" here at work again in a couple of days. I'm letting her borrow some of my music. She really digs the old Motown stuff like I do and I just happen to have every Motown single that was ever released from 1959-1971. I'm also letting her borrow one of my Temptations box sets. XW never could understand my love for the older/soulful stuff. This girl "gets it."

Anyways, that's all for now.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Tad,
I'm glad you had a nice Thanksgiving. It's been a long time coming for you.

I'm sorry to hear that your little ratties are aging quickly and may be gone soon. They've been a lot of company to you and you've loved them unconditionally. They've had a good "dad".

I'm proud of you! You actually pushed yourself out the door and went to the local sports bar. There's nothing wrong in going out alone. I hope you'll try it again and eventually this will become easier for you.

You and your co-worker have a lot in common. Music is a great connection for many and I'm glad you both can share your love of music. Motown had some great music during that time period.

Tad, it took you a while, but you've turned the corner and are progressing very well. Keep up the good work!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Yay, Tad!! Good on you for getting out. It will get easier and if you go to the same place, there will be regulars that you can befriend, Im sure.

Sorry about your pets. It's tough when they get old, isnt it? I kind of feel like they were here for a reason, to get you through these last couple of years.

Maybe if you look at it that way, it will make things easier.

I love Motown...nice of you to lend her that stuff.

I wouldnt worry about the dreams. They happen.

Just keep going, T. You are going to be ok.

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Hey Tad,
I once read that when we dream of our teeth falling out that represents change in our lives!

Given when you had these dreams, I do say there's been absolute change in your your life at that time!

I too have dreams like that, and I hate it. I wake up and check my mouth just to make sure they're all still there.


M=42 XH=44
M=18 T=21
D14 D11
Divorced 4/2012
XH marries OW 6/2014.
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
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Friends are always good to have, Tad. Glad you found somebody so into the same things. I bet there's more of those smile

Quote:
Mine will not be anything near like the celebrations that we've had in the past, but it will be nice. I'll make the most of it.
I agree with Job. You turned that corner and that's a good thing. While it may not be a hallmark holiday, it is yours and you did your way (queue the song by Old Blue Eyes?)

smile

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Sounds good, tad. Just make sure you're keeping up with regular brushing/flossing. grin


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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Thanks Job, Kimmerz, UR, AJ and FY.

It has been a bad few days.

I'm going in to have a tooth pulled next week. No, not a dream. Real life. smile

Had an interesting conversation with S28 yesterday. He informed me that XW always asks questions about me and gets really ticked if he doesn't answer her. He said that she gets really upset over the smallest things. He told me that she is not getting along with her "stepson" and that "stepson" is always complaining about her drinking. I'm convinced that she is an alcoholic and hearing this makes me more convinced. S28 says that XW only talks about me when not around OM. Of course, this doesn't surprise me because I suspect that he has been lied to more than me.

One of my rats is really sick. I'm not sure if she is dying from old age or just has a respiratory infection. I started her on antibiotics this afternoon. If I don't see an improvement soon, I may have to put her to sleep. I've already been real upset over this. Can't stand the thought.

My lady friend at work continues to chat with me all the time. It's obvious she enjoys my company. She let me borrow a "Soul Train" dvd that was filmed in the 70's. It's got a bunch of stuff on there from Barry White, Marvin Gaye, Smokey Robinson...all the stuff I like. I'm going to watch it soon. Just haven't got around to it because of my little sick furbaby.

frown

I was planning on going out again tonight, but didn't because of my rat and my toothache. Can't wait to get it pulled.

Please send good thoughts my ratty's way.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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