Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 10 1 2 3 9 10
#2510568 11/24/14 07:44 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
W
Wet Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
Prior Thread Part V - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2510283&page=1

MLC W Dates Lotsa Men Part IV - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2500323#Post2500323

MLC W Seeing Other Men, Part 3 - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2481792#Post2481792
(The first post here gives a summary of my situation.)


MLC Seeing Other Men, Part 2 - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2468975&page=1
---
Quick update, I am recovering from surgery on my neck/spine. I live with my d20, and I have my s13 on weekends.

W left me and took our youngest 3 children on June 15, 2013 when our house of 20 years was foreclosed upon - this was my fault, I was responsible for the mortgage payments.

Early in 2014 while we were separated W decided to join dating websites, and started dating lotsa younger guys. I let her know that "you will not be married to me, and date other men", and gave her divorce papers to end our marriage. She would not sign, and instead we agreed to a "trial divorce" for 3 months (April 2014 thru June 2014).

Recently W has made known she is seeing at least 1 special OM, and has indicated she will shortly see her own divorce attorney to start/finish the divorce process. But nothing is seen.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
W
Wet Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
The end is here? This morning my W called me. The only purpose was to see when I would prepare (I'm a lawyer) the final divorce agreement. I told her I was not ready for the divorce yet.

I asked her what was going on that we needed to get this done now (besides being separated for over 17 months, and having little contact together.) W explained she needed the D so that she could get on assistance, and just start her life over again. I understood. W started breaking down and crying.

There are financial issues that we still do not agree on. I offered to get a life insurance policy on my life for her and the kid's benefit. That was not good enough. I said let's think about this some more and talk tomorrow.

While I have been on the board, it was to stand for my marriage by working on me - and it's been a help. But I'm tired of the battle now. I think (again) it is time to see if we can agree on the financial issues, and if so, sign an agreement. There is no chance of reconciliation, and she gives me no signs of hope. I think I am ready to finish this up.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
Isn't she going to have to try to be finding an actual job in order to qualify for assistance? I didn't think they they just handed money over without proof of being turned down for jobs.

I know you don't want her to become something that wasn't "her" but this is what she wanted. She may actually have to get a job...Yikes!! I don't know who is giving her advice but it doesn't seem to be coming from someone who knows the ins and outs of this stuff. Ok, really not your problem, just a point that flashed up to me.

Tom, I wouldn't do this until you were sure, no doubts. You have to let go, fully and see where you are. I would still try to get your younger kids with you as she doesn't seem to be responsible for them on her own. give it some thought.

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
W
Wet Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
Thanks Kat, you are great. I just feel soooo tired, and she is pushing hard now, and I don't feel strong enough to fight her. And as shown by her being out Sunday night with other guys and getting drunk, her road still looks to be a long one. And I'm still dealing with this judgmental thing. Who knows, maybe this financial dispute will slow things down (she really wants part of my parent's estate, which I am not budging on.)

B/c she has the kids, I'm sure she can get some assistance, like food stamps. But you are right that this is her thing to deal with. And I'm just not in the financial position right now to get a larger place, so we are stuck.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
A
AJM Offline
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
Tired? Of? wink

If you were to step back and give advice to yourself, what would you say, Wet? If you really were objective about it and put on your Lawyer hat? Best-friend hat? Father-hat?

Would those answers line up?

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
I get that you are emotionally battered. I know that I was too. I tried everything to make it work and up until I wasn't married, I was.

WAS's don't see it that way. they were done even before they told you. They seem to feel like we are holding them hostage somehow in a relationship that they no longer want. Remember though, they aren't looking at themselves and their issues, they are just wanting to feel better and well since they were with you and you couldn't make the pain go away, you must be part of the problem.

You have to remember that most of us here advising you have had a few good years of introspection. I was a mess when I was in it and all I can say is thank my lucky stars that I was able to get myself and my kids through it. I give my kids credit too and thankfully none of them blame themselves for their Dad's choices.

I hope before you do anything, ask yourself if you have tried everything within reason. You want to be able to hold your head up high knowing that you stood up for your marriage and have fought hard for it. It is important for you and your kids.

For what it is worth, I wouldn't budge on your parents possible future inheritance to you either. You don't have a clue what may happen to them in the future and besides it is their money. They may say you don't get anything if she is going to get x amount.

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 222
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 222
I agree with kat. It takes time until they realize you weren't the reason for their pain if ever. Decisions are only rational to them while the rest of the world shakes their had. But don't forget there is always friends or family that will support bad decisions even to the detriment of children.

Be kind and show God's grace in everything you do and you'll be better off no matter what


W-37
Me-37
M-16yrs & 5days
W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014
D-8/13/2014
S16
S13
S11
D8
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 318
Likes: 87
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 318
Likes: 87
Originally Posted By: whytry
It takes time until they realize you weren't the reason for their pain if ever. Decisions are only rational to them while the rest of the world shakes their had. But don't forget there is always friends or family that will support bad decisions even to the detriment of children.


Do you have a thread now Whytry ?

I really hate to tie up wets thread for my response to you. And I apologize in advance for doing that. I went back and read your stuff here, and I looked up your spouses stuff too. Now, are you speaking about your friends and family that supported your bad decisions when you were threatening to divorce her ? Or her bad choices for having enough of your affairs, and blaming her for them, while ranting and raving in front of the children about how your anger and pain was her fault ?

If you want to support wet, then maybe you could just support him, instead of interjecting tidbits of untruthful statements. And maybe you could start a thread and actually work through your problems too. Everyone here deserves support, all that we ever ask, is for honesty.

I am sorry for the hijack wet.

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
W
Wet Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
Originally Posted By: Boat14
Do you have a thread now Whytry ?

I really hate to tie up wets thread for my response to you. And I apologize in advance for doing that...
I am sorry for the hijack wet.


No apology needed Boat14. I also looked unsuccessfully for Whytry's thread.

Quick update, I have not heard from W today. She asked when I would pick up s13, and I told her tomorrow/Wednesday, so I think she wants to speak about the final details of ending our marriage in person.

I had lunch with two friends with whom I own a Fantasy Football team. Let me do some bragging, our team is 19 and 5 (2 games a week) and we've already clinched our division title. I'm the guy who does the pick-ups, and the weekly line-ups, so I'm feeling pretty good about this year's team, and my part of it. It was a nice lunch with friends, where I got to get my fill of talking sports.

Last edited by Wet; 11/25/14 10:23 PM.

Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 2,609
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 2,609
Click on a users name, go to View all posts.
smile


In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm

Page 1 of 10 1 2 3 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard