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A Message from Michele
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Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: wmwb123] #2511948
11/29/14 04:02 PM
11/29/14 04:02 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
W
wmwb123 Offline OP
Member
wmwb123  Offline OP
Member
W
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
Oh, and I feel I've done all I possibly can intervention-wise. I'm focusing on myself now. I didn't make her have an affair, and I can't make her stop. All I can do is be willing to work on things if she decides that's what she wants.


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: wmwb123] #2511949
11/29/14 04:06 PM
11/29/14 04:06 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
W
wmwb123 Offline OP
Member
wmwb123  Offline OP
Member
W
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
People may disagree with my decision to expose my wife's affair, and I understand the reasoning. I had the same concerns. Ultimately, I decided I needed to do what I could to help her. My motivation was my unconditional love for my wife. What attracted me to my wife in the first place was her logical mind. I know that if she comes out of the fog she will understand why I did it. She will see it as an act of love. The old her would have, so if she comes off the PEA high, I'm sure she will understand.


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: wmwb123] #2511951
11/29/14 04:08 PM
11/29/14 04:08 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
W
wmwb123 Offline OP
Member
wmwb123  Offline OP
Member
W
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
Anyway, this was kind of a side track. I exposed the affair in July and that was that. My focus now is on being the husband she will want to return to someday.


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: wmwb123] #2511959
11/29/14 04:52 PM
11/29/14 04:52 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
W
Wonka Offline
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Wonka  Offline
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W
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
WMB,

We are not disagreeing with your decision to do exposure. What we are doing instead is stressing the key point that the WAS has to make the decision on their own to end their affair. Not from you. Not from anyone else. That is the difference we're trying to point out here.

I am with you that you are NOT responsible for their choice to engage in an affair, but do own your part in the M's breakdown and do what you can to reflect on what changes you can do to improve yourself as a partner, husband, and man.

We all are praying that your W will come out of the OW fog sometime soon.

Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: Wonka] #2511986
11/29/14 07:10 PM
11/29/14 07:10 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
W
wmwb123 Offline OP
Member
wmwb123  Offline OP
Member
W
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
Hi Wonka,

Yes, I understand where you're coming from, and trust me, I'm not offended. I just felt like I needed to clarify why I did it, because people were suggesting that the purpose was to shame the spouse into coming back. That thought never crossed my mind. I love my wife, and my only intent was to help her. If she were in her right mind, she would have agreed with me. What I intended was for people that suppor our marriage to attempt to reason with her. They did, but it didn't snap her out of it.

I also don't think the exposure had anything to do with her filing. I asked her in May to give it two months before filing. She told me in July that she hadn't changed her mind. So she waited the requested amount of time and then filed. I should have asked for six months, I guess, but it was on the fly, and two months was what came out of my mouth.


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: wmwb123] #2511994
11/29/14 07:34 PM
11/29/14 07:34 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
W
Wonka Offline
Member
Wonka  Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
WMB,

I think the fact that we have been able to have this discussion while respecting our own perspectives is wonderful! smile That's what I love so much about DB forums. A lot of good and supportive people around these parts.

If you don't want a D to happen quickly, you can ask your L to stall and delay. Inform your L that you still want a reconciliation with your W and that D isn't what you want. Oftentimes, Ls will understand your POV and will do what they can legally to delay the D by "forgetting" something.

Have you been able to communicate your wishes to your L?

Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: Wonka] #2511995
11/29/14 07:37 PM
11/29/14 07:37 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
W
wmwb123 Offline OP
Member
wmwb123  Offline OP
Member
W
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
Yes, Wonka, I have. smile We're doing the bare minimum to be cooperative. I am still praying she will snap out of it before the divorce goes through. It appears I'll also have an opportunity for DBing when she comes to get her things, although I'm praying she'll come to her senses before that, too.


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: wmwb123] #2511997
11/29/14 07:43 PM
11/29/14 07:43 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
W
Wonka Offline
Member
Wonka  Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
WMB,

I'm curious to know what the law is in your state regarding D. How long does the parties have to wait from the filing until it is granted by the Courts?

Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: Wonka] #2511999
11/29/14 07:46 PM
11/29/14 07:46 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
W
wmwb123 Offline OP
Member
wmwb123  Offline OP
Member
W
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
60 days.


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: wmwb123] #2512001
11/29/14 07:47 PM
11/29/14 07:47 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
W
Wonka Offline
Member
Wonka  Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
Jiminy Cricket!!! That fast??!! It blows. mad

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Moderated by  Virginia 

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