Thanks Job, I appreciate your posting to me.... I am going to work overtime to try to stabilise things for my son. I also intend to contact the child-support agency to see whether they can enforce anything and maybe go the court route too.. although it's probably not worthwhile.
ATM, I feel kind of traitor-like - we are on hold until S16 finishes his exams in 10 days... then I will have to tell him that the last few days of school could be the last he ever has there. The whole sitch is very upsetting.
S16 will likely ball me out for not telling him as soon as I knew. He is hyper-sensitive to people 'lying' to him, these days.
In other news, I found a $100 cheque for S16 slipped under the front door yesterday afternoon. We were all home, but presumably, XH just put it there and ran.
How ridiculous is that?
He stops the kid's schooling the day before, breaks his heart and life in pieces, and then has the gall to think that $100 will be a good idea to show that he still cares.
Also, this is the third day that OW has been overseas - and the third day in a row that he has contacted us (phone, email, f-to-f and dropping off at the house) after weeks/months of NC.
Getting on with things here, although little things S16 says make me feel awful.
Yesterday he jumped into the room after practising his trumpet (he was playing Xmas carols) to announce that he'd set a goal for next year:
To play notes as high as his school trumpet teacher can play (apparently high notes are more difficult and S16 wants to be first trumpet in the school band). I felt sick. He won't even have a trumpet next year (as it belongs to the school) let alone lessons.
On Saturday, because she wanted to go out late that night, D18 caved and rang XH after long NC because he'd put a block on her phone and she couldn't put credit on it.
He was nice and said he'd put $20 on it for her, but changed the conversation immediately to ask - this and only this: "Can you go and check on the top of the wardrobe in your mother's room to see if you can find my guitar case."
She didn't have to look as it was not there.
Next day, she gets another hurried call, saying he's sending his brother and nephew around NOW to our house to find the guitar case. We have only seen them once in the last 3 years.
D18 was like: "Whaaat?" She had the presence of mind to say that we were going out and he eventually backed down.
When S16 heard he was absolutely furious about the weirdness of it.
I suspect BIL and nephew were helping XH move furniture out of OW's apartment and driving it across to the new State that he is re-locating to.
XH's last day here and all he wants to ask when his kids are on the phone is: where's my god--mn guitar case.
NLW, I'm very sorry he's being insensitive and a PIA. Their priorities are not the same as ours. To even ask his daughter to go look for the guitar is inexcusable when he should have contacted you about it.
As for your son, I'm sorry about the situation. Maybe something will transpire in the next few months that will turn the decision around about his tuition and school. If he ends up going to another school, they may have a band and he can join it. You never know what will happen in the next 6 months. Stay positive on this situation.
If you still have the guitar and case, put it somewhere that you can easily locate it if he should want it again. I certainly wouldn't change my plans for him, your BIL or nephew when it comes to getting things for you h. Heck, he's got money, he could go out and purchase another one at this point in time. Maybe Scrooge will bring him one.
I hope that you and your family have a nice Thanksgiving. I know you've got a lot on your plate and are stressing over the tuition situation, but do try to put that stuff aside on Thursday and enjoy your day w/your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am so sad for your son. He does not deserve this.
Please surround him with love and remind him that this does not have to be the end of something great but the start of something greater. Give him all the tools he needs to grow from this life changing experience.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
You are right Job, I need to stay positive - who knows how this may pan out...
Bklyn, I love your philosophy - I will definitely tell S16 of your wise advice: "this does not have to be the end of something great but the start of something greater."
Although we don't celebrate TG in Aus, I have a lot to be thankful for:
Caring posters like you who come to my thread whenever I need support and advice, great kids and two parents still hanging on in there and willing to help me in any way they can.
Great friends, too - one has invited me over for dinner on the weekend and has also asked an old friend of ours who used to work with us but has since moved out of our circle - he's now D-ed and has a young daughter... I suspect we're being set-up, but who cares!
Another old boyfriend just emailed me out of the blue on the weekend to say he's visiting his mum for Xmas (he now lives in Peru - a gold-mine CEO, no less) and can we catch up for dinner. He's married to a Peruvian woman now, so no chance of romance there, but SO nice to get his email and excited to see him after all these years (like, 40!).
I hope you all have a wonderful TG - please know that I will be thinking of you all as good friends who have helped me through the toughest of tough times. True thanks to you all.
NLW - I have been following your thread and I just wanted to say I am sorry you are having to deal with XH. Your son does not deserve to be treated like this. You sound very strong and caring. Your children are lucky to have a mom like you.
I also love your positive upbeat attitude. Keep us posted and hang in there.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Lou and Gwen thanks for your support... It really helps.
For some reason, I am going through a real low patch today - "I just want my old life/and XH back" ... the kids need their father; if he would just show remorse and see how lost he's been, we could forgive him and try to re-incorporate him into our lives..
Like, yeah, that's gonna happen.
It's just a normal yearning for a happy life, I suppose. For an end to heart-ache and sadness. But it's not going to come through XH's actions, I know.
I think I'm down today because we put up the tree yesterday, and Xmas was always such a big thing in our household. I've been dragging my feet on the decorations and making the pudding this year - left to my own devices, think I'd just forget it all, but I want to make things nice for the kids. So I do it, and then I get sad and sorry for myself. (Time to grow up; there are many worse things that can happen to people.)
Also, I have my big meeting with my old friend tonight and for some reason, after looking forward to it for the last week, now the day is here, I've woken up feeling sick and anxious. Maybe it's because I'll probably have to explain my lack of a husband and financial troubles....IDK.
This will pass, I know.
Thanks again everyone for your support; it helps. Sorry to be so down, I think even writing this out has helped me though. I hope you are all doing OK.
Remember its just passing through and will be gone soon enough.
Christmas Tree up - I can never get my head around Xmas in the sunshine; its so bizarre listening to christmas carols about snow and cold frosty nights whist sat around in shorts and T's slapping on sunscreen lol.
Keep smiling - get some christmas spirit in you, just remember to put some in the pud too
