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Originally Posted By: Ahoy
To his funeral! (Just kidding -- couldn't resist.)



My high school boyfriend went away to the Air Force and met a girl that he married back in our hometown. In the place I grew up, it's common not to send printed wedding invitations, but to invite the community through a newspaper announcement. So I went to his wedding. In a black dress. Yes, I did.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
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Love that, rppfl!


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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so yesterday was anniversary. H sent me a text saying that he was thinking of me and was grateful for our years together. Said that even though he could have done everything better that he wouldn't trade it for anything.

But he did. for another woman. So why is he bothering me with this text. Let me indulge in a little mind reading:
1. he feels guilty
2. he wants me and everyone else to see him as the good guy in spite of everything
3. he wants attention, which I have not been giving him
4. he wants me to be his "buddy" and friend

Probably in his mind he is convinced that sending me this "nice" message on our anniversary was a considerate thing to do. But of course for me it sends me right back into my sad place and makes me angry. I really do want him to leave me alone if he is not interested in rebuilding our relationship and family. I will not engage in a back-and-forth text session about the differences in our perceptions of our marriage now, or point out the ways in which his text was completely ridiculous considering the circumstances, or even waste my energy telling him why I'd prefer he didn't contact me with anything that isn't directly involved in coordinating our D14's schedule. Instead, I just am not responding at all. I need to continue on my path of detachment, and engaging with him in R discussions will not help in that respect.

In other news, we had an awesome early Thanksgiving with my sister. We all cried at some point and had a group hug. I asked my D14 why she was crying, and she said "Dad." I asked "because you miss him." And she gave me a look like I was crazy. So I guess she wasn't missing him, just mad about what he's done. I'm off to visit more family next week (without daughter). I'll be sad to be away from her, but glad to be in the arms of my wonderful family. Thankful for them and the support I've received on these boards.

Last edited by Ahoy; 11/23/14 05:14 PM.

M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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Hi Ahoy, yep that sounds like a guilty text to me. And I completely get why you would not want to hear from him at all. It also sounds like he is unresolved, because if he was just over it he wouldn't acknowledge the anniversary at all.

I hope the rest of your family time goes well!
Hugs to you, Lisa

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Hello Ahoy... Happy for you that you'll get to be in the loving arms of your family next week. And yes that is clearly guilt in his letter. Good for you that you left him hanging. Keep taking care.


Me: 44
W: 45
S: 11
Married: 15
Together: 18
BD: 9/29/2014
OM discovered: 10/16/2014
I left her behind: 12/14/2014
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I'm down with the guilt, too. No other reason to acknowledge it unless you are thinking about it.

Seems a little insensitive to send unless you're planning on doing something about it, which I don't see here just yet.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
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Hi Ahoy , just saw your post re the text about anniversary , like everyone else guilt but also it shows he is thinking about you. I wouldn't mind read about it because no one knows what it means , maybe not even him.

Sounds like a great time with your sis and I hope the meeting with other family went well.

Your post seemed upbeat even allowing for some of the subject matter so that was nice to read. Bit about D was sad but aleast she has an awesome mum. !

Take care. Rd

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Back in my home state with family -- loving it, though missing my D14. I had to get up at 4 a.m. to catch my plane. After deplaning a random stranger stopped me to tell me he thought I was really beautiful. Made my day. I felt terrible -- lacking sleep, eyes rimmed with red, tired and sad. It takes so little to pick up my spirits at times. I need to remember to give more compliments to others. Sometimes that's all it takes to change someone's day completely, and it's such a small gesture. Happy Thanksgiving all!


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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Originally Posted By: Ahoy
Probably in his mind he is convinced that sending me this "nice" message on our anniversary was a considerate thing to do. But of course for me it sends me right back into my sad place and makes me angry. I really do want him to leave me alone if he is not interested in rebuilding our relationship and family.


Just adding my two cents in to say I'm with you on this. I'm in that space, myself. If you're not choosing me, then go away, because interaction with you makes me remember you're not choosing me. :P


ME: 38
BF: 40
T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice)
BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R.
10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW
12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
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Hi Ahoy. Beautiful on the outside as well. !!!!!!!! Your H must be mad.
Great to read how the compliment gave you a lift. My Ds tell me I'm handsome (LOL, love really is blind). Still makes me feel good Take care. Rd

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