H gave be his GA books to return as he says he will 'never need them again'
Right! If you say so H.
Trying to take the rise as he knows I still go to GAanon. Hard luck H did not succeed in getting a rise out of me.
H has been sorting out his clothes and office today, took great pride in telling me that he had' two early nights' whilst I was away. He told me he had " his own reasons for looking Good" My response: " it's always good to sort your wardrobe and have clothes to feel good in"
Really? Am off to 12 steps tonight.
Fantastic GAL weekend with fav cousin and glam sis. Feel calmer and calmer as time goes on. Had the chance to rehearse boundaries on HP thread, ready for use in my toolkit. Going to 12 steps or having IC will be crucial if my M ever recovers. I am here for the long haul. Will be many months of crazies. But life is calmer because I am calmer and more detached. I have this thing down to a fine art. Not!
Shame about the rest though. I tackled: Start with a beginners mind GAL Boundaries Detachment Goals Now for: Improve self 180s IC tomorrow can go for this in more depth However H is defiant and sulky but at least we are chatting in an almost neighbour way I cook a meal H made toast today and coffee I bought a new Hoover and we discussed a new tumble dryer I can order we will pay jointly I filled the fridge, H bought milk etc Very very ordinary day to day stuff But we are interacting when H not under the influence of compulsion. If he is I refuse to interact and just say " we can talk another time"
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/24/1404:34 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I love, love your attitude! Keep going. Have you read GGG's thread over in MLC forum. She is a shining example of detached cool cat who is out dancing the night away and skinny dipping while her H is still stuck.
Tooth is playing up again. Every 3 to 4 weeks a large molar gets infected. Then it hurts like hell. A little like the heart break with H.
However iF I can cope with H , then I can cope with tooth.
Dentist again, antibiotics again.
I feel very tired today. No matter how much rest I get I still feel tired.
Overloaded at work as I have been very distracted by my relationship with H. It isn't good as this is my livelihood and H does not work. I took yesterday off work because of tooth, today will be interrupted because of it. One day at a time Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
You seem to have a really good outlook given all you've got going on. Its really good to see so just keep positive about it all - tooth and all (hopefully that's better soon).
Its most likely emotional tiredness rather than physical tiredness. Trying to manage this kind of stuff puts enormous pressure on the thinking rational side of the brain but as changes become habits the effort shifts to the automatic side (Daniel kahneman explains this well)
Also I wanted to say thankyou for being so kind to so many of the people round here including me.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Second session of GAManon in new location, twelve steps last night and Thursday night will be GAanon in old location.
I need the help and support of my GAanon groups as much as they need mine.
Today I feel quite tearful, mainly because I know H has no desire to deal either with his temper nor his compulsions. Yesterday we had three minor incidents, one of which was a blame Vaniila.
For H birthday in March, his S and family gave him a carousel of herbs and spices. Unfortunately the out of date was May (two months later) and the carousel has clearly been in a window and the contents looked spoiled. H took the carousel to his office and kept it there. It is quite risky to use out of date spices. Yesterday, he found the spice carousel and decided to throw it away. Apparently it is my fault, I told him it was "no good" and he had wanted to use the contents. This indicates my poor attitude towards him and lack of respect. The carousel was given to us, he states and I dismissed the present as I always do.
Perhaps I could have handled this better at the time by replacing some of the spices with fresher ones and then the carousel could have been used.
I kept the carousel on one side and am considering refilling it, or do I throw it away?
The second incident was because of H's GA books which he gave me to return to GA. This is his way of saying "not interested in GA, I can cope on my own". He clearly can't but I put the books in his office bin as if he wishes to return them he can do it himself. He threw the books at me, as if they were rubbish. It is very sad indeed. He has stated on several occasions he does not want me to go to gam anon. It is H loss of fellowship and support and I think if he is truthful then the GA group will advise him straightforwardly. Frankly if he does not want change then there is no help I can give him. I have to trust his higher power will kick him in his stubborn nethers. Somewhere he will get a wake up call. Difficult days Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I wouldn't worry about the carousel. Most likely your H us just angry and its about finding something to hook his anger onto.
The GA is a similar thing I'd guess. He doesn't want to face it for whatever reason and its possible the fact you can triggers something. Fear disguised as anger maybe...
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
H isn't ready to seek help. I would suggest that you back off and put the focus back on you. You can continue to attend those meetings yourself.
As for the tooth, I'd suggest that you brush your teeth twice a day and gargle it with a mouthwash. I've noticed that using mouthwash keeps infections and whatnot at bay. So I've taken to using mouthwash regularly. Do you have dental check-ups on a regular basis like every 3 months? The older we get, the more frequent the check-ups should be.
Thanks Jim, it's a shame really as H loves to cook and prepare food. The herbs and spices add delicious touches, tastes and flavours. It is his present not mine and a lovely stand and of course rotates. And thank you, I find your contribution valuable too. Will write at length on the philosophy of economic happiness and the division of mindfulness and dreams. The experience of an emotion versus the memory of it. what a topic, thank you for reminding me.
Wonka it is his loss as the fellowship is a good way of developing oneself and like this board is full of individuals with personal issues that need addressing. When I go to open meetings with the GA guys we see a great deal of personal struggle and resolution. It can be very awe inspiring. of course it's based on the 12 steps of AA and working the program is vital to recovery. There is a social element to it too and many sponsored courses and IC is free of charge. I am sad for H that he isn't seeking recovery for his compulsions and aggression. I see an angry fearful man and I am getting out of the way. I have no intention of riding the wild bucking bronco. There is no point in being in harms way. These sessions are tiring but very fulfilling.
Afraid the tooth thing is an abscess in the bone which isn't healing properly. My jaw bone is like a sieve where I had my cancer treatment. A Swiss cheese of potholes which act as reservoirs.... Too much information, I guess so.
Still a least I have teeth otherwise I couldn't bite off more than I can chew.
I am off to my new group, will report back on progress. I am looking forward to it. Shivering cold weather here in the UK Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/25/1406:35 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
