Last thread and now time for a newbie. I feel......honestly, in many ways I feel the lowest I've ever felt. Other days, I cannot stop laughing and feel giddy. Seriously. I know this will pass and hopefully my feelings /moods will stabilize a bit.
The incessant fighting amongst the kids is difficult. They are insecure and struggling. I feel like I've hit a bit of a wall with that. I hate to see them hurt although I just really feel like I'm at a loss some days.
Me? Please know I don't say this from a defeatist attitude-these are simply my feelings now. I cannot in one billion years imagine dating or getting into a relationship. I miss having someone to share funny stuff with. I miss someone telling me how cute I am (However-I would push then away anyway because I can't bear to hear that right now)and I have such mixed feelings about physical touch. Some days I just want to go have $ex with a faceless stranger as long as they promise not to talk to me after the fact. Isn't that horrible? I still have this insatiable desire to be in control and desired and I'm correlating it to sex. However, I've only been with a few people in my life but for some reason, that is what I crave. With no emotional attachment. Makes me sound classy, right? I have never felt this way before and don't even know how to articulate it.
The new hair is dark brown (I'm naturally dirty blonde) and it kind of suits my mood right now. Dark. This too shall pass.
Hope everyone had a great weekend.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
It's tough, I remember coming here in the early days and reding your stuff, and so much is similar.
Don't be tough on you it's been a long road. I want to date, I do not want mr I'm a crazee freak to control me or my life. He said I will always be alone, I'm so revolting.
I will not allow him to prophesies like that in my life. You can do it too, your further down this road than me.
Just meet people. Get out there amongst it, take the dog walking, take the kids walking anything.
Mind you s16 is home today sick again, hungover more like! Meh... I've got plans that may or may not work out for the next few weeks.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Thank you for your kind thoughts. Hope s16 is feeling better.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I cannot in one billion years imagine dating or getting into a relationship. I miss having someone to share funny stuff with. I miss someone telling me how cute I am
Although you are ahead of me....I relate to this so much.
I'm lonesome, especially when running errands, winding down in the evening. I miss having my h to talk to and snuggle with.
And I have zero desire to seek something new.
And yeah... No one telling me I'm cute. I'm sure you are rocking your new sassy-darkness, though!!
((((((Hugs)))))))
What did you end up deciding about the job options? I'm sorry if I either missed it or simply can't remember..... I'm not as sharp as usual.
GB, we have similar brain waves. You said it very well. I'm sorry you are struggling with this. It can be so difficult at times. And the good ones are so enjoyable, the with the snap of a finger, you're snapped back into reality.
But, I guess we have to remember that we really appreciate the good ones more now, find more meaning in things- or life in general. And count our blessings. I know for me, on blessing I have is that I just don't have time for nonsense (out side of dealing with my crazy life- I try to minimize it!- The irony of my post tonight, I guess).
But, I'm sure you find that you are able to cut out, remove, dismiss any external nonsense that starts to enter you space.
It's gotta get better, GB. They say it does, and I am looking forward to it.
I think if you think about it, it seems like it will take to long, but when we stop and look back at our journey, we can see how far we've come. That's amazing! And hopefully give you another burst of energy to keep on moving.
Dealing with the kids non stop is too much to bear. I can't even imagine having 3.
Go easy on yourself. You are only 1 person. Kids are gonna fight and be bratty and are gonna make you nuts. That would be the same if you and your stbx were still together.
I too want a no strings attached relationship. I'm too scared to share for real with anyone.
You are not alone.
We think your great:)
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
GB ... yup ... you are not crazy .. well ... maybe you are and you just have surrounded yourself with like minded crazy, there feel better??
I get the urges, I think we all have them regardless if we have the stones like you to admit them here. I think its that hole we have, its not patched up and won't be for some time so we feel like filling that need, rebuilding the ego ... as you said . you want to be in control and feel desired, with what you have gone through, what we all are going through ... seems to make sense.... we all have had our worlds turned upside down and its about getting the pieces back together and for Heavens sake feeling normal again... totally get that. Sometimes I too think .. maybe no strings sex will just allow me a break, for me I know it will just make things worse ... well that and why spoil the fantasy by actually doing it .. lol And yeah .. there are cycles of moods, I go through them too .. I notice in my dress, the dark days its the jeans, black shirt .. my black boots and I ride the Harley .... Light days I dress up, nice shoes, pressed shirt and rock my hair like a Rooster looking for a new hen house. But yeah .. the lack of having one to share the small things with, the things only intimate partners relate to, that's the killer .. I am struggling with it ... but we move on .. that's what survivors do .. we share here with people who get it, it does not cure it all .. but it helps.
Sharing with people that "get it" is what makes those dark days more bearable. What is was completely unprepared for was the reaction of family and friends about moving on quickly. In the age of reality TV and FB and no fault divorce it is as if our society has just embraced unhealthy detachment to the nth degree.
Seriously odd how people just expect you to dump the old life and get a new one in the time it takes to visit the mall. People seem to be this way with everything and everyone nowadays. I can appreciate moving forward in life but most people are just chasing rainbows and unicorns.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Yes, you need to be well and truly done with the old relationship before you start a new one - and you need to do the necessary work on yourself.
But the people who are urging you to move on and date are just coming from a place of not wanting to see you hurt - they think that you deserve someone who treats you better and just want to see that manifest in your life.
Thanks GG, my girl Mighty, BK, Cali, Gwen and Shining. I do appreciate every single comment here. Thanks for your support and just listening to me ramble. On and on and on.
I don't really miss my h. I miss having someone although I can't say I particularly miss him. Sometimes, that in itself makes me sad. I've cried more in the last month than I have in over a year. And I'm not a crier. Although, I miss what I thought I had and my intact family. Yet, I feel nothing for him. At least at this moment.
I cannot help but think this overwhelming desire to have $ex with whoever has something to do with my ED. Or the stuff associated with my ED. ED has been under control for years but it is always there. The control maybe? Again, I don't feel anything towards any man right now. I feel like a shell (hopefully one of the pb flavored magic shells you pour on ice cream)
Cali, you said something that made me think. You said I had the stones to admit that I have this overwhelming desire to have meaningless $ex. I am at a point where I am trying to be authentic and honest. With the exception to my children, physical touch from anyone almost revolts me. Literally. I hugged my bf Saturday and I had to do it a couple of times not to *feel* that sense of repulsion. And she's beautiful and wonderful. But I want to be in control and dominated (not necessarily in the $exual sense) at the same time. I hope this isn't TMI-it is a bit of an overwhelming feeling right now though. It is the strangest yet most pervasive feeling I've had in years. I cannot quite describe it.
I grew up in a very looks focused household. My mother was an xyz Queen and she never got me. Or we never got each other. The definition of different peeps. That I have moved on from. We just saw things differently. She just grew up that way and we see certain things differently. She did the best she could and her intentions were pure. She is beauty queen and I'm kind of granola. I both hated and wanted attention for my looks. Isn't that crazy? I used to keep myself a little chubby because I hated how much attention my body got. And at the ripe old age of 42, I actually get a ton of attention based on my appearance and I don't get it. Beauty is fleeting and it's what's on the inside that matters. Xh used to always say "you get noticed so much from the guys and you never even pay attention." Strange. Again, I'm not Giselle. Hails no I'm not even Giselle's big toe. Still, something isn't connecting for me mentally right now.
Thanks for listening.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Yeah, I too have arrived at the point I do not miss W, I miss her when she was nice, but this MLC think it has been some time since she was just nice and loving, and I catch myself missing a ghost in a sense so I get that. I think I realized I miss feeling whole and having that family presence .... some of that is her, but more of it is me I think. I like you find myself with certain desires that are overwhelming, however I struggle with them .... with my journey and the fact I have increased with my faith ... I am conflicted and wonder are these tests I am supposed to pass, these desires do I act on them knowing I may regret them after ... or even worse .. what happens if I do not regret them .. what path would all that lead me down ... so yeah .. I kinda get that, especially living in a SSM for as long as I have its like I have a Willy Wonka Golden Ticket and could very well present it to any woman and of course I would score .. lol
Reading more of what you wrote... is this more about you being accepted for your looks competing with your Mom? Granola over taking the Queen? I do know during some really awful spew the W and her MLC threw out at me .. there were times I needed to prove those things wrong, once I received some attention I bailed. The physical thing is something though ... might be worth diggin more there and finding a source.... regardless you are not alone, maybe there is just a bit of comfort in that.
Thanks Cali. I like you-a DJ, huh? I love me some obscure 80s music. You make a very valid point with the $exuality issue. It is something I'm trying my darnedest to work through while staying true to myself.
If anything, at least I seem consistently crazy. S11 had his first basketball game last night. (You've got nothing to worry about, LeBron!!!). I asked x Mr GB to take s4 as s11 wanted to spend one on one time with me. I watched s11 bound up and down the court (poor guy inherited my athleticism:-) and he was so intense and having so much fun. At the end of the game, a lady came up to me and said, " you have the best kids. They are wonderful and you are so lucky." And I promptly burst into tears. Did I look nutty? Maybe. Hopefully xtra crunchy peanut butter nutty:-). I thanked her and took s to dinner. We had some fries!!!! Maybe I'm allowing myself to be a tad more vulnerable? Show emotions? Maybe I'm just a nutcase???
Then about 9:30 my former boss texted me and asked if he could chat with me in real time. He is being considered for a VP position and wanted me to be a reference. He said that he gets worried about me sometimes and wanted to make I'm okay. I told him I'm in a bit of an odd place right now, and I'll work through it. He's a good guy and I've had many folks reach out to chat. That's been fun -to catch up.
To my fellow fashionistas, I wanna say I look pretty gosh darn swaggy in my dress from M$dc!oth and my wedge boots. I keep telling myself this will pass. I will get better. I will get through this. I can do this.
Happy Tuesday peeps:-)
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 11/25/1403:26 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hi GB. just catching up on your thread. You sound good. My 2 cents...affection and attention is not a bad or abnormal thing to want. You deserve to be loved and desired as much as anyone. Happy thanksgiving.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Mini update. X MIL asked what x Mr GB was doing for Thanksgiving as he dropped his dog off for the week without asking me (yes-I'm going to work on boundaries). Oldest son enjoys nutcase dog and of course x Mr GB did not drop off food. Sooooo, had to get another bag. I digress.
D9 has been begging for a Twitter account as she sees her dad on there. Hails to the no ! I phrased it more fluffily to her. X MIL and I consulted Twitter and x Mr GB is at gf parents house. Apparently, in addition to being an erotic story teller gf's mother considers herself a magical fairy. True story. You can't make this up. No word on 84 yr old dad with criminal issues. I genuinely mean this- I think x Mr GB did me a favor. I can't do nutty. I did for years and thought I was doing the right thing. And I think I was. However, I really think he did me a favor.
I'm embarrassed to say I was mean to someone this week. As in went off, mean because I wanted to hurt them or make them hate me. I can't talk about that but I know why I did.
Otherwise, had some gelato with s4 today. Cuddled with both boys. Bathed dog. Finished laundry. Journaled on my blog. Hanging in there.
Sending everyone spirit fingers and a liberty heel stretch:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
GB.... Erotic storyteller AND magical fairy???? Ummm....that's triple nutty. Loony toons. Wackadoodle-doo. I am still shaking my head.... WOW.
YOU'RE SO FRAKIN AWESOME. Mean-girl outbursts, and all. I'll take you exactly as you are!
AND..... I'll accept your lovely offerings of spirit fingers and Liberty heel stretch. In return, I'm gettin' down in YOUR honor, performing some serious worm.
Thanks Shining & Lou. Shining, people always say I'm one of the nicest people they know. I'm always surprised to hear that-not that I don't think I'm nice, rather that's just not the way I see myself. When I get overwhelmed or don't know how to deal with something, I have a tendency to lash out. It's rare, although when I do, I know I'm very hurtful. I go for the jugular. I don't know what this person thinks. And I'm somewhat embarrassed I did that.
Gosh Lou! I think you are doing fantastic. I know you are struggling with your S20, and that's understandable. He will either figure out adulthood or not. Keep focusing on you. Do the the things you love. And laugh every chance you can. It's the best advice I can give.
A friend had nowhere to go for T-giving. I said. "join us at the Golden Corral. You will probably never speak to me again and want to drink lighter fluid, but it will be an adventure with me and the kids.":-)
I know many are struggling. Please try to see all that is good and you do have much good in your life. Be thankful for the chance to have a wonderful day. It is what you make it. Sending everyone a great day and a triple salchow, triple toe loop. Stick the landing!
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 11/27/1401:45 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Let's see. Holiday was okay. Boys were high powered with our friend joining us. We did the Just Dance after lunch.
Today we've relaxed. I made plans next Saturday with a recently divorced childhood friend. We went to college together as well and she shares my wicked, warped humor. Since most of my friends are guys, I'm trying to branch put and embrace some females. This is very much out of my comfort zone. If I had $5 for every woman that has said, " GB, you remind me so much of my x bf or xh", then I would be retired. Is it clear how much I love males? The humor. The guy stuff. The a$$hattery. Love. Love. Love.
Oh I shouldn't admit this and I will. I keep thinking I want someone. Then I realize they might want something from me (sigh). Anything from me. And then I might have to let me guard down and I simply cannot right now. And how would I see them?
More later..,
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 11/28/1409:59 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I'm looking at the menu I want to choose from it, I really do. Then comes the freak out when some thing looks my way or I even think they are looking my way.
Mmm guessing neither of us are ready, remotely.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Okay I'm ready to confess as best I can on this board. My behavior has bothered me and I'm a little concerned about veering from my true self. As a result, I have decided to steer clear of males I'm attracted to (only been 1) and just focus on me and the kids.
So for those of you following along, I did have a very intense physical encounter with HG. He mentioned as I was leaving that he was still confused and again, every conversation was like a chess match with me. I should point out that HG is very strangely honest. Very literal. He is funny-however a bit different than most of my other guy friends. A few days after our encounter-I passed right by him. He was looking at me and I just ignored him. I don't know why. I just did. I didn't feel embarrassed-think I was more surprised I did that with him. He immediately texts me asking if I was mad at him. I said no and a woman who LOATHES lying fibbed. I said I didn't see him which was technically true because I wouldn't look his way and I KNEW he was there. I just ignored him. He said. " you walked right past me." I just said "really? I didn't see you." Shame on me.
Last Saturday night I had margaritas with my best friend. I rarely drink. 1 drink I'm fine. 2 is getting iffy and 3 is going down a water slide into a ginormous pool of stuff. I had 3. I sent him a text (genuine) that I was sorry that I was so confusing at this point. Normally I'm not and that we just happened to meet at an unusual time in my life. (Yes- I know I should not have done this via text). He asked why did I think it was a bad time and why was I so confusing to him? I essentially said that I didn't want to want anyone, want anyone to want me and I'm perfectly happy with my 16 foot wall around me. And that things got weird when we actually had $ex ( I don't know how to describe this but it was like he was totally admiring me and I felt weird???) I wasn't a w$&re and wtf was he even talking to me because he was hot, 10 years younger and I had 3 kids and a nutty ex husband. I told him I had been with only a few people and it was like he was an adult film star. I was sorry I had $ex with him and could we pretend this didn't happen. Oh and I just want to be friends. He said "GB, I'm just working to tonight." I then said "okay so we agree this was a mistake." I actually thought "I'm no longer attracted to him. " Until Tuesday, when he texted me and he was normal. It sounds crazy although I just feel like he just let's me twist and figures if I want to actually talk to him I will. Again, this isn't aboutt him. It's about me.
Why did I behave this way? Do I apologize? I sounded like a crazy. Maybe that's why he texted was because he thought I was wacky. I don't have any expectations of this-it was what it was. Nothing is going to happen. I'm guessing I felt the need to really do this was because I am so physically attracted to him.
I just want to be normal. Whatever the pho that is. I don't want to be rude or crazy to anyine moving forward.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
If you over think everything then you are headed into Lindsay Lohan territory. Let it go and if there is a time he mentions the convo then blame it on the margaritas (tequila and texting is NEVER a good idea).
This is you adjusting to the new world order. Guys do not like to talk that much and think that much. DBusting is useful with non-spouses too. I am sure he was flattered more than you realize and unless you repeat the tequila texting you will probably get a pass.
You are divorced not dead. Hang in there.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Thanks for stopping by. For me, I don't think this is an example of overthinking. I just see it as more behavior from me of the same (the ignoring and wall part). I mean, I literally walked right past him and didn't look his way.
You are right that tequila plus texting equals trouble.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
First....you mentioned veering from your true self? Or is there more GB true self that is yet to be discovered?
What I mean..... You are this exquisite, boot-lovin', insanely funny, intelligent and certainly Hottie McHotness based on snippets of stuff I've extracted....sooooo.....
I think there may be more to GB that hasn't lived yet, and is beginning to notice. You've been so busy keeping track of kids, career, and managing x Mr GB when he was your 4th child... I mean, when was there time to discover you?
It seems to me, and I'm just reading as an outsider viewing snapshots.... That on one side, you have this "pull" to experience some new, exciting things. Then, on the other side, you have a sort of "pull" that is an old voice telling you it's not ok.
Your life now, similar to mine, doesn't even remotely resemble the order of things it once did. Along with that, comes an identity thing.... Like, well, if I'm not THAT woman anymore, who the he!! am I?
And that's all good, GB. You're learning who you are today. And it can be messy and confusing. And it can be scary. It's all new and unfamiliar. Yet, exciting.
You're playing with toys you've only seen on tv, and at your friends houses.... So what do you do?
Enjoy it.
All of it. This life. These times. Embrace the crazy. Laugh. (Because I know you love to). You do that so well with your kids, and your sitch.
You are awesome. You are exactly where you are supposed to be, learning what you are supposed to learn.
Don't panic. Don't worry. Live and laugh at it all........
You are worthy of everything good that is about to hit you like a tsunami. Accept that for yourself.
Even if you don't stick the landing.... Even if you went out-of-bounds and received a deduction... You get back on the mat. Every. Time.
^^^^^^^ I'm still nerdily cheering you on from the sidelines, wearing my sexy hot boots AS I MOONWALK IN YOUR HONOR....oh yeah....CUZ THIS IS THRILLAAHHHHHH.....
GB, like Shining, I love you, too. And she made an excellent call in her post. Keep doing you, GB. C'mon! You got this! It is great to have self-reflections. Now, don't get caught up in the self-doubt, though. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are fun. You are smart. You are G-freaking-B. No one else on earth is GB. Just you. So, do you. You do it so well.
I am not gonna say I know all ... but reading your sitch and well lets face it we all have a common bond here. I just get the feel that after the struggle you have been through, there you are, a survivor in the wreckage and yeah .. you are exploring options, window shopping .. trying on things to see if they fit, its new and strange, and maybe that scares you. Your identity has been stripped GB, so you are in the process of rebuilding that ... there is nothing to be ashamed of in that quest ... nor do I think you need to fit a mold you had in your head. I just think you have hit a point in your life where its ok to play, try new things ... and to be honest it would scare the hellions out of me, you are living it so I can not imagine the emotions you are going through.
I would think your walls provide comfort, you do not want anyone in .. well because then its real ... in a way its kinda pretend right now and thats fine, as you work on what and who it is you desire to be, you did not ask for all this .. you deserve a chance to discover yourself for once. I think you are handling this so well .. its refreshing to see the honestly on what is going on with you.
Thanks Shining, Mighty and Cali. I do appreciate all of your thoughts. You are alll right. I'm trying to separate some of the old life with who I really want to be. It is a bit scary although there is part of me that thinks "life is short and this (whatever this is) isn't the biggest deal in the world. I'll figure it out."
D9 came home and couldn't wait to give me my birthday present. She designed a necklace with all 4 of our birthstones, a dog paw, family tree, and locket. It made me cry. It was funny because there was a bracelet as well. She said the bracelet was from the boys and it wasn't that cute because THEY aren't that cute. D9 cracks me up. She didn't want *their* gift to be better and she's the one who picked it out. We rode horses today and finished putting the Xmas decorations up.
Since I'm trying to be honest, HG was texting me today. So, yes I have broken my talking to males not safely in the friend zone rule already. He asked if he could come see me after work and I thought he was kidding. I said ," OMG, I'm a little nervous because what if my kids wake up." And he waited until they were asleep and swung by. He said, " I think you are gorgeous. Is it okay if I say that? I know you don't like hearing that." I said," Sure". Really. I mean wtf? Can't I tell everyone how freaking hot the first person I hung out with post D was at the assisted living home. I said to HG that I always felt like he was staring at me. He said," I am and I'm not apologizing." Anyway, that was for your Shining and Mighty. And I have to tell you when he came to my door, my initial thought was "Hails bells! He looks awesome!!" He's the kind of person you want to warmly welcome into your home and drool over.
Hope everyone had a nice weekend.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh......my nightly dose of vicarious living.
Quote:
Anyway, that was for your Shining and Mighty. And I have to tell you when he came to my door, my initial thought was "Hails bells! He looks awesome!!" He's the kind of person you want to warmly welcome into your home and drool over.
DID YOU KNOW:
I happen to be the kind of person you want to warmly welcome into your home so I can drool over your fabulous life!!! (Not to mention, more of said "vicarious living" and anything else that may possibly occur that isn't occurring here..... ) heehee.
Well done, GB!!! Woot woot!!!
AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEAUTIFUL!!!
I LOVE D9 sassafras attitude. I totally get her. I have one similar:).
So, just to share....my last few exchanges with x Mr. GB have been pleasant. Yes, he dropped the dog and crate off without asking although kids's always want dog to visit.
I did receive the following texts from him this am " Can you let me know what you are getting kids for Xmas? And also what my mom is getting them?" I just said I would and we exchanged a chuckle about D9's Christmas list which looks like something the child of a Hollywood mogul would ask for. Hasn't D9 realized who her mother is? Not a mogul :-) I know I can't interfere with x- H's r with his parents, although I think he is going to regret his treatment of them. But what do I know???:)
Anyway, we have several birthdays coming up (including mine followed by BD date). I'm gonna make this December better than last year. Yes I am!!!!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I sensed D9 had some, uh, anger brewing. When I picked her up from school she started screaming that she hated her dad, he was crappy and sukky, and she hated him because he never thought about anyone but himself. She was literally shaking saying she could not see him and hated the way he acted on the days he took them to school. For reference, D9 is the ultimate firecracker. Super smart and extremely observant. She said she hated the way her dad plopped on the couch and ate the food-like he lived there. I told her I was very sorry, I know he loves her, and I do pick my battles with boundaries. I told her anyone that comes into my house is welcome to make themselves at home (and I totally get where she is coming from). X Mr GB was going to have kids spend the night so he was there when we got home. D9 says to him "I'm not going" x Mr GB says that she is just trying to make things more difficult for him and that she's being dramatic. She screams at the top of her lungs that she hates him, storms off and X Mr GB rolls eyes and says " I don't understand what her deal is." I say I'll just take her in the am and leave it at that. She was literally shaking and sobbing saying he had no idea how hard this was that her dad was so "abnormal."
I cannot talk to x Mr GB. I was calm and will not interfere. Mindreading, but deep down I know x Mr GB knows what the deal is however, he cannot face it. He always says D9 is exactly like me. If he deals with her, then he may have to admit he hasn't dealt with his kids in the best way. Nonetheless, I will not negotiate this R. D9 has therapy today so I encouraged her to share her thoughts with C.
And to prove, I actually have learned something. X Mr GB, texts me that he will be taking the kids on a trip the days he has them after Christmas because quote "they will all suffer in his apartment." This is the same man who said every trip with the children has left him permanently traumatized and I hope I don't sound negative, but he's certainly done no self work to the discernable eye in that area. He said after 36 hours (his longest time with them since last Jan, that he could t take another minute. Old GB would have pointed all of this out politely and how expensive said trip will be this time of year. I said " Sounds like fun" and left it at that. Secretly, my anxiety is rising but I'm going to quell that thought as it serves no purpose. Except worry lines and gray hair.
Lots of meetings at work his week. Seeing a friend from elementary (shut the front door!) on Saturday. Holla at Tuesday :-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
So Ryan Gosling was shooting a movie in the lobby of my building today. While I'm not interested in dating, I can assure you I'm interested in drooling at the hotness that is the Gos. Pass the bib, baby! He seemed very nice too.
D9 is sleeping at a friend. Sitter came to stay with the boys for a couple of hours tonight while I ran errands. Our house looks exactly like something out of "Christmas Vacation." Front yard decorated, several trees in house, lights everywhere...4 calling birds, 3 French hens,...,Where is the partridge in a pear tree?
Won a contest at work today. Sold a new account. Holla at GB!!!! H is taking kids tomorrow ( much to chagrin of D 9). I'll clean some, donate to Goodwill, work out, etcetera. I need to recharge. I would love a massage but not sure if I can snare one. X Mr GB continues to send me some "funny" texts as we come up on BD date. What do I think ? I think I still wish him peace and right now he's not someone I would want. Can we rebuild a friendship? Maybe. I am pretty forgiving. Not right now. I really don't feel much of anything for him.
I've seen many interesting developments on some threads. Hang in there ! It will get better:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Ok, and congrats on winning your contest, and your new account!!! (HollabackGB!!!)
I'm glad you have a day to recharge tomorrow.
Funny texts from XMr GB? Interesting..... Changes nothing for you, but I'm always curious when they D and keep checking back, periodically. I understand zero percent of that logic. Because I NEVER looked back when I left my xh. The differences are remarkable to me.
Christmas Vacation is one of my all-time fav movies!! I'm glad you decorated and went all out!!!
You sound great, GB!! Have you bought any new boots lately??
I walked on xh, had to keep it civil for the child. I suspect h is looking back with his bestie reporting back as he doesn't want to be seen to be checking.
Can't prove it and it mind reading, but bestie fought for his marriage.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I've been reading some of your posts for a while and find them very entertaining and inspiring. We went all Christmas Vacation with our house too—S3 was so excited by all the decorating and the multiple trees.
Me: 38 H: 43 Kids: 2,4 T10 M6 BD: 1/14 11/14: H moves out
Thanks Shining, GG, and Lorelei. I am always grateful when people follow along my journey of....well, I'm not sure. The next chapter in my life? I feel like I'm perhaps at the intermission of Broadway show. So what happened this weekend?
You guys know I have the kids 90% of the time so I try to cram in social stuff to the max. D9 refused to go with XMr GB and stayed with friend extra night. I gave x Mr GB a number and said "she's here. Have a good weekend!" X arrived around 11am Saturday because according to him he had been working all night. Because I have a warped sense of humor and I just can't resist....yes, this man who was unemployed for a significant portion of our marriage now works on Friday nights. Er, no. That's not true. I just don't openly acknowledge the lie.
I cleaned, went to kickboxing (this girl has to curb the snacking!) and watched Goodfellas. As I've stated many times, I'm trying to stay away from temptation and hang out with more women. Hung out with newly divorced friend from elementary school. She made étouffée and we drank wine from a box. Hails to the yeah! I may be in a unique group but does anyone wonder what newly divorced moms (my friend is hot!!!) that are considered quasi attractive by society do when they get together? Yes, sir they pull up their shirts and inspect each other's stomachs to discuss the possibility of getting naked with a new person. Muscle separation. Paper skin. Stretch marks. It was a love fest. Got home at 1am.
Get texts from h at 7am that boys are ready to come home. I ignore. Sleep for a bit longer and respond at 11 after a quick workout and Starbucks. Everybody home by noon.
S4 told me he could not imagine a more perfect mommy than me. My bamboozler worked on that guy.
Hope everyone is doing well.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 12/08/1412:20 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Lol....had to laugh at your description of belly comparisons.
If it's any reassurance....I'm 58, had three kids, and through sheer good luck, have no stretch marks or scars. My belly looks great, but you know what? Not a single one of my post-divorce lovers have commented on it. They were all experienced men, who surely had had other lovers with less perfect bellies. And they all complimented me on other body parts. But were they impressed with my smooth perfect belly? Not a one! So I'm guessing that it's just not an issue most men care about - perhaps because they're too busy looking at our other assets??
Thanks kml (darn you and your cute stomach ) and GG (with your nice boobs). I don't even know if this is a rant more than just a journal of what happens here. I know some of my emotions are ramping up a bit due to BD anniversary. I think I'm gonna buy myself something deliciously sinful to commemorate the day:-)
So D9 was a little under the weather and I was going to take her to work with me today. At exactly 6:15 am when xh got here this am, s11 started throwing up. It happens every once in a while due to post nasal drip. He will throw up for several hours and then be perfectly fine. As he's heaving over toilet, xh smacks him on the back, tells him to get himself some water and get ready to go to school. I said. "He can't go to school throwing up." (Why do I need to tell xh this???). Xh says okay and takes s4 to sitters.
Later he texts me that he's going to have to skip a weekend with the kids which is really only 20 hours because he's going to a party. I don't engage and just say okay. And I wonder- did I really marry this man? Yes, I did. And I also realize that while this has been the most challenging year of my life this far, I am also pretty gosh darn happy..,,even when I sound crazy :-) I think I would like someone in my life and someone to hang out with even though I don't know how that would work.
And I read these threads about people dating and wanting a R. Again, I think I would like that and I'm not sure how I would I do that? Would a person come to my house and get to know me? Would someone sign up for a woman who sleeps with 2 kids (there is no room for a 3rd), dog and a cat? How would said R ever form? I'm just thinking outloud. I have a very vivid imagination and I cannot see this occurring. I'm not being negative-just honest. Oh well. I'm sure of that time comes I'll figure it out.
Yes. I'm still a work in progress and I will keep chugging along.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 12/09/1401:39 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Oh and Wonka I've missed you. Remember when the experts declared your Pats dead week 2? Yeah, about that premature death of The Brady Bunch ....,,:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
s11 started throwing up. It happens every once in a while due to post nasal drip. He will throw up for several hours and then be perfectly fine.
Umm.....GB.....I'm gonna play "I doubt it" with this diagnosis. Kids don't usually throw up repeatedly from post-nasal drip. Once in a rare while, maybe, but not repeatedly like this.
What this COULD be, instead, is either Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome (look it up on cvsaonline dot org) or a migraine equivalent (not all migraines have headache).
I recommend you find a doctor familiar with these diagnoses and get him further evaluated.
Strange you mention that. S4 was tested or studied for that (cyclical vomiting) this time last year. S11 will occasionally throw up (sorry to be graphic ) huge amounts of mucous occasionally. I am taking him to dr to discuss further. Thanks for the input. They've always told me it's drainage.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I am a very happy camper! I breathed a huge sigh of relief when Brady put that game away. Too close of a call for my heart to take...
Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle
Oh and Wonka I've missed you. Remember when the experts declared your Pats dead week 2? Yeah, about that premature death of The Brady Bunch ....,,:-)
I've been reading along here...you are doing fabulously navigating your life post-D. You are miles and miles further along than I was post-Ms. Wonka. You're doing a tremendous job with your kids and your work.
I have become very satisfied with my decision not to date. If someone can along and was amazing maybe I could change my mind but right now I have a family and I have affection.
I'm not interested in making my family more complicated I am really happy.
I definitely have a bunch of friends that need to convince me that the only way I can ever be over my ex is to have a new boyfriend ...
I say hogwash!
I have been focused on boys and guys since I was 13. I am happy to finally not worry about them and just focus on me and my girls.
It's what makes me happy right now. I'm definitely not giving up sleeping in bed with d4 for any guy
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Thanks Wonka and BK. I love that you both stopped by. Can I interest you in one of my world famous (actually maybe house famous) margaritas?
So tomorrow is my birthday and I'm always reflective the day before. What a year it has been? This time last year I had been at ER with S11 and then h was mad I left other 2 kids with him. Little did I know a grenade was going off..
I say this not facetiously and with a candor I can't explain. This past year has been the most difficult of my life. Some days I have felt like I was watching a bad movie. My parents were married 51 years. Xh parents have been married 48. Divorce never crossed my mind. Until it happened. And I cannot believe I'm saying this, however this has truly been the best year of my life. Really. It has. Caca and all. I can't explain it. I've thought this for a few months.
I'm nothing special (well, we are all special). I'm this dorky, intellectual (hey my friends describe me that way and I will take it) mother of 3 with a 16 year old boy's sense of humor. I do have a kick a$$ shoe collection(wedges and boots for all baby!!). I read threads that I literally feel the posters pain. And I freaking hate it. However, I know life is short and that everyone in this sitch can get better and have an amazing life. Me? I'm a big time work in progress. I'm okay with that. I can get where I want to be.
So, kids and I bought a hazelnut cream cheese cake and 2 kinds of frozen yogurt for our soirée tomorrow. Love to you all:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Kick ar$$e shoe collection is Great to have. I can't explain how nice shoes nice makeup and dress well can make yo feel so much like a different human.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Happy Birthday GB ... I was going to send shoes but it appears you have enough so I donated them
Amazing what a year in reflection looks like, I too just passed the 1 yr BD anny .... I am a far cry away from that cat ... but still not where I want to be ... then again ... can we ever stop working on ourselves after such trama? I wonder .... maybe when I am like 70 and on my 6th wife ... yanno .. I plan on collecting them like shoes ...lol
Happy Birthday GB! You are special, especially with this shoe collection .
CaliGuy, I doubt it would get easier for you even on your 6th wife, LOL. Every time it is new trauma. You would think you would have a pretty thick skin after going through this once, or twice, or whatever. But it is not the case. Not for me, at least. And it appears to be the same for a lot of posters here who are in their second marriages.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thanks Raliced (happy belated b-day! Your cake sounds divine), GG, and Cali Guy. Can you play some Depeche Mode for me Cali Guy? I just can't get enough. Everything counts in large amounts. I digress:-)
A friend texted me last night that a former coworker committed suicide. Unfortunately, I've known far too many people who felt that was a solution to their pain. It always reminds me that I never really know what someone is going through and it's always best to be kind and gracious. One really never knows what tomorrow holds.
On a lighter note, I'm grateful to be here. I'll take kids out for Mexican tonight and then enjoy my cake and frozen yogurt.
I hope I don't hex myself (I'm very superstitious) although the last couple of weeks I feel more like....myself? Not so anxious. Not so crazy. Well, I will always be crazy and I hope it's in the good way. I have done some uncharacteristic things on occasion in the last few months (made an a$$ of myself. That's not so unusual but it was the manner I did it) and I'm just letting it go as I move through things. I do want to do the right thing and I'm still finding my way.
For a laugh, I should tell you that I've always joked with the people I dated that I was born on the. 10 th because I'm a perfect 10. That is and has always been a joke-I swear.
High kicks to everyone:-)
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 12/10/1403:59 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hey Happy Birthday, GB baby!!!! I'm bringing my special blend of amaretto to the festivities. And maybe we all can play strip poker! I think some not-so tough guys here would fold pretty quickly and us girls will outlast 'em.
Happy Belated Birthday! I hope you had a great day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Wonka, Job, Gwen and GG. I took kids out to celebrate tonight at a quasi schmancy (for us) restaurant and no one pooped, cried, peed or threw up at the table. This is a victory, yes???
I have noticed something. Even though I feel more even keel, about a week before the curse arrives I start to spin. Anxiety. I can't pinpoint specifically to what. I'm going to throw something else out. I also have this insatiable, overwhelming desire to be dominated at this same time. All while spinning and anxious. I've spoken to a therapist and we both think it may have something to do with the fact that well, I always had to "do" everything. I worked. I cleaned the house. I was primary caretaker. I paid bills. I don't think it really has much of a sexual connotation (or perhaps it does due to being in a SSM?) and that is the only thing I don't want to control??? Or maybe I just want to release stress that way and I think that's the way I want to? Or somehow I view that as relaxing? It's very strange and I'm trying to work through this. By myself cause it is just me.
I don't know. It's strange how " i " have a certain cycle with feelings. Hanging out with my best friend from childhood his weekend. I'm excited to see her.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I have noticed something. Even though I feel more even keel, about a week before the curse arrives I start to spin. Anxiety. I can't pinpoint specifically to what. I'm going to throw something else out. I also have this insatiable, overwhelming desire to be dominated at this same time. All while spinning and anxious. I've spoken to a therapist and we both think it may have something to do with the fact that well, I always had to "do" everything. I worked. I cleaned the house. I was primary caretaker. I paid bills. I don't think it really has much of a sexual connotation (or perhaps it does due to being in a SSM?) and that is the only thing I don't want to control??? Or maybe I just want to release stress that way and I think that's the way I want to? Or somehow I view that as relaxing? It's very strange and I'm trying to work through this. By myself cause it is just me.
Well, this is awkward....but I have to say you are not alone in this. I have had frequent similar feelings, although they are not cyclical and predated BD. I would venture to guess this is not uncommon when you are the "primary" (breadwinner, caretaker, decision maker etc.) in so many aspects of your life.
Ok, awkward moment over. Glad to hear you had a great Birthday!
Yeah, I'm getting hormones that cycle but not "curse" due to contraception I'm on.
I want to kill people too, it's also assciated with the xxx rated dreams I think. Want to swap sore boobies and sensitive nipples for he curse? If anyone bumps em including me I wanna kill them.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I took kids out to celebrate tonight at a quasi schmancy (for us) restaurant and no one pooped, cried, peed or threw up at the table. This is a victory, yes???
Oh yes - it gets better for a few brief years until adolescence strikes. And that seems to come earlier with every generation!!
Yeah and a dinner date with kids that doesn't go nasty in the ways you describe with poo wee or vomit is a plus.
Yes you do have the teens too look forward to, salmost17 spewed venom by text! He's just making excuses, as to why he cannot work even tho I got him a job all he had to do was phone up tomorrow. I bet he tells me the bloke wasn't serious. Happend before.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Thanks Raliced, Beatrice and GG. Please! For anyone reading, never feel embarrassed to post awkward thoughts or questions on my thread. I like to think I am the poster child for awkwardness. And let's face it, there are some challenging sitches so never be afraid to post what you really think or feel. Group hug time!
On a funny note, xh has been sending me many friendly texts. Just received one asking "what do we think of x song?" Snark alert! I don't know what *we* think-just what * I* think. :-)
Hope to finish up shopping this weekend. It's just me and s4 (big kids at grandparents) so I plan on lots of snuggles.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I've done the whole inside out back to front Undies in the dark.
It just adds excitement to having to change at work in the loo quickly! Awkwardness is a grey hound sleeping in an arm chair not big enough for him, head on arm rest teethies showing tounge lolling out and then falling off said chair with a puzzled expression. It almost says "I was pushed! "
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Thanks Cali and GG. It's the bomb drop eve (1 yr anniversary baby) and I feel pretty gosh darn kicky. I spent the day yesterday with my best friend from elementary and middle school. I had not seen her ( although we've chatted several times over the years )in about 12 years and we picked up right where we left off. She has a lovely family and we had some good laughs. Snuggled with s4 last night which is always wonderful.
Speaking of funnies, I have to say I really have come a long way in certain instances. I have a very strained R with my mom. She literally has not called me since my Dad died a year and a half ago. All contact is initiated by me. She has severe depression and while I hate that, I also have learned to draw a line in the sand. I called her yesterday and she let me know she had added me to a prayer group which is perfectly nice. She goes to a huge church (5k plus). She told me that she told them that she knows how devastating it must have been for me to have been left for a (and I quote) "younger, better model." Geez, Mom
Old GB would have gotten very upset and probably cried and wondered if that was true. Now? I actually said, "oh gosh mom. I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't feel that way at all. I didn't lack for male attention prior to marriage, during marriage nor now. I'm smart, successful, funny, cute and a fantastic mom. I'm good. I wish x mr GB and his gf the best. She needs it"
And speaking of X Mr GB. .. His lease must expire soon because he asked me when I was moving. Below is a synopsis of exchange.
X-when are you moving? Where will the kids go to school? I'm probably moving out of x (city we live)
Me: the market is slow so I will relist in the new year. I'm Not sure where kids will go to school as we the kids and I can't move until the house sells. I will keep you posted.
X-well, If I move the biggest concern is that I will have to wake up earlier. That's a huge drawback.
Me-ok. Have a nice weekend.
Yes. The ultimate sacrifice. Getting up earlier. :-). Hope everyone is well.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 12/14/1405:29 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Your mother is nuts for picking a stranger over her own daughter! Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.
Your X is truly speaking and acting like a teenager. Can't get up earlier in the mornings....WTF? Does he ever get up for work? Hey, I wake up 5 am for work.
I've been know to have to get up at 4 on work mornings. Not something I do on weekends tho!
Your mum sounds like my gran, pass over now, but she used to compliments you then smash you down I. The same sentence.
So she would say " wow you have lost some weight and that's really good, but your getting too thin and look sickly you should stop. "
Wow but bmi guidelines says I'm still 15kg over top weight for my height. Hardly a sickly stick insect.
She wasn't worth getting bent out of shape over. Sound like your mum doesn't know an better like my gran how to show her support in a supportive way, their are plenty of humans of all sorts in that bucket.
My h was one. I'm pretty sure mr xgb was simlair
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Thanks Wonka and GG. Wonka, my mom is extremely looks obsessed and thinks if you are single, there must be something wrong with you. My bf from childhood told me yesterday she always remembers my mom as "a beauty queen obsessed with looks wondering why she got a non girly, guy's girl for a daughter ." That was pretty spot on from said friend. Yes, GG, my mom gives the backhanded daggers . " I never dreamed you would weigh over 110" or "I never dreamed x Mr GB would leave you." Oh well. Those dreams came true. 110 was years ago:-)
Because I've read some funny threads tonight, I forgot to share this one from x Mr GB. S4 still frequently poops in his pants and x has strongly insinuated this is something that is my doing. Text exchange:
X- when s4 is with me, I sit him on the potty at least 3 times ( he has 2 nights a month if he keeps both of them). This morning, he pooped on the potty and it looked like 2 baked potatoes. I don't think that's normal.
Me- oh great! Thats awesome he pooped on the potty.
X- I don't think you understand. These are like boulders. Do you want me to send pics?
Me- no pics necessary
X- have you figured out if this is normal?
WTF? Sending me pics of dodo is not normal a$$ hat!!!! But no, I didn't say that.
Me : dr says it's okay and he just gets a little constipated. He can be given Metamucil.
FFS!!!! When did I become the dodo analyst? Really x Mr GB. :-)
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 12/15/1403:38 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Happy 1 yr anniversary of the BD! I am so fortunate to have found this board just a few days after *the* speech.
I have no idea if this will help anyone, however, when I came to this board, I was $&@!ing devastated. I remember exactly what I was wearing when xh said "are you happy? I'm not happy....." Never in a billion years did I think I would hear those words or that he would leave. What did I do? Oh yes! I kicked it up in high fix mode. Did the wrong thing and said he had to "try." Scheduled 2 different counselors and a psychiatrist because xh thought he was having a nervous breakdown. I was even undeterred the first 2 times he said "he didn't think he wanted his marriage to work" because really? Who says that caca? How can you not want it to work? When he said it a 3rd time to the 2nd C, reality slapped me in the face.
When I came here, I had a hard time facing that I wasn't perfect. I mean-I am and was well aware I'm far from it. For a woman who has grappled with an ED and self esteem issues, it was too freaking much. It HAD to be all my fault. I was actually in the SSM section. That's how much in denial I was because again, I didn't know Rs ended this way. Another lesson I've learned. I drank all of the kool-aid spew my xh served, and remember distinctly about mid Jan 2014, that I had convinced my self I WAS the problem and I broke him.
365 days later, I think much differently. Oh trust me, I totally neglected my m. I was a great friend and partner, and a terrible wife. I did love my h and I allowed myself to become terribly resentful at him. I hated his mental illness, lack of coping skills, and inability to hold down a job while I did it all. And what did I do? Not want to hug, kiss-much less ML to him. And I often acted in passive aggressive ways to him. I also liked being *right*. Whoopee! Where had that gotten me as I haven't been on Jeopardy yet?:) Shame on me. I was wrong. However, I know now I'm not the way he portrayed me. I am not the most *horrible woman on the planet who ruined his life." I simply don't have that power.
A year later, it's better. I'm better. I don't know what the future holds although I know I have to give up the desire for control. Let it transpire. Just be. And for me that is a super duper challenge.
I hope to love again. I'm not afraid-just not interested right now. I'm blessed with 3 fantastic kids, great friends and family and my award winning (at least to me) sense of humor. I have more clarity than I've ever had in my life and dare I say , I don't know if I've ever been happier. It sounds crazy. I don't cycle as much and some days I feel positively gloriously fantastic in my mundane life.
So hang in there everyone. It really does get better. Xo
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 12/15/1403:47 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Sorry I've been MIA. One year post, huh? Ugh. Well, I know one thing, you wear it well. I mean, with some of the frat-boy nonsense you've had to witness, I just love that you are able to shake it off, t-swift style.
Seriously, you got if goin on, girl. Keep on going. You have so much going for you. I can't wait to see where u r headed!
Thanks Raliced and Mighty ( I'm always happy when you both stop by and I'm impressed by how you both handle your stuff-particularly your very difficult sitch, Mighty).
This will be a combo vent/journal. I have felt fairly "stable" for about a month now. However, the boat was rocked a bit on Tuesday's therapy visit for the kids. I was called back for both sessions and D9 referred to her dad as " a crappy douche. (What?) dad" and that she couldn't stand that he was so weird. The C said we finally have a break through as the kids are beginning to adjust to the new him and they need help in how to interact with him. She said it seemed they were waiting for their "old" dad to emerge and I can honestly say that man is MIA. He declined to take them tonight (his scheduled sat night) because he is going to a party and he "will see them after Christmas."
D9 had an epic breakdown (this is not your typical tantrum) and grabbed s4 by the hair and slammed his head down. She then said she was going to hurt him and me. And I was reminded this am of my mother and friends saying "you need to be dating." Again, it's not that I wouldn't like someone in my life. They would literally be walking into an atomic bomb and I'm not embellishing. D9's behavior has concerned me for years (suspension from school and expulsion from preschool) and continues to escalate. Therapy helps but it is a very stressful and tenuous sitch. She had a friend spend the night and the friend tried to calm her down. Eh. We just keep trucking along.
On another note, a friend reached out up me earlier this week. It's almost like he read my mind as he asked me something very personal. I was hesitant to speak honestly but then I realized he was safe as he lives in another state. I shared my feelings on something I've posted here a few times- the desire to completely relinquish control and be totally vulnerable. I've not felt that exposed in a long time. He said he got it. And what I said is rather um dark. Not sure why I was able to be so honest with him. I've never told anyone what I told him. I think it's because I knew he would not judge me or think of me "a certain way." Not sure if that makes sense. And I felt so raw after talking to him. Weird.
And I've logged back into the dating site and started chatting with a couple of people. If anything I'm trying to be completely honest. I do like meeting people and I'm open to doing do. It just seems (and this happened with HG too ) they say, "what happens if we really like each other?" And I just want to say " one bridge at a time like I tell s4. I'm not leading anyone on and I try to remind them I'm open to x and I have no idea what happens if z. One step at a time. On a humorous note, my male and female friends are impressed with the fact that all of these guys are cute and 10 years younger. :-). I'm going to get a business card that reads "GB-hot, young dude magnet...at this one moment in life."
And continuing on with my unconventional way of living, kids and I are going to xh parents house for Xmas for a few days. Apparently, he still hasn't spoken to them and well (this is very in DB of me) they aren't missing much.
Hope everyone is well. Xo
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 12/20/1410:00 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I'm sorry that your D9 had a meltdown, but now it sounds like she's letting all of her anger and frustration out and is starting to realize that "dad" isn't going to change back into dear old dad any time soon. It's really difficult for the children because they do not understand and, in some cases, they blame themselves for the parent walking away.
I am really sorry and concerned about her actions towards her brother and saying that she was going to hurt the both of you. She's really got some unresolved anger issues and something else is going on w/her. I do hope that whatever is going on w/her can be resolved soon. I would hate to see her labeled as a trouble kid in school.
I'm glad you have a friend that you can reach out to and talk to. You need someone that you can rely on and who will be there no matter what w/o judgment. Family is okay, but they want you to move on like yesterday and it doesn't work that way, especially when there are children involved. You'll know when you are ready to date.
As for your h, I could throttle him for not wanting to see the children at Christmas. It's a special time of the year and your children are young and need to be able to share their holiday and excitement w/their parents. He'll regret his actions one day.
Try to enjoy your time away. If, at all possible, leave the mlcing jerk, back at home and relax a bit. Travel safely.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Georgia, So very sad that ex doesn't care about seeing the kids for Christmas. I just will never understand MLC and how it can take away the things that should matter most. I just can't imagine anything that could be more important than my family. At your kids age is when it's still magical and those times just don't last long enough. Soon they will be older and it just isn't the same. If he ever finds his way back from his tunnel, he will regret it for sure. Just know that your kids will always remember who was there for them. You are doing so well, hopefully D9 will be able to work things out. It must be hard at her age to understand what is happening...I'm over 50 and I don't get how my W can act the way she is, imagine what a 9 year old must be going through!
All you can do is enjoy the holidays together and make some great memories on your own!
Job-your words always fee like a warm,fleece blanket. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and kindness here.
Matt-thanks for stopping by. I know you have a ton on your plate-or shall I say platter. You will get through this challenge.
Hope everyone had a nice weekend! Get ready for Monday and make it a great week.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I'm sorry to hear that you d is having a hard time. I'm sure it must be very hard on you. I always try to remind myself how much I have to be grateful for during hard times.
You are blessed that you have the support of your in laws & your mom and a therapist to help you work with your d.
Dating is such a personal decision don't let others pressure you into it. If it's fun for you then do it - if it becomes a part time job then skip it.
Enjoy the season with the kids. They only get a few of these magical christmas
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Thanks BK. You are right in that I am so lucky to have the support of my x ILs. They love their son and I know they recognize I'm pulling the load with raising the grandchildren. I know many are not as fortunate. The kids are wonderful to watch this time of year, right? I love their innocence and you are spot on that it IS magical:-)
I see lots of holiday card issues on threads. Well, if it gives anyone solace, I've sent holiday cards exactly 1 time in 12 years. And I was a slacker and didn't get them out until January:-). I got many cards from xh's family addressed to Ms. GB and kids and I have them on the fridge. I admit I felt a tinge of envy(?) when I see some of those intact, happy families. And then I realize, one day (and I haven't a clue when) maybe I will have a nice, healthy R with someone and my kids like that guy too. Maybe? Too much to ask? Eh. Aim high. Shoot for the stars.
For everyone struggling, it will get better. Enjoy this time with family, friends or even coworkers.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 12/23/1403:16 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Uh oh. I sort of feel the crazy creeping up. I feel fat and wonder if anyone will want me. I hate this feeling. X ILs told me tonight they hope I find someone good. Fuels the crazy feeling. Ugh! This means I would have to open up to someone. That idea fuels the crazy. Deep breaths.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
When the time is right, the man upstairs will put that special someone in your path. If he's the right one, it will not matter whether you are fat, thin, short or tall. The appearance shouldn't count...it's what is inside. You are a very special person and he will be proud and honored to call you his special lady.
Now, off you go...enjoy your holiday!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Job. You are right as always. You are like the magic 8 ball:)
Went for a long run in the rain this am while wearing a koala bear hat (it was my D9's). If I'm going to eat hummingbird cake, then I have to do a bit more running.
Opened gifts at X ILs this am. My d9 made me a huge frame with pics of me and her brothers and "Mom" in glitter and sequins. D9 is into bling:). I wasn't expecting that as my gift and it made me tear up. Yes. I'm so grateful to be the mother of these 3 peeps. I can't imagine being x Mr GB and being okay missing out on all that he does. That's his choice though. And my choice is to live, laugh and enjoy life. Even when the crazy bubbles up.
Sending everyone some holiday magic!!!!:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Oh good lord! That crazy feeling is bubbling under the surface. I HATE this feeling and am desperately trying to shove it away. Good day with my peeps and s4 is napping. Big kids fishing with their grandad and I am grappling with the "will I ever be able to handle a R feeling?" Along with the "am I that bad and unloveable?" To the "why do I feel like I must push people away?"
I feel like everything I do is wrong. Acccckkkkkk! Deep breaths.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Breathe! We all have been there and felt the same. You've had a good day w/the kids and your little one is napping. You are w/family and that's all that matters right now.
You need to stop the stinking thinking about you are "that bad and unloveable". You have to remember...it's him, not you and you can't take anything he says or does personally. He could have been married to a movie star who was perfect in every way and he would still have flipped his lid. He was predisposed to MLC and there was nothing you could do about it. It's not you...it's him!
Give yourself some breathing room to heal. You are still very fragile and raw from this experience and you may very well distance yourself from others, but that will change as you heal. Stop beating yourself up!
Enjoy the day and embrace the love, fun and happiness that are around you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It sounds like you are extremely lonely and want validation. I completely understand, I have been there. But, is it really a good idea to start dating while you are this emotionally vulnerable?
My 2-cents, for what it is worth, is that you should wait until you are more comfortable being single before dating. In this emotional state, you are really setup for being used, or for falling for the wrong person.
Merry Christmas and best wishes for whatever path you choose.
I'm enjoying my delicious egg nog...how about you?
Originally Posted By: job
He could have been married to a movie star who was perfect in every way and he would still have flipped his lid. He was predisposed to MLC and there was nothing you could do about it. It's not you...it's him!
^^^that struck a chord in me which made me ruminate a bit.
Are certain people "predisposed" to MLC?
Why do some fall prey to MLC and others don't?
I still struggle with this abstract problem to this day. In fact, I went out for a long walk earlier this afternoon under a clear, sunny sky railing against God why I got hit with MLC and dropping the bomb on Ms. Wonka's birthday. Why?! Why?! I have to say that my thoughts went back in time about our old M because we did exchange Xmas greetings this morning.
We're here because of the Law of Cause and Effect. Thank you very f@cking much, Lady Karma.
What bothers me the most is how on the Earth did this invisible virus get its tendrils into me without my full awareness?? Because I'm "predisposed" to it?? For some reason, it doesn't gel with me.
Heck, why didn't Sammy Davis get MLC too?? If one looks at his history and background, he would have been an ideal candidate for MLC.
Job, you could be as "predisposed" to MLC as I was. Who's to say this is not the case?
I guess we could argue and debate this point for eons without any clear empirical answers like why the Sun is the center of our Universe.
We all could have MLCs, but many of us were able to navigate the growing up process successfully. The ones that actually have the full blown MLCs are the ones that were stunted emotionally as children. It doesn't necessarily mean that they were physically abused, but they weren't always recognized for their accomplishments and/or for just being that cute little boy or girl in the family who wanted to be treated as a family member who had something to contribute.
We each go through spurts of physical and emotional growth, i.e, teen years, 20, 30, 40, etc. However, if we don't complete that growing up period correctly/completely, then it will continue on and then when something happens later in life, such as a death, birth of a child, promotion, loss of a job, poor health, etc., then all of that "stuff" bubbles over and they truly do not know how to handle it. Mortality scares the heck out of them and they implode. Yes, we all could be predisposed to MLC...but look who's navigated life's spurts well...the ones that are here and holding the fort down. We are the ones that have had to carry the load since they imploded.
I also want to point out that there a "few" people who were very normal when their spouses acted out in MLC who, in turn, went into their own after their spouse returned to earth. I've only read of one case that happened on here, but that was a long time ago.
Who is to say that Sammy Davis didn't have a MLC too? MLC has been around a very long time. The reason that we are noticing it more and more is because people are living longer and yes, people are sitting up and taking notice of it. Back many years ago, this type of behavior wasn't discussed and shoved in the back closet. Today, we talk about it and share info on the subject.
As I continue to point out to posters, it's his journey to make and find himself. There is absolutely nothing you could have done to stop his journey. It's not about you...but all about him. You didn't do one thing to send him packing on his trip, i.e., his past is calling him and he must go back to that time, finish up the growing up process in order to return to the present as a mature man. Again, it's not you, but him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have to say Job's explanation fits my husband to a T. He was not abused as a child but kind of forgotten. His two older sibs were given a lot more affection and his parents just seemed more interested in them. I did not know this when we married but through the years I have witnessed it time and time again.
In fact the one real regret I have in all this was that I forced him to call Mom and Dad every two weeks for 20 years. I married young and thought this was our obligation. It was always a source of tension but I was determined we would be respectful and call all the parents. Well around four years ago I finally said this is your job and I will quit forcing you to check on your folks. It all started to implode after that. Slowly at first, but looking back it was the first of many triggers. In hindsight I wish I had never forced his relationship with his parents. I will always wonder if he had the opportunity to work through this at 39 years old would we be here now?
Sorry for the hijack but MLC is a real thing. I guess like drug abuse - many of use have a predisposition for addiction but, given the right context, it can happen to anyone.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
So glad that things went well with your kids for Christmas. I love what you posted about Christmas morning on my thread. It made me think about Christmas's when my kids were little. That was so fun and so special.
But I want to see GB loving GB. My heart goes out to you, thinking about another r and things like that. I was in a very similar position not to long ago. (Now I don't know what the heck to think!)
It is unnerving. Scary. I hope you are able to find a place where you are truly comfortable in your skin. I know how hard that it. For me, I think I was until I found out I was left for a 20-something. I wonder if you get that too? It is so difficult. Sometimes are better than others, sometimes worse, right?
GB, I know you are an amazing woman. I know you have style and class. C'mon, give that bod some credit! 5 miles on Christmas is impressive! (and in a stylish hat to boot!)
You are so smart and funny, GB. You have fun with your kids, and the stuff that your x is doing is unreal. Yet you carry on- strong, sexy, funny, humble... GB- don't question it, don't doubt it- you are amazing.
Any guy would be lucky. And job is right on, the right person will be put in your path at the right time.
Just a little anecdote about that. My xh is not very religious- just a concept he struggles with. Anyway, I told him the other day that there have been times throughout this that I know people have been put in my path at certain times and things have happened at certain times because they were supposed to and I was sure it was Devine intervention. He actually agreed with me. He did elaborate, but seemed to get the same sense.
OK, so I just have faith that job is right on with this.
Never apologize for a hijack on my thread, Gwen! You are welcome to share your feelings anytime.
Job-you are correct (what's new??:). I need to breathe. You are such a blessing to so many. I absolutely hate the crazy feeling. It makes me feel (here comes a shocker) completely out of control and I know I can only control me. All 3 kids left this am with their dad and I started to spin and feel super crazy. This is why GAL is so important. I need to work on this even more to combat the crazy train feelings. And sometimes I wonder if I need meds? Although I've never taken well to any kind of medication. Still, it's something to consider.
RockJC-thanks for stopping by. You are 100% correct in that I am (I hate this word)"desperate" for validation. I don't think I'm lonely ( I do want more adult interaction) although I do have this insatiable desire to be wanted. Probably a bit more extreme than others who share that feeling. And I do understand we all want to be wanted, mine is, admittedly, extreme. It just is. Ugh. Gotta work on that.
Wonka-I just love you. You are always welcome to stop by. Next time bring Tom Brady, if you don't mind. Your insight and thoughts are always appreciated. As crazy as MLC is, I do think there are parts that are incredibly easy to understand. Even if they seem like gobbly gunk.
Mighty-you made me shed a tear. You got me. Really. Thanks for your post. I do need to love me. I do and I don't know why I fight it so much. Being left for a 20 something doesn't bother me-not the age piece. I know much of society tells me it should, and well, it doesn't. I swear I don't say this to be unkind, OW is just not terribly attractive. She's in school (I'm certainly not envious of that-been there, done that!:) and she got a man with a myriad of issues. And that's their deal. Being left was a hellacious blow to my ego because I never, ever in a billion years thought he would do that. Shame on me for being so arrogant. I do know I have many good qualities. I just feel so weird sometimes that I just feel like I can't deal with anyone. Even if I do want them. Ack!!!
I do agree that people are put in your path for "reasons." I don't consider myself religious-rather spiritual. I agree that sometimes it is difficult to understand the "why" of them being put in your path, until a) later and or b) until we are able to clear away the junk that frequently clouds our thinking.
Thanks to all of you. I do appreciate it....Trying to slow down the crazy train thinking...
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I think what you are feeling is totally normal .. or maybe I can just relate all to well. The ego takes a huge hit with all this and yeah ... just to be wanted at this point would be enough .. I have had little episodes here and there over the past year .. but I shove them out because... who knows .. maybe it fills my tank for a bit and thats all I want selfishly .. or maybe I am terrified of a real life adult R ... plus I am still hoping to save the M ... a collection of all 3 .. who knows. Till I figure it out .. call me Mr Clean on the caboose of your crazy train.
Georgia, I'm not always right, but I've been around this board soon to be 15 years and on other boards as well and we all tend to share the same opinions about MLC. There are numerous books out there that talk about the stunted childhood and how this comes back to haunt many people, not just married people, but people from all walks of life. Depression is about the past and anxiety is about the future.
MLC is not a recognized illness, but it's talk about in the medical society quite a bit, just as the lawyers talk about it. The joke use to be the red sports car, the young girl or boy toy on the arm and lots of flashy jewelry and muscle shirts on the prowl. That's not the half of what is really going on w/them, it's an emotional and spiritual journey and one that is so painful for them to deal with. Sure, we see no bruises or cuts or they don't state how bad they feel, but they are truly some hurting, miserable folks out there. We do not ever want to wish this type of pain on anyone.
Georgia, what you are experiencing right now is very typical for someone who has had a spouse walk away. We ask ourselves, is it our looks, our personality, we did or didn't do enough to keep them happy, what did I do wrong? Bottom line, you loved a person who was truly broken inside and who didn't know how to deal w/it, hence he dealt w/it by being silent until something triggered his inner self to start to bubble.
From what I have read in your postings, you are a wonderful, sensitive person who would do anything for anyone within reason. Any man that would pass up a person like you is an utter fool. Please do not sell yourself short. Once you get over the holiday season, I think you'll feel better about things, especially yourself. You've got a lot to offer someone and when the time is right, he will be put in your path, whether it is your h or someone new, they will recognize you for the wonderful person you are.
Feel the crazies and then let those feelings go. You've got a lot of living to do and you will do it in a wonderful way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cali, Job and Mighty, thanks for stopping by. Job, I appreciate your very thoughtful post. As I've documented, I struggle with "just being" and this has been tough for me this holiday season. That crazy control thing creeps up and I must learn to feel it and let go. What a struggle that is for me! I'm trying
So, I did want to share something I realized. Kids have been away since yesterday am. Prior to marriage, I struggled being "alone" (even though I frequently felt "alone"). I thought if it was Friday or Saturday night and I had no plans or no guy, then I must be advertising loser. While, it is difficult for me to be away from the kids, I ran 5 miles today, slept in, went to M@cys (which I never do), read, and took down Xmas decorations. To show everyone how not used to being around the kids I am, I briefly got excited when I saw they were reshowing the season premiere of Curious George. I thought I would watch tv, but short of sports, I haven't watched tv in years so I have no idea what I would watch. Donated stuff to Goodwill this am. Will clean again tomorrow. And you know what? I'm okay. I'm not a loser.
I was invited to a party tonight by my extremely bohemian friends (as in they haven't showered since 2007-I kid:). I was going but honestly, I decided not to as well, I didn't feel particularly social and it was an hours drive away. My bf just called and I'm meeting her tomorrow. She made a comment that I thought earlier today. She said, "GB, next time let's steer clear of the overly emotional guys. It's okay if they cry when someone dies or the dog dies, but you go for the extreme one." And is she ever right. I always go for the super sensitive dudes.
I'm back on my self imposed staying away from males who aren't in the friend zone. Not because I don't love non friend males (gosh, I do love cute, funny guys), rather I need to get to a better place before I try that road again. It's not fair to anyone. One day, I'll be ready. And thanks, Job. I honestly do think I'm a catch. I've got stuff to work on (still) although overall I really do have my caca together.
I do need to get through the holidays. Sending everyone positive energy!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Not sure why this makes me feel all feisty (it's not my sandbox) but xh parents' gave him a substantial sum of $ for Xmas and he didn't even text them a "thanks." Maybe it's because I see his parents hurt. Ugh. Just rude of him. Oh well.
D9 is coming home tomorrow. I've been child free for 5 days. Cleaned house, took decorations down, ran 5 miles each day (except for the kickboxing day), slept, washed dog, hung out with friends and generally rebooted. D9 and I are going to a barn party at the stables tomorrow morning and then to spend the night at my best friends house.
2014 was quite a year. I still have work to do and I rather like some of my changes if I say so myself. I haven't a clue what 2015 holds and I hope for the best. It will be whatever it's supposed to be. Wishing everyone peace, laughter, health, love and prosperity in 2015.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 12/31/1404:04 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
There is no excuse for being rude and ungrateful when it comes to someone giving a substantial amount of money to someone. I do understand how you feel about that. What does it take to say "thanks"? His parents are going to see just how he is in crisis and they may very well be surprised as more of his actions and behavior as he travels the Yellow Brick Road.
Sounds like you have been a very busy lady while D9 has been away. I'm glad to see that you and D9 have some plans for New Years Eve and Day. Enjoy the time w/your friends and may the new year ring in some good times for you.
Happy New Year!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Happy New Year! I just found out that xh had his girlfriend sleep over NYE with the boys. The boys slept in the bed while xh and gf slept on the couch. I know I can't control any of this and I'm not angry. It would have been nice if xh said he was going to introduce kids to gf (well, he's never said she existed because he still maintains he moved out to be alone and focus on being a better father). Ah. What's done is done. Although, I did chuckle as xh told boys she was a dr. No. S@xing a college student who is studying to be a vet does not make one a doctor.
Great night with my friend last night. Apparently we are taking the girls to see. 5 Seconds of Summer. Hails to the yeah! I do like their remake of the a Romantics "What I like About You". 5 mile run today. New hamster. Dinner with D9 and I cannot wait to have s4 and s11 back tomorrow. They are having a friend sleep over tomorrow night. Send a nice glass of mercury that Shining mentions.
Wishing everyone a year filled with peace, love, laughter, health and prosperity.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
) heehee. 
I'm bringing my special blend of amaretto to the festivities. And maybe we all can play strip poker! 
I think some not-so tough guys here would fold pretty quickly and us girls will outlast 'em.
