A Lifetime Movie Starring GB #11

[Ggrass]

I've been know to have to get up at 4 on work mornings. Not something I do on weekends tho!

Your mum sounds like my gran, pass over now, but she used to compliments you then smash you down I. The same sentence.

So she would say " wow you have lost some weight and that's really good, but your getting too thin and look sickly you should stop. "

Wow but bmi guidelines says I'm still 15kg over top weight for my height. Hardly a sickly stick insect.

She wasn't worth getting bent out of shape over. Sound like your mum doesn't know an better like my gran how to show her support in a supportive way, their are plenty of humans of all sorts in that bucket.

My h was one. I'm pretty sure mr xgb was simlair

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Wonka and GG. Wonka, my mom is extremely looks obsessed and thinks if you are single, there must be something wrong with you. My bf from childhood told me yesterday she always remembers my mom as "a beauty queen obsessed with looks wondering why she got a non girly, guy's girl for a daughter ." That was pretty spot on from said friend. Yes, GG, my mom gives the backhanded daggers . " I never dreamed you would weigh over 110" or "I never dreamed x Mr GB would leave you." Oh well. Those dreams came true. 110 was years ago:-)

Because I've read some funny threads tonight, I forgot to share this one from x Mr GB. S4 still frequently poops in his pants and x has strongly insinuated this is something that is my doing. Text exchange:

X- when s4 is with me, I sit him on the potty at least 3 times ( he has 2 nights a month if he keeps both of them). This morning, he pooped on the potty and it looked like 2 baked potatoes. I don't think that's normal.

Me- oh great! Thats awesome he pooped on the potty.

X- I don't think you understand. These are like boulders. Do you want me to send pics?

Me- no pics necessary

X- have you figured out if this is normal?

WTF? Sending me pics of dodo is not normal a$$ hat!!!! But no, I didn't say that.

Me : dr says it's okay and he just gets a little constipated. He can be given Metamucil.

FFS!!!! When did I become the dodo analyst? Really x Mr GB. :-)

[Ggrass]

My gran by pcyhcolgoist definition is a narcistic, perhaps your mum and mr xgb?

She sounds like it your mum. We just used to laugh behind gran's back it meant we could be respectfull to her face.

Towards the end of her life we learnt to deal with her differently. Instead of asking " how are you today gran?"

We used to say

" wow how good do you look today? "

Or wow your looking really good positively glowing, how do you feel?

Often she would then tell us how well she felt.

They might work with your mum too. Tweaked to reflect current complaint?

[Georgiabelle]

Happy 1 yr anniversary of the BD! I am so fortunate to have found this board just a few days after *the* speech.

I have no idea if this will help anyone, however, when I came to this board, I was $&@!ing devastated. I remember exactly what I was wearing when xh said "are you happy? I'm not happy....." Never in a billion years did I think I would hear those words or that he would leave. What did I do? Oh yes! I kicked it up in high fix mode. Did the wrong thing and said he had to "try." Scheduled 2 different counselors and a psychiatrist because xh thought he was having a nervous breakdown. I was even undeterred the first 2 times he said "he didn't think he wanted his marriage to work" because really? Who says that caca? How can you not want it to work? When he said it a 3rd time to the 2nd C, reality slapped me in the face.

When I came here, I had a hard time facing that I wasn't perfect. I mean-I am and was well aware I'm far from it. For a woman who has grappled with an ED and self esteem issues, it was too freaking much. It HAD to be all my fault. I was actually in the SSM section. That's how much in denial I was because again, I didn't know Rs ended this way. Another lesson I've learned. I drank all of the kool-aid spew my xh served, and remember distinctly about mid Jan 2014, that I had convinced my self I WAS the problem and I broke him.

365 days later, I think much differently. Oh trust me, I totally neglected my m. I was a great friend and partner, and a terrible wife. I did love my h and I allowed myself to become terribly resentful at him. I hated his mental illness, lack of coping skills, and inability to hold down a job while I did it all. And what did I do? Not want to hug, kiss-much less ML to him. And I often acted in passive aggressive ways to him. I also liked being *right*. Whoopee! Where had that gotten me as I haven't been on Jeopardy yet?:) Shame on me. I was wrong. However, I know now I'm not the way he portrayed me. I am not the most *horrible woman on the planet who ruined his life." I simply don't have that power.

A year later, it's better. I'm better. I don't know what the future holds although I know I have to give up the desire for control. Let it transpire. Just be. And for me that is a super duper challenge.

I hope to love again. I'm not afraid-just not interested right now. I'm blessed with 3 fantastic kids, great friends and family and my award winning (at least to me) sense of humor. I have more clarity than I've ever had in my life and dare I say , I don't know if I've ever been happier. It sounds crazy. I don't cycle as much and some days I feel positively gloriously fantastic in my mundane life.

So hang in there everyone. It really does get better. Xo

[raliced]

Happy Anniversary GB!

I think we may have finally found an occasion for which Hallmark does not have a card.

Thanks for sharing your story here - I always feel a little "kindred spirit" thing going on when I read your posts and it certainly helps.

I'm sure by 12/15/2015 things will be even better for you and your family.

[Mighty]

Xo, GB!!

Sorry I've been MIA. One year post, huh? Ugh. Well, I know one thing, you wear it well. I mean, with some of the frat-boy nonsense you've had to witness, I just love that you are able to shake it off, t-swift style.

Seriously, you got if goin on, girl. Keep on going. You have so much going for you. I can't wait to see where u r headed!

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Raliced and Mighty ( I'm
always happy when you both stop by and I'm
impressed by how you both handle your stuff-particularly your very difficult sitch, Mighty).

This will be a combo vent/journal. I have felt fairly "stable" for about a month now. However, the boat was rocked a bit on Tuesday's therapy visit for the kids. I was called back for both sessions and D9 referred to her dad as " a crappy douche. (What?) dad" and that she couldn't stand that he was so weird. The C said we finally have a break through as the kids are beginning to adjust to the new him and they need help in how to interact with him. She said it seemed they were waiting for their "old" dad to emerge and I can honestly say that man is MIA. He declined to take them tonight (his scheduled sat night) because he is going to a party and he "will see them after Christmas."

D9 had an epic breakdown (this is not your typical tantrum) and grabbed s4 by the hair and slammed his head down. She then said she was going to hurt him and me. And I was reminded this am of my mother and friends saying "you need to be dating." Again, it's not that I wouldn't like someone in my life. They would literally be walking into an atomic bomb and I'm not embellishing. D9's behavior has concerned me for years (suspension from school and expulsion from preschool) and continues to escalate. Therapy helps but it is a very stressful and tenuous sitch. She had a friend spend the night and the friend tried to calm her down. Eh. We just keep trucking along.

On another note, a friend reached out up me earlier this week. It's almost like he read my mind as he asked me something very personal. I was hesitant to speak honestly but then I realized he was safe as he lives in another state. I shared my feelings on something I've posted here a few times- the desire to completely relinquish control and be totally vulnerable. I've not felt that exposed in a long time. He said he got it. And what I said is rather um dark. Not sure why I was able to be so honest with him. I've never told anyone what I told him. I think it's because I knew he would not judge me or think of me "a certain way." Not sure if that makes sense. And I felt so raw after talking to him. Weird.

And I've logged back into the dating site and started chatting with a couple of people. If anything I'm trying to be completely honest. I do like meeting people and I'm open to doing do. It just seems (and this happened with HG too ) they say, "what happens if we really like each other?" And I just want to say " one bridge at a time like I tell s4. I'm not leading anyone on and I try to remind them I'm open to x and I have no idea what happens if z. One step at a time. On a humorous note, my male and female friends are impressed with the fact that all of these guys are cute and 10 years younger. :-). I'm going to get a business card that reads "GB-hot, young dude magnet...at this one moment in life."

And continuing on with my unconventional way of living, kids and I are going to xh parents house for Xmas for a few days. Apparently, he still hasn't spoken to them and well (this is very in DB of me) they aren't missing much.

Hope everyone is well. Xo

[job]

I'm sorry that your D9 had a meltdown, but now it sounds like she's letting all of her anger and frustration out and is starting to realize that "dad" isn't going to change back into dear old dad any time soon. It's really difficult for the children because they do not understand and, in some cases, they blame themselves for the parent walking away.

I am really sorry and concerned about her actions towards her brother and saying that she was going to hurt the both of you. She's really got some unresolved anger issues and something else is going on w/her. I do hope that whatever is going on w/her can be resolved soon. I would hate to see her labeled as a trouble kid in school.

I'm glad you have a friend that you can reach out to and talk to. You need someone that you can rely on and who will be there no matter what w/o judgment. Family is okay, but they want you to move on like yesterday and it doesn't work that way, especially when there are children involved. You'll know when you are ready to date.

As for your h, I could throttle him for not wanting to see the children at Christmas. It's a special time of the year and your children are young and need to be able to share their holiday and excitement w/their parents. He'll regret his actions one day.

Try to enjoy your time away. If, at all possible, leave the mlcing jerk, back at home and relax a bit. Travel safely.

[Matt165]

Hi Georgia,
So very sad that ex doesn't care about seeing the kids for Christmas. I just will never understand MLC and how it can take away the things that should matter most. I just can't imagine anything that could be more important than my family. At your kids age is when it's still magical and those times just don't last long enough. Soon they will be older and it just isn't the same. If he ever finds his way back from his tunnel, he will regret it for sure. Just know that your kids will always remember who was there for them. You are doing so well, hopefully D9 will be able to work things out. It must be hard at her age to understand what is happening...I'm over 50 and I don't get how my W can act the way she is, imagine what a 9 year old must be going through!

All you can do is enjoy the holidays together and make some great memories on your own!

[Georgiabelle]

Job-your words always fee like a warm,fleece blanket. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and kindness here.

Matt-thanks for stopping by. I know you have a ton on your plate-or shall I say platter. You will get through this challenge.

Hope everyone had a nice weekend! Get ready for Monday and make it a great week.