A Lifetime Movie Starring GB #11

[CaliGuy]

Wisdom and wonder in the posts above.

I am not gonna say I know all ... but reading your sitch and well lets face it we all have a common bond here. I just get the feel that after the struggle you have been through, there you are, a survivor in the wreckage and yeah .. you are exploring options, window shopping .. trying on things to see if they fit, its new and strange, and maybe that scares you. Your identity has been stripped GB, so you are in the process of rebuilding that ... there is nothing to be ashamed of in that quest ... nor do I think you need to fit a mold you had in your head.
I just think you have hit a point in your life where its ok to play, try new things ... and to be honest it would scare the hellions out of me, you are living it so I can not imagine the emotions you are going through.

I would think your walls provide comfort, you do not want anyone in .. well because then its real ... in a way its kinda pretend right now and thats fine, as you work on what and who it is you desire to be, you did not ask for all this .. you deserve a chance to discover yourself for once. I think you are handling this so well .. its refreshing to see the honestly on what is going on with you.

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Shining, Mighty and Cali. I do appreciate all of your thoughts. You are alll right. I'm trying to separate some of the old life with who I really want to be. It is a bit scary although there is part of me that thinks "life is short and this (whatever this is) isn't the biggest deal in the world. I'll figure it out."

D9 came home and couldn't wait to give me my birthday present. She designed a necklace with all 4 of our birthstones, a dog paw, family tree, and locket. It made me cry. It was funny because there was a bracelet as well. She said the bracelet was from the boys and it wasn't that cute because THEY aren't that cute. D9 cracks me up. She didn't want *their* gift to be better and she's the one who picked it out. We rode horses today and finished putting the Xmas decorations up.

Since I'm trying to be honest, HG was texting me today. So, yes I have broken my talking to males not safely in the friend zone rule already. He asked if he could come see me after work and I thought he was kidding. I said ," OMG, I'm a little nervous because what if my kids wake up." And he waited until they were asleep and swung by. He said, " I think you are gorgeous. Is it okay if I say that? I know you don't like hearing that." I said," Sure". Really. I mean wtf? Can't I tell everyone how freaking hot the first person I hung out with post D was at the assisted living home. I said to HG that I always felt like he was staring at me. He said," I am and I'm not apologizing." Anyway, that was for your Shining and Mighty. And I have to tell you when he came to my door, my initial thought was "Hails bells! He looks awesome!!" He's the kind of person you want to warmly welcome into your home and drool over.

Hope everyone had a nice weekend.

[Shining]

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh......my nightly dose of vicarious living.

Anyway, that was for your Shining and Mighty. And I have to tell you when he came to my door, my initial thought was "Hails bells! He looks awesome!!" He's the kind of person you want to warmly welcome into your home and drool over.

DID YOU KNOW:

I happen to be the kind of person you want to warmly welcome into your home so I can drool over your fabulous life!!! (Not to mention, more of said "vicarious living" and anything else that may possibly occur that isn't occurring here..... ) heehee.


Well done, GB!!! Woot woot!!!




AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEAUTIFUL!!!

I LOVE D9 sassafras attitude. I totally get her. I have one similar:).

[Georgiabelle]

So, just to share....my last few exchanges with x Mr. GB have been pleasant. Yes, he dropped the dog and crate off without asking although kids's always want dog to visit.

I did receive the following texts from him this am " Can you let me know what you are getting kids for Xmas? And also what my mom is getting them?" I just said I would and we exchanged a chuckle about D9's Christmas list which looks like something the child of a Hollywood mogul would ask for. Hasn't D9 realized who her mother is? Not a mogul :-) I know I can't interfere with x- H's r with his parents, although I think he is going to regret his treatment of them. But what do I know???:)

Anyway, we have several birthdays coming up (including mine followed by BD date). I'm gonna make this December better than last year. Yes I am!!!!

[Georgiabelle]

Couple of things....

I sensed D9 had some, uh, anger brewing. When I picked her up from school she started screaming that she hated her dad, he was crappy and sukky, and she hated him because he never thought about anyone but himself. She was literally shaking saying she could not see him and hated the way he acted on the days he took them to school. For reference, D9 is the ultimate firecracker. Super smart and extremely observant. She said she hated the way her dad plopped on the couch and ate the food-like he lived there. I told her I was very sorry, I know he loves her, and I do pick my battles with boundaries. I told her anyone that comes into my house is welcome to make themselves at home (and I totally get where she is coming from). X Mr GB was going to have kids spend the night so he was there when we got home. D9 says to him "I'm not going" x Mr GB says that she is just trying to make things more difficult for him and that she's being dramatic. She screams at the top of her lungs that she hates him, storms off and X Mr GB rolls eyes and says " I don't understand what her deal is." I say I'll just take her in the am and leave it at that. She was literally shaking and sobbing saying he had no idea how hard this was that her dad was so "abnormal."

I cannot talk to x Mr GB. I was calm and will not interfere. Mindreading, but deep down I know x Mr GB knows what the deal is however, he cannot face it. He always says D9 is exactly like me. If he deals with her, then he may have to admit he hasn't dealt with his kids in the best way. Nonetheless, I will not negotiate this R. D9 has therapy today so I encouraged her to share her thoughts with C.

And to prove, I actually have learned something. X Mr GB, texts me that he will be taking the kids on a trip the days he has them after Christmas because quote "they will all suffer in his apartment." This is the same man who said every trip with the children has left him permanently traumatized and I hope I don't sound negative, but he's certainly done no self work to the discernable eye in that area. He said after 36 hours (his longest time with them since last Jan, that he could t take another minute. Old GB would have pointed all of this out politely and how expensive said trip will be this time of year. I said " Sounds like fun" and left it at that. Secretly, my anxiety is rising but I'm going to quell that thought as it serves no purpose. Except worry lines and gray hair.

Lots of meetings at work his week. Seeing a friend from elementary (shut the front door!) on Saturday. Holla at Tuesday :-)

[Georgiabelle]

Just a little journaling..,,,

So Ryan Gosling was shooting a movie in the lobby of my building today. While I'm not interested in dating, I can assure you I'm interested in drooling at the hotness that is the Gos. Pass the bib, baby! He seemed very nice too.

D9 is sleeping at a friend. Sitter came to stay with the boys for a couple of hours tonight while I ran errands. Our house looks exactly like something out of "Christmas Vacation." Front yard decorated, several trees in house, lights everywhere...4 calling birds, 3 French hens,...,Where is the partridge in a pear tree?

Won a contest at work today. Sold a new account. Holla at GB!!!! H is taking kids tomorrow ( much to chagrin of D 9). I'll clean some, donate to Goodwill, work out, etcetera. I need to recharge. I would love a massage but not sure if I can snare one. X Mr GB continues to send me some "funny" texts as we come up on BD date. What do I think ? I think I still wish him peace and right now he's not someone I would want. Can we rebuild a friendship? Maybe. I am pretty forgiving. Not right now. I really don't feel much of anything for him.

I've seen many interesting developments on some threads. Hang in there ! It will get better:-)

[Shining]

GB!! The Gos?? Why is your life so fabulous. Why.

Ok, and congrats on winning your contest, and your new account!!! (HollabackGB!!!)

I'm glad you have a day to recharge tomorrow.

Funny texts from XMr GB? Interesting..... Changes nothing for you, but I'm always curious when they D and keep checking back, periodically. I understand zero percent of that logic. Because I NEVER looked back when I left my xh. The differences are remarkable to me.

Christmas Vacation is one of my all-time fav movies!! I'm glad you decorated and went all out!!!

You sound great, GB!! Have you bought any new boots lately??

[Ggrass]

I know what you mean about the checking back.

I walked on xh, had to keep it civil for the child. I suspect h is looking back with his bestie reporting back as he doesn't want to be seen to be checking.

Can't prove it and it mind reading, but bestie fought for his marriage.

[Lorelai]

GB:

I've been reading some of your posts for a while and find them very entertaining and inspiring. We went all Christmas Vacation with our house too—S3 was so excited by all the decorating and the multiple trees.

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Shining, GG, and Lorelei. I am always grateful when people follow along my journey of....well, I'm not sure. The next chapter in my life? I feel like I'm perhaps at the intermission of Broadway show. So what happened this weekend?

You guys know I have the kids 90% of the time so I try to cram in social stuff to the max. D9 refused to go with XMr GB and stayed with friend extra night. I gave x Mr GB a number and said "she's here. Have a good weekend!" X arrived around 11am Saturday because according to him he had been working all night. Because I have a warped sense of humor and I just can't resist....yes, this man who was unemployed for a significant portion of our marriage now works on Friday nights. Er, no. That's not true. I just don't openly acknowledge the lie.

I cleaned, went to kickboxing (this girl has to curb the snacking!) and watched Goodfellas. As I've stated many times, I'm trying to stay away from temptation and hang out with more women. Hung out with newly divorced friend from elementary school. She made étouffée and we drank wine from a box. Hails to the yeah! I may be in a unique group but does anyone wonder what newly divorced moms (my friend is hot!!!) that are considered quasi attractive by society do when they get together? Yes, sir they pull up their shirts and inspect each other's stomachs to discuss the possibility of getting naked with a new person. Muscle separation. Paper skin. Stretch marks. It was a love fest. Got home at 1am.

Get texts from h at 7am that boys are ready to come home. I ignore. Sleep for a bit longer and respond at 11 after a quick workout and Starbucks. Everybody home by noon.

S4 told me he could not imagine a more perfect mommy than me. My bamboozler worked on that guy.

Hope everyone is doing well.