Thanks Shining & Lou. Shining, people always say I'm one of the nicest people they know. I'm always surprised to hear that-not that I don't think I'm nice, rather that's just not the way I see myself. When I get overwhelmed or don't know how to deal with something, I have a tendency to lash out. It's rare, although when I do, I know I'm very hurtful. I go for the jugular. I don't know what this person thinks. And I'm somewhat embarrassed I did that.
Gosh Lou! I think you are doing fantastic. I know you are struggling with your S20, and that's understandable. He will either figure out adulthood or not. Keep focusing on you. Do the the things you love. And laugh every chance you can. It's the best advice I can give.
A friend had nowhere to go for T-giving. I said. "join us at the Golden Corral. You will probably never speak to me again and want to drink lighter fluid, but it will be an adventure with me and the kids.":-)
I know many are struggling. Please try to see all that is good and you do have much good in your life. Be thankful for the chance to have a wonderful day. It is what you make it. Sending everyone a great day and a triple salchow, triple toe loop. Stick the landing!
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 11/27/1401:45 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Let's see. Holiday was okay. Boys were high powered with our friend joining us. We did the Just Dance after lunch.
Today we've relaxed. I made plans next Saturday with a recently divorced childhood friend. We went to college together as well and she shares my wicked, warped humor. Since most of my friends are guys, I'm trying to branch put and embrace some females. This is very much out of my comfort zone. If I had $5 for every woman that has said, " GB, you remind me so much of my x bf or xh", then I would be retired. Is it clear how much I love males? The humor. The guy stuff. The a$$hattery. Love. Love. Love.
Oh I shouldn't admit this and I will. I keep thinking I want someone. Then I realize they might want something from me (sigh). Anything from me. And then I might have to let me guard down and I simply cannot right now. And how would I see them?
More later..,
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 11/28/1409:59 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I'm looking at the menu I want to choose from it, I really do. Then comes the freak out when some thing looks my way or I even think they are looking my way.
Mmm guessing neither of us are ready, remotely.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Okay I'm ready to confess as best I can on this board. My behavior has bothered me and I'm a little concerned about veering from my true self. As a result, I have decided to steer clear of males I'm attracted to (only been 1) and just focus on me and the kids.
So for those of you following along, I did have a very intense physical encounter with HG. He mentioned as I was leaving that he was still confused and again, every conversation was like a chess match with me. I should point out that HG is very strangely honest. Very literal. He is funny-however a bit different than most of my other guy friends. A few days after our encounter-I passed right by him. He was looking at me and I just ignored him. I don't know why. I just did. I didn't feel embarrassed-think I was more surprised I did that with him. He immediately texts me asking if I was mad at him. I said no and a woman who LOATHES lying fibbed. I said I didn't see him which was technically true because I wouldn't look his way and I KNEW he was there. I just ignored him. He said. " you walked right past me." I just said "really? I didn't see you." Shame on me.
Last Saturday night I had margaritas with my best friend. I rarely drink. 1 drink I'm fine. 2 is getting iffy and 3 is going down a water slide into a ginormous pool of stuff. I had 3. I sent him a text (genuine) that I was sorry that I was so confusing at this point. Normally I'm not and that we just happened to meet at an unusual time in my life. (Yes- I know I should not have done this via text). He asked why did I think it was a bad time and why was I so confusing to him? I essentially said that I didn't want to want anyone, want anyone to want me and I'm perfectly happy with my 16 foot wall around me. And that things got weird when we actually had $ex ( I don't know how to describe this but it was like he was totally admiring me and I felt weird???) I wasn't a w$&re and wtf was he even talking to me because he was hot, 10 years younger and I had 3 kids and a nutty ex husband. I told him I had been with only a few people and it was like he was an adult film star. I was sorry I had $ex with him and could we pretend this didn't happen. Oh and I just want to be friends. He said "GB, I'm just working to tonight." I then said "okay so we agree this was a mistake." I actually thought "I'm no longer attracted to him. " Until Tuesday, when he texted me and he was normal. It sounds crazy although I just feel like he just let's me twist and figures if I want to actually talk to him I will. Again, this isn't aboutt him. It's about me.
Why did I behave this way? Do I apologize? I sounded like a crazy. Maybe that's why he texted was because he thought I was wacky. I don't have any expectations of this-it was what it was. Nothing is going to happen. I'm guessing I felt the need to really do this was because I am so physically attracted to him.
I just want to be normal. Whatever the pho that is. I don't want to be rude or crazy to anyine moving forward.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
If you over think everything then you are headed into Lindsay Lohan territory. Let it go and if there is a time he mentions the convo then blame it on the margaritas (tequila and texting is NEVER a good idea).
This is you adjusting to the new world order. Guys do not like to talk that much and think that much. DBusting is useful with non-spouses too. I am sure he was flattered more than you realize and unless you repeat the tequila texting you will probably get a pass.
You are divorced not dead. Hang in there.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Thanks for stopping by. For me, I don't think this is an example of overthinking. I just see it as more behavior from me of the same (the ignoring and wall part). I mean, I literally walked right past him and didn't look his way.
You are right that tequila plus texting equals trouble.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
First....you mentioned veering from your true self? Or is there more GB true self that is yet to be discovered?
What I mean..... You are this exquisite, boot-lovin', insanely funny, intelligent and certainly Hottie McHotness based on snippets of stuff I've extracted....sooooo.....
I think there may be more to GB that hasn't lived yet, and is beginning to notice. You've been so busy keeping track of kids, career, and managing x Mr GB when he was your 4th child... I mean, when was there time to discover you?
It seems to me, and I'm just reading as an outsider viewing snapshots.... That on one side, you have this "pull" to experience some new, exciting things. Then, on the other side, you have a sort of "pull" that is an old voice telling you it's not ok.
Your life now, similar to mine, doesn't even remotely resemble the order of things it once did. Along with that, comes an identity thing.... Like, well, if I'm not THAT woman anymore, who the he!! am I?
And that's all good, GB. You're learning who you are today. And it can be messy and confusing. And it can be scary. It's all new and unfamiliar. Yet, exciting.
You're playing with toys you've only seen on tv, and at your friends houses.... So what do you do?
Enjoy it.
All of it. This life. These times. Embrace the crazy. Laugh. (Because I know you love to). You do that so well with your kids, and your sitch.
You are awesome. You are exactly where you are supposed to be, learning what you are supposed to learn.
Don't panic. Don't worry. Live and laugh at it all........
You are worthy of everything good that is about to hit you like a tsunami. Accept that for yourself.
Even if you don't stick the landing.... Even if you went out-of-bounds and received a deduction... You get back on the mat. Every. Time.
^^^^^^^ I'm still nerdily cheering you on from the sidelines, wearing my sexy hot boots AS I MOONWALK IN YOUR HONOR....oh yeah....CUZ THIS IS THRILLAAHHHHHH.....
GB, like Shining, I love you, too. And she made an excellent call in her post. Keep doing you, GB. C'mon! You got this! It is great to have self-reflections. Now, don't get caught up in the self-doubt, though. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are fun. You are smart. You are G-freaking-B. No one else on earth is GB. Just you. So, do you. You do it so well.
