I am not a vet but would like to give you some ideas.
Do you remember reading in DR about the baby steps? Maybe it would work with the texts to your W.
You would text her and more likely she will text you back, maybe changing the dynamic and timing, it would bug her to think what is going on.
Let's say you text her late at night, she will get your msg next morning, but she will see the time you sent it.
Then she may text you in the morning, but then you just ignore it, disappear for the day, answer her text like "Sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday, just a busy day" the following day.
Then off you go again for a day, then out of the blue text her something not very important, during the day, a time she is not expecting you to text. Say something she will need to write back.
If she reply, reply back, then she will reply again, then you say: "don't mean to be rude but I need go, later"
Does your wife text you on weekends? They are very hard but it would be good do not answer her, she would be thinking.
You see, if you text very late at night she may think you are alone and missing her. But in the same time, she can also think you could be parting somewhere and did text her later when you came back home.
The point is that she needs to know you care for her deeply and would like to work on your M... but, she also needs to feel some mystery, she needs to think that maybe she can loose you.
Learn with her, look what she is doing to you. And how crazy you get because she gives a lot and then pull back.
Many people in these boards talk about a book called "Five Languages of Love", try to read that and learn what is your W's love language.
And for a GAL, I would think you don't have much problems with that. You are 28 y old, you are a kid. Live your life in full, if you love your W then keep working to get her back, but go out there and live a full life.
Sorry you are here... it will hurt a little less every day.
Wow so what an emotional few days it's been. Got the house packed up and started my drive to Texas. W wanted to get together so met up with her for dinner for a few hours tonight.
Basically, she's starting to realize the grass isn't so green on the other side. I didn't bring up any M or R talk, she did. On more than one occasion she said "I don't know if I made the right choice," "I look back at how much I've given up and for what?" And other things along those lines. She said she left because she was angry and hurt and alone..didn't mention the ILYBNILWY part.
All I said back to her when she said those things were..."You know where we (the dogs and I) will be. I can't make any of these decisions for you anymore. This is something only you can figure out."
Besides that and lots of crying on her part, we had a great time. W noticed my new clothes and really liked them, and was pretty interested and all my new hobbies that I've done. Not sure what else to do at this point, if anything. It was really hard to not just say "then just come home...if you're wondering if you made the right choice and your this emotional than just come home already." But I didn't...
W was pretty surprised when I told her that I felt like there a lot of good things that we are learning from this and she's even starting to realize herself how difficult it is working the schedule that I had before.
Idk if I could have or should have done or said something different. I'm just not sure what to say when she says those things to me. I know that DB says not to believe anything she says but isn't this significant or should I just disregard this? Your thoughts?
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
You did it so good. Polite, respectful and very confident. I am amazed with so how fast you learned some of these DB stuff.
Your W is very confused right now. I think you did the right thing to meet her let her know that she knows were you will be. And also that you can't make decision for her anymore, that she is the one to figure it out.
Hope your W will think about and reconsider her decision - hang in there.
NAJ- thanks for taking the time to read my thread, and I really appreciate your PMA. We are still a long ways away from reconciling, but I'd like to think that this is a positive step. I still learned that in order for us to reconcile my W needs to continue running this course that she's on until she's out of string, and only after a little longer will she actually realize that this isn't really what she wanted. She is still so determined to try and make it on her own that only when she either fails or even succeeds, will she look back and possibly try and make this work. But until she runs her own course it's still too soon to bring up reconciling.
Calibri, always great to hear from you. I've been thinking about what you said and I don't mean that my wife is rude or disrespectful. More.. Inconsiderate and cold. Again, by definition a WAW. What I meant to say was she will have these ups and downs where some days especially like yesterday it seems like she might be willing to think about working on the M but then she'll turn around the next day and just be extremely cold and ignore me half the time.
Pink- I appreciate your insight on working out this communication issue with my W. I think it has merit and I am willing to give it a try especially the early morning or late night texts. My W knows my schedule so you're right there's not very much mystery and this might help make it a little bit more...mysterious. Something else I've just started doing is matching her in her response times. If she takes an hour to get back to me, I'll wait an hour, if she takes 5 minutes, I'll take 5 minutes. Seems to be working, at least for now.
On another note day two of my drive is going well, definitely very different not to have my wife with me because we've made so many road trips together in the past. Today she's been making a lot of comments about how it's weird for me to be doing this on my own and she said a couple times how good it was to see me and that it's good to see I'm doing well, but that she never ever had to worry about me anyways.
Not really sure how to respond to this, I get the feeling that she's implying she herself isn't doing too great, but idk. Just a weird few days
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
Why do you feel the need to answer her if she text you?
She may need to feel that you are not there every time she snap her fingers. Most of the time you may answer her. You don't have any other form of contact, but if she is just blah, blah, blah, then you can let go.
After many hours you can say, sorry could not reply, was busy, and then make some comments on her text to you, if it's relevant anyway.
I am not saying to ignore her, but she may get a little worry that you may decide to kick her out of your life and find someone else now that you are exploring new ground.
She knows you are young and there are a lot of girls our there awaiting for some nice guy to come by. She is not stupid and she probably knows the risks of losing you too.
Remember, the freedom she wants and is claiming is the same freedom she is giving to you.
Some time ago, my H had this insinuation of me going out with friends, that I am his W and blah, blah, saying but not saying and I told him that, you want freedom, you got freedom, but don't forget that you also gave me freedom. By the way he looked at me, I could tell he never actually tough that way.
In all, it's great you and your W are in good terms and talking to each other, it helps a lot. Keep the good friendship, it can be a reason for your reconciliation.
Keep your heart tight, tomorrow may be a better day!
I wonder if she'll ever come back home. I am doing everything I can as far as DBing and it seems to be working to an extent. But I miss her so much. Just got to where I needed to go in Texas and am signing for our new home tomorrow. This drive/move was definitely different and I hope I never have to do it alone again. I miss seeing my W in the passenger seat, having her help me take the dogs out at rest stops, and just seeing her pretty face and talking to her for hours on our drive. This house in moving into was one she fell in love with, and it's hard to imagine living in it without her since she picked it out.
Yes, the past few days since my visit with her have been very positive and she was clearly thinking some things over when I saw her. But I can't help but wonder, how long is this going to last. She's already said she wonders about if she didn't ever leave, that she doesn't know if she made the right choice. Her own words, she never planned on leaving me when I left, she just said she got really angry and hurt (somehow with me not there?) while I was gone so she left. She said she don't want to go to Texas but she never thought she wouldn't end up going...
All I wanna say to her is..."you never planned on leaving, clearly the emotional connection is still there...what do you think about coming back and giving it another shot?"
She's like half-committed to doing what she's doing but even she's not sure if this is the right choice...
I just miss her and want her home...She couldn't even look at me without crying when we were at dinner...I want to talk to her about coming home
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
