Requisite summary of my sitch: BF of 10 years (no kids) came home one day, said he wanted out of our R, admitted to a PA in the past. Was very adamant that he didn't want to work on us, and was tired and burnt. I moved out (couldn't afford the apartment alone). BF is currently sleeping with a friend (in the middle of a divorce) that he claimed to me he's "not in a relationship" with, but I suspect there's more to it and they may have been sleeping together before he actually broke it off with me.
Thanks for the support, guys.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
So, I lazed most of the day away. I was very busy all week and mixed in some "me and the cats" time with some reading and doing crossword puzzles -- because I like to.
Tonight I'm "nesting", putzing around my bedroom and fixing things up to my liking. Moving tchotchkes around and enjoying the ambiance I've created with soft light and decorative touches I enjoy. This is a safe, restful, healing space.
I'm glad that, while I miss BF, I have the ability to be "okay" single. I don't NEED someone to complete me, and I'm not afraid of being alone and spending time in my own company.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
I have been thinking about this a lot myself. I am quite happy being single. I love to spend time by myself and have the freedom to do what I want, eat what and when I want and see whomever I want.
I am not really sure what I miss about the WAH. Sex? Love? Someone who has my back?
Oh, I definitely miss BF; his personality, our connection, our bond. I don't necessarily like the way he responds to crisis or problems, but we've long joked that we're the male/female version of each other, and I adore the person he is.
That said, I agree with you that it's nice not to have to be responsible for anyone but me and my "kids" (the cats). I certainly won't be rushing out to find someone to fill the void I feel without him. For a myriad of reasons, of course, but mostly because I don't need SOMEONE there. I'm proud of that.
I've seen the way people roll from one relationship into the next, sometimes seeking a new person first, before they break off the last relationship (BF's pattern, too - don't know for sure if that's what's going on now, but....), and that is REALLY not for me.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Accidentally found a card given to me by BF some time ago, in which he claims I'm a "permanent part of [his] heart and soul".
Guess not, since I'm alone....
Shouldn't even have cracked it open.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
I've seen the way people roll from one relationship into the next, sometimes seeking a new person first, before they break off the last relationship (BF's pattern, too - don't know for sure if that's what's going on now, but....), and that is REALLY not for me.
It's not healthy either. It's a selfish way to carry on life and relationships.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I'm lonely and I have sexual needs that I cannot meet with anyone right now. Not only because I know it will put me in a predicament I'm not equipped to deal with at the moment, but also because it's not fair to anyone else. Of course, I know some people feel like they can meet sexual needs with people who are also in it just for sexual needs, but I'm not prone to operating that way.
There's no need to compare myself to anyone and how quickly they can move on and forward; I can go as slow as I need to go and do whatever I'm comfortable with.
In some aspects, I feel like I've got to settle, now. I found a man who I considered my soul mate, my best friend. He doesn't want me. Now I either settle for someone who doesn't hit me in the same ways or wait forever until someone hits me with the same impressive ways that took forever to find the first time.
I'm just bitter about it all. I wish I could be cavalier like BF and just bonk anyone and then shove myself into a new R just because someone makes my pee pee hard.
Blah.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
I feel the exact same way today, Little. Exactly the same.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I'm totally with you Little. After all, my WAH is bonking half the town. It's their way of coping with the changes but my observation is that it doesn't work all that well. Maybe in some short term ways it does, they can forget for a few hours or a few days. But I know all his bonking isn't making him happy. Looking inside ourselves and improving is what will make our lives better.
So we work on that, and become born again virgins. And hope that they wake up and see the light or that we meet someone new who will appreciate us 100%.
It's a bit of a conundrum, isn't it? At what point do we make the decision to open ourselves to someone else without feeling like WE are having an affair? I hope that becomes clear someday...
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
