I certainly didn't envision myself being a single father. I think I am a great father and so does my wife. I think I am the exact father I thought I'd be.
I'm a much worse husband than I thought, though.
I have been working my 4th step, resentment list, on my wife this weekend. I am absolutely disgusted with myself over the pettiness of some of the garbage. My wife has problems, who doesnt? But I'm starting to see that she was a whole lot better person in this marriage than I was. And it hurts to see that I've caused my best friend, someone I love so much, so much pain.
I just need to work through this.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Nothing much to update. Wife was here this morning to drop the kids off, didn't even get out of the car. She was a little late for work, I think.
Later this morning she starts texting telling me they had too many drivers so they let her have the day off, just chit chat. I'm unbelievably glad that she calls to "check-in" but I just don't get it sometimes.
She went dark the rest of the day. It's pool night with Johnny and since she's off, I know she's there.
Holiday update: Wife and MIL coming to my family's Thanksgiving. Wife is still under the impression that no one in my family knows she's AWOL. My mom's birthday was this past Saturday and the W asked if I got her a card, I answered yes, and I signed both of us. W said OK, good. TY. Me and the kids are going to her family's Thanksgiving (on Friday) as per tradition. Wife has to work so she wont be there this year.
Wife's birthday is Thanksgiving day this year so that's going to be awkward. I bought her a gift just in case I need it. Not planning on giving it to her unless some strange emergency pops up.
I swear, there are days I wake up and ask myself is all of this really happening or am I still asleep.
In other news, I cut the crap out of my left index finger today. Borderline needing stitches, but no doctors for this kid today.
Kids are at my mothers tonight, so just me and the empty house again for the evening.
Grandmother alive and perky today but deteriorating rapidly.
All in all, if this wasn't my life and it wasn't fairly sad, I'd say let's pop some popcorn and crack a beer because this is starting to get interesting.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Wife's birthday is Thanksgiving day this year so that's going to be awkward. I bought her a gift just in case I need it. Not planning on giving it to her unless some strange emergency pops up.
Give her the birthday present. If for no other reason than to send a message to your daughters.
They need to know its okay to celebrate their mom's birthday.
Getting close to the 9th step for my wife. Any advice on how to approach this?
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Bad idea. Go buy some groceries, walk around Walmart, buy some new bandages for your finger, work out, or anything. You need to do something to break up the silence and loneliness. Good things are not going to happen in your mind while you are sitting alone at night on the computer. I've been there and yes, I'm partly talking to myself here.
UpperCut Me: 28 W: 25 Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home) S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15) No kids
The 9th Step is difficult because it requires humility, introspection, empathy and good judgment. It is easy to use this step as a punishment device.
Let’s use the example of a husband confessing to his ex-wife that he had an affair with her sister. He says the reason he is confessing is because he is “making direct amends.”
But the truth is this type of information isn’t making amends because there is no value in the information being presented. The couple is divorced. Therefore this information is injurious and only causes pain, not healing.
So when approaching this step ask yourself, “What injury(ies) have I caused my wife? Can these injury(ies) be healed/resolved? If these injury(ies) can be healed/resolved what steps are required of me to heal/resolve these injury(ies)?”
Making amends to people is not only an apology. It is an acknowledgement that you have wronged them and an attempt to right the wrong when possible.
If any of the injury(ies) you want to amend are unknown to your wife then ask yourself the following: “Can this injury be healed/resolved?” “Even if this injury can be healed/resolved, what value will be added to her life if she learns about the injury?”
I'm attempting to follow the course that you recommended. It seems only prudent to heal/resolve the injuries known by my wife. I have NO DESIRE to punish my wife. I just want to begin her healing process for the damage I've caused.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Just had a not so pleasant conversation with the wife.
I have no idea how we started talking about the R. She initiated it I should have stopped it.
Damn.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
