Mahhhhty man, guys like us gotta learn to shut it. Those are some great tips though. Not sure if I can do the cold showers, but the strategy about asking what you want to say/what you want to hear seems really helpful. The book also sounds like a must read for someone like me.
Vanilla, yes, as stated I live with some family now. They are there for me and help with my son as much as possible. They've been gone this week unfortunately. So it's just been me and the kiddo in the big empty house. Thank you for your kind words. I know that, whatever happens, he has to come first.
Me 23, Her 21 1S 2 M <1yr, T 7 WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014 She started D process 1/29/15
There is plenty of time and space, more than you think. Allow this to yourself and your son. Self improvement is a lifelong objective and not just about physicality but spirit too. Age has no bearing on this as I wish that I had discovered this early.
W will notice your changes, but do this for you.
The generous members of this board invest in themselves and offer advice and support to each other. They will spend time investing in you (not W). DB will be for life.
What a great post! I imagine that this is applicable to almost everyone... it is definitely applicable to me!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Mahhhhty man, guys like us gotta learn to shut it.
Thats definitely one of my 180's...
I'm not an overly religious person but this is always on my mind, and is definitely useful.
Quote:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
This means that you will have family around you this Christmas and this is going to give you some support as you seem very close to them. If they are away and I guess you have been with a poorly son then this isn't easy. Some times family can be too jolly and lacking direction but it's good to know you have them on your side.
One slight word of caution though, if you and W reunite then family may get in the way if they think you are going to get hurt, they may also try to persuade you to move on sooner than you might want to. Fore warned means thanking them for their concern but having a boundary which advises you will do this in your own time.
I was a little confused when you said you were on your own with S but I now understand thank you for clarifying. The prayer you mention is the Serenity Prayer a cornerstone of every 12 step program and a mantra for life. I love it too.
Get some GAL too with your friends and let us know your plans Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/06/1412:08 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Working out a lot more and counting calories. My gym has a daycare to watch the little one, so that's nice. Still attending weekly IC, still doing my 180s. Keeping things light and pulling back from her whenever possible. When I do see her, the talk is still about the schedule about the little one.
Need help trying to detach today. Feels so lonely. Not quitting on LRT, just feels so counter-intuitive sometimes when all I want today is to reach out to my W and tell her I love her and miss her so much. That's why I'm posting here, to avoid saying anything to her. Guess I just felt like feeling sorry for myself, sorry friends.
Me 23, Her 21 1S 2 M <1yr, T 7 WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014 She started D process 1/29/15
I took my wife for granted. I left her at home alone entirely too much so that I could go out with friends, which made her feel lonely. She says that she is happier without the anxiety and depression that I caused her. I believe this was due to my sometimes overbearing nature and being too quick to anger.
I believe all of these complaints are valid.
While she has been gone (can't be completely dark because of son), I have started working out and eating healthier in an attempt to look my best and cut out the negative things I would do when I left her home alone (drinking, etc). I have also been attending IC to try and work on my anger issues and overbearing nature. I do not believe I am the only cause of her her anxiety & depression, but have accepted my role in those problems.
Me 23, Her 21 1S 2 M <1yr, T 7 WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014 She started D process 1/29/15
If your W has the blues, is that anything to do with the baby?
Did you leave her alone with the baby when you went out?
Please can you put an order on the events for us.
Accept from me, no one can make another anxious or depressed. That is their way of reacting and W is wholly responsible for her reactions. You and W are separate individuals and each of you is responsible for themselves.
As for the other items you mention, of course they have a bearing on the environment and your M. They are an influence, but W wayward behaviour is her choice, she could have chosen to work with you to resolve this. My concern is that having the baby and the hormonal changes may play a part so I need more details and can you be as specific as possible. Regards Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I'll try and give a timeline from memory here Vanilla:
- Started dating again/reconciled august 2012 (apart for 6 months, together for ~6 years) - Moved in together September 2012 - Engaged Jan 2013 - Son born May 2013 - Married at the courthouse March 2014 - Moved in with my family August 2014 - She moved out Nov 2014
I think the baby had something to do with her depression, but as he is ~19 months old now, I think the problem was more about my shortcomings as a husband and general unhappiness in our relationship. Hope that helps you get a clearer picture of the situation.
Me 23, Her 21 1S 2 M <1yr, T 7 WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014 She started D process 1/29/15
