Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 182
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 182
Originally Posted By: lnlyshp
I am going to make her see that things can be different. That I am going to make her see that there is something worth fighting for.


Lonely,

Did you really say these things? Are you reading the book? Slow down. STFU. Show change through actions, not words.


me: 45 W:45
M 20 years
T 22 years
S14, S13, S11, D9
BD 2/28/14
D papers served 3/3/14
I moved out 3/15/14
MC start 4/2/14
I moved in 6/2/14
D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 89
L
lnlyshp Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 89
Vanilla, thank you for the encouragement. I need to realize that time is my friend. I also have been thinking about your point about spiritual improvement. I need to improve mind, body, and soul. I appreciate all the members of this board, the community has been very welcoming and full of great advice.

Nettles, unfortunately I did. It all came out like word vomit. I recently finished DR as well, but for whatever reason felt the need to try and explain myself to her. I was discouraged by her suggestion that she had basically made up her mind. Perhaps I was trying to convince myself more than I was trying to convince her. Either way, I am very embarrassed about calling her and even more embarrassed about what I said.


Me 23, Her 21
1S 2
M <1yr, T 7
WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014
She started D process 1/29/15
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 182
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 182
Originally Posted By: lnlyshp
word vomit


Yup. No more regurgitations.

Originally Posted By: lnlyshp
for whatever reason felt the need to try and explain myself to her


Recognize it next time and resist the urge.

Originally Posted By: lnlyshp
I am very embarrassed about calling her and even more embarrassed about what I said.


You learned, right? Move on to the positive things you're going to do.


me: 45 W:45
M 20 years
T 22 years
S14, S13, S11, D9
BD 2/28/14
D papers served 3/3/14
I moved out 3/15/14
MC start 4/2/14
I moved in 6/2/14
D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 89
L
lnlyshp Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 89
mahhhty,

Thank you for the advice! I've actually been keeping a journal since she left, a more personal journal, really. But I think your idea about writing rather than reaching is a great one. Hell, I'll do pretty much anything to avoid breaking the plan at the point. I can't backslide and plead anymore. My mouth just gets me in more trouble and makes me feel much worse after the conversations.

"It is not over until you want it to be over." Exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much.

Last edited by lnlyshp; 12/02/14 10:28 PM.

Me 23, Her 21
1S 2
M <1yr, T 7
WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014
She started D process 1/29/15
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 89
L
lnlyshp Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 89
Looking for advice on an idea I had.

We have a shared checking account which we both have direct deposits feeding into. The other night, as I tried falling asleep, I was thinking about detaching and ways to do that. I'm someone that obsessively checks my bank account, but really don't like seeing what she's been up to. There's nothing bad on there, it feels like spying, not something I want to do.

I was thinking about closing the account, giving her the lion's share of the money (it's not that much). I think this would help me detach, but not sure that's it's a step I want to take. On one hand, it might help me move on and even show her that. On the other hand, it seems a bit counterproductive to the overall goal of saving my marriage.

Any advice? Good idea/stupid idea?


Me 23, Her 21
1S 2
M <1yr, T 7
WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014
She started D process 1/29/15
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 89
L
lnlyshp Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 89
Feeling lonely today. I watched my son all day long, which is always nice, but doing it alone is so tough sometimes. He is sick, the poor thing. I am taking the best care of him that I can, just very tiring without some help.

The past few interactions with W have been up and down. I was out with a friend and she kept trying to drop him off to me, even though I kept explaining that I wasn't home. She seemed annoyed that I wasn't home already and kept responding to me with "K", which I know was an attempt to upset me (she knows it pushes my buttons). Didn't let it phase me though, just stayed calm and explained I would pick him up as soon as possible (she'd literally only had him for half a day, so not sure what the big rush was).

Today, I asked if she was going to pick him up after work tomorrow (as per the plan we made at the beginning of the week) to which she said "Yes". I said okay, thank you. No response. Really frustrating sometimes to deal with the one word/letter responses. I'm not going to bring it up to her or anything, just venting here. It's hard to get the cold shoulder all the time when I'm just trying to be nice and make sure she'd still be able to get him. I need to leave as soon as she normally picks him up to go to my counselor (didn't tell her that of course), otherwise I wouldn't have even asked.

Sigh. Any tips on dealing with the icy courtesy? I know to stay positive no matter what and give it time. I just don't see why she has to be so rude.


Me 23, Her 21
1S 2
M <1yr, T 7
WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014
She started D process 1/29/15
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
The checking account, this is a practical matter. But if you want to check it do so, if you feel this is getting compulsive then this needs addressing with your IC.

You could chose to open your own account as a fail safety measure. Absolutely have your full entitlement to the existing account if that's 50% then transfer it.

Could you tell us about 2 year old sons illness please?

I am glad he has such a loving dad to nurse him.

You asked for advice on the ice attitude, frankly ignore W mood, you have no control over it.
Softness of dreams
Vanilla

Last edited by Vanilla; 12/05/14 01:45 AM. Reason: Spelling

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 89
L
lnlyshp Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 89
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
Could you tell us about 2 year old sons illness please?

I am glad he has such a loving dad to nurse him.


Nothing big. It's just been cold lately so he has a stuffed up nose and a cough. I can tell it's been bothering him because he's so cranky. I also suspect he is teething again because his cheeks have been so red.

Being patient with him and doing all I can to soothe him. Times like these I wish I had my W (so we could both help care for him and because I just think sometime kids need to be held by their mommies when they're sick).

frown


Me 23, Her 21
1S 2
M <1yr, T 7
WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014
She started D process 1/29/15
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 977
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 977
Originally Posted By: lnlyshp
My mouth just gets me in more trouble and makes me feel much worse after the conversations.


My goodness so does mine. I am a gut feeling guy. So telling my brain that everything I think doesn't need to come out of my mouth was/is difficult. Here are a few things I've been thinking/trying...

I read this article on self-control where the author took cold showers to teach his mind and body not to react impulsively. It has an odd soothing effect of empowerment if you can stand tall under the cold water. Don't get hypothermia though...

Also when I get a little flustered or upset, I continually check what I see by asking myself... what do you want to say and what do you want her to hear

Lastly, there is a decent book about de-escalating conflict and attempting to be heard or be compassionate... Talk to me like someone you love.


Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2
M - 8/2008
W is not happy - 1/2014
W wants D - 9/2014
W moved out - 11/2014
D filed - 1/23/2015
D'ed - 2/25/2015
Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
Inl

Do you have family close by?
Is there day to day support for you?

This precious little boy needs his mum as much as his dad especially when he is poorly and teething, of course he does, but he has something very special, he has wonderful love from you.

Vanilla


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard