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Mighty Offline OP
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C'mon, AJ. You weren't impressed with my finger impression of you? It was really helpful to me! You have given me tools, which I am trying to hone, to really question my thinking and reactions. You know, perspective and all....

The way you frame thing help me. Then uR give me the perspective of what it is like on the other side. That I can get there, while you've helped in giving me the tools to get there. Thank you both.

And your post... yes, yes, yes! I agree and get it! I am working so hard to get to that place. I am so impressed with you. Thank you for sharing that with me. You are very strong and level-headed. I need that and try to absorb it as much as I can.

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Oh, M, I certainly dont want to ever make you feel like crying.

I also dont want to make you feel that you arent doing amazing, because you are. You have been dealt a whole lot and then some.

My friend Labug wrote this on SS thread. I like it. "Letting go is a process. It happens in phases and stages and it's not linear.

This whole process is like that, a little progress followed by a little rest or what may appear to be "backsliding." It doesn't have to be negative, perhaps there was something we didn't learn when we were last in that spot, that we're now ready to learn. Our tendency is to chastise ourselves instead of saying gently, "Hmmm what am I to learn from this."

You know, Might, my xh's ow sent flowers to him to our home. She called my house. She did some other really terrible things. And for a long time, I was really angry with her. How dare she, I thought. Until one day I realized I was holding on to all these feelings that she cared not one bit about. She didnt care if I was hurt. She didnt care if I was angry.

So, what was the point? What did it change? And then I knew...it was changing me. Well, that sure got my attention. Not only was I allowing her all this power and control over my life..but, I was allowing my feelings about her to change who I was. And no freakin way was I going to allow that. I was not going to give myself away. I was too important. I mattered.
And so are you, so do you, Mighty.

Look, I get how this makes you feel. I do. No matter how we try to think that they cant shine our shoes, there is a little part of us that thinks...what do she have that I dont? Why her?

The truth is that I knew that my xh's ow had nothing that I lacked. She didnt have my dignity or honor. She had a shell of a man. A man in crisis who was broken. Someone else h. She was not worthy of one single piece of me. Not one.

So, I no longer wanted her to hurt. I didnt care one way or the other what she thought or she didnt think because I knew my truth. That's what mattered to me. Her actions were all on her.

Mighty, shift your focus. Know your worth. You matter. Your kids matter. Just get out of the way of that mess.

You have such strength, M. Such courage and conviction and heart. Be you always. Dont change who you are for anyone.

Oh and,I, too, am honored to be paired with AJ. He is simply amazing.

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Mighty Offline OP
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Tonight will be interesting since xh wants to sit w me at banquet. It will be a couple of hours long. S17 said he will not go if his dad does. I seriously hope he does not make a scene. He is embarrassed bc "everybody knows."

Well... At least xh isn't being the coward he has been.

As for me.... Well... I don't know. It friggin weird.

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Mighty, what do YOU want to do tonight? Do you want to sit with your xh? Your feelings matter.

Is the banquet for your son? Does your xh know that your son doesnt want him there?

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Mighty Offline OP
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Buckle your freakin seatbelts....

JK, not really, but boy oh boy, what a ride. Sometimes, I think, when you are detached enough, some of it can be slightly (in a demented way) entertaining.

Got to the banquet, xh was waiting in the parking lot waiting for us (plus he called 2x prior, including once on his way home from work- without her).

Walking in- slightly awkward, but it really doesn't bother me. But we were just about the last to arrive, and I think I heard a unison gasp from the reception hall as we entered together smirk.

THEN, we couldn't find seats!!!!! Oh no!!!! It was so embarrassing. Finally the coaches son, who is also on the team, ran over to us and told us to take the "Reserved Table" in the front. It was for the coaches, but they were at a table over. Obviously, people really were looking at us.

So we did. Big empty table, in the front. Nice. I sat first, then s17, xh sat next to me. I was in the middle. OK? S17 really wouldn't speak with xh.

However, things were abnormally normal with xh and I. It is so freaking weird that it is like a well oiled machine. This much time, all the insanity, and we can be so 'normal' with each other.

Here is what is so good from my perspective. $hit really doesn't bother me. That's it.

I'm good. I don't need anyone in my life to be complete. If someone wants to be. OK, but I will have standards. I have no time for negativity or drama. I've have experienced enough for a lifetime.

**** Side note**** S17's best friend's mom and I have been friendly. We don't know each other very well, but have spent some time together. She is known for being CRAZY! And she is. And she is not afraid to show it. Ever. Recently I reached a point where she really ticked me off and really crossed the line. I got pretty short with her and let her know that I wasn't playing that. Awhile ago, she had mentioned that she wanted to sit with me at the banquet. I haven't spoken to her in a little bit.

Tonight, I knew that I didn't want to sit with her, because it was already slightly precarious being there with xh. And, since she has NO filter, whatsoever, and says pretty ignorant things for all to hear, I didn't want to deal. I can easily cut that nonsense from my life now. So I sent a text before the banquet to her: I can't sit with you tonight.

She started blowing up my phone w texts and vm. I was like he11 to the no. I ignored. I felt bad, but I didn't. I love her son though. And I don't have a real problem with her; I just know my limit.

*****Side note ended******

Banquet was nice. Had video with pics of seniors, from baby pics to senior football pic. Awwww... my babe!

Me... well.... I'm not kidding when I tell you that I am such a Saturday Night Live character. Seriously. It has been a dream of mine to be on the show, but I think the best I will ever get is to be a real-life version of an unfortunate caricature.

I got this hot black dress in NY. I wore it tonight... for obvious reasons. I'm like, oh yeah... this is gonna be good. I strutted in this place like I owned it. I didn't even care that there wasn't a seat. I knew they'd have one reserved in the front for this hot chick. wink Oh yeah.

After I sat down, the captain of the football team, (who received the most accolades tonight) came over and said, "Mrs. Mighty, you look really good," all drawn out and sincere. Xh said, what'd he say? I said, that I look really good. OK, so he's like 18, and a kid, but it was in front of xh, so I smiled and thanked him.

Well, Miss Mighty can only pull that off for so long. I was never meant to pull this stuff off.... I can for a minimal time... but SNL ensues.


I noticed not long after we sat down that my fingernails were turning colors. I was like, what the heck? Why do I have ink all over me? Then my hands... then it got worse... then my white I phone... then the white table cloth all around me... then my Coach bag, which was behind me.... everything, purplish-blackish.

My dress. My hot black dress...

Not so hot. All night it got worse. I kept wiping my hands on napkins... so I had a pile of blackish napkins in front of me. I am not so cool.

TBC... Part 2... The modifying behaviors of the runner...

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OH, MY, OH!!!!! MIGHTY. You don't mess around with the plot twists and comedic happenstances!!! You're my kinda girl. Can't wait to read the second act of the night....

Cliff hanger!!! EEEEEEEKKK!!!!

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Mighty Offline OP
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Xh looks different. Like, worn down, aged, not happy- at all. However, after spending a couple hours with me, he certainly perked up!

Yup, I was me. Totally. I felt good in my skin. I didn't feel like I was focusing on db tactics. I have taken a lot of what I have learned and made it a part of me- for growth. I will continue to this this. But, being with him, I felt like me. Like more myself than I have felt in YEARS! It's weird!

I think because he is such a big part of me, that I felt that and it felt like me... being me... like... home or something. And, since he knows me better than ANYONE, there is that too. But, even more importantly, I am so much healthier than I have been the past few (???? many) years. It was like the best of both worlds. And that I can walk away from him tonight, hop in my car and drive off and be fine with it. I feel happy.

Now- forewarning- there are some things I don't do by db standards. Some, simply are different when dealing w MLC. Others, well, I did, and I have, but at this point, I don't want to lose the authenticity of who I am.

And, quite frankly, I am a major smart @ss. I don't really do it here, bc that's not very useful for me here, and bc through typing, it could be misconstrued.

Anyway, my digression takes hold...

I was me with xh. I think he appreciated it. As much as I bust his balls, I think he appreciates it. One thing I have thought he must miss from me, is that I always made him laugh. It is the one thing about me that I really like. With that said, I usually don't miss a beat in taking the opportunity to be a wise guy.

I definitely made comments, jokingly, about his sitch. He laughed. That's the dynamic we have always had. I miss it and I know he does too. He knows exactly where I am coming from, and I know the limit- there isn't one whistle Just kidding! But, come on, do you know how much material I have to work with right now?!

At the end, people were moving about bc kids were doing something together. I told xh to move away from me bc people would think we were together and I need to show that I'm single. He laughed.

Here is a weird thing, xh was always the first one to leave places. Always. It drove me crazy. He could never stay for anything in it's entirety. Nothing. He was always in a rust to get out. It was like anxiety or something. It was intense. That is one thing I've really enjoyed. The feeling of not having to rush and that I can relax and enjoy life.

Tonight, they team had a chance to do something optional at the end. Lots of people left, I told s17 that I would wait if he wanted to participate. XH stayed. That has NEVER happened. EVER! In fact, he was like totally attached to my hip. The whole night! So of course, I said, "Don't you have a curfew?" He smirked. Then indicated that she wasn't really comfortable. I asked if she was insecure about him being there. He made a face, pretty much like she ain't happy. Then he said, "I'm going to take care of it." Whatever that means.

He asked several times about my family. He said that he thinks about them all the time. We caught up on lots of things. Talked about the trips I have taken with the kids. He said he wasn't sure what he was doing for Thanksgiving. I said, well, haven't you talked about it with her? He shrugged. I said, well I'm sure she has said something. He said, Yeah, she says.... then s17 came up and we dropped it.

He asked if s17 wanted him there. I was honest. I told him that s17 is embarrassed. He said, "What did he tell all his friends?" I explained that it really isn't a secret anymore, since they are no longer sneaking around. It's public record, they live together, go places together, and people see them. Plus, since she graduated two years ago (smart @ss) people here know her.

XH wanted to be so close to me the whole time. I know he wants a r with me. I don't know that he wants a r to be together, but he misses me. I can tell, for sure. I can also tell, he does not want to be in the r with her. He is very unhappy there. I also think that she is seeing this. I don't know why I say this, but I know she is very insecure with his recent actions. You know, like him wanting to see his kids and all.

Oh well. Not my prob. None of it. My biggest prob of the night was trying to figure out my dang dress!

I think maybe because I am ok no matter what happens, I am able to be me again. Even if that means saying things that aren't advised... I know my heart and who I am (errr... for the most part). I know what I like about me, and I am not going to apologize for that. Take it or leave it. I don't want to cause harm or pain to others (well... except... never mind)... so my intentions are good. I can be me. I like me. I can't make decisions for others, so I won't focus myself on what one may or may not do. That doesn't mean that I won't consider actions sometimes, but, you know... no apologies for real intent.

Oh yeah, and xh said he should find out about his job in the beginning of Dec or beginning of Jan. Hww's job is on the line too. Wow... he is in a SPOT! Right when baby is due, unhappy... child support here there, everywhere. Mortgages.. yadda...

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Mighty Offline OP
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Oh, and it was long. He was gone like 4.5 hours there. Oooooooo.... she must be stirring. AND, no cell phone from him. Not once.

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Mighty, you are FABULOUS! ;-)

I'm sorry for s17 that he had to endure that, but man-oh-man did you show him how to do it. You rock.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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You wow me every day, mighty!


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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