Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
But all the WAS's on this forum have put their own "happiness" ahead of their kids... (I don't believe actions that desperate can lead to actual happiness, either. It's more like the doomed pursuit of happiness...)
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Please excuse me if this is a hijack, but it seems the appropriate place for this. I need some input from you strong ladies.
What I am frustrated most by, today, is that my kids both melted down about mommy being gone. They both expressed missing her but clearly expressed missing her being at home with us, not just wanting to go visit. I do the best I can at comforting them without projecting my anger about the situation on them. She has said repeatedly that they are just fine, or they will be just fine. I feel like she just discounts their emotions about the whole thing.
My question is 2 part. 1) I just don't know sometimes what to tell a 5 and 7 year old about what is going on.
2) I have yet to figure out a way to explain to my wife that the kids miss her HERE AT THE HOUSE and not JUST miss her, without coming across as manipulative, bashing, or condescending.
Thoughts?
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Well, here's my pile of nothing for today. H and I exchanged an email about D12's basketball schedule. Woo hoo. He's apparently very good at NC, but apparently, I am, too.
I did have some rollercoaster emotions yesterday, as evidenced by my posts, but it was all about my kids and feeling that they were getting mistreated. And maybe a little wallowing in the victim myself, feeling that I have been mistreated. But I don't miss H, I have to say. I'm not happy he's gone, but I just don't miss him. Maybe if I were truly on my own I'd feel differently. But I know that he's still paying the bills, he'd still come over and take care of the house if I needed. There's a safety net there. And I'm grateful for that.
H is out of town right now, he gets back tomorrow, and then D12 starts her first weekend at dad's new place. I'm glad it worked out this way, and she didn't go on Thursday. It should be an interesting weekend.
RPP there have been a lot of really good posts about the mindset of a WAS in an A. Be careful about allowing D16 to speak to her dad that way. Now, more than ever, she needs guidance and wisdom. You are that source. Now is a chance to show her how to take the high road; how a mature responsible adult should behave. He is going to hear your voice in those msgs from D16. He is going to blame you for "brainwashing" her. Is he going to see the light from the lighthouse? Does the road home appear to be smooth and paved?
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
He is going to hear your voice in those msgs from D16. He is going to blame you for "brainwashing" her.
That's a good point, bdub, and I have thought of that. But 1)she's not getting it from me, she has come up with all that on her own, 2) H and I both knew her likely reaction before we told the kids, and 3)if she hadn't told me, I wouldn't know about it. I don't know that I want to reprimand her when she's trying to be open with me. If H feels disrespected, then he needs to deal with her directly on that, just like I would if she spewed at me.
Originally Posted By: bdub
Is he going to see the light from the lighthouse? Does the road home appear to be smooth and paved?
At the moment, yes. He knows I didn't want him to go, and I've said nothing to indicate otherwise in the past three days. Our few e-mails have been about D12's schedule and all business. I have done nothing to make him think he wouldn't be welcomed home should he choose. We have been S less than a week, this is a work in progress.
Let's see what he thinks when he shows up for Thanksgiving and notices the things I did to the house.
Sorry, I didnt mean to reprimand her. Her being open and honest with you is a good thing. I was thinking more along the lines of helping her sort through this issue and deal with her anger and emotions. My S13 reacted the same way as your D16. My WAW immediately blamed me because to her, S13 could have never come up with those ideas on his own.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
H and I exchanged a couple emails about the schedule for the upcoming weekend and for Thanksgiving. Tomorrow is the first day D12 will spend the night at his new place. I asked him if he had gotten a list of things that he and I had talked about previously to make D12's life easier - toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, etc. I shouldn't have brought it up again, but I did. And he hasn't done anything about it. So now I'm in the position of either 1) sending her without a hairbrush (etc.), knowing that she needs one; 2) buying her one to take over there, or 3) sending the one from home and hope I get it back. My belief is that the chances he will take care of it are slim to none, considering he's flying in tomorrow morning, and I know what he has on his calendar the rest of the day. I should have kept my mouth shut and let him deal with it.
