MLC W Dates, Part V

[Rick1963]

Wet i used to feel the same when Mach would post to me..I was like not again..He is relentless. Buy i love the guy. You are in good hands with True and Match

[Wet]

Wet i used to feel the same when Mach would post to me..I was like not again..He is relentless. Buy i love the guy. You are in good hands with True and Match

Hi Rick, yes I know Mach and T^2 (and all of the veterans) are doing good work when they help us.

First thing this morning, W texts me "Can you send d18 (who is in another state) $100?" There was no 'hi' or explanation, just a short text, so W is worried.

I reply in my typical smarta$$ fashion: "Good morning. Yes, I will send her $100. What's going on?"

Then W texts back explaining that W has only $20, and d18 has no money for food. D18 started a job 2 weeks ago, but I don't mind. I let W know I will put it in the mail today. W responds with a thank you and 5 exclamation points.

My observation, W now clearly understands I am not friendly to her b/c she continues to date while we are married. But for some reason she thinks I will not help our children when they need it. My children are everything to me, and so I don't know why W has this impression of me. I am not being included in convos of what is going on with d18's financial stress, and I just wish I be included.

[TSquared2]

My observation, W now clearly understands I am not friendly to her b/c she continues to date while we are married. But for some reason she thinks I will not help our children when they need it. My children are everything to me, and so I don't know why W has this impression of me. I am not being included in convos of what is going on with d18's financial stress, and I just wish I be included.

Lotsa mind reading there...

But they do get ideas like that in their head until they start to hit bottom. My stbxw thought I would tear up a name sign out youngest made for her when she left the note ending our M, so she made sure to take it...I've not done anything like that to other people's stuff, maybe my own stuff a few times, but not things the kids made, etc. Who knows...

So what can you do to be more involved in what's going on with D18? Do you need to have W involved?

Maybe call D18 yourself?

So what are your thoughts on TG's answer?

[Wet]

Lotsa mind reading there...

But they do get ideas like that in their head until they start to hit bottom...

So what can you do to be more involved in what's going on with D18? Do you need to have W involved?

Maybe call D18 yourself?

So what are your thoughts on TG's answer?

Hi T^2,

I just mention that W finally clearly understands that "I am not her friend b/c she is dating while we are married", b/c I finally made it that clear to her when we spoke a week and a half ago. And I am happy that I was finally clear with her, and after our convo she has had no contact with me, until this morning.

The frustrating part in dealing with d18 is that I text, I call, I email, and she does not respond. Maybe once a week she responds. So maybe I'll db her, I will call her once a week, and if she doesn't respond, I'll wait for her to make first contact. Dealing with kids is ALMOST as hard as dealing with MLC W.

TG's question about how I would like to be loved if I was in crisis, was one of those light bulb moments for me. Yes, I am going to keep saying it to all of you Veterans - Thank you.

[uRworthy]

Good afternoon, Wet.

There was no 'hi' or explanation, just a short text, so W is worried.

Mindreading.

I reply in my typical smarta$$ fashion:

Is that who you want to be? How do you think that makes your w feel? Judged? Put down?

D18 started a job 2 weeks ago, but I don't mind.

Sounds like you do kinda mind.

My observation, W now clearly understands I am not friendly to her b/c she continues to date while we are married.

You got all of that from that text?

But for some reason she thinks I will not help our children when they need it. My children are everything to me, and so I don't know why W has this impression of me.

Has she told you that? Maybe your responses make her feel uncomfortable about it. Just a thought.

I am not being included in convos of what is going on with d18's financial stress, and I just wish I be included.

I kept my xh in the loop regarding son until he turned 18. Then if he wanted to know something, he had to speak with son about it. It's not your wife's job to keep you informed.

[TSquared2]

So tell me about the lightbulb...

Was it LED, CF, or old school?
What color was the light?
Cool to the touch or hot?

[Wet]

So tell me about the lightbulb...

Was it LED, CF, or old school?
What color was the light?
Cool to the touch or hot?

T^2, the light was definitely 'neon'. When I was growing up, my oldest brother had control of the basement, and it had neon lights, cool posters, and bead strings instead of doors. Seriously cool.

What the question did was to make me remember that my W is in crisis, and then turning the tables and made me think about how I would like to be treated/loved if I was going thru a crisis. Instead of me thinking about poor ol' Wet and how badly I am being treated, for a minute, I got the focus off of my pain, and thought about my W's pain also. It was a helpful exercise.

[kat727]

I just wanted to check in and see how you were handling the grilling, oh um, introspection tasks. Lol

Life goes on here. S19 will be moving next week. I still start crying if I think about it too much. Even his brother admitted crying about it. They haven't been very close the last few years and these past months, they have grown closer. Sad about wasted time.

I am sure it won't be so awful but hard to convince my heart. All of his siblings are right where I am so I know it isn't just me.

kat

[Wet]

Hi Kat, thanks for writing. Your S19 leaving sounds like another difficult chapter in life to face. It's interesting that everyone in your family is also feeling anxious about his leaving. He must be a special young man.

I am looking forward to this weekend. I will have both d17 and s13, and you know what that means - its a Mockingjay (Hunger Games) weekend!. We'll go see it tomorrow.

W asked if I would come work on her computer later today when I pick up the kids. When I removed viruses on my last work on her computer, I also removed her Photoshop program. For a photographer being without Photoshop, is like a lawyer being without a brain. Oh wait, I guess that analogy doesn't work so well. I am also seeing a couple of my old high school buddies for an extended lunch today. One of these friends enjoys baiting me into drinking with him, but I will keep it in check.

Have a good weekend.

[TSquared2]

I was thinking about a comment you made earlier about how your W's projects and flair and stuff added to your routine life (I don't remember the exact words), and I get that, I'm a left-brain person and like things just so, planned, etc... and stbxw's "way" added some spontaneity and drama such into our lives. It worked for a long while, like your sitch.

It took me a while to get used to it not being there (the good kind, not the drama and such of the last 5 years) so I've had to dig into what void it filled in my planned ordered little world self, that I went through "withdrawal" when she removed it.

What void did her M.O. fill for you?