Divorced and moving out.....still hopeful

[NewB3]

I ordered something for S3 .5 to be here while he was with me this week. The shipment got messed up and it will be here today. I called her last night to ask if I may swing by after work and drop off something for him. She wanted to know what time and I told her that I wasn't sure specifically what time. I said I can do it another night.her reply was strange, it was "well we don't have any plans so you can come by anytime".
I have I hopes for us in the future right now I'm really confused. Any advice? Any words of wisdom?

[NewB3]

I went to get a haircut on the way home. I left there and went to her house to CS 3.5. He was happy to see me and I felt she was too. I talk to him for a few minutes was kind to her but scarce with my words and confident. She asked me a few questions about things and then I told her I was going to get a few more of my things from the basement. I went down and grab three boxes and came up she said is that all you're going to get? She asked why. All of that it wants she told me to be careful. She asked if I was needing help with the door. I told her I'd plan to go get a few more things unless she wanted me to wait. She immediately backpedaled and replied "no no-no take your time no rush you can get more if you want." She walked me to the car each time not really offering to help. She stood close to me several times in this big empty home. I sat down next to S3 .5 to tell him good night and he was busy watching television. I walked towards the door and she walked with me and said I'm going to walk dad to his car. Do you want me to pick you up she said to S3 .5 he didn't answer. So she walked me to the door and he came running. She picked him up and said will walk dad to the car. They walked me to the car knowing he was going to ask for hugs he leaned in for a hug with his arm out and I reached over to hug him she leaned into me with her shoulder and put her head on my chest.
I had them both and then he asked us to kiss him at the same time so we each kissed him on the cheek and he laughed he had a good time as I got into the car she told me have a good night will talk to you soon and I told her the same she then said good night so I told her good night again. As I put the car in reverse S3 .5 said he didn't get a kiss so she walked him over to the car and leave them in the window for another kiss. As I got ready to leave she looked back at me and said have a good night.
It appears to me that she acts as if she doesn't want me to really go yet will not say anything about us. She's very kind very loving and very accommodating. I'm not sure where I stand with her. I stood next to her while I was in the house and reminding myself stand like I have a string at the top of my chest pulling me to the ceiling. Head held high and confident and speak with certainty about any scheduling or any decisions. Looking for any advice to get me through our next meeting I wanted to kiss her and whisper in her ear that I love her and I miss her so bad it took almost holding my breath to not do it.

[NewB3]

Am I proceeding properly?

[NewB3]

So tonight at drop off things got interesting. S3 .5 was being good and was excited to see her. She later thanked me for making him walk in and give her hugs and telling her he loved her. We never had such a discussion but I let her think that S3 .5 and I had already worked this out. We walked in... as she left the door unlocked for us and she was in the bed reading a book. She insisted on sitting on the bed the whole time we were there. She was very chatty. She grabbed some things for me as I went to get some more items that used to be mine. She handed me the things for S3 .5 visit later in the week. She asked me about plans for Thanksgiving and I told her I would have him back shortly after lunch. She then mentioned her family that was going to be in town at her local family home. She said I was welcome to come over Thanksgiving night for dinner or any other time that week to visit just to call and let them know when I wanted to come over. She then asked about my family lunch and I told her we were just going to restaurant this year and she said who's going and I just told her that it was my mother, sister, kids, and everyone else. She looked at me with a smile and said oh, who's everyone else. I told her just other family members I wasn't sure who all is going.
I then went and sat down and ask him to come give me a hug as I was leaving. He insisted on playing and running around the room and was having fun. I visited with the dog for a moment, and then she said to S3.5...come over and let's give daddy a hug goodbye. This caught me by surprise and I was thinking surely she didn't mean "let's" so I waited. Yes, she walked over with her arms open wide sat down on my knee and leaned over to hug me as he ran up to hug both of us. She laid her head on my hand and rubbed my back for a moment.
I know I'm not supposed to mind read here reading back over my previous posts in the past two weeks… It feels as though she misses our romantic relationship. The signals that she was afraid to send as we were divorcing seem to be the ones she is sending now. I feel as though she is missing me now that I've gone dark. I'm only hopeful that she has romantic feelings for me still. I dare not talk of the relationship or show too much interest however I do give her hugs back and give her attention when she does these things. Otherwise I am kind of a and make short visits.

I am looking for any advice from people on this forum that have been in this strange situation anyone?

[NewB3]

typo above..."Yes, she walked over with her arms open wide sat down on my knee and leaned over to hug me as he ran up to hug both of us. She laid her head on my hand and rubbed my back for a moment."

she laid her head on my shoulder....

[NewB3]

so do i make myself available more just for the holiday? I really have nothing else to do. I will, of course not let her know that. I am painting a few rooms this weekend and getting my room completed. I know her family will want to come here, and possibly hang out. Hoping she tags along, but I do not want her hanging out as I am not her buddy. I have a romantic interest in her and cannot do anything about it right now. I wish she would be upfront with her feelings. I have been, just not since the divorce and moving out. I have not given her one compliment or contacted her just to chat since I left. She never hears from me or sees me, unless it is a weekend swap or a call about S3.5.
Please give me some guidance

[NewB3]

My new bedding/furniture came in, buying my paint tomorrow and spending this weekend making some changes in the home. Projects, music, and maybe a good meal too

[labug]

Hi NewB,

I skimmed your threads. I need to go back and read the first few but knowing what you know now, why did your W want a D?

You do a lot of mindreading about what her actions might mean. I could read them in a very different light.

About this weekend, what would a 180 be for you? What's something you would like to do?

What are your regular GAL activities?

[NewB3]

She is asking what my plans are for next week. Her parents live in town and family will come to visit for the week. She has made it clear that I am invited to come over at anytime w/ just a call. No pressure huh???
WOW. I have told her I am not sure yet. She asked that I let her know. To clarify I asked if I let her know or her parents..... she said she would like to know. mindreading says she wants to be there when I am, or cannot stand not knowing my schedule.
I am torn. Family lunch and then I return my boys to their mothers. S3.5 goes back to WAW and I will see her family. Not sure I will stay. I want to, but things are weird for me. I don't want to share good times with her and be friends. However, I do want to share good times with her in hopes she will see I have GAL and doing well. I want her to miss me more. I want her to talk about her feelings. This is a hard time for me!

[NewB3]

I know she wants to be friends. She said that in MC last month, prior to me moving out. She knows I do not want that and knows it will take time to get to that. Little does she know that her (6 months or so)timeline for me to come around as a friend is NUTS. I want her in my life and refuse to be in the friend box. I cannot control her, but know that I can control my actions. My thoughts, however, are another story. Talk to you all soon......